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Dead Man Waiting
SD's gonna hold its own 6-man Elimination Chamber match in 2 weeks, and like RAW, held qualifying matches last night to name the five challengers to the Undertaker's title. Four legit contenders (and one R-Truth) stepped up to the plate, with two of them making particularly strong cases for being the next World Champ. On the return of "The Cutting Edge," the eponymous host stood around, content that he'll get HIS title shot at WM26. But CM Punk and Chris Jericho hotly debated which of them is WWE's savior, and which will take the belt at the next PPV. Then the Undertaker showed up and ended the debate with a ring-clearing ass-kicking. Get all the details in our SmackDown Recap.
TNA: Getting the Band Back Apart?
If you like 15-year-old nostalgia acts, your heart was probalby broken this week on TNA when the once-mighty nWo imploded. Oh no! Luckily, if the you like *20* year-old nostalgia acts, the Nasty Boys have never been more dominant! Whee! TNA also continued its dumbly named, poker-tarded "8 Stud Grope 'Em" tournament, which you can catch up on in our Impact Recap.
 

   


Week Ending Nov/22/2009

BEST BRAND:
Curb Your Enthusiasm
RAW: ???  -/- SD!: ???
ECW: ???  -/-  TNA: ???
Out of 5.0 possible points.

BEST PERFORMER(S):
Larry David

BEST MATCH:
Larry David vs. Jason Alexander

BEST INTERVIEW/ANGLE:
Costanza invents iToilet, Loses  entire fortune to Bernie Madoff
 
Want to help determine this week's winners? Effective this Summer, the Onslaught Honors are now dicussed and voted upon in the OO FORUMS. Join now and cast your weekly ballots in this battle of the brands!




  
"Now, TNA has to lie down in the bed they've made. Granted, Angle's gone and soiled the sheets, but it's not like TNA didn't know they were in business with a (metaphorical) bed-wetter, here." -- Rick Scaia, OO Newsflash (8/15/2009)

"One good thing TNA has recently done: they negotiated a deal to pimp out their women to Playboy, now that WWE has gone all G-rated. Allow me to vent: GODDAMMIT GAIL KIM WHY DIDN'T YOU ACCEPT TNA'S LOW-BALL CONTRACT OFFER LAST YEAR, YOU SPITEFUL MINX?!!!???!!! GET YER ASS BACK THERE IMMEDIATELY, AND THEN PLEASE BARE IT IN THE PAGES OF PLAYBOY!!!!!" -- Rick Scaia, Online Onslaught (7/30/2009)

"I doubt very seriously that somehow wrestling has become a social event and greater excuse for group-viewings than it ever was before... if anything, alienating such large chunks of your former audience probably causes a greater percentage of lonely losers watching your PPVs by themselves. Probably on a free internet stream, since there's no way the experience is worth a full $50 price tag. See how that works? The Infinite Feedback Loop Of Lost Revenue only ends when you stop the suck and Fix The Core Product, WWE." -- Rick Scaia, Online Onslaught (8/07/2009)

"Someone out there, somewhere, likes this well enough to keep it going. Someone who apparently is really easily amused. This person has to be…Aurora Rose Levesque. The only way this makes sense, is if I place it in the context of a Disney princess who has to be kept entertained at all costs, even if it alienates the vast majority of people with taste. So I’m going with that. " -- Firewoman, theorizing about RAW's recent Suck (8/11/2009)

"Apparently, Triple H is down in Texas looking for Shawn Michaels. Oh man, I hope he doesn’t find him in an alley acting like a pirate. No. Wait. I hope he does!" -- Matt Hocking, first saying EXACTLY what The Rick was thinking, and then saying the EXACT opposite (8/15/2009)

"But you still suck." -- A Disgraced Former OO Semi-Star, expressing heartfelt feelings about the Undisgraced Current OO Webmaster (8/17/2009)


  

This site was originally designed on a PC using Microsoft products, but is now being updated using a Mac and strange new software. It should still look nice (so long as you have a relatively recent browser and a screen resultion of 800x600 or higher), but I know we're starting to run into strange anomolies with font size/attributes due to stupid MacWare. So if anything looks weird or you have any trouble browsing, please let me know!

RAW SATIRE: The HBK Conspiracy?
Don't let the HHH's buddy-buddy routine fool you: he's bitter about getting tossed from the Rumble by his DX mate, Shawn Michaels, and he's called in a favor from the ol' ball and chain to get his revenge. Stephanie McMahon is the shadowy figure on the grassy knoll making HBK's life a living hell. Matt Hocking reveals the secret plot.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW in Brief
It's official: ECW is gonna die again, this time due to the promotional ass-hattery of Vince McMahon and his sycophants. Vince would probably dispute that, but it's true. February 23 will be ECW's last hurrah, to be replaced by WWE's NXT evolution of attempted TV.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
For the second time, Bret Hart tried to return to WWE, thinking he had all his bases covered. But for the second time, Vince McMahon got the better of him (this time, with an assist from Batista). Read all about it -- and about William Shatner's antics, and how RAW managed to fill up it's Elimination Chamber match -- in Monday's Recap

 
PPV: WWE Royal Rumble PPV 2010
Edge didn't just make his surprise return in this year's Royal Rumble Match; he won it, and punched his ticket to the main event of WrestleMania 26. The Rumble was one of the most entertaining in recent memory, and capped off a mostly inoffensive undercard. Get the full report!
 
OO: Royal Rumble PPV Preview and More
Rumble Weekend is one of the last lingering times of the year where ANY fan, no matter how lapsed, can still perk up and have fun with the WWE product. Rick Scaia takes an in-depth look at the card -- and somehow manages to sneak in tons of bonus content, including the full line-up for WrestleMania 26 -- in his comprehensive preview.

 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
It just may go down as the best bait-and-switch ever: though we were promised a DX vs. Punk/Gallows tag title match, Teddy Long took it away... and replaced it with two free-per-view matches! HHH/Punk and Rey/Michaels were the late additions to an outstanding show.
 
TNA IMPACT: By Any Other Name...
WWE's lawyers pretty much insisted that he pick a new name, but he's still the same guy, and he's tearing up TNA. That's right: Mr. Anderson (kennedy) headlined the latest Impact, and had no trouble dispatching Jeff Jarrett (who, for some reason, was attempting to impersonate a babyface outside of the state of Tennessee, and failing).

 
RAW SATIRE: Coal (Miner's Glove) Power!
In his weekly attempt to simply make it onto TV, Carlito stumbled across something huge... the Power of the Coal Miner's Glove Match. Truly, it is the greatest and most epic match ever conceived of by man. At least, it is in our Alternate RAWniverse, and according to Matt Hocking.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
Sheamus may be six weeks into his reign as OUR WWE Champion, but it seems WWE's caught on to the fact that he may be in over his head. This week, the poor guy only got 5 minutes of screentime and ended the show KO'ed in the middle of the ring while John Cena celebrated. D'oh.

 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
Let's see: WWE delivered a promo (Rey and Taker) as the "main event" and put fricking Khali in the featured match. So where the hell do we have to look to find something good about this week's show? Well, CM Punk was once again gold, and this time, he "saved" a hot chick. Every Wannabe Jesus needs his Mary Magdelane, I guess.

 
TNA IMPACT: The Orlando Screwjob?
WWE's the one who brought Bret Hart back... but in their wave of acquisitions, TNA's the one who decided to replicate the Montreal Screwjob. The newly heel AJ Styles needed a Hebner and a questionable submission to score a win over Kurt Angle this week, in what was Kurt's first title match AFTER his alleged "last title match ever." Ahem.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW in Brief
On the strength of a single 20-minute Christian/Regal main event, this week's ECW managed to have more in-ring wrestling than RAW. Too bad the rest of the show (with more Zack Ryder lameness, and even a floptastic guest appearance from Santino) didn't deliver the goods.

 
RAW SATIRE: Needs More Kristen Bell!
What a craptacular week for guest hosts on RAW... but over in our Alternate RAWniverse, we can at least contemplate What Should Have Been. For instance: if a star from "When in Rome" must prance about in underwear during the main event, it should CLEARLY be Kristen Bell!
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
Well: the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels (with just a dash of Vince McMahon) got RAW off to a rip-roaring start with a show-opening promo. But it was all downhill from there. No Bret. No Jericho. They actually did an Orton/Masters match. And in the main event, a leprechaun pinned Napoleon Dynamite for the win. Ugh.

 
OOTRR: Badd Blood 2004 Re-Revued
WWE's June '04 PPV might seem like a workrate wanker's dream on paper, what with Chris Benoit pulling double duty, AND a Hell in the Cell Match to boot... but it didn't quite work out that way. Adam Gutschmidt re-recaps a surprisingly lackluster PPV.

 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
It took over a month, countless matches, and in the end: a steel cage. But at least SD finally has a #1 Contender to the Undertaker's World Title. Rey Mysterio scored the big upset over Batista to secure a one-on-one Royal Rumble title shot. Get the full report...
 
IT'S BACK: TNA Impact Coverage at OO!
Looks like TNA is intent on playing with the Big Boys... and as such, OO might as well get back to covering their weekly TV show. On its return to Thursday nights, TNA didn't relent on bringing back former WWE stars... well, OK: they brought in Tomko, who was revealed as AJ Styles Mystery Attacker. Whee? 

 

 
2009 PPV REFERENCE GUIDE
 
PPV: WWE TLC 2009 Recap
DX/JeriShow and Christian/Shelton stole the show, hands down, if you were looking for action an innovative high spots. But TLC will be remembered for one thing: as the night Sheamus beat John Cena for the WWE Title in one of the biggest upsets ever. Rick Scaia has the full recap.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Survivor Series 2009
There wasn't a whole lot surprising about the Undertaker and John Cena both retaining their respective titles or about Batista predictably squashing Rey Mysterio like a bug... but nobody could have expected Kofi Kingston to once again steal headlines by upsetting Team Orton to be the Sole Survivor in his match. Rick Scaia has full details.

 
PPV RECAP: WWE Bragging Rights 2009
On a night where the New York Yankees won something meaningful and in entertaining fashion, WWE handed out "Bragging Rights" to Team SmackDown, which beat Team RAW thanks to a "shocking" swerve by Big Show. Also: the less said about Randy Orton attempting to have a 60 minute match, the better... at least he lost.

 
PPV RECAP: WWE Hell in a Cell 2009
WWE tried to promote an entire show on the premise of the brutality of The Cell. Then they realized they're Rated-G and pretty much can't do anything brutal. Out of 3 Cell matches, one managed to be tolerable and creative, while the other two featured World Titles changing hands in underwhelming fashion Rick Scaia recaps.

 
PPV RECAP: WWE Breaking Point 2009
CM Punk says a lot of things... and lately, he's right about all of them. Including the part about not being a-feared of the Undertaker. Punk managed to get a win over Taker to retain his World Title in the main event to a mostly-underwhelming PPV. Rick Scaia has the full report.

 
PPV RECAP: WWE SummerSlam 2009
What looked like a "One Match Show" on paper ended up having a few surprises. Some (like the spastic and illogical over-booking of Orton/Cena) weren't so good. But others (like the return of the Undertaker) wound up being pleasant surprises. Rick Scaia has a full recap of WWE's second biggest PPV of the year. Enjoy.
 

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2009
OO proclaimed that the NoC PPV would be a mix of Suck and Foregone Conclusions. OO was half-right. The RAW main event sucked as suckily as ever (as Orton retained), but SD surprised with a Jeff Hardy World Title win. Huh, how 'bout that? Rick Scaia has the full rundown for you.

 
PPV RECAP: WWE Bash 2009
Well, maybe nothing stood out, wrestling-wise, at the Bash PPV. It wasn't a show that'll be remembered or rewatched a whole lot. But news-wise, there was at least one huge bombshell: Edge and Chris Jericho were a surprise addition to the Unified Tag Title match and won! Rick Scaia will fill you in on this and all the other results from the PPV in his recap.

 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2009

Alright, so maybe WWE's ratings aren't all they can be... but if they didn't get people talking after Sunday night's PPV, I don't know what's left for them to try. It was a fun "stunt booking" night in which all 3 World Titles changed hands a total of four times. Get the results.
  

PPV RECAP: WWE Judgment Day 2009
The first PPV of the WWE's "new booking year" saw SmackDown clearly steal the show from RAW. SD delivered 4 good-or-better matches (including two really outstanding affairs in Rey/Jericho and Edge/Hardy, in which both champs retained) while RAW delivered only 2 matches, both kinda lame, and provided entertainment only in the form of a Miz/Santino comedy skit and a suprising run-in by Ric Flair. Rick Scaia has full results.

PPV RECAP: WWE Backlash 2009
Another month, another Match of the Year candidate from WWE: this time, it's Edge vs. John Cena supplying the goodness. And this time, the undercard actually provided a halfway decent supporting cast: all 3 "world" titles changed hands, and Ricky Steamboat and Chris Jericho hit a home run. Rick Scaia recaps.

PPV: WWE WrestleMania 25 Recap
It probably won't go down as one of the better overall WMs, what with the crappy storytelling leading into the show and the forgettable main event. But WM25 WILL be long remembered for the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels absolutely stealing the show with a 35-minute Instant Classic. Rick Scaia has a full WM Report.

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2009
You think you know the E? Guess again. A "predictable" pre-WrestleMania PPV turned into a truly surprising night of TV, as two new World Champs were crowned (Edge lost his first title, but then won RAW's strap to close out the night) and expected WM25 plans were blown up. Good times, and Rick Scaia has results and analysis.

PPV RECAP: WWE Royal Rumble 2009
Randy Orton is now "bulletproof" on his way to WM25 after winning the Rumble match this year. But stealing the show was Edge vs. Jeff Hardy, where Christian did NOT make his return, but the match still featured a tremendously surprising finish. Rick Scaia recaps.
 

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 ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW, 01/12
 
RAW SATIRE: Tyson Likes 'Em Tiny
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW, 01/11
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown, 01/08
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW, 01/05
 
RAW SATIRE: A Dimensional Cross-Rip?
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW, 01/04
 
OO: Monday Night War Resumes and Lots More
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown, 01/01
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW, 12/29
 
RAW SATIRE: Selective Memory
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW12/28
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown, 12/25
 
RAW SATIRE: Santas Love Damon!
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW, 12/22
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW, 12/21
 
RAW SATIRE: A Fish Out of Water
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown, 12/18
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW, 12/14

PPV: WWE TLC 2009 Recap
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown, 12/11
 
OO: TLC PPV Preview
 
RAW SATIRE: Pretty Fly for White Boys
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW, 12/08
 
OO NEWSFLASH: Umaga, Dead at 36
  
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW, 12/07
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown, 12/04
 
RAW SATIRE: The Bourne Identity Theft
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW, 12/01
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW, 11/30
 
RAW SATIRE: Going Rouge for Real!
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown, 11/27
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW, 11/24
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Survivor Series 2009
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW, 11/23
 
OO: Hogan in TNA, Shane in UFC?, and MORE!

OO: What I'll Remember About Chris Benoit

NEWS CENTRAL: All Updates About Benoit Tragedy




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