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RAW's Legacy
Personified
When you think of Monday Night RAW's 18 year
history, who do you think of? Perhaps, if you picked up on OO's teaser
blurb for the RAW
Recap, you think the trick answer is "the SmackDown roster."
But nah, over in our Alternate RAWniverse, the answer is even wackier:
the man who stood tall at the end of the celebratory 900th show was
first ballot hall of famer, Wade Barrett. Wait, whoops: We're not
making that up. That's really how it ended. Oh well: give us another
shot, and you can rest assured that Matt Hocking worked such
REAL old timey RAW legends as Friar Ferguson, King Kong Bundy, and one
of OO's most favorite forgotten stars, the Berzerker (HUSS~!) -- all of
whom contributed mightily to RAW's success -- into his very latest
edition of the RAW Satire.
OO NEWSFLASH: A Bad Week for
Anti-Divas
The
same week WWE's lone current "anti-diva," Serena, got fired (for rather
fishy-sounding reasons), the most successful anti-diva of all time was
found dead. Luna Vachon, successful in the 90s in multiple WWF runs (as
well as in WCW and ECW), passed away at the age of 48. Rick Scaia has
all the news about both women and Luna Retrospective in Online
Onslaught.
As of MLB All Star Break 2010
BEST
BRAND: Cincinnati Reds RAW: ???
-/- SD!: ??? ECW:
??? -/- TNA: ??? Out of
5.0 possible points.
BEST
PERFORMER(S): Joey
Votto
BEST
MATCH:
Reds vs. St. Louis Cardinals
(NL Central Grudge Match)
BEST
INTERVIEW/ANGLE:
Rookie Phenom Mike Leake skips the minors entirely, dominates MLB, all
while Media Darling Stephen Strasberg toils in Triple-A for the first 3
months; suck on that, Bonus Boy!
Want
to help determine this week's winners? Effective this Summer, the
Onslaught Honors are now dicussed and voted upon in the OO FORUMS. Join
now and cast your weekly ballots in this battle of the brands!
2009
WWE PPV RECAP GUIDE
Just in case the 2010
PPV Reference Guide available in the main middle column isn't
comprehensive enough for you, here's a simple round-up of all of LAST
year's PPV recaps for you edification:
This site was originally designed on a PC using
Microsoft products, but is now being updated using a Mac and strange
new software. It should still look nice (so long as you have a
relatively recent browser and a screen resultion of 800x600 or higher),
but I know we're starting to run into strange anomolies with font
size/attributes due to stupid MacWare. So if anything looks weird or
you have any trouble
browsing, please let me
know!
RAW
RECAP: SD Crashes the Party It
was supposed to be a celebration of RAW's excellence, and yet, somehow,
SmackDown stars ended up stealing the show. Taker and Kane were front
and center, Alberto del Rio made his presence felt, and CM Punk cut a
must see promo of awesomeness. And RAW stuff happened, too.
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: Dead Man, or Old Man? The
Undertaker finally returned to free TV to talk about what's been going
on the past 4 months... and was immediately upstaged by his baby
brother, Kane. Taker was weak and frail, not to mention line-fumbling.
Hey, Taker: less Eastwood from "Gran Torino," more Eastwood from
"Unforgiven," OK? You're not THAT old, yet.
RAW
SATIRE: Tetris and Chex Mix So
that Fella of a GM forced Sheamus to sit down and watch all of RAW from
right up on top of the stage. Sheamus knew he'd need snacks and
distractions to make it through the tortuous night, and as it turned
out, Tetris and Chex Mix hit the spot. Matt Hocking explains.
RAW
RECAP: Poor, Poor Fella... Sheamus
thought he had it made in the shade when it came to naming his next WWE
Title challenger... but the Anonymous GM had other ideas for the poor
Fella. Now, Sheamus will defend against FIVE men (Cena, Orton, Jericho,
Edge, and Barrett) at the next PPV. D'oh.
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: Feel the Wrath of del Rio~! After
months of vignettes, Alberto del Rio finally debuted on SD... and he
did it in style. He owned the room in a show opening promo with Rey
Mysterio, and then cleanly defeated Rey via submission in the night's
main event. And he did it all while driving a Rolls Royce and supplying
his own personal ring announcer. Classy.
RAW
SATIRE: Mirror, Mirror On
"Star Trek," Spock never had to do battle with the evil Bearded Spock
from the mirror universe. But in WWE, John Cena was forced to fight his
evil clone, Darren Young, in RAW's main event. Matter and anti-matter
can't coexist, so Young imploded, and will never be seen again. Or at
least: we THINK it was Young. Who can tell the difference?
RAW
RECAP:
Nexus 6, WWE 1 Coming
off a loss at SummerSlam, Nexus leader Wade Barrett
challenged his troops to face Team WWE in singles matches.
And if anybody lost (even Barrett) they were kicked out of Nexus. Six
Nexus members won... but John Cena finally
ended their streak by defeating Darren Young.
PPV
RECAP:
WWE SummerSlam 2010 On
a card littered with forgettable, anticlimactic matches (as well as the
anvilicious return of The Undertaker), there can be no debate that the
main event 7-on-7 WWE vs. Nexus match stole the show. The must-see
contest saw Dan Bryan make a surprise return, and John Cena win it all.
Rick Scaia has a detailed recap for you to enjoy.
OO
NEWSFLASH: Lance Cade, Dead at 29 Lance
Cade (real name: Lance McNaught) was found dead of apparent "heart
failure" on Friday morning. The three time WWE Tag Champion was last
released by WWE this past April after a second brush with substance
abuse. Rick Scaia has all the relevent news about Cade's death, as well
as a career retrospective to help us remember the good.
OOTRR:
SummerSlam 2004 Re-Revued At
one point, "Team WWE" appeared to be down to 3 able bodied members (and
1 Bret Hart)... but fret not! Chris Jericho and Edge have both decided
to rejoin the team, leaving only one opening for Sunday's 7-on-7 PPV
match against the Nexus. Get all the results from a topsy turvy night
of action that (literally) shook the arena to its core.
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: Casket, or Anvil? At
one point, "Team WWE" appeared to be down to 3 able bodied members (and
1 Bret Hart)... but fret not! Chris Jericho and Edge have both decided
to rejoin the team, leaving only one opening for Sunday's 7-on-7 PPV
match against the Nexus. Get all the results from a topsy turvy night
of action that (literally) shook the arena to its core.
RAW
SATIRE: Bret(t) Watch 2010 At
one point, "Team WWE" appeared to be down to 3 able bodied members (and
1 Bret Hart)... but fret not! Chris Jericho and Edge have both decided
to rejoin the team, leaving only one opening for Sunday's 7-on-7 PPV
match against the Nexus. Get all the results from a topsy turvy night
of action that (literally) shook the arena to its core.
RAW
RECAP: Now That's F'n Teamwork At
one point, "Team WWE" appeared to be down to 3 able bodied members (and
1 Bret Hart)... but fret not! Chris Jericho and Edge have both decided
to rejoin the team, leaving only one opening for Sunday's 7-on-7 PPV
match against the Nexus. Get all the results from a topsy turvy night
of action that (literally) shook the arena to its core.
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: Kane is BUSTED~! So:
we now know Kane is guilty of vegetating his brother, the Undertaker.
How do we know? Rey Mysterio said so. Yep, Rey: the guy who (in real
life) put Taker on the DL with a broken eye socket is blaming Kane. Get
full details on Rey's revelation and all this weekend's SD results.
RAW
SATIRE: We'd Rather be in China? The
jig is up, and everybody's pretty much figured out that WWE pre-taped
all this week's shows last week, so they could go on a tour of the
Pacific Rim. The question is, once you consider how bad the pre-taped
stuff was, would you rather just be in China, what with all the
pollution and communism? In our Alternate RAWniverse, some stars (most
notably, Chris Jericho) were in favor of just that.
RAW
RECAP: The Last Temptation of Chris (Jericho) A
week ago, Chris Jericho flirted with returning to his fan favorite
"Y2J" status. This week, John Cena offered him an olive branch and a
chance to make that change permanent. Jericho resisted temptation,
declined, turned his back on Cena (and Team WWE), and decided that he'd
rather renew his partnership with Edge. Get the full report...
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: Kane Hears Dead People Kane
claims his vegetated brother, the Undertaker, stirred last week just
long enough to utter two words: "Rey Mysterio." Kane has decided this
means Taker's comatose state is the fault of Rey, and decided to begin
exacting revenge. Including throwing Rey into the Gulf of Mexico.
RAW
SATIRE: RAW is Wormholes Time
and space were once again warped over in our Alternate RAWniverse. For
starters, Chris Jericho seemed to be under the impression that it was
2004 all over agayn and busted out some old school "Y2J" chops. But
then again, maybe it wasn't the past on Monday; maybe it was THE
FUTURE~! One week into the future, to be precise....
RAW
RECAP: The Super Best Friends? John
Cena's assembled a team to face Nexus at SummerSlam, but before they
can perform any heroics, they need to simply get along. Jericho wants
to be Team Captain; Edge wants to kick Khali off the team; Truth and
Morrison now randomly hate each other. Oh dear dear, what is AquaMan
Cena to do? Check the recap to find out.
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Kane Pleads Guilty... No,
not guilty to vegetating his own brother (at least, not yet)... but
guilty to doing whatever it took to become a world champion. The fans
were willing to cheer his actions (he took advantage of a beaten Rey
Mysterio to win the title) at first, but became suspicious of Kane's
real agenda and mental stability by night's end. Get the details.
RAW
SATIRE: Fella-ship of the Ring? Sheamus
may be Our WWE Champion, but nobody takes him seriously, yet. So he's
thinking of joining Nexus, just for the exposure/credibility. Problem
is: Nexus isn't interested. Over in our Alternate RAWniverse, Sheamus
must undertake a mythic quest to earn their respect. No, not to Mount
Doom; but it will involve World of Warcraft.
RAW
RECAP: Bret's Back... for Now... The
night started with a stellar 3-way #1 Contender Match featuring Edge
and Jericho, and won by Orton... and then it ended with a bit of a
surprise: John Cena assembled a 7 man team face Nexus at SummerSlam,
and it included the returning Bret "the Hitman" Hart. Read up.
PPV
RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2010 There's
a new world champ, and it's not John Cena. Or even Jack Swagger. It's
Kane, who won Money in the Bank and cashed it in a mere hour later
against a victorious but already wounded Rey Mysterio. That was the
night's biggest surprise, but two excellent ladder matches
were
the biggest reasons to get really excited on this night, as you'll see
if you check out Rick Scaia's full report.
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: Sacrificial Dad Jack
Swagger just wanted to prove he was innocent of vegetating the
ProduceTaker... so he had his dad show up with a slide show of an
alibi. Kane was having none of it, and tried to take out his
frustrations on the Swaggers; Jack bailed, however, and left his dad to
take the beating.
RAW
SATIRE: Down Goes Cena~! OMG,
Cena got pinned, cleanly, to lose the main event on RAW! Crazy; it
could only happen in our Alternate RAWniverse, right? Either way, don't
despair, True Believers, for as soon as Cena got done losing, he just
stood up and started fighting back as if nothing had happened. John
Cena? SELL?!? Don't be crazy...
RAW
RECAP: Bunches and Couples "Mrs.
Brady" Florence Henderson was the Guest Host of RAW this week, and
oversaw a special "Santino Bunch" vs. "Regal Bunch" tag match... but
the more notable sitcom homagery came when Sheamus decided to be pals
with John Cena, afterall, and the two formed an Odd Couple to fend off
The Nexus. Get the full report.
OOTRR:
WWE Vengeance 2004 Re-Revued Just
as some fans are latching onto the idea that Eugene would be a fun
choice as WWE's Anonymous GM, we take you back to 6 years ago, when
wrestling's "Idiot Savant" stole the show on PPV, as part of a
show-spanning storyline and then by getting involved in the HHH/Benoit
main event. Adam Gutschmidt takes you back in time...
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: It Ain't Easy Bein' Drew Drew
McIntyre is once again back in the good graces of US Immigration
authorities, but NOT in the good graces of SD GM Teddy Long. It was a
trying night on SD for Drew, but after initial humiliation, he redeemed
himself with a big win over Kofi Kingston. Get the full report...
RAW
SATIRE: Alien Visitations Only
in our Alternate RAWniverse could WWE's existing problems with regards
to Wade Barrett's immigration status be compounded by EVEN MORE ALIENS.
In this case, we're talking about Santino and Kozlov reviving the ALF
sitcom (presumably with Khali as the cat-eating freak?). Matt Hocking
will spin the yarn and make sense of it all.
RAW
RECAP: Red Herrings Everywhere! WAny
idiot in WWE's current target demo of 11-year-olds could latch onto the
significance of RAW's Anonymous GM using Steve Austin's catchphrases.
But what about the not so subtle hints of The Rock? Just an accident on
the part of the lazy Writer Monkeys? The People's Herring? Or something
more? Read up, and you decide!
SMACKDOWN
RECAP: Cody's Main Event Dash With
a dearth of warm bodies at WWE's disposal, Cody Rhodes has found
himself wrestling at the main event level on SD... and it only took one
week after a pretty floptastic "reinvention" as "Dashing" Cody Rhodes.
Oy. Find out how Cody got fast-tracked (and get the info on some very
interesting SES developments) in Pyro's latest recap.
2010
PPV
REFERENCE GUIDE
PPV
RECAP: WWE Fatal Fourway 2010 Oh
sure, Sheamus beat John Cena (with help from NXT) and Rey pinned
Swagger, and both are new champs. But let's not kid ourselves: on a
fairly lackluster show, Chris Jericho and Evan Bourne were the two guys
who really stole the show. Rick Scaia has full results/analysis for you.
PPV
RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2010 Other
than CM Punk getting shaved bald, this PPV didn't have a lot going for
it, wrestling-wise. But schadenfreude- wise, it was a grand slam, as
Randy Orton (our oft-beaten dead horse of a mantard) severely injured
his OWN shoulder while POSING, necessitating an early end to his match.
Get The Rick's full report.
PPV
RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2010 It
was a night of guys holding on to what they had. Some not so surprising
(like CM Punk keeping his hair, and John Cena keeping his WWE Title),
but at least one other that was kind of shocking: Jack Swagger cleanly
pinned Randy Orton to retain the World Title. Rick Scaia has details.
PPV
RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 26
It's
back. After over half-a-decade of feeling like any other PPV,
WrestleMania was WRESTLEMANIA again this year. From very entertaining
World/WWE title matches to very satisfying Bret/Vince closure to the
show-closing very emotional Taker/HBK Match of the Year candidate, it
was just one hell of a night. Let Rick Scaia fill you in.
PPV
RECAP: WWE Elimination Chamber 2010
With
two Chamber matches on the docket, WWE still gave us THREE title
changes. John Cena won the RAW Chamber, but was then screwed out of his
WWE Title when Vince ordered an impromptu match against Batista. And
Chris Jericho took the World Title from Undertaker in the SD Chamber,
but only with an assist from Shawn Michaels. Rick Scaia has all the
details you need in his write-up.
PPV: WWE
Royal Rumble PPV 2010
Edge
didn't just make his surprise return in this year's Royal Rumble Match;
he won it, and punched his ticket to the main event of WrestleMania 26.
The Rumble was one of the most entertaining in recent memory, and
capped off a mostly inoffensive undercard. Get the full report!
Do you have news, live show reports, or feedback about the
site? If so, we'd love to hear from you so that we can pass
it along to readers worldwide! Just send us an e-mail at rick@oowrestling.com.
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