PPV RECAP: WWE Elimination Chamber 2012
So: WWE just put on a PPV called "Elimination Chamber," with two really good Elimination Chamber matches. And yet: the show was utterly unsatisfying because the show limped to an anti-climax. Strong showings by CM Punk and Daniel Bryan (and Santino!) were marginalized in favor of having John Cena headline the show in a match few really cared about. D'oh. Rick Scaia has details and analysis.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Viper Out, Cobra In
With Randy Orton temporarily out of action again to deal with lingering injuries, GM Teddy Long needed to scare up yet another replacement for Sunday's Elimination Chamber match... and to the shock (and delight) of all, that replacement will be Santino Marella.
 
RAW: Oh my God, They Killed Ryder! You Bastards!
RAW's three biggest segments featured not one iota of "wrestling." But there was plenty of entertainment, starting with a 6-man debate, moving on to an AWESOME HHH/HBK confrontation, and ending with a John Cena promo gone awry, as Zack Ryder showed up and got killed by Kane for the eleventy billionth time. Good times...
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Victorious Vegan Villian
Oops, he did it again: Daniel Bryan scored a cheap win over a stronger opponent. This time, the World Champ got a DQ win over Randy Orton by goading Big Show into interfering in the match. He even tricked Orton and Show into beating the crap out of each other for his own amusement. Dastardly!
 
RAW RECAP: RAW or M*A*S*H?
Chris Jericho won a 6-man main event, and now gets to enter the WWE Title Elimination Chamber Match in the 6th and final entry spot. But the most memorable moment of RAW's main event happened earlier, when R-Truth crack his skull on the floor outside the ring due to a flub by Miz. Plus: bleeding in a divas match.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Fart Foundation?
OO could be talking about SD's solid main event (a Barrett/Orton brawl). But WWE's lack of quality control dictates that we talk about something else: Natalya's new farting problem, and how it's another way WWE is making it embarassing to admit you're a wrestling fan. Bravo.
 
RAW RECAP: Flashbacks Gone Awry
The last time the Undertaker was on our TVs, he was getting carted out of WrestleMania 27 after just barely eeking out a win over Triple H. But that wasn't convincing enough to satisfy the Phenom: on RAW, Taker returned to challenge HHH to a rematch. But this time, HHH declined.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Royal Rumble 2012
Nobody really gave Sheamus much of a shot of winning the Royal Rumble... but he did. And now he's going to WrestleMania 28. Sheamus last eliminated Chris Jericho in one of the Rumble's best End Game segments ever, while CM Punk and Daniel Bryan both retained their titles.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Well, That was Awkward...
Last night, SD went to a commercial break during the main event. And when the show returned, the match was over: Big Show beat Mark Henry by count-out. The awkward finish was an audible called due to Henry suffering a mid-match injury. Read how it all played out in our recap.

RAW RECAP: Broski in Distress
It's not quite your typical Damsel in Distress story, but for the second time in three weeks, Zack Ryder has been decimated by Kane, and his Knight in Shining Armor (John Cena) was too late to help. The attack took a toll on Zack's body, but it also took a toll on Cena's psyche.
 
SMACKDOWN: Wade's a Lumberjack, and He's OK
Wade Barrett had himself a big night on "Sin City SmackDown." First, he beat Sheamus in a tables match. And in the main event World Title Match, he fashioned himself the "captain" of the Lumberjacks, engaging in both verbal and physical altercations with Dan Bryan and Mark Henry, until the match turned into a giant 30-man brawl.
 
RAW RECAP: Dear Johnny, You Suck. Love, Punk.
CM Punk was partying like it was July 2011 on Monday. He was back in rare form as he verbally savaged Johnny Ace, following the latter's latest abuse of power. In fact, RAW as a whole was back on track: Kane/Cena was less dumb, a new US Champ was crowned, and Chris Jericho had his way with the fans agayn.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Adorable, or Accomplice?
For the second week in a row, Daniel Bryan retained his World Title over Big Show, but without actually winning. This time, the match went to a no decision when Big Show (accidentally) tackled Bryan's girlfriend AJ, necessitating emergency medical attention. But there is room to wonder: is AJ really an innocent victim, or an accomplice?
 
RAW RECAP: Getting Stupider
The home stretch to WrestleMania is usually when WWE normally gets its shit together and puts its best foot forward. And yet, the first two RAWs of 2012 have featured Kane once again being used as a vessel for the absolute worst efforts of the writer monkeys. This time around, it's nonstop lame horror movie cliches.
 
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Napoleon Whine-o-mite
Daniel Bryan may be the best wrestler in the world today, and has the World Title to prove it. But for all his skill in the field of grapplingsmanship, he's still treated like a perpetual underdog because of his small stature. And it's finally getting to him, as evidenced by an unbecoming combination of a Napoleon Complex and chickenshittery.
 
RAW RECAP: Man of 1004 Lies
For the past year, Chris Jericho has used twitter to swear he'd never come back to WWE. Especially not as the 01.02.12 Mystery Man. Of course, these were lies. All lies. Jericho not only returned on RAW, he did something remarkable: he entered the ring to a gigantic ovation, and left it to huge boos, all without saying or doing anything.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Randy Go Bye-Bye?
Randy Orton had the most productive year of his career in 2011, finding his level as the star of WWE's B-show and upping his in-ring game as a non-lethargic babyface. But on the final show of 2011, his prospects for 2012 took a serious blow: needing time off to deal with a real-life, he was written out at the hands of Wade Barrett.
 
RAW SATIRE: The End of an Error
Stone Man Still Austinberg is back. Maven admits guilt for "The Tooth Fairy." John Hnnrnnr wonders if the time he raped Michael Cole makes him just as guilty of destroying wrestling as HHH. And of course: there is Kane. But does it need more? Decide for yourself, and bid farewell to the most crazy go nuts column in OO history, as Matt Hocking brings you the final edition of the RAW Satire.
 
DOUBLE DUTY: Christmas Weekend RAW and SD
If you were too busy festivizing to watch your rasslin', OO's got you covered with a handy-dandy all-in-one recap of both RAW and SmackDown from Christmas Weekend. SD saw Daniel Bryan presiding over his first show as Champ, while RAW was highlighted by Dolph Ziggler becoming #1 Contender and a speech from Darth Kane.
 
RAW RECAP: We Three Kings...
A trio of Internet Favorites walked out of a PPV with WWE's top titles. On Monday, the three ring-wise men came to RAW bearing belts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Well: just gold, but I need to make sure you get my "We Three Kings" joke. You can find out how CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Zack Ryder celebrated in our recap.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Tables Ladders and Chairs 2011
The night's best match: Internet Favorite CM Punk retaining the WWE Title. The night's most satisfying finish: Internet Favorite Zack Ryder finally winning the US Title. The night's biggest surprise: Internet Favorite Daniel Bryan winning the World Heavyweight Title. It's almost like WWE decided to give the Internet an early Christmas present! Rick Scaia has results and analysis for you.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Death Stare 5000?
Randall Orton's superpowers have long included Dipshitdom and Douchebaggery. But this week, he's added a new one: a death stare that creates a 10-foot Safety Bubble that no enemy can penetrate. Read up on Orton's first use of the Death Stare -- plus intriguing final pre-PPV touches to Booker/Cody and Show/Henry -- in our recap.
 
RAW SATIRE: "All Mediocre Things..." Episode One
The Trial of Triple H (for his many Crimes Against Wrestling) is upon us. And it will not lack for surprise twists and turns, now that it is well and truly underway. Brothers will have sex with sisters, Hands will be decapitated, beans will be ordered, and of course, there will be time travel. Oh yes, there will be time travel.
 
RAW: Meet the New Kane, Same as the Old Kane
Kane's back, and he's wearing a mask! Two masks, actually. And hair extensions. It seems he's going back to his roots, including doing heelish things, like chokeslamming John Cena for no reason. Get all the details on Kane's return (and the Slammy Awards) in our recap.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Party Like it's 2007?
Booker T is once again an active WWE Wrestler, and Lilian Garcia is a full time ring announcer; it's almost like it's 2006 all over again! Except: I don't know of a single wrestling fan who's nostalgic for 2007. So let's just enjoy this for what it is: a compelling IC Title feud for Booker, and Lilian being easier on the eyes than Tony Chimel.
 
RAW SATIRE: A Wrestling Carol, Part 2
Triple H is still on the lam, and the Powers That Be are still trying to convince him to return to the Alternate RAWniverse to stand trial for his crimes against wrestling. Will "Ghost of Wrestling Present" Zack Ryder get the job done? Or will Tommy Dreamer have to take heartstring- tugging to the Extreme? Matt Hocking will tell you.
 
RAW RECAP: A Whole Lotta Zack
"We Want Ryder" has become a popular chant in recent weeks... and this week, WWE gave the fans a whole lotta Ryder. The Woo Woo Woo Kid wrestled in two matches, holding his own against John Cena and pinning Mark Henry, then interfered in a third match, and as a result, finally earned himself a US Title match against Dolph Ziggler.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: A Christmas Miracle
No, Daniel Bryan didn't pull out the Upset of the Century by beating Mark Henry for the World Title. But a heavily Christmas-themed show did feature some genuine miracles. Most notably, David Otunga was part of the night's best match. Yes, THAT David Otunga. Against Orton, no less. Rick Scaia has a complete recap for you.
 
RAW SATIRE: A Wrestling Carol, Pt. 1
Just when HHH thought he had escaped his Alternate RAWniverse Trial, Shawn Michaels comes calling, begging HHH to come back and face the charges. When HHH declines, Shawn starts sending ghosts to change his mind. The first ghost: Hulk Hogan, who proves he's so totally the "Ghost of Wrestling Future" by taking HHH back to WrestleMania 8 to learn a lesson.
 
RAW RECAP: Darth Piper Recruits John Cena
John Cena's been getting booed for years, but Roddy Piper thinks it's only now that it's getting under Cena's skin and adversely affecting his performance. Roddy's advice for dealing with the boos: feed off them, and let your hate flow through you. In other words: turn to the Dark Side. Interesting. Get all the details, courtesy of Rick Scaia.
 
RAW RECAP: The Awful Truth
The Miz and R-Truth have been outstanding as a team for the past 3 months... but that run came to a skull-crushing end last night, as Miz turned on Truth. In reality, the attack allows for Truth to serve a 30-day suspension (for a failed drug test), but when he comes back, you know he'll be looking to get Miz, not team with him.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Survivor Series 2011
The Rock brought TONS of sizzle, as he was at his electrifying best, albeit in an essentially meaningless tag match. But fret not, for CM Punk brought the sizzle by winning the WWE Title in the night's best match, setting the wheels in motion for a controversial "making things interesting again" campaign. Rick Scaia's got a full report.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Of Christians and Saints (Row)
Christian addressed the fans for the first time since his ankle injury, and whined for all he was worth... but by the time the night was out, he also helped his former Team Barrett pals in a match against Team Orton foes. Pyro has a full report (plus a videogame endorsement).
 
RAW SATIRE: Living in the Past
When we last saw Triple H, he was stuck on a desert island, trying to evade capture... but this week, he's got a raft and a crazy theory from Ric Flair about getting it up to 88mph. And sure enough, he lands in 2002, where he decides to start un-do all his crimes against wrestling in one fell swoop: all he has to do is stop his former self from fucking a mannequin on live TV.
 
RAW RECAP: Catchphrase Jones
FINALLY, the Rock has come back to RAW (for real, not via satellite). And he wasted no time showing he's still got "it," as he not only ran through many of his old catchphrases, but invented two new ones on the spot and got the fans to chant them.
 
RAW SATIRE: The WWE Babies' Prison Break
Zack Ryder had to make the trip to Liverpool, England, to do it, but he FINALLY made it to a RAW main event, teaming with John Cena. And he didn't even lose! Read up on Zack's big night (and the return of the REAL CM Punk, the one who is actually interesting) in our recap.
 
RAW RECAP: Zack's Wild Ryde
Zack Ryder had to make the trip to Liverpool, England, to do it, but he FINALLY made it to a RAW main event, teaming with John Cena. And he didn't even lose! Read up on Zack's big night (and the return of the REAL CM Punk, the one who is actually interesting) in our recap.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: When Orton Bleeds, Fans Win
For the second week in a row, SD delivered on in-ring action, even if it fell a bit short in terms of storyline sizzle. And the surprising source of that in-ring action was Randy Orton, who bled profusely en route to winning a very entertaining Street Fight against Cody Rhodes. Barrett/Sheamus was also quite good.
 
RAW SATIRE: The Trial of HHH Begins
For the entirety of the past decade, Triple H has been a power-wielding politician, single handedly ruining pro wrestling. This is a fact not lost on the denizens of our Alternate RAWniverse, where HHH was captured 2 weeks ago, and will now stand trial for his crimes in Wrestlers' Court. And who presides over Wrestlers' Court? The Undertaker, of course.
 
RAW RECAP: No RSVP Required for You, Rocky
Last night on RAW, John Cena extended a SHOCKING invitation to The Rock... an invitation to join him for a tag match at next month's Survivor Series. This comes despite the fact that we already know Rock will be at the PPV, teaming with Cena, due to WWE advertising it for the past 2 months. Oh, the stupidity.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Vengeance 2011
It took plenty of scheming and guile (in the form of a run-in by Miz/Truth), but Alberto del Rio is still the WWE Champ after beating John Cena in a Last Man Standing Match. And Mark Henry is still SD's World Champ after a No Decision against the Big Show, due to a spectacular stunt in which the ring collapsed after a one-ton superplex. Rick Scaia has full results and analysis.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: WMDs in Mexico
Big Show returned to SD (after a storyline "injury") barely a month ago. And he's waltzed his way directly into a PPV title shot against Mark Henry. It may seem like a dubious bit of #1 Contendery, but last night, Big Show certainly made a strong case for being well-deserving of title matches. See how he did so in our recap.
 
RAW RECAP: Last Anvil Falling
John Cena is many things: a master of subtlety is none of them. After taking the time to pantomime the finish to a Last Man Standing Match, Cena declared that "you don't have to be a genius to figure out" the stipulation Cena was choosing for his PPV title shot. Then, knowing his fans are NOT geniuses, he spelled it out, anyway. Master of Subtlety? No. Master of Anvils? You betcha.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Apex Choke Artist
Something's gotten into Randy Orton lately. He can't beat Mark Henry to save his life, including getting completely squashed on PPV. But then, Orton turns around and beats 40 men at once in a big Battle Royale, just like the respectable babyface hero that he isn't. You'd think that'd get Randall back on track, except that later the same night, Orton gets his ass handed to him by Cody Rhodes.
 
RAW SATIRE: Plenty of Scabs, Plenty of Kane
Over in our Alternate RAWniverse, things seemed peachy as HHH recruited an all-star cast of scab wrestlers to compete all night long on the Greatest RAW in the History of Our Industry. But before the show was over, things took a turn for the worse: first, HHH's Door fell, and then, HHH got more Kane. And now, he's fixing to find out that paybacks are a bitch.
 
RAW RECAP:  Another Reset Button
What started so promisingly as "the Summer of Punk," has turned out to be a loosely connected series of events in which WWE does something interesting, but has no idea how to follow up on it. To wit: WWE stages a "walk out" last week, and then completely undoes it within the first 20 minutes of last night's RAW.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: An Angry Giant
The Big Show is back. And he is pissed. Although his lack of temporal awareness was somewhat disconcerting (he was CONVINCED that late July was "4 months ago"), he did manage to convey the idea that his ankle injury at the hands of Mark Henry upset him, and he's back for revenge. And the World Title.
 
RAW SATIRE: All HHH, All the Time
Triple H isn't worried about the walk-out. It'll give him a chance to book RAW the way he KNOWS the fans want it: all Triple H, all the time! He doesn't need those other losers. But what HHH doesn't realize is that he's meddling in matters far more complex than he able to handle, and the whole RAWniverse may never be the same again. Matt Hocking elaborates on HHH's megalomania.
 
RAW RECAP: King of Nothing
The one time "King of Kings" and current WWE COO got a big ol' vote of "No Confidence" last night, as the entire WWE roster walked out on Triple H, citing an unsafe working environment and a desire for a new, more competent boss to put an end to the "chaos." The walk-out leaves Hunter without 95% of his roster, which should make for some interesting TV in the short term.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Hell in a Cell 2011
After hatching a scheme on Monday where he went apeshit on John Cena and CM Punk with a steel chair, Alberto del Rio upped the ante with a diabolical plot that allowed him to win the WWE Title on tonight's PPV. With help from Ricardo Rodriguez, he lured Cena out of the Cell, and then locked the Cell behind Cena. Cena stood by and watched, impotently, as del Rio dominated Punk with a steel pipe and won the main event via pinfall.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: That's His Move!
Ever since Mark Henry beat Randy Orton to become the World Champ way back 2 weeks ago, the "WWE Universe" has been wondering if its even possible for Randall to apply the dreaded RKO to Henry. That's because the "WWE Universe" are, by definition, idiots, willing to be labeled according to a WWE Marketing Directive. But they got their proof of Randy's potency on Friday.
 
RAW SATIRE: The Bowtie Means Business
David Otunga has credibility problems. Nobody sees a Harvard Law School Graduate who worked his way up from the bottom of WWE's developmental system because he just really loved the wrestling business. They just see Mr. Jennifer Hudson. But all that changed this week. Because now, David Otunga is wearing a bowtie. And taking clients.
 
RAW RECAP: Angry Alberto
Alberto del Rio was in danger of being the forgotten man in a 3-way WWE Title feud, right up to losing Monday's main event to Punk in clean/decisive fashion. But when Punk/Cena decided to have fun with Ricardo Rodriguez once the Cell descended, Alberto found a steel chair and went ape shit, decimating to two higher profile stars.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: "One More Match," Chapter 37
Friday's show had an odd mix of the familiar and the unusual. On one hand, you had Christian getting "one more match" (against World Champ Mark Henry) for the 37th time. But on the other, you had Cody Rhodes bleeding produsely in a VERY un-PG-like manner.
 
RAW SATIRE: The Gleeful Wolverine
Most dudes are not aware that Hugh Jackman is quite the song and dance man. But our Alternate RAWniverse is not most dudes, and thus, this week's guest appearance by the usually-butch star of "Wolverine" is peppered with plenty of easter eggs for the "Glee" crowd.
 
RAW RECAP: A Guest Host Renaissance?
It's been a long time since RAW busted out a Guest Host. And even longer since it was a good one. Hugh Jackman ended that streak this week. Jackman got into the spirit of the night during in-ring and backstage promos, antagonizing Dolph Ziggler and befriending Zack Ryder. And in the end, he got to slug Dolph in the face, helping Zack to score a win over the US Champ. Fun times.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2011
It took a small army behaving in utterly baffling and inconsistent ways, but Triple H managed to pin CM Punk to remain the COO of WWE. Run-ins came from Kevin Nash, Johnny Ace, and Miz/Truth... Another confounding result came earlier on the card, when Mark Henry pinned Randy Orton to become the World Champion. Also: John Cena beat Alberto del Rio to become the new WWE Champ.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Edge on Turd-Polishing Duty
Though Randy Orton and Mark Henry may be performing at their very bests right now, OO still has a hard time giving a crap, what with their track record of Suck. Luckily Edge popped in on SD this week to host the two on The Cutting Edge, with pretty decent results.
 
RAW SATIRE: A Plauge of Vague Hints
Our Alternate RAWniverse has been plauged by hints of a looming swerve... and this week, we got a big surprise, indeed: Alex Riley is The Next Big Thing, as evidenced by his successful use of the F-5 as a finisher. Here comes the pain! And here comes Matt Hocking's latest Satire...
 
RAW RECAP: Phil vs. Paul
On a show where Bret Hart laced up the old boots, the main event was a verbal showdown between CM Punk and Triple H. But just when it was getting good (the two agreed to drop the BS and settle this as "Phil" and "Paul"), the mics went dead, and not even the mighty COO could get the sound turned back on. Odd.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Extra Medium
One week after a "Super" SmackDown, WWE went back to business as usual on Friday: they made sure that SD was its usual tolerable-but-forgettable self. If anything, they made sure that it was oozing with even more inoffensive- but-unimpressive mediocrity than usual. If this week's SmackDown was a t-shirt, it'd be size "Extra Medium."
 
RAW SATIRE: Alberto Hates Midcarders
Alberto del Rio finally made it back to RAW after a week of visa issues, and what did he decide to do? If you guessed "get the better of John Cena," you're wrong. Instead, he made it his misson to interrupt any lowly midcard jobber who dared to get TV time this week. And boy howdy, were there ever a bunch of them.
 
RAW RECAP: An Oldie, but Goodie
The last few weeks, it's almost felt like John Cena's quest to regain the WWE Title has gotten lost in the shuffle. But this week, WWE fixed that with an old, tried and true formula: Superman Cena. To the delight of kiddies and tween girls everywhere, Cena didn't just mow down the field to win an 8-man elimination match main event. He also destroyed Alberto del Rio after the match.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Tuesday Night Live
Amid much hullabaloo, Tuesday's special "Super" SmackDown served up the end of Christian main event relevance (as he lost a cage match to Randy Orton), a verbal showdown between Triple H and CM Punk, and a heel turn by Sin Cara. Or should that be a heel turn by "Sin Cara"? PyroFalkon has all the details for you.
 
RAW SATIRE: Ol' No Knees Nash
A team of orthopedic experts (led by Tough Enough Jessie) has diagnosed Kevin Nash's ailment: he has no knees. This leads to the obvious and logical question: can Parker Posey grow a shitty moustache in time to take over the role of "Kevin Nash"? Her career has tanked bad enough that she's taking every other shred of work WWE offers her these days. At least she is over in our Alternate RAWniverse.
 
RAW RECAP: Stephanie's Manwife Steps Up
We thought we were getting a Nash/Punk PPV Match in September. But then Nash failed his physical, and WWE had to go to Plan B. That means that -- after a month of emasculating insults from CM Punk -- Triple H is taking off his wife's panties and putting on his entirely more manly wrestling underpants so that he can face Punk HHHimself.
 
RAW SATIRE: Is HHH Dumb, or Crooked?
A month into his new gig, and it's pretty clear that HHH is either moderately incompetent or and evil genius in charge of about 8 different conspiracies. How else do you explain his utter inability to grasp the fairly simple notion that CM Punk is entitled to an obligatory WWE Title rematch, but John Cena's the #1 Contender? Or that he left Johnny Funkhauser in charge of RAW to go chase honey trucks?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Rise of Tha Stank...
It's official: Mark Henry is a main eventer, here in the Year of Our Lord 2011, 15+ years after he first joined WWE. [No, OO does not count "main eventing" for WWE's version of ECW.] With former champ Christian conspicously absent, Henry won a Battle Royale to earn the next shot at World Champ Randy Orton.
 
RAW SATIRE: Dumber Than Orton?
While CM Punk got distracted by Kevin Nash, John Cena took the opportunity to revert to his old, loud, shouty, fake-angry self while confronting WWE Champ Alberto del Rio on Monday night. Cena's rant at del Rio went over the line when it comes to distorting truth, logic, and temporal causality. So in addition to being his old obnoxious self, he also came off as a genuine dunderhead.
 
RAW RECAP: Who Texted?
It's another Pro Wrestling Mystery, kids. You know: the kinds that sometimes get solved, but others times, not so much. Today, we wait with bated breath to find out who sent Kevin Nash a txtmsg on Sunday, asking him to "stick it" to whoever won the WWE Title Match between CM Punk and John Cena. The catch: Nash claims the text came from HHH's phone, but HHH denies sending it...
 
 
PPV RECAP: WWE SummerSlam 2011
Alberto del Rio is your NEW WWE Champion, cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase on CM Punk, after CM Punk beat John Cena to become the Undisputed WWE Champion. But Alberto's not exactly "undisputed," himself, due to the interference of a future Hall of Famer: Kevin "Diesel" Nash ran in from the crown to decimate Punk, assisting del Rio.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Captain Cocktease?
Last Monday, Christian announced that viewers should tune into SmackDown, because he was going to do something shocking and turn the wrestling world upside down. So what was his surprise? It was an announcement that viewers should buy SummerSlam, because he was going to do something shocking and turn the wrestling world upside down. Pyro has full details of Christian's string-alongery.
 
RAW SATIRE: The Secret Ingredient Is... 
CM Punk invoked the name of Iron Chef Chris Masters over in our Alternate RAWniverse this week, as "Future Endeavorings" was the night's Secret Ingredient. Gail Kim's dealt with Future Endeavoring previously, but she seems to be avoiding the secret ingredient so far this week. Could it have something to do with her getting immunity due to her being married to that "Dinner Impossible" douchebag?
 
RAW RECAP: Cena Steps it Up
For the past 2 months, it's seemed like the big story on Monday Nights is how fricking awesome CM Punk is. That ended last night: Triple H and Johnny "Funkhouser" Ace nominally presided over a Punk/Cena contract signing that saw Cena step up his promo work to match (if not exceed) Punk's scathingly honest and compelling rhetoric.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bye Bye, Vlad
WWE did a little house-cleaning last week. And while 5 performers were released, only Vlad Kozlov got the benefit of being written out (at the hands of Mark Henry). That was but one facet of an eventful show that also saw a tremendous Bryan/Kidd match (with equally tremendous commentary from Wade Barrett), a heel turn by Natalya, and Christian scoring a main event win over Randy Orton.
 
RAW SATIRE: There Can Be Only One Champion
WWE's dealing with the problem of too many champions... but over in our Alternate RAWniverse, the situation takes a thoroughly unexpected turn when Triple H decides that neither of the two WWE Titles means anything unless HE is the one holding it/them. Matt Hocking updates you on the latest in HHH"s 10-year-long power grab...
 
RAW RECAP: HHH Gets No Respect, I Tells Ya
Triple H may be wearing fancy suits and calling himself "COO," but it's getting him nowhere with the rank and file: he's the butt of all manner of disrespect from his co-WWE Champions, CM Punk and John Cena. So he's gonna force them to fight for a single Undisputed Title at SummerSlam.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: A Fine Upstanding Fella
It's official: Sheamus is a good guy. Crossing paths with Wade Barrett gave fans a sneak peak at what the Albino Warrior's fan favorite persona might be like... but this weekend, Sheamus ran out to confront Mark Henry in the midst of one of his rampages, and instantly cemented his status as a babyface. Get the full report.
 
RAW SATIRE: Zack Ryder Sells Out?
A ton of cool stuff happened on SD this week. But OO's not focusing on any of that, because OO enjoys mocking the Mantard of Mediocrity that is Randy Orton. After a career of jobbing to microphones, Randall was dominated by another inanimate object this week: a table. Read up on Orton's narrowly avoiding legit injury in our recap.
 
RAW RECAP: Too Many Champions?
When Monday's RAW started, "Vacant" was the WWE Champion. Then it was Rey Mysterio (after he beat Miz in a tourney final). Then Alberto del Rio thought about cashing in MitB. Then HHH ordered a second title match. Then John Cena won the belt by beating Rey. Then CM Punk showed up with HIS belt and reminded us all that RAW's 3 title changes were meaningless. Get a full report.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Table d. Orton
A ton of cool stuff happened on SD this week. But OO's not focusing on any of that, because OO enjoys mocking the Mantard of Mediocrity that is Randy Orton. After a career of jobbing to microphones, Randall was dominated by another inanimate object this week: a table. Read up on Orton's narrowly avoiding legit injury in our recap.
 
NEWSFLASH: Punk Crashes Comicon
CM Punk was not on RAW. But that won't stop him from still showing up on our screens in other surprising (and awesome) ways. Such as today, when he (and his title belt) crashed a WWE panel at the San Diego Comicon, and went to town on Triple H. Get the details and the video.
 
RAW SATIRE: Farewell to Sin Cara?
Sin Cara has been suspended by WWE. It's a shame, too, because Triple H always wanted to meet this amazingly talented international megastar. HHH's last appearance was one night before Sin Cara's debut; and now he returns just one night after Sin Cara's final pre-suspension match. Coincidence? Not in our Alternate RAWniverse...
 
RAW RECAP: "Doofus" Rising?
Nobody can say why it took them till now, but the "WWE Board" (the fictional one) finally decided they'd had enough of Vince McMahon's wacky leadership. So they relieved him of his duties (his fictional ones), and for storyline purposes, inserted Triple H as the new onscreen boss of WWE. Get all the details on this latest surprise twist...
 
OO: CM Stands for "Costanza Method"
Why do wrestling fans suddnely give a damn again? Simple, because of CM Punk and his promise to leave WWE after winning their top title. But behind that storyline, the truth is that this recent upsurge in Compelling TV is due to WWE doing The Opposite. Just like George Costanza. Rick Scaia has a full breakdown of the Costanza Method.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2011
Normally, the high risk antics in 2 titular ladder matches would be more than enough to carry a PPV... but this month, the MitB matches merely complemented a show that will long be remembered for CM Punk beating John Cena, and then walking out of WWE as his contract expired. It was WWE's first true must-see PPV since 2005.
  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Douche and Douchier
Randy Orton always seems like a major douche. Back fighting, celebrating tainted wins, comical facial hair. And that's a problem, since he's supposed to be a babyface. So this week, Christian decided to try to out-douche Orton in order to remind us to boo him. His tricks included stealing Orton's wallet and spray painting Randall's bus.
 
RAW SATIRE: Ice Cream and Megaphones
On Monday, CM Punk stood in a ring with Vince McMahon and PROVED that there is money to be made in recycling ideas from the 1980s. Not only did he call for the return of WWF Ice Cream Bars, he did so while holding a megaphone, a clear tribute to the #1 spokesperson for said ice cream bars, Jimmy Hart.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Neckbeard Under Siege
Although Randy Orton's primary order of business is an upcoming PPV title defense against the former champ, Christian, there's a line stretching out the door and around the block of challengers who want a shot at Randall. Only time will tell if Randy's plot to continue sporting the lamest and most giggle-inducing facial hair of all time will keep all his challengers distracted so he can hold onto his belt.
 
RAW SATIRE: Zack... to the Future!
Whenever RAW is taped in advance, it really messes with the space-time continuum. And this time around, Zack Ryder is the one trying to navigate the circuits of time. Whether it was in his DeLoreon, or with his pals Napoleon and Socrates, Zack was looking to mold a more perfect future where he actually gets to be on TV. Matt Hocking has the latest from our Alternate RAWniverse.
 
RAW RECAP: Cena is CM Punk's #1 Fan
When Vince McMahon suspended CM Punk for last week's insubordination, WWE Champ John Cena no longer had a PPV opponent for the upcoming Money in the Bank pay per view. You'd think that'd sit well with the champ, but it didn't. He had no desire to duck Punk and demanded that Vince McMahon reinstate CM Punk. Get all the details.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: When Albinos Attack
When we last saw Sheamus, he was getting bootie-kicked in the head by Randy Orton. It turns out Sheamus wasn't such a big fan of that, so he interrupted a World Title Contract Signing between Orton and Christian, preventing the two from making their upcoming PPV official, and throwing his hat into the ring as a challenger to the belt.
 
RAW SATIRE: Straight(edge) Shooter
Over in our Alternate RAWniverse, CM Punk has begun putting together the pieces of what could be one of the most dastardly puzzles in WWE History. What's so important about the third Monday of October? Why is he the only one who remembers an epic 14-part trek to WrestleMania? Is Triple H really retired? CM Punk starts offering up the answers in Matt Hocking's latest Satire.
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk Blows Your Mind
In one of the most compelling and entertaining 6 minutes that pro wrestling has seen in years, CM Punk trashed WWE for their treatment of him. Punk opinioned that Vince McMahon is a millionaire who should be a billionaire, if only he knew enough to not listen to Johnny Ace. Punk even wondered if WWE would be better off once Vince is dead. Get the full transcript and other results in our recap.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Captain Coattails
Christian's legacy is being slowly destroyed by Writer Monkey Erosion. It was one thing when he won his first world title thanks to his buddy Edge. But now, he's "losing" matches despite having his foot on the ropes, and "winning" additional title shots thanks to Mark F. Henry pinning Randy Orton. How does this make sense?
 
RAW SATIRE: HBK is Prancing in His Grave
Leave it to WWE to FINALLY figure out a way to coax Shawn Michaels out of retirement. No, it's not so he can plug his new hunting show... it's so he can show Vickie Guerrero and Michael Cole what it takes to be the once and future WWE Dance Dance Champion Or at least, that's the story over in our Alternate RAWniverse.
 
RAW RECAP: Power to the Punk
"Power to the People" was a big lie, seeing as it contained a Vickie Guerrero Dance Contest that all fan's would have voted against, if they were really in control. But Monday's big 3-hour show was saved by CM Punk, who announced plans to leave WWE when his contract expires exactly one hour after he defeats John Cena for the WWE Title.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Capitol Punishment 2011
Concussions had no impact on WWE's last PPV: Randy Orton retains his World Title despite being 8 days removed from a head injury. But conspiracies? That's another matter, as R-Truth lost a WWE Title match because of Little Jimmy's cup of water! Rick Scaia has full details.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Non-Luck of the Irish
Sheamus believed he should be in the PPV World Title Match, so Teddy Long gave him a shot: if Sheamus could beat Christian, the PPV match would become a Triple Threat match for Randy Orton's World Title. But Sheamus lost. So when it comes to PPV, WWE will take the Christian and the Mantard, BUT NO IRISH! [/blazingsaddles]
 
RAW SATIRE: The Ryder Conspiracy
What's more satisfying than a long, tasty drag off a Marlboro? R-Truth will tell you what: beating up a midget, re-injuring a pretty boy, and sneak attacking the champ, all in the same night! That was Truth's Monday, as he managed to destroy Hornswoggle, John Morrison, and John Cena, all on the eve of his PPV title shot against Cena.
 
RAW RECAP: Mmmmmm... Satisfying.
What's more satisfying than a long, tasty drag off a Marlboro? R-Truth will tell you what: beating up a midget, re-injuring a pretty boy, and sneak attacking the champ, all in the same night! That was Truth's Monday, as he managed to destroy Hornswoggle, John Morrison, and John Cena, all on the eve of his PPV title shot against Cena.
  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Looking Out for Number One
Christian has made it official: we're all just a bunch of idiots who voted to have him to defend his World Title just days after he won it. And Teddy Long's the idiot who listened to us. And now we're perfectly content to enjoy having Golden Boy Randy Orton as our World Champ. Or at least: that's what Christian claims about us, even though he's gotta know a bunch of us still love the goofy bastard.
 
RAW SATIRE: Are You Serious, Bro?
Zack Ryder made it to RAW! Except: he entered to Dolph Ziggler's music, and Michael Cole called him "Zack Ziggler." D'oh. Over in our Alternate RAWniverse, the solution seems simple: Zack Ryder should be allowed to have Scott Stamford as his personal play-by-play guy!
 
RAW RECAP: Angry Refs
Following Bret Hart's lead from 2 weeks ago (when the Hitman put CM Punk in a Sharpshooter while allegedly refereeing a match), Steve Austin was assigned to officiate RAW's main event, and promptly through impartiality out the door by dropping Miz with a Stone Cold Stunner.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Captain Charisma Cracks
You knew it was bound to happen: blocked from main event status by Golden Boy Randall Orton, Christian made his turn to the darkside official when he plastered Orton in the skull with the world title belt this weekend on SD, almost assuredly setting up at least one more PPV title match for himself. Get all the details.
 
OO OOBITURARY: Randy Savage Remembered
Randy Savage passed away 2 weeks ago at the age of 58; he suffered a heart attack while driving and subsequently crashed his vehicle. Rick Scaia is here with further details, and a look back at the Macho Man's remarkable career; once you join him on the trip down memory lane, you won't just marvel at what Randy accomplished, but how.
 
RAW SATIRE: The Sound of Silence
Maybe it was technical difficulties. Or maybe it really was a conspiracy. Either way, we spent Monday night seeing R-Truth's lips moving, but no sounds coming out. Sadly for Truth, our Alternate RAWniverse's GM (the Angry Demon Girl) hates mimes even more than she hates Truth himself. Matt Hocking is here to tell you how she punished Truth. 
 
RAW RECAP: Apprentice Rising
So, who had Alex Riley pegged as a breakout babyface star? Be honest. Cuz it didn't seem likely to OO that a guy who naturally oozes "douche" and who spent a year as Miz's lackey would catch on with fans. But he has. In spades. Get a full report on A-Ri's latest successful outing (and the rest of RAW) in Pyro's recap. 
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Albino Warrior Rides Again
Sheamus has had a rough 2011 so far, what with all the losing streaks and treading water... but that changed this weekend when Sheamus won a #1 Contender Match. Equally intriguing: he was able to beat Christian thanks to an assist from World Champ Randy Orton. Hmmmmm. 
 
RAW SATIRE: What Would Nunzio Do?
Over in our Alternate RAWniverse, Bret Hart lives his life trying to duplicate the all-encompassing excellence of Nunzio. This week, that took the form of Bret showing up on RAW to follow in Nunzio's footsteps by becoming a referee. A referee who put CM Punk in a SharpShooter.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2011
Just when you think Superman Cena's act can't get any less plausible, he blows you away by surviving 20 minutes of snuff-film caliber torture with nary an offensive move, only to stand up and make Miz quit in the final minute of their match. Luckily for us, earlier on the show, Christian and Randy Orton stole the show with an outstanding match. Get a full report courtesy of Rick Scaia.
 
RAW SATIRE: Jack Swagger, Wikipedia Superstar!
Anybody remember Jack Swagger being a World Champion? If so, you're not alone... over in our Alternate RAWniverse, most people (even Swagger himself) have forgotten that tidbit. But lo and behold, Jerry Lawler has discovered that, According To Wikipedia, Swagger really was World Heavyweight Champion, once upon a time!
 
RAW RECAP: Cena Says "I Quit"
John Cena tried to put a scare into Miz by adding an "I Quit" stipulation to their PPV Match... but between naming the stipulation, promising that Miz would say "I Quit," and further promising "I will never say 'I Quit'," Cena actually did say "I Quit" about a half-dozen times. Whoopsie.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Gracious in Defeat
It's still hard to believe that Christian's World Title reign started less than 2 weeks ago, and ended after all of 5 days... but you gotta hand it to the guy: he decided to handle the loss in a much more sportsmanlike manner than some of us indignant fans did. You can get all the details on his polite response in Pyro's recap.
 
RAW SATIRE: Nunzio, the Female Body Inspector
Nunzio (a/k/a Little Guido, and a 2 time tag champ, and 2 time Cruiserweight champ) was once famously known as the leader of the FBI... but as of Monday, he's donned a referee shirt, and is starting at the bottom of the officiating pecking order. Which means he's pulling Diva Duty, where he can be a full-fledged Female Body Inspector. Matt Hocking has all the details on the Alternate RAWniverse's new bestest ref.
  
RAW RECAP: R-Truth is One Angry Black Man
R-Truth's new attitude and push can't be denied. But he's not exactly on the trajectory he wants. First, his feud with John Morrison was derailed by Johnny's piddling neck surgery. Then, his quest for Cena's WWE Title was quashed by the RAW GM and Miz. So now, he's left to take his frustrations out on Rey Mysterio. Get the full report in Pyro's recap.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Terrorists Win
Remember where you were on May 1? Remember how good it felt to revel in one of the greatest feel-good moments in recent memory? Well, forget it, because that memory has been undone. Less than a week after his glorious World Title Victory, Christian has lost his belt to the leader of Radical Mediocrity, Randall Orton. Boo.
 
RAW SATIRE: Wrestling's Most Wanted
Getting bin Laden was big. But the Mountie made an even bigger capture last weekend: he got the man who raised the briefcase. And who drove the Hummer. And who was behind G-TV. And many other Wrestling Mysteries. Who was this elusive scoundrel? Matt Hocking has all the information for you from our Alternate RAWniverse.
 
RAW RECAP: T-Minus 48 Weeks, and Counting
The Rock's return to RAW for his birthday party was surprisingly uneventful; John Cena politely approached the Rock backstage regarding their Epic Confrontation scheduled for next April, but that was about it. Everything else was all video tributes, "Happy Birthday," and confetti.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2011
Sunday, a decade's worth of injustice wa rectified. And OO's not just talking about bin Laden. We're also talking about the fact that Christian finally won his first World Title, a full decade after he opened eyes by helping to revolutionize tag team wrestling (a decade spent being criminally underrated). Rick Scaia has details.
 
OOTRR: WWE Unforgiven 2004 Re-Revued
Christian replacing Edge in a ladder match due to Edge being injured and forced to vacate a title? Sounds familiar doesn't it? That's because this weekend's not the first time it happened... it also occurred back in September 2004, as Christian stepped in to face Chris Jericho in a ladder match for the IC Title. Adam Gutschmit reminisces...
 
RAW SATIRE: WHAMMY'D~!
Forget the Draft. Over in our Alternate RAWniverse, the entire WWE roster got together for a spirited game of Press Your Luck. Nobody won Big Bucks, but everybody got a t-shirts. And Miz got a Whammy. He won an extra spin, and declined to pass it; as a result, John Cena ended up back on RAW. Matt Hocking tells the tale.
 
NEWSFLASH: 2011 WWE Draft Results
Per usual, the WWE Draft didn't end on Monday night... but in a change from tradition, the Tuesday Supplemental Draft actually featured some big moves (including IC Champ Sheamus switching brands). Rick Scaia has the complete (and color-coded) list of 2 dozen draftees.
 
RAW RECAP: Now You See Him, Now You Still See Him
John Cena lives by the creed "You Can't See Me." But over the course of 2 hours of RAW, he (and WWE's Writer Monkeys) played a game of "Now you see him, now you still see him" by pretending to draft Cena over to SD, only to have him re-drafted to RAW at the end of the night.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Edge's Busy Retirement
For a guy who retired 2 weeks ago, Edge sure does get around... making his 3rd post-farewell TV appearance, he decided to crash his own "retirement party" (as thrown by Alberto del Rio), and in so doing, gave his pal Christian a chance to run in and show del Rio how a pro uses a ladder.
 
RAW SATIRE: England is Flavor Country
So, R-Truth had a busy week. He went to England, he turned heel, and he decided to set an example for all the kids by revealing just how much he loves the rich and satisfying experience that is smoking. Over in our Alternate Universe, you can watch to see which gets him first: the lung cancer, or the Superfluous U.
 
RAW RECAP: Changing Plans
Internet darling John Morrison isn't just the new co-#1 Contender, but he'll be competing in a PPV title match that suits his wacky skill set: a Steel Cage Match against WWE Champ Miz and John Cena. Rick Scaia has all the details (including Truth's heel turn, a solid Punk/Orton main event, and more), along with a PreRamble about TV ratings.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bittersweet Victory
Due to Edge's retirement, WWE lost half of its planned SD main event for the next PPV. So a Battle Royale was held to decide who would face Alberto del Rio for the vacant World Title... and it was won by Edge's best friend, Christian. It's his first World Title Match on PPV, but he got it because of Edge's misery. Talk about bittersweet.
 
RAW SATIRE: Who is Sin Cara?
Who, exactly, is Sin Cara? Some claim that they have wrestling in Mexico, and he's some kind of moderately famous wrestler from there. But OO is not so sure. So forget Mexico. We must conduct this investigation in a place where we KNOW there is wrestling: our Alternate RAWniverse. Matt Hocking does the sluething...
 
RAW RECAP: Other Stuff Happened, Too
Sure, Edge stole the show with his surprise retirement announcement. But other stuff happened, too. And to be fair, Rick Scaia's here with a fully detailed recap of the show that also included a new Women's Champ and TWO men emerging from a gauntlet match to become co-#1 Contenders to Miz's WWE Title.
 
NEWSFLASH: Edge Retires
It's been no secret that Edge was thinking about retiring at the end of his current WWE contract (in mid-2012)... but Edge caught us all off guard when he announced his retirement -- effective immeidately -- on RAW. Rick Scaia's got immediate reactions and info about the retirement of the reigning World Heavyweight Champion.
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Third Time's the Charm
Alberto del Rio's had a tought few weeks. First, he lost to Christian twice. Then, he lost to Edge at WrestleMania. Friday, he had to beat Christian to earn another World Title Shot against Edge, and he finally managed to pull it off. Del Rio advances to Extreme Rules to face Edge in a Ladder Match, and Rick Scaia has the full report for you.
 
RAW SATIRE: Think of the Children!
The two biggest wrestlers-turned-sometimes-movie-stars had a summit on Monday, and here's what they agreed upon: The Rock makes movies for kids (which is pretty bad), but inside the squared circle, John Cena is nothing but The Rock For Babies (which is worse). Matt Hocking has more from the Alternate RAWniverse in a new Satire.
 
RAW RECAP: Cena and Rock Ask You to Save the Date
There will be no complaining about a lack of build up to WrestleMania 28. That's because, less than 24 hours after WM27, The Rock and John Cena agreed to wrestle each other, one year from now. Also: HHH sorta challenged Undertaker to a rematch at WM28, too. And Stone Cold Steve Austin might be next in line to take a shot at The Miz's WWE Title. Rick Scaia has a complete report.
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 27
The pre-show buzz centered mostly on Miz, John Cena, and The Rock, but last night's main event seemed a bit rushed and anticlimactic (Miz retained the WWE Title with some help from the Rock). Luckily, Triple H and the Undertaker massively exceeded expectations and stole the show. Rick Scaia has detailed results and analysis from the show.