Powered by LiquidWeb Search all of OO for news, columnists, and articles about your favorites!
News  -/-  Recaps  -/-  Columns  -/-  Features  -/-  Reference  -/-  Archives  -/-  Interact  -/-  Site Info

Donate to Online Onslaught!
     Daily Onslaught
     Obtuse Angle
     RAW Satire
     The Broad

     Inside the Ropes
     OOld Tyme
         Rasslin' Revue
     Title Wave
Crashing the

     Smarky Awards
     Big in Japan
     Guest Columnists
     2 Out of 3 Falls
     Devil's Due
     The Ring
     The Little Things
SK Rants
The Mac Files
     Sq'd Circle Jerk
     RAW vs. SD!:
         Brand Battle
     Cheap Heat 
     Year in Review
     Monday Wars
     Road to WM 

     Title Histories
     Real Names
     PPV Results
     Smart Glossary
     Message Boards
     Live Chat 
     OO History

If you attend a live show, or have any other news for us, just send an e-mail to this address!  We'd also love to hear from you if you've got suggestions or complaints about the site...  let us have it!

Dear SmackDown, You Suck.
Love, Erin
October 10, 2003

by Erin Anderson
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


I'm usually very quick to defend the quality of Smackdown!, and I almost always rate it higher in Battle of the Brands than I do RAW. For the most part, Smackdown! gives me what I like to see in a good wrestling show: 1) great in-ring action, 2) a strong focus on the importance of the titles, and 3) a minimum of ridiculous storylines. Even through all the McMahon drama we've been subjected to recently, I've forgiven it because Smackdown! consistently showcases entertaining matches and gives me something to love about the show.

This week was a different story, and it's had a slow build for the past few weeks. Ever since the outstanding "free-per-view" show with the Iron Man match, the quality of Smackdown! has slowly gone downhill. Last night, they hit rock bottom.

Jesus Christ, that was an awful, completely indefensible show. It's as if the writing team took everything that hasn't been working well on RAW for the past year and threw it all into an excruciating two hours of my life that I'll never be able to get back. Yes, I thought it was that bad.

Smackdown!'s greatest strength lies in its in-ring product. All of the cruiserweights can put on an entertaining spotfest, and there's no dead weight in that division. The roster includes Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, and Chris Benoit: my picks for the three best technical wrestlers in the company. The champion, Brock Lesnar, has all the classic big-man qualities, but also is incredibly athletic and knows how to mat-wrestle. The Undertaker is looking better than he has in years. There's a talented undercard including Haas, Benjamin, Matt Hardy, Rhyno, and John Cena.

Looking at the show last night, I never would have known any of this. Let's take a quick look at the matches:

  • Tajiri v. Ultimo Dragon
  • Undertaker v. Chuck Palumbo  
  • Big Show v. Orlando Jordan 
  • Shannon Moore v. Zach Gowen  
  • Chris Benoit and the APA v. the Bashams and A-train
  • Brock Lesnar v. Paul London

They didn't look good in the spoilers, and they didn't look good last night, either. The only match here that I was even remotely interested in was Tajiri/Ultimo Dragon, but they were only given about three minutes to work after 12-minute cruiserweight matches from previous weeks tore the house down. Three of those six matches were meaningless squashes, and the longest match of the night clocked in at four and a half minutes.

That's strike one against Smackdown!, as their usual stellar in-ring product was either completely nonexistent or too short to mean anything. But the show had to have a few redeeming qualities, right? It usually at least stresses the importance of the title belts, right?

Wrong. Only one of the matches put a title on the line, and honestly, did you really think that Paul London had a snowball's chance in hell of winning the belt? Of course not. The cruiserweight match was non-title, and we never heard a thing about the tag team championships. After allowing three of the titles to change hands on free TV in the past month, Smackdown! should take advantage of the lingering "Anything can happen" atmosphere and give us more matches where the audience will believe that the challengers have a chance: there's instant drama there, but the Thursday night show has yet to capitalize on that.

And then there is the U.S. Championship. God bless Eddie Guerrero for making the U.S. Title seem like the most important thing in the world to him, but his opponent for No Mercy doesn't seem to care in the slightest.

Has the Big Show said, even once, that he wants the U.S. Championship? Has he even made mention of the fact that his match against Eddie will be for the belt? He hasn't even mentioned the belt at all, and that negates the hard work that Eddie is doing to try and beef up the importance of his championship. Show has only said that he doesn't like Eddie, and left it at that. While the personal animosity between the two is necessary, the total lack of importance of the U.S. Title to the Big Show only hurts the secondary titles.

Strike two for Smackdown! First we get too-short matches that don't allow the wrestlers to do what they do best, and then none of them put the titles on the line with plausible challengers to the belts. But at least we're not getting any ridiculous soap opera storylines, right? That's not usually Smackdown!'s style.

But we got plenty of soap opera last night from the McMahon family, Taker/Lesnar, and Big Show/Eddie. I've noticed an inverse relationship between the amount of airtime the McMahons get and the quality of Smackdown!, and last night only proved that. Smackdown! has a knack for giving the fans great opening matches for every show, but not last night. Instead, we were given the wooden acting of Linda McMahon in an attempt to bring more drama to a storyline that is already drowning in it, and to hype a match that will probably be the worst one of No Mercy.

Then, there was the most recent development in the Taker/Lesnar feud, one that had been incredibly solid until last night. With Taker looking so good lately, I was expecting an entertaining match out of him at No Mercy… but now we have this "Biker Chain" stipulation. Can somebody please explain to me what a Biker Chain Match is? Tazz and Michael Cole had no idea, and said so in their commentary. I'm assuming it's a match under basic Street Fight rules, and both men will have chains at their disposal. Um… why not just make it a street fight? By calling it a "Biker Chain Match" in an effort to sell the match to the fans, WWE has really only caused the fans to ask, "Huh?" When I think of the Undertaker and gimmick matches, "Hell in the Cell" immediately springs to mind. "Biker Chain" does not.

And, of course, the ending really put a stamp on the show as a whole: a giant pile of shit. I know that Austin driving a beer truck and Angle driving a milk truck to the ring were both big hits, but since when did anyone think that a septic truck would be a clever spin on an old favorite? Eddie spraying sewage all over the Big Show ranks as only the third time I have ever changed the channel when watching wrestling because I absolutely hated what I saw.

Strike three, Smackdown! You have managed to do what I thought was previously impossible for a show with a roster like yours: made me completely unable to defend your choices of booking and writing leading in to your pay-per-view. I hate having to write badly about you, but congratulations: you now officially suck.


Erin Anderson is an Atlanta native and a student at Georgia State University. Since writing about wrestling didn't go over too well with her English professors, she vents here at Online Onslaught.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.