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INSIDE THE ROPES    
Thanks for the Compliments:
The Final ItR Ever! EVER! 

May 17, 2007

by the Canadian Bulldog    
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

"Four years is a long time to be champion write a lame wrestling column." -- Andrew The Giant (pre-death), 1987.
 
Welcome, everyone, to another EXCLUSIVE, JAM-PACKED and MONUMENTAL (and no, "monumental" doesn't mean "crazy" - I checked) edition of Inside The Ropes. I'm acclaimed sous-chef/ bowling champion/ fly-fisherman/ trannie/ blood donor Canadian Bulldog, and it's true: this week marks FOUR YEARS of ITR!!!

 
You see, this very column made its debut on a wrestling message board back in May 2003. HAHA - wasn't that first ITR HILARIOUS?!? Okay, maybe not, but still... I can't believe how things have changed since then, what with all the lawsuits.

Oh, and this is also the final time I'll be writing this column.

As Stoned Cold Steve Austen is so fond of saying: "HUH?"

I'm sorry to report that it's time for The Notorious D.O.G. to move on. Why? Let's just say that a certain someone who shall remain nameless (ME!!!) has received a VERY LUCRATIVE job offer from Stephoney MacMahon to become one of her Hollywood Writer Monkeys™. If you thought World Wrestling Federtainment Inc. Corp. Ltd.'s storylines sucked before... wait'll they get a load of me!!!

But before I sign off for the last time, there are a few people I'd like to thank for their generous help and support over the years. And if I happened to miss anyone, just know that you must have SUCKED!!!

In alphabetical order:

  • Corky "Johnny ITR" Harrison, for approaching me one fateful day three years ago about becoming the official Inside The Ropes apprentice (actually, I think he approached me about buying drugs, but that's all in the past). Whether it was scoring big scoops, gathering intelligence on what the "competition" was doing, visiting house shows that didn't, technically, exist, or helping me look up emails for my "Letters From A Nut" fetish, my apprentice was definitely Born To Run… errands!!!
  • Vincent Kennedy (KEN-NE-DY!) MacMahon Junior, for providing SO MUCH material over the past four years.
  • Pyrofalkon The Wad, for helping me orchestrate the best worked-shoot in IWC history. Sure, not all of you bought into it as "legit", and many others were downright pissed off, but for every Doubting Thomas, there was at least one Believing... uh, Barry. Anyways, Wadley himself helped to pull that magic off, and I couldn't have done it without him.
  • Matt "Needs More ME" Horking, for capably filling in as Guest Columnist whenever the situation arose, and giving ITR a much-needed alternate perspective. I also enjoyed returning the favor for him.
  • The Honkey Tonkey Man, "New" Jack, Jesus Agulieria, Bryan "Speedy" Kendricks, Bobby "The Brian" Heenen and the hundreds of other folks who participated in "Letters From A Nut".
  • All Three Of You Who Bought My Book, for making the whole exercise worthwhile. And while I'm at it, I should thank Dave Hillhorse at Wham! Wrestling for writing an incredible article on yours truly. Oh yeah, and said book is still for sale. Just saying...
  • SHNITSKY!!!, for having the single coolest name in wrestling history.
  • The Oldline Onslut Message Board Dweebs for your constant stream of praise, suggestions, criticism and general comments that usually ended up sounding like criticism. Your feedback was like a drug to me, as I thrived off of it (and your drugs were like feedback to me). Included in this group are: Gimmick Man, Big Fat Goalie, SalmonJunkie, Tarheel Mike, Angstboy, Concrete TG, Nilesanderson, 2Hot, Folby, Maclen, Moosehead Jack, Shao Khan, Eli, LuckyLopez, BiginJapan, Outback Jack, FFC, BBMN, ModSquads # 1 through 27, and all the others whose board names are even funnier than anything I could come up with myself. BULLDOG IN '06!!!
  • My Real-Life Friends, such as Harold, The Liz, Mad Tony, Suzanne, Julie, Dave and Phil, who were sent this column every week, whether they wanted to read it or not, and occasionally pretended to laugh.
  • Cookie Monster, for inspiring me to write of my favorite columns of the entire batch.
  • NWA T&A (National Wrestling Alliance Tits & Ass), for actually managing to last longer than this column. Seriously – I can't imagine too many people would have called that. I think I described what's in their future best right here.
  • Hollywood Stu Stone, for being the best Hollywood gossip columnist one could ever ask for (I STILL want to know how you scored that picture with Vince). GET TO STEPPIN'!
  • The Big Rybowski, for being the Bob Zamooda to my Andy Coughman; the Larrey David to my Jerry Signfeld; the Fat Guy Who Pretended To Be J.R. to my Vince Rousseau, etc. Many people don't know this (unless you listen to my "Complete and Utter Bulldog" audio show at Club WWI), but Rybowski has worked behind the scenes for years, helping me craft many of the bits you see every week in ITR. He's almost been like a brother to me.
  • CZR and Brother Z for taking a chance in 2003 on a young, sexy and HILARIOUS columnist, letting me publish my initially crude column on The Whinerboard.
  • James Guddman, who convinced me to "jump ship" to his site World Wrestling Mentality, instead of dropping the belt in Montreal, as was the time-honored tradition. I'll still be the Bulldog over at that site, albeit in much more manageable, bite-sized columns.
  • Jab Tennessee Lung (who used a write a column here called "The Obese Angle" like, 15 years ago), because he had no obligation whatsoever to help me out. But without his influence, stroke and man-love for Randy Orton! ORTON! BAH GAWD, ORTON!!!, I would have never landed this SWEET gig here, and he helped shape many of my ideas since then. Hell, the guy even wrote the foreword to my freaking book!
  • Webmaster Rick Scherer, for putting up with all of my controversy, my lame jokes, less than hygienic personal appearance, the time I hit on his mother, and several other unimportant issues, and focused on publishing the best possible ITR each and every week (except for the 78 consecutive weeks he was out "sick"). When I informed him of my decision a few weeks back, he could have been an ass about it and forced me to drop the column in a "schmozz", yet unless you see a word like "monumental" in the introduction, he left this entire submission untouched. You people are lucky to have such a knowledgeable, passionate and even-tempered webmaster that lives to bring his readers top-notch, original material every week. Also ITR.
  • You Stupid Marks, for reading Inside The Ropes for four long years! Even when the wrestling business sucked (essentially, the last four years)! And you didn't complain too much if I made the occasional spelling error! Or misconstrued the facts ever so slightly! And because of that, you are the best readers ever!
  • EVER!!!

So the Canadian Bulldog may be gone, but will he ever be forgotten? BANK ON IT!!!

Oh, and thanks for the compliment.

E-MAIL THE BULLDOG    
BROWSE THE ITR ARCHIVES

CANADIAN BULLDOG  is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.


  
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