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DENNY'S DUNGEON
Gene Snitsky: Like Manna From Heaven
October 1, 2004

by Denny Burkholder
Courtesy of WrestleLine.com

 

Gene Snitsky is a gift from heaven above. 
 
Everything about the guy is golden. The oversized chin. The crazy eyeball. The bizarre way WWE introduced him to the Kane-Lita storyline with no prior history on WWE programming. The improbable way he's sticking around weeks later, squashing Val Venis and getting all up in the Big Red Machine's face, sarcastically barking "It's not my fault!" 

 
Snitsky looks and sounds like a big doofus with a migraine headache. He's like Napolean Dynamite with a hormonal imbalance and a gym membership. Hey Snitsky, what are you gonna do to Kane the next time you see him? "Whatever I FEEL LIKE I wanna do... god!"

And the name, Gene Snitsky. Good lord... that's a keeper. The guy looks like Kevin "Nailz" Kelly's snotty little brother who's too stupid to realize that being a dickhead to Kane will probably get you killed. Oh, Snitsky is big and bad, all right. He looks like a ferocious mauler, and he very well may be... but then, you hear that name. "Snitsky." All of a sudden, no matter how great he becomes, his legacy in pro wrestling will always carry a degree of humor... a small but distinct hint of WrestleCrap, all due to his name being "Gene Snitsky."

Before you saw Gene Snitsky on television, what kind of person would you have imagined him to be? A smallish accountant wearing glasses and a 10-year-old JC Penney suit? A squirrely manager like Harvey Whippleman? A lawyer, perhaps?

Not THIS Snitsky. No sir. He's a hulking man-beast without fear. He has no concept of how stupid his name sounds, and apparently, no control over the lateral motion of his right eye. Hey, lay off The Snitsky! It's not HIS fault!

The fact of the matter is that Gene Snitsky could disappear from WWE tomorrow and still be remembered for decades to come. The Kane-Lita angle has crossed that threshold of shittiness that creates for itself a special place in wrestling storyline history. Gene Snitsky could be a more remarkable part of it than originally planned. Years from now, as wrestling web sites like this one mock the lame angles of wrestling past, Lita and Kane's botched pregnancy will inevitably come up. And right now, it's very hard to imagine that discussion without someone saying "Don't forget about The Snitsky!"

Hell... Gene Snitsky could someday surpass Gene Kiniski in the power rankings of pro wrestling's most famous Gene... skies.

Compared to other short-lived characters - and remember, Snitsky could still become a long-term face on our TV screens - Snitsky's already in good shape, historically. He's not quite into Shockmaster, Red Rooster, Gobbledygooker territory yet. But then, few wrestling characters ever reach that level of wrestling royalty, so there's no shame in that. Snitsky could wind up in the neighborhood of Waylon Mercy or Papa Shango very easily, though. Not too shabby for The Snitskinator.

He's already past Brakkus. That's gotta be a good thing.

Just consider the rest of the players in the Kane-Lita saga for a second. Kane? One of WWE's proudest creations, character-wise, and Glen Jacobs is a respected man in the locker room. Kane will be around for plenty more storylines in the years to come. Lita's popularity seems to have taken a small hit from this whole debacle, but she's still favored by plenty of people and ought to be a face on our screen for a long time. Matt Hardy is a very loyal and dependable worker than rarely speaks out of turn, so his job is probably also secure for a few years.

We'll be seeing plenty more of those performers. But Gene Snistky? Sadly, this could very well be his one, shining moment in the WWE spotlight. We might be living in the Gene Snitsky Glory Days right now, and not even realize it. Let's savor the flavor while it lasts, before we're forced to say "Snitsky... we hardly knew thee."

Celebrate the Snitsky. It might not be here very much longer.

 
E-MAIL DENNY
BROWSE THE CIRCA ARCHIVES


  
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