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CRASHING THE BOARDS
Goldust is the New "Mr. Electricity" — Was Austin
Right or Wrong? — The Man-Milk of Nathan Jones — 
B-Tizzy Goes for the Bling Bling at WresizzleMizzania — 
Girls Don't Like Jeff Hardy — Team Angle Impresses
All — Plus: Buford, the IWC, Nova and More!!!

February 7, 2003

by YOU, The OO Readers
Compiled by Jeb Lund (with an assist from Rick Scaia this week)

 

[Editor's Note: This is the spot where Jeb usually says a few quick words before supplying his compilation of the week's best from the Message Boards.  Well, Jeb told me to tell you that the message boards sucked this week!  Which is why I'm here, adding my own personal favorites for the week to Jeb's pickin's, and doing this intro.  Hey, Jeb might opine that a week in which Nathan Jones' nipples are the subject of a lengthy thread is a bad one for the boards, but me?  I think it's high comedy!  And so, for better or for awesome, we ride!  Love, The Rick.  (PS: the two other Editor's Notes are both Jeb's, in case your screen name is Censor the Raven and you want to know where to direct your angry e-mail).]


Big Ups for Raw. And for the Electric Company. And Big Ups to Biggie. Let's Get Some Cristal. Then Electrocute Something.
1. I actually enjoyed [Raw] last night. Yeah, the wrestling was a little on the thin side, and the Bischoff skits were a tad predictable/non-entertaining, but for the most part I think everything else worked really well. The primary reason I think that things clicked for me is because it seemed like the writing team had made a concerted effort to really merge things together. They actually acknowledged the fact that all the guys on this roster work together under the same roof and can interact with each other. The Test/Jericho/HBK/Jeff Hardy stuff flowed together [well] and gave me the feeling that I was watching a show and not a bunch of choppy segments. A good wrestling match needs transitions and psychology to tell a good story and, on a larger scale, so does a TV show. I think the writing team did a good job with that last night. A good show and a good match both need good action as well, and admittedly, there wasn't much in the way of that last night. If the Raw team finds a good balance, I think we'll be in for some entertaining television soon.

2. I go to Capitals games at MCI Center all the time, and Jagr and Bondra are constantly electrocuting themselves on those open panels. Jordan almost did a few weeks back, too. They really need to cover those things up.
— angstboy

Being an electronic tech, I feel qualified to respond to the Goldust-electrocution piece.
1: If the voltage was 220, instead of normal wall voltage (110), then he actually sold it correctly. You won't hardly move at all with 220V; you'll be frozen.
2: Realistically, you'll never see an open panel like that, no matter what voltage we're talking about.
3: Although the guys used the correct fire extinguishers to put out an electrical fire, they wouldn't have killed the electricity between Goldy and the panel. Too long to get into, but it doesn't work like that.
4: If Goldy was actually getting enough of a shock to cause all that sparking and everything, some piece of equipment (probably quite a few) would have gone out. I didn't see any lights or anything even dim, so I was disappointed. Oh, well....
— Thom


The IWC (Internet Wrestling Community) Readership Evaluates the Role and Worth of the IWC

It seems to have totally taken on a life of its own. Even going so far as to give itself a federation-like name, the "IWC." But is it relevant? Is it listened to? Does it matter? That has yet to be seen. There is certainly no evidence that suggests the WWE's bookers are listening to our gripes. But the occasional reaction sometimes comes from individual performers, like Chris Jericho. I think, more than anything else, the IWC takes itself a bit too seriously. After all, it is merely a [descendent] of a form of media once affectionately known as a "dirt sheet."
— Eli

I think it's funny (not in a "haha" way, but in an "er?" way) that [columnists] will develop "personalities" or "gimmicks" for themselves in the IWC, [as if] they're living out their dream of being another character. I think it's funny that some internet wrestling reporters have bigger egos then some of the talent they write about.
— salmonjunkie

The biggest pro is also its biggest con: the whole thing about the IWC is information. False rumors or proven fact, the IWC lets everyone know what's going down. The problem with this is that we are no longer surprised by anything anymore. Anytime a fed hires someone new, we find out almost immediately. So when they make their big introduction, there is absolutely no surprise to it. For example, if/when Goldberg gets hired by WWE, everyone will know, so if/when he makes his first appearance, we won't be shocked. Probably the best shock of last year was when Bischoff was first brought out on RAW. I don't think anyone saw it coming, and that made it much better.

I look at the IWC as just that, a community. There are people you hate, people you like, but just as with the group of people you talk to at the coffee shop, it's basically a big info-fest — finding out stuff you don't know and letting others know what you do know. This information is a [positive] in the respect that we can't always watch RAW/Smackdown!, so getting the info about what happened is much easier with the net.
— cpdevine1


Celebrating Team Angle
Old-school heels — love 'em.

I also love the way the WWE's been pushing them. They've finally found a way to bring new guys in and make them look good but still a little inexperienced. [E.g.] — going against Benoit/Edge, they looked good. But Benoit, the savvy veteran, was able to get the crossface on them rather quickly, but the other TA member was able to run in and break it up. Then, TA didn't fall into that same trap. BEAUTIFUL.

At the same time, they've got that awesome double-team leapfrog move. Kinda wish they'd use that as a finisher or something, but hell, I'll take it. Now, if only they'd get a little bigger. Still a touch on the small side.
— Thom

I think that the WWE has handled all of [their] new guys coming on to TV well. I mean, with the exception of the Jesus push that Brock got, and the crap that is Batista, the WWE has gotten it right. Rey Rey's intro was great. They built it up so much [that] I couldn't wait to see him get in the ring again. The same goes for Sean O'Haire. I think that the way his vignettes are airing [mean] his character could be great. They way they've handled Team Angle is priceless. They found the perfect blend of making [the new guys] look good, yet keeping them inexperienced. I can't state how happy I am with all of the new guys in the WWE. [Their] future really gives me hope of being able to erase the Katie Vick/Al Wilson period of the WWE.
— jmagee


So, like, apparently Nova had to cut his hair, because Steph was all, "You look a little too much like Triple H."
Any word about his bikini line?

I'm willing to bet this is more related to the entire "mid-carders should have shorter hair in order to distinguish themselves from the pack" scuttlebutt that made the dirt sheets months ago. Oh yeah, how's that push going, Christian?
— Dead Snoopy


More Than Just A Token Appearance at No Way Out
The No Way Out pay-per-view. The WWE needs to bring Austin back in shocking fashion, and keep Bischoff in the General Manager role. Two birds? Here's your one stone:

I remember a match on Raw a few years ago, in which the ref was Vinnie Mac... in a Vinnie Mac mask (as he was "barred" from ringside). Remember?

Bischoff challenges Shane to a match at No Way Out, for control of the Raw brand. We know Shane can wrestle, and I hear Bischoff's pretty good at karate, so build it from there. But, have Bischoff challenge or dare Vince to not interfere. Then, at the pay-per-view, once the two combatants are out, introduce your special referee: Vince, in a suit, with his Vince mask on. This way you won't be able to tell that its not Vince... until he stunners Shane, puts Bischoff on top and counts three — then reveals himself to be Stone Cold.

The next night, do whatever you want with Austin: have him stunner Bischoff just to keep him face, explaining that he only made Bischoff win to piss Vince off.
— Censor The Raven

[Dear Censor The Raven: Apparently you can capitalize every first letter in your name. Why could you not capitalize any name in your post? This was the most irritating post — editing-wise — that I've ever dealt with. If you're going to include proper spelling of polysyllabic words, perhaps you can do me the courtesy of FUCKING CAPITALIZING ANYTHING THAT SHOULD BE CAPITALIZED. Thank you. — Ed.]


Oscar Lewis says: "If yer not down with that, Smarks, I got two words for ya: 'New Talent!' " Then he goes on to talk about family/tribal dislocation in the new urban Mexico. But what does he know?
Okay, so the smark national anthem that Vincent K. McMahon and the office are holding down the younger workers in favor of the older more established stars is still in full flow? Good, it's time to write a different tune.

Since WrestleMania X-8, the WWE has embarked on the biggest talent reshuffle since the period in 1999-2000 where Jericho, Angle and the Radicals appeared on our screens. In the past 10 months, the WWE has handed debuts and/or renewed pushes (to a varied degree) to Brock Lesnar, Jamie Noble, Rey Mysterio, Batista, Randy Orton, John Cena, Chavo Guerrero (he started his push since Vengeance, for God's sake, it counts) Chris Nowinski, Lance Storm, Billy Kidman, the Island Boys, Rico and most recently Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas. Okay, some dinosaurs like Albert, Bill DeMott and Shawn Michaels have also received pushes over this time. But, hey, Rikishi relieved Benoit of the IC title in 2000 and went on to feud with Val Venis: you take the rough with the smooth.

But on the whole, most of these stars have a big future in the WWE, much to our smarky delight. Brock Lesnar went over the Undertaker; Rey Mysterio went over Angle and Benoit; and, while many of the other newcomers have been saddled with crap gimmicks such as Deacon Batista and John "Boring" Cena (or John "hip-hop" Cena), remember that HHH, Austin and the Rock had sucky gimmicks when they started (Hunter Hearst Helmsley, the Ringmaster and Rocky Maivia). So the future is bright. These stars will find their niche, just as Benoit finally appears to have.

The WWE is slowly coming round to a more psychological and fast-paced cruiserweight style, as shown by the current pushes of a few select Smackdown! stars and Chris Jericho's resurrection on Raw. And newcomers such as Benjamin will be well-placed, come WrestleMania XX, to take advantage. Of course, the WWE needs its fix of big men, but Batista and Brock are actually less offensive than Big Show and Undertaker, so perhaps the bad part of the show will improve.

The future is bright with the sons of ruthless aggression. [Be] calm, the good times will come again. To quote an anthropological theory of cycles, it will come around again, and soon. 2001-02 was the dark year, as 1995-96 was. The new attitude is coming, so stop bitching.
— sharpshooter


Information Sure to Be a Boon to Message Boards Everywhere
Below are all of the exceptions to the I before E [except after C] rule:
Neither leisured foreigner seized the weird heights.
— Denethor

[And Kyle Maxwell and Jeb Lund would both like to add: "FUED" is not a word.]


The Girlfriend Speaks Out On Wrestling. Mouthy Woman.
Generally my fiancιe hates wrestling. Tonight she pinpointed her real problem with it. Fucking Jerry the King Lawler. She just can't stand that screechy voice. It drives her up the wall! (She says she never really liked wrestling that much, but she was starting to get hooked when "the guy with the baseball hat was announcing with J.R.") "Does he ever talk about what is actually happening in the ring?" I totally agree with her and have learned a long time ago not to correct her. (So what if I am whipped?) So, damn it, can't we find a way to make Lawler go away? It would mean marital bliss for me, and I wouldn't have to be banished to the bedroom to watch our beloved sweaty man-soap.
— 2HoT

Ah, My Eyes!  The Goggles, They Do Nothing!
Would Jones' milk be more devastating than Tajiri's mist?
— Ando


You Will Never Forget the Name of...  BUFORD!

Buford: The Next Ralphus.
— Eli

During that whole bit, I couldn't help thinking, "Boy, you sure do have a purdy mouth."
— 2HoT

Anyone else hear "Dueling Banjos" playing in the background?
— Alana

Austin: Savior or Pariah?  Visionary or Whiny Bitch?
Booking Austin-Brock on Raw was absolutely retarded. Brock barely even had a following at that point, it would have been a total waste of a money match. Remember how WCW blew its biggest money match (Hogan-Goldberg) on Nitro? They couldn't follow it up with anything afterwards. And at least Goldberg was way over when they did that, Brock was getting no reaction at the time.
— Michrome

Man, I think Austin is correct. Just because you're an employee, you don't have to kiss ass and do something you don't want to. I don't want to trivialize anything, but if Owen had taken Austin's attitude he would be alive now. He is documented to NOT wanting to drop from the rafters. If Bret Hart had also took Austin's attitude he wouldn't have been embarrassed in Montreal either. The fans might not have liked it, but he would have prevented the Montreal screwjob. I'm sorry I can't feel sorry for the WWE's creative when they make their wrestlers act out nonsense like Triple H humping a doll in a casket. READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN!!!

The wrestlers are also contractors and make money from merchandise and money matches. Austin shows me he IS a business man as well. The WWE's plan was just stupid. Austin does have a right to have that ego. The same with Hogan. They earned it. Anyways, it's a worked shoot as he goes off on Triple H way too much for what was probably scripted with his remarks. 
— promoter2003

I'm sorry, but there is a world of difference between not wanting to do something because you are worried about your safety and not wanting to do something because you just don't want to. The Owen/Austin comparison is silly. So is the Bret/Austin one. Bret actually did have a creative control clause in his contract, and therefore had the right to demand that he not lose in Canada. Austin did not (as far as I know). Austin was never asked to hump a mannequin, he was asked to lose a match. LOSE A MATCH. I'm not defending WWE writers/bookers here, because I happen to think it would have been stupid for Lesnar to beat Austin clean at that time. But that's neither here nor there. The fact is that Austin was asked to do something well within the confines of his job description. Yes, it was kind of stupid, but that's not Austin's place to judge.

I think maybe this whole issue [has generated so many different opinions because some] people are pro-management and some are pro-employee in nature. I am someone who looks at almost everything from a manager's perspective. I tend to think that a lot of employees are whiny little bitches. That's just me. I think that's why I think what I think about the Austin situation.
— Bonestein


Size Ten-and-a-half... in a Lovely Lemon-Garlic Marinade
Since we're talking about Austin, I'm going to drop all my Austin thoughts on you and keep you awake at night with my wit and insight. You've been warned...

1. Business-wise, Austin was smart to refuse the Lesnar match, and don't they say it's all about what's good for business? (as opposed to what's good, like, legally)

2. I never had a problem with Austin leaving, and was only mad at him for screwing Eddie Guerrero, really. Imagine if Eddie had fought Austin at KotR instead of Flair. Where would Eddie be now? Instead he basically had to start all over, and he's still got beef with John friggin' Cena, who didn't even exist before this whole thing began! Pobrecito Eddie.

Oh, and if you think Austin is stepping foot on a RAW set, you're crazy! If he goes to RAW and not SmackDown! when this is all said and done, I'll eat my shoe. And that's the bottom line. :)
— Silkee


Jeff Hardy? Chicks Can Take Him or Leave Him
I can't stand Jeff Hardy! If I had to choose a Hardy, it would be Matt. And it's not that he's good looking, because I don't really think he is. But he's really funny in a really dorky way. I also think it's the whole thing about all the girls loving Jeff so much. I always tend to like the underdogs the best.
— *Makena

Booker T. WrestleMania. Can It Happen?
Even if this doesn't lead to WrestleMania, they need to put a slow burn on this. Have Booker fight Batista at No Way Out, then maybe Flair or Orton at WrestleMania (I'd lean towards Flair on that one). At Backlash [Booker] could face the other member [of Evolution]. At Judgment Day, a fourth member (Rhyno?) or a rehash of an earlier match. All this could culminate in a title match with Triple H at King of the Ring, where, if Booker goes over and Triple H has held onto this title through 'Mania and into June, it could have great meaning. Booker could be the guy who ends a six month reign. If they plan on not going with Book at 'Mania, this is what I would like to see happen.
— metallikid

With Booker leaving the arena, and Goldie getting beat up two-on-one, doesn't make sense for a Goldust heel turn?

To me, it seems completely logical for Goldust to do the old standby of "heel has incorrect assumption of face, turns on face." Goldust can say that Booker promised to always be there for him, and in his hour of need, he didn't bother to save him. Booker in response says that he went to Goldie's hotel room to see him. I'd say you have Booker meet one of the "Evolution" guys [to] wrestle next week on Raw; Booker gets beat down; Goldie comes out to a pop and suddenly turns on him. After which Booker tries to talk Goldust back to his side, while Goldust goes further into his whacko-weirdo persona. Then Raw can actually have a somewhat interesting match for No Way Out.

Having Booker face his best friend at No Way Out, and win, would build a great amount of face heat. Even more face heat than he already has. Making him a good, not half-assed, number-one Contender. Hell, it sure beats Austin/HHH again.
— MrJustinB

Booker gets mad pops. For his entrance, for his promos, for his Spinaroonie. We know he can work the mic. He is good in the ring; he's not Jericho nor Benoit, but he can keep it up with them. He's got a marketable look, and the fans like him. I mean, you got the fans screaming "SUCKAAA" last night when he wasn't even gonna say it. And if anything, I can't think of any face on Raw who is as popular with the in-ring skills to pull it off. It ain't gonna be Steiner. Not RVD. Definitely not Kane. HBK's too battered. Jericho's staying a heel. Maybe Austin, but he ain't back yet. I say it's time. But they gotta do it slowly. Work it up for him to win at King of the Ring or even WrestleMania.

I think Vince knows that Booker's got it; just waiting for the right time. I mean, Booker was the guy who was going to go bust the nWo before Nash did it for him, and we ended up getting a good pay-per-view match with Booker and the Big Show. The Big Freaking Show! And he has had good matches against the likes of Austin, Rock, and Benoit (best of 7, anyone? — and that was before Booker had charisma). Booker T is championship material. He's got it. Goldust knows it; I know it, so should you. I honestly believe that he will make a good champion. He's not going to be the Rock, and he isn't going to be Austin. But he's not going to be a transitional champion, and he ain't going to be a Diesel, either.
— salmonjunkie

Who on Raw would be a better main-event worker at this point? RVD is all flips and no substance, and Jericho is stuck in a program with HBK. And it's not as if HHH has had a good match since the Austin/Hunter v. Benoit/Jericho tag match in June... 2001. [Booker] was consistently one of the top performers on Nitro, every week, where he had some really strong competition in terms of workrate.

And anyway I don't understand [smark] criteria for main eventing. Hunter was absolutely atrocious before his main-event run, and he became very good at the style. Austin was a cripple when they pushed him to the top. The Rock had been in 2-3 good matches prior to his push to heel main-event status.

The way you make main-event stars is to push people right at the time that they are gaining popularity, so they can ride it to the top. That's what they did with Austin and The Rock. People are so resistant to giving someone like Booker T a chance, yet complain about how stale Raw is and how new stars aren't pushed. Not everybody needs the Goldberg Push to be ready for main events. And hey, that Goldberg, what a great worker he was.
— Michrome


This Week's Stats
Most Frequent Subject: Booker, WrestleMania, Jericho, Goldust.
Most Spammer-Like Poster: No spammer required.
Most Encouraging News: Plots unfold, spammers disappear,.
Most Discouraging News: The crap-free message boards provoke a very thin and very limited debate. Hardcore posters, reliant on crap to fill their days, don't sally forth with ideas and fun.
Poster Most In Need of Banishing, an E-Mail Bomb or Repeated Kickings in the Ass: bigfatgoalie: because he'll be all fussy if he doesn't get mentioned in a Crashing the Boards.


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