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RAW SATIRE    
SD! House Show: Minneapolis, MN  

August 18, 2003

by Matt Hocking    
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

So…I went to a Smackdown House Show Saturday at the Target Center in Minneapolis Minnesota.  Wanna know what happened?  Ok.  First things first though, it was a very good crowd, Minnesota is starving for WWE shows, apparently.  The house was actually pretty full, too.  About 2/3 of the lower level was full (except for one portion of the very lowest level).  In case you were REALLY wondering, I walked away with a Mattitude T-Shirt (the new purple ones).  I just had to get one of those.  (On average though, I was pretty disappointed with the merchandise showing, mostly Brock, Undertaker and Rey stuff.  Some Rock (?) stuff and discounted Edge merchandise.  One shirt for Benoit and Matt Hardy, and NONE for Kurt Angle.  I was pissed.  I wanted an Angle shirt.  Also notable:  Though booked on the card, Vince McMahon was a no-show, and Ultimo Dragon/Nunzio did not take place.  I was disappointed.  But Albert showed up, so…I was…still disappointed.

Before the matches started, John Cena came out and said that Vince McMahon was still in Stamford because he wouldn’t bother to step foot in a place like Minnesota, but it was Ooooo-kay (I like Cena, but I HATE that catchphrase) because Cena would take his place as the special guest referee in the Triple Threat Main Event for the WWE Title.  Cena also said that he wouldn’t grace us with a freestyle, because our sports teams suck.  Ah, cheap local heat!

Ok, time for a match. 

Billy Gunn and “The Redneck Messiah” Jamie Knoble v. The Basham Brothers (w/ Shaniqua)

Torrie and Nidia were NOT at ringside for this.  Billy got a HUGE pop coming out, so I dunno.  He also got a huge pop for taunting Da…uh…Dag Basham with a “Suck It”.  Fun little match to start things off with Jamie doing a lot of work for his team.  The Other Basham (Donny) won the match after Shaniqua helped him on a roll-up.  After the match, the Bashams gave a crotch chop to Billy, and he and Jamie ran them off.

Zach Gowen v. Matt Hardy (w/ Shannon Moore)

Both Zach and Matt drew nice pops (Zach especially).   Plenty of stalling by Matt as he makes fun of Zach.  Matt tried for the Twist of Fate, early but it got countered with a neato backslide.  Matt drew a “Two legs suck” chant halfway in, which was kind of funny.  Zach was, as usual, very impressive in his in-ring movement, but was slowed at times by having to hop after Matt.  Shannon got involved late, but Matt got the win pretty much by himself.  Zach got a decent “respect” pop as he left.

Sable v. Torrie Wilson v. Nidia v. Dawn Marie
With Special Guest Judge Funaki

Sable was the only girl to draw any heel heat.  Funaki sprayed Nidia down with water, and Nidia jumped on Funaki.  Torrie, of course, won the contest, and the result was a huge catfight between all four girls (and, at one point, Funaki).  In the end, Nidia and Torrie stood victorious. 

Billy Kidman v. Shannon Moore v. Rey Mysterio ©
WWE Cruiserweight Title

Spanky was scheduled for this match, but was off the show selling his injury (I imagine).  The crowd got really hyped for Rey, who spent the early part of the match teaming with Kidman against Shannon.  A little miscue caused the two to fight (which Shannon enjoyed quite a bit), including one incident in which Billy had Shannon set up for the 619, but then dropkicked Rey as he came in.  Rey got the win after hitting the 619 on Shannon, the West Coast Pop on Billy, and Dropped the Dime on Shannon.  Billy and Rey reconciled after the match, until Billy turned on Rey as Mysterio played to the crowd.

(Intermission)

The APA v. The World’s Greatest Tag Team ©
WWE Tag Team Titles Match

The APA got a sizable pop on entry.  Haas cut a promo about how Shelton was supposed to hook him up with some fine women (Shelton living here and all), but there were none in Minnesota.  Bradshaw responded by letting Shelton Benjamin know that he thinks Shelton and Shaniqua are the same person (drawing a Shaniqua chant from the crowd).  Faarooq told Shelton that to prove that he was really a man, causing Shelton to start taking off his singlet.  A fun moment.  The match was well paced, and everybody seemed to be having fun.  TWGTT cheats to win, and they and the APA have a standoff after the match.

A-Train v. The Undertaker

This match was originally scheduled to be John Cena/Undertaker, but A-Train’s arrival made it otherwise.  Undertaker must have had some trouble with his bike, because his music played for a good minute or so before he drove in.  It was nice to finally see Undertaker in a match live. He got a good response from the crowd.  They teased a bunch of finishers before Undertaker finally took it with the chokeslam.  If I were J.R., I would certainly say this was a slobberknocker and that the pace was deliberate.  But it was far from bowling shoe ugly.  No, it wasn’t a workratapalooza, but I (and the rest of the crowd, it seemed) had fun with it.

Chris Benoit and Tajiri v. Eddie Guererro and Rhyno

They didn’t have Eddie’s Los Guererro’s music.  Oops.  Really good stuff.  Mucho stalling by the heels as they took turns tagging each other in so that they wouldn’t have to face Benoit.  Eddie was heel magic in this match.  Everybody got all their finishers in at the very end (including belt shot by Rhyno to break up the Tarantula, and a shot of green mist to Rhyno) before Benoit finally got Rhyno to tap to the Crossface. 

Brock Lesner v. Big Show v. Kurt Angle ©
WWE Heavyweight Title Match w/ Special Guest Referee John Cena

Actually, Brock took Cena out immediately before the match, and Cena was a complete non-factor.  EVERYBODY GETS PYRO!  I cannot tell you how over Brock was for this match.  And the match played to that (with Kurt and Big Show playing the heels).  Brock hit two amazing overhead belly to belly suplexes on Show and Angle.  Everybody teased finishers very early, but hit them at the end of the match.  Angle got the win when Big Show tapped to the Anglelock.  Brock did a little “Hometown Hero mic work” after the match, which Big Show took offense to.  He got a suplex for his trouble.

A really fun show.  Every match was at least entertaining, and some of them were really good.  I’d never been to a non-televised WWE show, and I was extremely impressed by the level of effort put in by the workers.

E-MAIL MATT    
BROWSE THE RAW SATIRE ARCHIVES


  
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