by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Alright, they're gone.

So let's get on with the business of supplying full spoilers for the rest of the TV week...  the following show recaps are compiled from multiple e-mail reports.  Any inaccuracies or shortcomings are probably my fault for trying to compromise between slightly different takes on the same events...

Heat
Taped 4/22 in St. Louis

• Bossman beat Crash Holly
• Tommy Dreamer beat Justin Credible (Hey, a TV win for the "Innovator of Violence"!)
• Eddie Guerrero beat D'Lo Brown (welcome back, D'Lo...  hope you like squash)
• Raven beat Steven Richards

Jakked/Metal
Taped 4/23 in Peoria, IL

• Dark Match:  Kim Neilson beat Dawn Marie.
• Chavo Guerrero beat the Hurricane (pinfall, with a handful of tights)
• Lance Storm and Hugh Morrus went to a double DQ when they would not stop brawling in the ropes and kept shoving the referee away
• Jazz beat Ivory to retain the Women's Title (submission, with the STF)
• Faarooq and Val Venis beat Test and the Godfather (Faarooq pinned Godfather)

SmackDown!
Taped 4/23 in Peoria, IL

• Hulk Hogan opens the show with a promo (gets a more decisively babyface pop than on RAW, too)... he puts over Triple H as the best he's ever faced, and wants to offer HHH a rematch.  HHH comes out, and after shows of mutual respect, they agree to fight later tonight.  Vince McMahon interrupts and says that (a) neither man has the power to make matches on HIS show, and (b) HHH doesn't deserve a title shot after being arrested.  Instead, Vince makes a match between HHH and Chris Jericho for later tonight, and the winner faces Hogan next week on SD.
• Maven, Al Snow, and Billy Kidman beat Billy, Chuck, and Tajiri.  Maven gets beat on early in the match, but things pick up once Torrie and Rico start arguing outside the ring (despite being on the same team)...  eventually, it builds up to Snow and Maven "pants-ing" Billy and Chuck inside the ring, while Torries does the same to Rico outside.  The trio scurry away from the ring, asses hanging out of their trunks.  Tajiri is left alone, and is pinned by Kidman after a Shooting Star Press.  
• Backstage:  Vince is being massaged by Stacy Keibler when Randy Orton walks in.  Vince declares that Randy is getting a try-out match tonight, and then leaves the office, telling Stacy and Randy to introduce themselves.  When Vince comes back in, he catches Randy with his shirt off and his hands all over Stacy.  Even though it was Stacy who came on to Orton, she tells Vince that Randy basically harassed her.  Vince decides that instead of a try-out match, Randy Orton will now get his ass kicked by Bob Holly later tonight.
• Backstage:  another Mark Henry Feat of Strength has him bending various metal objects.  This includes a frying pan and an Inanimate Carbon Rod.  When Christian loses a bet, he whacks Henry with the bent frying pan.
• Randy Orton upset Bob Holly in his WWF TV debut.  Orton got off to a hot start with a bulldog and a near fall or two, but most of the match saw Holly in control.  Orton rallied late with a cross body block from the top, and won the match with a roll-up out of nowhere.
• Kurt Angle hits the ring for a promo... he's here to unveil his new t-shirt, which will list all of his accomplishments in the wrestling world.  As such, it will only come in sizes XXL and larger (to make sure they all fit).  Edge interrupts, but says he's just wants to congratulate Kurt on his new shirt; Kurt buys it, and eventually brings out the new shirt.  It reads simply, "You Suck."  Edge has a laugh, and then tells the sound guy to play Angle's music so that the fans can sing along with the t-shirt.
• Mark Henry beat Christian.  After kicking out of the Unprettier, Henry locked Christian into a bearhug to get the submission/pass out win.
• Albert and Kurt Angle beat Rikishi and Edge.  Edge plays the Ricky Morton role before eventually tagging in Rikishi for a heat segment.  But it's all for naught.  Edge and Angle eventually powder out, and Albert manages to get the pin following a BaldoBomb on Rikishi.
• Brother D-Von extemporizes a fresh sermon for the fans.  Vince is powerful and good, but for some reason needs money.  D'Von passes the collection basket around again, until some guy (a plant, obviously) tries to steal it.  D'Von goes after him, catches him, and beats the piss out of him.  Testify!
• Chris Jericho beat Triple H to earn a shot against Hogan next week.  Good match here, with the finish seeing the Undertaker intrude (just as HHH did on RAW).  Taker eventually made his way to the ring, but HHH saw him coming and knocked him off the apron before he could interfere.  But the distraction was enough to allow Jericho to roll HHH up from behind to get the pinfall.  Undertaker and Jericho try to double team HHH after the match, but Hogan makes the save and brawls to the back with Taker, all while Jericho smiles over the lifeless body of HHH.  [A finish that won't air on TV saw Jericho eventually go back into the ring to get his ass kicked by HHH.]

Check out all the shows in their as-broadcast versions over the rest of the week... or just come on back to OO for our Recaps of all three.  The Immolator is back on the SD! beat, The Cubs Fans is stepped in as our new Heat Guy, and of course, Jonny X remains attached at the hip to Jakked/Metal.  

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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