by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

So this might be one of those weeks when you don't want to read the spoilers... you might just want to invest two hours in the actual show tomorrow night.  If so, just hit BACK now.  I promise no one will think any less of you.

But for the rest, here are the upcoming four days worth of television results:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• D'Lo Brown beat Shawn Stasiak
• Spike Dudley beat Raven
• Johnny Stamboli beat Justin Credible

And for San Diego's Velocity/SmackDown! tapings, I now turn you over to OO Reader Robert Blick, who was on hand and supplied this timely report:

I have to say before I get started that this show was incredible. Whoever is actually in charge of writing RAW needs to pay attention to Thursday's show.

DARK MATCHES

Al Snow v. A jobber:
Al was over with the crowd and worked us well. There was a deliberate pace to this match. I don't know who the jobber was, but he was a big man. Al wins with the Snow Plow.

Molly v. Ivory:
Crowd popped very nicely for both. A very good match for the women. Ivory wins with a flying body press.

VELOCITY

The pyros go off after Taz comes down with Mark Lloyd. Very loud!!!

Kidman v. Crash:
Kidman came out to little fanfare. Crash got some decent heat. The crowd was chanting, "Let's go, Elroy," early in the match. Kidman jumped out to an early advantage, throwing Crash outside. Crash dropped Kidman back first on the barrier and ended up winning with his version of the Styles Clash.

Shannon Moore v. Doug Basham:
Nice swerve by the boys in the back, who played Val Venis's music and video for Basham's entrance. Very slow pace in the early portion, but Moore picked it up quickly, eventually winning with a tope rope, reverse flip, leg drop thing. They better get a name for that one in a hurry. The match was nothing to write home about.

D-von v. John Cena:
Prototype comes home wearing Chargers colors for tights. Fans were chanting for tables within a minute. Gotta love that top rope neck breaker by D-von. Cena wins this match via the sunset flip out of nowhere. D-von gets his heat back by beating the crap out of Cena after the match.

Time to change the ring apron for Smackdown. First a review of the HLA from the PPV Sunday, and, BOOM, pyromania!!!

SMACKDOWN

Rikishi v. Chavo:
Rikishi comes out immediately after the opening to a big pop. Chavo is right after to good heel heat. Rikishi chases Chavo around the ring to start. Chavo gets Rikishi in and starts clubbing him with rights. Rikishi goes on the offensive, and Chavo sells it like a beast. Chavo eventually regains the upper hand and gets ready to give Rikishi the Stinkface. The Big Man blocks it, back that ass up, and goes for his own Stinkface, but Chavo blocks it. Rikishi hits a nice Rock Bottom and drags Chavo to the corner for the Banzai Drop. Chavo gets his legs up and grabs a camera. Rikishi boots the camera into Chavo, drags him back to the corner and hits the Banzai Drop for the pin. A nice starter...

The Edge "Desire" video is shown to the crowd.

Next, another bikini contest... Taz is in the ring. Billy and Chuck, who are no longer gay, are the judges for the contest between...

Torrie Wilson v. Nidia:
Torrie comes out to a huge pop from the men. Nidia also gets a great welcome. She looks great in person. Taz asks Nidia to go first. Nidia takes off her robe and is wearing a fairly conservative for the WWF bikini. She starts dancing like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld. Chuck give her a 6, while Billy gives her a 9 (get it?). Torrie is also fairly conservative but does a dance only Billy Kidman could love. Both "judges" give it a 10, and Torrie wins (what a surprise!). She celebrates with the now not gay Billy and Chuck. Meanwhile, Jamie Noble comes out with Tajiri and claims the contest was fixed, saying, "Nobody screws my girlfriend," or something to that effect. He challenges the former AGD to a match immediately. Both Noble and Tajiri jump in and we have...

Billy and Chuck v. Noble and Tajiri:
Billy started quick, but Noble found Billy's knee inviting and started to go to work. Noble rested Billy's leg on the bottom rope and jumped on it. On the second attempt, Billy blocked it with his boot and sent Noble over the top rope, prompting the first of many, "Holy shit!" chants. Chuck, looking like a bleached Scott Hall, starts working the crowd to help Billy. Noble continues to work the leg with Tajiri. Billy eventually fights his way out of the leg lock by Noble and delivers a wicked face plant. HOT TAG to Hall, err, Chuck!! He starts pummeling Tajiri and Noble... JUNGLE KICK to Tajiri send him out of the ring. Chuck picks up Noble over his shoulders. Billy climbs to the top rope, selling the leg the whole time. DOOMSDAY DEVICE scores the pinfall. Billy and Chuck win. Nidia spits her gum at Torrie... CAT FIGHT!!! Torrie throws Nidia back in the ring and gives he a good spanking.

Funaki gets Brock out of his dressing room and asks if he'll be giving Taker a rematch. Brock says he'll answer in the ring.

Meanwhile, Angle and Steph talk about hosing Bischoff on Sunday. Kurt is absolutely killing me during this interview. Angle asks for his own rematch against Benoit, but Steph says she has other plans. In walks San Diego's own, Rey Mysterio!!! Steph announces the main event will be Angle v. Benoit v. Rey Mysterio!!!

Funaki comes out with the chair Taker used to whack Brock with on Sunday, His entrance video killed me. Funaki introduces Brock, who takes his sweet time getting to the ring. Brock is enormous in person!
Funaki shows the chair to Brock, who tosses it and Funaki's mic aside. Looks like we got ourselves a good old fashioned butt kicking coming. Brock delivers a wicked F5 to Funaki. Heyman proudly displays the belt while Brock dumps Funaki to the outside. So what's the answer? We'll never know!

Dawn Marie challenges Torrie to a bikini contest (yawn.)

Eddie v. Edge (no DQ):
This was absolutely the best match on the card, probably the best match I've seen this year! They did some great wrestling with Edge getting an excellent powerslam for 2 and Eddie hitting a superplex for 2. "Edge, get the ladder!" So he does and immediately dumps the ref with it. Eddie seizes the opportunity and smack Edge in the back with a chair. This is when the match gets fun. Eddie continues to hammer Edge with the chair and goes up top for the frog splash. Edge rolls out of the way. Both men stagger up... Eddie off the ropes... Edge with a Flapjack, then a Spear!!! With the original ref still out, Mike Chioda hauls ass down to the ring but could only count 2. Rest time as Eddie puts on the sleeper. Chioda drops Edge's arm twice but not thrice. Edge gets some offense in, and Eddie comes back. Eddie tries a hurikanrana, but Edge reverses it into a sick looking power bomb!!! Edge retrieves his ladder, and Eddie drop kicks the ladder into Edge. Eddie goes to get his own ladder and cranks Edge. Edge lands on one ladder. Eddie puts the other on top of Edge and flips over the top rope on to the ladder for 2!!! Eddie sets up one of the ladders and starts climbing. Edge follows suit. Eddie slams Edge's head into the top step and does a sunset flip from the top of the ladder!!! Another "HOLY SHIT" chant, the second of this match. Edge makes another comeback, back dropping Eddie into the ladder. They both start climbing the second ladder in the corner. Edge returns Eddie's head to the top step and hits and the impaler DDT from the top of the ladder!!! More "HS" chants as Edge scores the pinfall!! Both wrestlers got a standing ovation from the fans. You will have to see this one to believe it!!

Mark Lloyd interviews Chris Benoit. Benoit props up Angle, makes fun of Rey, and says, "Chris Benoit was born to hurt." Great line!

Now, a little Mattitude as Matt Hardy shows Shannon Moore some more edited footage. Moore says Matt would not have beaten Taker without Brock, so Matt starts talking garbage about Brock. Unknown to Mr. Hardy, Brock overheard the whole thing.

Taker v. Matt Hardy:
Both men shake hands. Taker refuses to let go, whips Hardy into the ropes, and the squash begins!!! Hardy get in a little offense, cutting Taker at the knees and hitting a leg drop from the top, but that's about it. Hardy tried to get some speed going, but Taker snatched him around the goozle... CHOKESLAM!!! LAST RIDE!!! 1, 2, 3.. Taker wins and out comes Brock to show Taker his shiny belt. Brock whacks Taker upside the head, and now we have Dead Man Blading. Just for good measure, Brock gives Taker another belt shot and leaves. Taker is a bloody mess!!!

Angle v. Benoit v. Rey:
Well, Angle comes out to no pyro. Very odd. He cuts a fantastic promo on San Diego, the INS, and how Benoit even entered this country illegally. Great stuff. Benoit comes out next, and he and Angle stand face-to-face. Rey comes out to a HUGE home town pop! He gets in the ring, but Angle quickly send Rey out. This is pretty much how this match went. Benoit and Angle exchanged German Suplexes. Rey got in some good moves, including a 619 with Benoit in the Ankle lock!!! Rey wins with the West Coast Pop on Benoit, and thus the tapings ended.

'Twas a fine show overall. Again, I hope the RAW folks were watching this show. It was a perfect balance between back stage skits and wrestling. The crowd was hot all night, especially for the Eddie/Edge match. Absolutely the best match on free TV this year.

Thanks to all who filed reports from both sets of tapings (which also included CRZ's brother, Mick Kausch, Jesse Reyes, I think a guy named Jeff, and a few others, too)... certainly sounds like Thursday night's gonna be a good one for sitting in front of the tube watching wrestling, eh?

Check it out on UPN, or come on back for results and analysis here on OO on Friday...

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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