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Angle/Lesnar is ON, Girls Gone Wild is 
LAME... and This Column is SHORT!
March 14, 2003

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


OK, so maybe this story isn't as entertaining to you as it is to me... but since it will help explain if you feel like I'm short-changing you with today's [short/uninformative] column, I'll spin the yarn, anyways:  My band played a show last night, the first under our new philosophy of "Agree to play anytime anyone asks you, whether you know or like the other bands," and it turned into a bit of a clusterfrick.  We were asked to go on first (we're big time prima donnas who prefer to headline!  well, OK, not really...), so we did our thing not knowing exactly what the other bands were all about or if their crowd would like us.  But that part went OK; I'd probably grade us at a "B" and most people seemed to respond to us.  We started thinking that going into the show blind would turn out OK, and that we might actually end up fitting in really well with the other bands.

And then Limp Bizkit Jr. takes the stage, and all bets are off.  The crowd/friends who came to see us quickly dissipate, and my bandmates and I are stuck sitting in a corner, with nothing to do but drink and figure out how much longer we'll have to wait around till we get paid.  This turns into my bandmates coming up with reasons why they should be allowed to leave, and why I should be the one to stay to collect the money and then schmooze with and give a CD to the guy who books the bands so we can get future shows.  So that is how I was left all alone, by myself, for two more hours at a bar with no TVs (did my Flyers win?  I did not know!) and nothing for entertainment except for two bands that, as it turns out, did not exactly frost my cupcake (I won't even get into the third band) but who did seem to appeal to everybody else in the joint.  The bartender, at least, seemed willing to be my friend.  So I took down a good amount of his whiskey, and tried not to bother the other bands or their fans.  In the end, I collected our money and was assured that we could have another Thursday night slot at some point in April, but only at great cost to my liver and my sobriety.

I didn't even bother popping in my tape of SD! when I got home... I just chalked the evening up as a loss and passed out.  Which meant that after I got up today and took care of some business, I had to spend 90 minutes on that before I could even think about getting to this column.  So I'm behind schedule... which is bad because within the hour, I'm supposed to be out sucking down some pre-A-10 tourney beers with my posse.  Then it's onto the UD Arena to root mightily against Xavier in game one, and even more mightily for the Dayton Flyers in game two.  

Starting late, and having only about 30 minutes to write this before I gotta be outta here?  That's a recipe for craptacularity!  So why the fuck did I waste four paragraphs on this stupid anecdote?  Ah, hell, let's just see what I can muster:

  • SmackDown! was outstanding...  opening tag match was really good, and Rhyno/Benoit vs. Los Guerreros was awesome, if the workrate is your thing.  The hype for McMahon/Hogan was tremendously handled, from the video tribute of Hogan's greatest moments on to Vince's twisting of Hogan's pre-WM8 "thank you."  And the show-closing Angle/Lesnar match: pure genius.
    Look, last Friday, I cynically said that Kurt Angle's bumps into the cage made me think that his neck was healthy enough to give us the WM19 showdown we want to see (and give him the WM19 paycheck he'd like to have)... I asked for the swerve of all swerves, with Angle somehow dodging this free TV match against Lesnar in such a way so as to put even more heat on his PPV match against his fellow amateur champion.
    And while I was way off in terms of the details, the end result of last night's Eric Angle-aided ruse is exactly what I wanted to see.  I don't know if Kurt simply consulted another doctor and was told that he'd be OK to wrestle one more match.... I don't know if the rumors are true that Kurt's neck is actually EVEN WORSE than he's letting on and that the surgery he needs will be career ending, which provided the motivation for Angle to want to compete in his last match on PPV, rather than on SD!... hell, I don't even know if I was joking on the Boards when I suggested that this whole thing could just be a cover to "write out" Angle so that he can start his year-long training for a return to the Olympics (something he was talking about as recently as six months ago, though currently that idea is likely out the window, in reality).
    Bottom line is that the truth of this situation is probably only known to Kurt Angle and his doctors.  And maybe Vince McMahon.  Me, as a fan sitting at home hearing all these conflicting stories, I'm just gonna work under the assumption that Angle really is healthy enough to work and enjoy the fact that we WILL be seeing the Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar match that we've been salivating for for months.
    And then I'll worry about whatever happens after WrestleMania, well, after WrestleMania...
    For full details from last night's very good edition of SmackDown!, you can check out Big Danny T's Recap.
  • The overnight number for SD! was a 4.4, which is up one-tenth from the week before.  We'll have a final number in Monday's column... hopefully, without a Presidential news conference pre-empting the show, the final number will bounce back a bit.  [Then again, are conference basketball tourneys screwing with UPN schedules, perhaps?  I don't know...]
  • Last night's Girls Gone Wild pay-per-view was, by all counts, an abysmal waste of time and money.  At least, if you were buying it due to WWE's participation and suggestion that their divas would be getting wild along with the other anonymous hotties.
    The Nidia/Torrie Wilson "body challenge" was called off when Nidia whacked Torrie with a chair before any semblance of nudity could be achieved.  Stacy Keibler's contribution to wildness consisted of being wildly out of her gourd (probably on fruity foo-foo rum drinks, or something) and periodically shouting something mildly lewd.
    Also present from WWE were Jonathan Coachman (who, as the host, tried heroically to play it straight amidst the drunken revelry), Test (who, as a judge, was just as wasted as his girlfriend, and also added just as little to the night's entertainment), and Josh Matthews (who hosted a few low-content "via satellite" segments from Florida).
    Even as a showcase for random tits and ass, most readers who checked out the PPV thought it failed.  Apparently, an attempt to organize the "World's Biggest Flash" at the end of the show only netted 20 participants.  I don't know if that meant 20 girls, or 20 tits... but either way, it sounds pretty lame.
    Unfortunately, I don't think any of OO's roster of columnists or recappers shelled out the money for the event... so you're stuck with me trying to figure out what happened based on a few angry e-mails.  Sorry...  but how was I to know that trying to run a high-class operation would ever be such a detriment?
  • D'Lo Brown made his debut for NWA-TNA this week... in his debut promo, he basically echoed a lot of what the internet has been saying about him for years:  that he's been under-utilized by WWE and that he's got way more talent that the Fed ever gave him credit for.  
    He said now he's been unchained in TNA, and the sky's the limit.  He was courted by members of SEX, but shot them down, staying independent... at least on his first night working for the company.
    In addition to being highlighted by D'Lo's debut, Wednesday's PPV also featured TNA's first attempt to live up to its name (and attempt to compete with GGW?) when a girl was stripped topless in a catfight segment.
    Damian Gonzalez has all the details right here.
  • Tommy Dreamer's probationary period as a contributor to the RAW creative team has ended, and apparently, he won't be sticking around.
    Now, I'm not sure that we ever really saw Dreamer's hand in the on-air product, but I am disappointed by this news for another reason:  book-wielding Dreamer's dialogues with HHH will be a thing of past in Matt's RAW Satires.  Dammit!
    Dreamer will remain an on-air talent... at least, in so far as he is one, now.  I actually would have been intrigued by the possibilities of the Snow/Dreamer tag team from a week or two back.  Except that they promptly got squashed by Kane/RVD, and then last week Snow was back to being more interested in buddying around with Maven, so...
  • I guess I should amplify something I mentioned above: there are now rumors going around the Kurt Angle's match at WM19 may now be his last one, ever.
    Now, given how the 'net got its collective panties all in a bunch after the first round of Angle rumors -- only to have the scheduled Angle/Lesnar match re-affirmed for WM19 -- I am hesitant to make claims about what is real and what might be smoke and mirrors when it comes to Angle's health.
    But just FYI, Angle has proclaimed in an interview that after this first surgery to fuse some vertebrae, he may be able to come back in a year.  But then, he says, at some point after that -- and here he suggests it could be anywhere from 5 to 10 years down the line -- he already knows he'll need another surgery to fuse two more vertebrae, which will effectively end his career.  Some say that Angle's public stance in the interview is actually very optimistic, and that he may not really be able to have that interim period between surgeries when he wrestles actively.  But again, what's real?  And what's misdirection?
    Despite that perceived "optimism," Angle also claims nothing less than a risk of death by choosing the compete at WM19... you can check out the full interview/article right here.
  • WWE announced yesterday that they'll be holding a WrestleMania 19 press conference in New York City next Tuesday...  the past couple years, such an event would have been held at The World/WWF New York.  Of course, that venue no longer exists, so the Fed has gone across the street.
    The press conference -- which will include all the top Mania match participants, except the Rock -- will take place at the ESPNZone in Times Square.  It starts at 11am, and will be open to the public.

  • Alright, that's about it...  I'm due at BW-3 in about 12 minutes, and [sniffing self] damn, I still smell like last night, so I better dash through the shower and get there, pronto.   See you again on Monday.


Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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