by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Since you've clicked over to here, I can only assume that waiting to watch the show to find out tomorrow night is not an option for you.  So just read on and enjoy the results of this week's WWE TV tapings, as compiled from e-mail reports:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• In dark matches: Paul London (another HBK trainee, I think) and Jimmy Yang (ex of WCW) beat two other guys....  Mark Jindrak beat Tommy Dreamer.
• Molly Holly beat Trish Status, cleanly via pinfall.  Hmmm, along with Ivory's streak, this non-obvious booking in the women's division is getting interesting.
• Hurricane beat Some Guy.
• Val Venis beat the suddenly partner-less Rosie.
• Steven Richards upset Goldust.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• In dark matches of note: Gail Kim beat Dawn Marie, but showed little of the high flying that has been circulated in internet videos of her pre-existing work... and Ultimo Dragon beat HBK-trainee Michael Shane in a very good match (Dragon's intro music/pyro has been finalized, and looks great; according to one reporter, Dragon looks to be ready to "burninate the peasants").
• A-Train beat Orlando Jordan.
• John Cena squashed Funaki in a continuation of their apparently unsettled issue from last week's SD!...  is it just me or can you FEEL the heat being sapped from Cena's crowd responses with the way he's been booked since Mania?
• Matt Hardy beat Some Guy.
• The Basham Brothers beat Shannon Moore and Crash (still doing their gimmick as wannabe MF'ers).

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Show opens with footage from last week and the announcement that this week's main event will be a Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show rematch.
• Undertaker defeats Nunzio to complete his sweep of the FBI; another inspired performance from Taker and another surprisingly good match is the result.  Taker wins clean following a Last Ride, but after the match, Stamboli and Palumbo finally make their presences felt by attacking Taker.  The three-on-one beatdown continues until... the APA make the save.  The APA?  Well, there goes my theory about them being the perfect fit for dealing with the Frenchies over on RAW....  Taker and the APA clean house on the FBI.  Hey, on the upside, maybe this means Nathan Jones ISN'T coming back?  At least not as Taker's buddy?
• Backstage: Zach Gowen makes his way, dejectedly, to Stephanie McMahon's office, sure that he has no chance of getting his contract.  Instead, he walks in and finds Sable there, who immediately starts in on seducing young Zach.
• Chris Benoit and Rhyno are in the ring, apparently set for a tag match, when Stephanie McMahon enters with the US Title belt.  She announces that a tournament for the US Title will begin TONIGHT, and will be finished at the Vengeance PPV.  Her even bigger surprise is that the tourney will begin right now, with Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno.
• Chris Benoit beat Rhyno cleanly via submission to the Crippler Crossface.  Slow start to the match, as they played up the tentative/mutual respect/friendship gimmick, maybe too the detriment of the match, even.  There was a bit more heat later on, but just as it was getting good is when Benoit got the Crossface locked in for the win.  After the match, Benoit tried to be a good sport and shake Rhyno's hand, but Rhyno walked away.
• Video Highlights:  a recap of the Lesnar/Big Show feud started here, with highlights dating back to last fall being interspersed throughout later portions of the show, as well.
• Announcement:  Ultimo Dragon will make his TV debut next week on SD! (which is taped from MSG).  Based on the reports from his dark match this week, they've got him set up with a killer look/entrance, and Dragon is in shape to supply the in-ring fireworks.
• Rey Mysterio beat Kanyon.  Typically good Rey stuff, supplemented by the fact that Kanyon's "big man" offense is pretty cool and innovative and only looked that much sweeter when sold by Rey.  Little man wins in the end, though, with the usual 619/WCP combo to finish.
• Backstage: Sable is really pouring it on with Zach Gowen, making out with him, then stopping and making him beg for her to start again, the whole nine.  Okey-dokey...  this is supposed to make me think well of Zach?  Makes him look like a putz to me.
• Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin -- sporting new outfits and new music (but the same old "You Suck" chant) -- hit the ring for a promo.  They are their own men, now, and they don't need Kurt Angle.  In fact, they want to make a clean break from their old boss by kicking his ass.  They issue a challenge for next week at MSG.  Kurt comes out and announces that he's got no reason to wait, so why not do this now?  Haas is the guy who decides to accept...
• Kurt Angle defeats Charlie Haas, and looked pretty sharp doing it.  Benjamin was ejected early in the match for his attempted interference, so this was pretty straight-up.  Good back-and-forth.  Obviously, they had Haas try to take a few shots at Angle's neck, but Angle kept fighting back.  He finally won clean with the Angle Slam to a goodly pop.  When Benjamin ran out after the match to start a 2-on-1 attack, Brock Lesnar ran out to make the save.
• Backstage: Sable's still making out with Zach, who's getting pretty worked up by this point, when Vince McMahon storms in.  After an awkward pause, Sable starts acting like it's Zach who was coming on to her, and Vince kicks Zach out of the office.  Once he's gone, Sable and Vince share a laugh, though. Apparently, this whole thing was a set-up to tease and taunt poor Zach.
• Billy Gunn beat Jamie Noble in what was basically a squash match.  The only times the crowd really perked up were when Torrie Wilson (in Gunn's corner) and Nidia (in Noble's) got involved briefly.
• More Lesnar/Show highlights.
• Sean O'Haire, backed by Roddy Piper, beat Eddie Guerrero, back by Tajiri.  Pretty good stuff from O'Haire and Eddie, actually, though the focus frequently left the ring and went to Piper (who had a bottle of tequila and was hamming it up at ringside).  The finish actually had Tajiri trying to stop Piper's interference, only to get a faceful of Tequila Mist from Piper, setting up enough of a distraction for O'Haire to get the sneaky win.
• Backstage: now it's Vince and Sable who are making out in Stephanie's office, but, uh oh, here's Steph.  She's none too happy with Vince, the making out with Sable is just the icing on the cake, but she's pissed about him not trusting her and giving her an assistant she doesn't need, with forcing her hand with regards to Zach Gowen, with a whole bunch of other rambling stuff that wasn't too clear.  She's going to start running SD! the way she wants, and to hell with her dad, he can fire her if he wants.
• Announcement:  next week, it's Taker/APA vs. the FBI.  Plus Dragon debuts.  Looking good.
• Brock Lesnar took a DQ win over Big Show in their fifth rematch.  Lesnar started the match by taunting Show from the top rope, but Show didn't bite, so they just moved on to the standard brawling.  Show controlled some of that, but after about 5 minutes, Lesnar made his comeback, and was ready to win with an F-5.  But Haas and Benjamin (Team Show?) came out and interfered for the DQ.  Kurt Angle tried to make the save, but the odds were still 3-to-2 against the good guys.  Lesnar and Angle were getting their asses handed to them when Mr. America made a surprise run in for the save.  Mr. A. cleaned house for a bit, but the odds were even too much for him.  Like Lesnar and Angle, he took a chokeslam, and the heels celebrated to close out the show.  [For the live crowd, the faces all made comebacks, and each hit their signature move and did some posing for the crowd.  Hogan stuck around the longest for a post-show posedown.]

Well, I may have my issues with the on-going mishandling of Zach Gowen, but this sounds like another strong show.  And boy does it ever set things up for next week.  In addition to FBI vs. Taker/APA and Dragon's debut, it looks like we'll be seeing Angle/Lesnar/America vs. Show/Haas/Benjamin, which could be really interesting.

Check out SD! tomorrow on UPN, or come on back here on Friday for full results and analysis, in addition to the OO staff's call on whether RAW or SD! reigns supreme this week....

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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