by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Or rather, if you clicked here, you're waiting till 20 seconds from now.  Because these are your WWE TV Spoilers, as compiled from e-mail reports:

Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• In dark matches: Aaron Stevens beat some other guy... Mark Jindrak beat Spike Dudley.
• Rico beat Tommy Dreamer thanks to a little bit of help from Miss Jackie Gayda.
• Garrison Cade beat Rosie of Not-3-Minute-Warning fame.
• Val Venis beat some guy.
• Steven Richards and Victoria beat Goldust and Trish Stratus in an Intergender Match (meaning men could fight the women).  Richards pinned Trish.  Hmmmm, another odd loss for Trish...  this could be leading somewhere...

Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Billy Gunn beat Kanyon, cleanly with the Fameasser; if anything, Kayon was more over here, at least until the end (when Billy got Torrie Wilson to moon the crowd)
• A-Train beat some guy.
• Spanky Kendrick beat some other guy, and was pretty damn over with the MSG crowd.
• Chris Benoit and Rhyno beat the Basham Brothers; after last week's match against each other, Benoit and Rhyno worked well together as a team, and won after Rhyno gored one Basham and Benoit put him in the Crossface.

SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• John Cena opened the show with a rap that promised he would be main eventing at WrestleMania 20 in this very building next March. Some in the crowd agree, some don't.  Cena said it was a year ago that he made his debut by answering an open challenge from Kurt Angle, so tonight, he's gonna make another rookie's day by issuing a challenge of his own.  Orlando Jordan -- of getting smacked around on Velocity fame -- answers.
• Cena beat Jordan in fairly short order, though Jordan did get a few spots in towards the end before Cena shut him down with the F-U.  Undertaker's music suddenly hit after the match, and Cena hightailed it; when Taker got to the ring, he gave Jordan a "nice job, kid," and started posing.  [Apparently, this is SD!'s answer to RAW's improved work in pacing/commercial placement?]
• Taker was eventually joined by the APA for their match against the Full Blooded Italians.  Good stuff, with the crowd pretty well into the APA's return.  Taker and APA won when Bradshaw pinned Palumbo.
• Backstage:  Jamie Noble and Nidia are informed that a wealthy aunt of one of theirs has died, and left her money to them.  Nidia celebrates by immediately coming onto the lawyer who brought the news, but Noble pulls her off and the two begin celebrating as only they can.  There will, Noble promises, be steak for dinner tonight.
• Backstage 2:  Sable is sort of apologizing to Mr. McMahon if she caused him any trouble last week with Steph.  Vince says no, it's alright, but when Sable starts coming on to him again, he says he can't this week, because he's got business to take care of.
• Matt Hardy beat Rikishi in another US Title tourney match.  Those pesky MSG fans gave Matt a pretty positive ovation, turns out. Good match that picked up BIG TIME at the end, with both men kicking out of each other's finishers.  Frustrated that the Twist of Fate didn't do the job, Matt removed one of the turnbuckle pads, which quickly came into play.  Rikishi wound up eating the steel turnbuckle, and Matt was able to hit a second Twist of Fate for the pinfall win.
• At ringside: actually, thoughout the night, they'd cut to Billy Kidman sitting at ringside.  He had a new look.  Very upscale and classy. 
• Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri retained the tag titles with a win over Roddy Piper and Sean O'Haire.  Big respect pop for Piper, who wound up doing the job for his team here.  Tajiri was able to hit Piper with the mist, and then keep O'Haire occupied long enough for Eddie to hit the Frog Splash for the pin.  Short, but fun, apparently.
• Big mid-show promo time, with Vince McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, and Zack Gowen.  Vince started in falsely-apologetic mode, telling Steph he's sorry for "deflowering" her (oh, lord, why couldn't they just have let that crap rest?), and sorry to Zack for embarrassing him last week when Zack is truly a brave man for overcoming his handicap the way he has.  But Zack's playing hardball and doesn't want to accept Vince's apology.  All Zack wants from Vince is a SD! contract, and if Vince really means the things he's saying, he'll give it to Zack.  Good logic, kid.  But maybe Vince wasn't being 100% on the level, because now he decides the only way Zack will get a SD! contract is if he joins the Kiss My Ass Club.  After a few teases, Zack gets down on his knee, puckers up, and then decides to uppercut Vince right in the balls.  Zack and Steph left together as Vince writhed and grimaced in pain.
• Ultimo Dragon defeated Shannon Moore in his WWE TV debut.  Dragon's ring entrance was even better than advertised, apparently, and the crowd was more into this than your average cruiserweight match.  Dragon won with a sort of modified wrap-around-y reverse DDT or something (it was described about 3 different ways).  After the match, Rey Mysterio (who had been doing guest commentary) got in the ring and gave Dragon the Handshake of Respect.  Also after the match, they made a special point of showing Kidman at ringside doing a bit of Sarcastic Clapping.
• Big Show, Charlie Haas, and Shelton Benjamin beat Brock Lesnar, Kurt Angle, and Mr. America in the main event.  Early part of the match had everybody getting the moment in the sun, but it was all leading up to America and Show in the ring together.  Mr. America was about to win the match when Vince McMahon came out on the ramp with Zack Gowen, threatening him physically.  The distraction was enough for Show to recover and come up behind Mr. America, hit the chokeslam, and get the win.  After the match was over, the heels made sure the faces stayed beaten down while Vince started physically assaulting Zack.  Finally, Steph came out and got between her dad and Zack, which led Vince to make the following proclamation: if Zack wants a contract, and if Steph wants to give it to him, then next week, the two will team up and face the Big Show in a handicap (ha!) match. If they win, Zack can have his contract.  [That ended the to-be-broadcast portion of the show, though from there, the faces rallied, and Mr. America closed out the show with a posedown for the live fans.  Lesnar seemed OK given his injury status, though Angle, upon leaving seemed shaken up; nobody saw him get hurt in the match, though, so who knows?]

Check out these shows as they air over the next few days, or just come on back to OO for full recaps and analysis....

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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