by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

But first, I'll delay you with pointless matches taped on Monday night!

WWE Sunday Night Heat 
(Taped Monday, Airs Internationally Only; 
Most of us will get a live pre-PPV Edition of Heat)

• Mark Jindrak and Lance Cade beat Two Guys
• John Heidenreich beat Tommy Dreamer
• Val Venis beat Maven (Maven teased some heelishness)
• Steven Richards beat Rico in a good match... but more importantly, everybody reported that Richards was quite obviously wrestling in the style of Crash Holly, especially with his pre- and post-match antics.  Richards was very emotional after the match, and Victoria seemed to be propping him up at one point.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Shannon Moore and Sean O'Haire won a dark match... as did Horshu.
• The FBI beat Scotty 2 Hotty, Rikishi, and Orlando Jordan.
• Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas beat Ultimo Dragon and Funaki.
• Paul London and Spanky beat Two Guys
• Rhyno beat Kanyon.

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Straight to the ring tomorrow night, as Kurt Angle beat Matt Morgan via DQ in the SD opener.  Morgan didn't look lost at any point, but again, with a guy like Angle driving the ship, you're in pretty good hands.  Went longer than might have been advisable, up in the 8 minute range, before Angle staged a rally, prompting Nathan Jones to run out to cause the DQ.  Jones and Morgan beat on Angle for a bit, and then Hardcore Holly made his first TV appearance in over a year to make the save.  Holly got on the mic and called out Brock Lesnar, but Lesnar did not show.
• Backstage: Holly demands Heyman give him a match against Lesnar tonight, but Heyman's not doing it.  He tells Holly he'll get Lesnar on Sunday, but for tonight, he's gotta leave the building.
• Jimmy Yang and Keiji Sekoda (who apparently are now being billed as "Akira" and "Sekoda") beat Jamie Noble and Rey Mysterio in a very good TV Special (about 6 minutes).  This was set up when Noble came to the ring and called out Tajiri, but instead, Tajiri and this two associates came out and attacked Noble, prompting Rey to make the save.  On orders of Paul Heyman, the tag match was started.  Of course, Tajiri was the difference maker and helped his boys get the win.
• Backstage: a police officer approaches Los Guerreros, and tells Eddie his wife or his sister or his wife's sister or something was just in an accident back in Texas.  Eddie immediately asks the officer to take him to the airport, and Chavo acts a little put out, since they were supposed to get their tag title shot tonight.  Eddie tells him to talk to Heyman and get it postponed.
• Backstage, after some ads: Chavo asks Heyman to postpone tonight's tag title match, and Heyman says, OK, he'll push it back till the PPV on Sunday.  But only if Chavo agrees to fight both Bashams in a handicap match tonight.  Chavo reluctantly agrees.
• Vignette: more big talk from the Undertaker.
• The Bashams beat Chavo Guerrero, and did so pretty handily.  Chavo put up a few hope spots, but eventually got pinned cleanly.  Nothing clean about after the match, though, when Shaniqua joined her boys and pretty savagely beat down Chavo for a few minutes.  No Eddie to make the save.
• Backstage: The Bashams and Shaniqua are thanking the police officer from earlier.  Obviously, this whole thing was a set-up.
• Bradshaw beat A-Train in the dictionary definition of a slobberknocker.  Fans kind of zoned out during this one, I gather, as it also went on a bit logner than it should have (again, more like 8 minutes... or at least, it felt longer than the superior cruiser tag and Basham matches).  Bradshaw eventually won cleanly, with a Clothesline from Hell.
• Backstage: Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle are weighing the pros and cons of asking John Cena to be their fifth man at Survivor Series.  Angle is more "pro," Benoit is more "con."
• Backstage: Vince McMahon is expressing fear over his upcoming Buried Alive match against Taker, so Sable does the only logical thing possible:  she brings some toolbox dressed as a priest in to counsel Vince.  This falls apart quickly, however, as Vince goes into ranting and raving mode.  Most who wrote in said this was much more stupid than last week's in ring "invocation."
• John Cena and Chris Benoit beat Big Show and Brock Lesnar in a super high quality main event.  Fifteen minutes of very good action, but also with pre-match hijinx that included a very-over Cena rap (Cena was described by one report as the most popular man in the building).  The match eventually finished up with Cena using his chain to KO Big Show while Benoit and Lesnar had powdered out.  The cheapshot was good enough to get the pinfall.  After the match, however, an odd occurance: Benoit went to shake Cena's hand, to sort of say, "OK, I'm cool with you being on the Survivor Series team, now," but Cena instead hit him with a quick F-U out of nowhere.  Is Cena on Team Angle or not?  Or does this give Benoit his excuse to turn heel, or something?  TV Show ends here, regardless.
• After Cena and Benoit left the ring, Lesnar recovered and got on the mic, saying "Ha ha, I'm still the champion!".  Then he decided that he'd go ahead and give Bob Holly his match.  Right now.  But whoops, Bob was ejected from the building, so Lesnar tells the ref to just count him out and get it over with.  Of course, Holly immediately sprints in and we have ourselves an impromptu match.  It goes about five minutes, just enough for the two guys to get a taste of working with each other before they'll be on PPV Sunday, and then Lesnar got himself intentionally DQ'ed with a low blow in front of the ref.  This was strictly for ring rust purposes and won't be on TV.

Last 25 minutes or so (main event match, with pre-match rap, post-match angle) were said to be very strong...  two previous matches were really good, but two others were "eh."  We'll see how it all balances out tomorrow night.  Check it out on UPN, or come on back to OO on Friday for the full breakdown.
 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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