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ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
WWE TV Spoilers
November 26, 2003

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

Hey, this is a week when I actually don't feel like anyone checking the Spoilers is a damned, dirty cheater!  SD! is on Thanksgiving this week, and I know that might make it harder for a lot of folks to check out the show when it's on tomorrow night.

So, as a peace offering, allow me to cordially welcome all of you apparently below-average-intelligence readers who can't figure out how to set a VCR to tape a show while you're stuffing your face with family to this week's edition of The Spoilers!

Here's what happens on all the shows...

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

  • John Heidenreich beat Steven Richards, and didn't look good doing so (the final move looked botched, and Richards waved off a stretcher when medics had to come out and check on him)
  • Rene Dupree beat Tommy Dreamer
  • Mark Jindrak beat D-Von Dudley, cleanly, in an upset
  • Rob Conway beat Maven

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

  • Dark matches featured all unknowns.  Just know that Some Guy was victorious in two separate singles matches!
  • Sean O'Haire beat Some Guy
  • Funaki beat Nunzio
  • Orlando Jordan (with a home town pop) beat Kanyon
  • Johnny Stamboli and Chuck Palumbo beat Spanky and Paul London; I guess the six man with Nunzio and Funaki added in waits another week?

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Tomorrow)

  • Show opens with Paul Heyman doing a few obligatory words about giving thanks, and who people should give him thanks for the opportunity he gives them.  He assembles the entire SD! roster at ringside, and tells them about tonight's big opportunity: a 20-man Battle Royal, with the winner earning a title shot against Brock Lesnar.  Lesnar, absent to this point, comes out and vehemently proclaims his willingness to fight anybody at anytime because he's awesome... but immediately whispers something in Paul E's ear.  At which point Paul E. announces a minor change: there will be two men who have to qualify themselves before they are allowed to be in the Battle Royal!  Chris Benoit will face Matt Morgan and John Cena will face A-Train, and both Benoit and Cena have to win to participate in the Battle Royal.
  • Probably an ad break separates this, but I gather Benoit and Morgan just stuck around and immediately had their match.  Benoit won, trying to make Morgan look as good as possible for a few minutes before making his crafty comeback and getting Morgan to tap out to the Crossface.  Benoit's in the Battle Royal.
  • Backstage: Noble tries to convince Nidia to stay backstage, but she insists on coming out with him for his match, and promises to stay right next to Tazz, where she'll be safe.
  • Akio beat Jamie Noble in a good little TV Special.  Nidia was out with Noble, Tajiri was backing Akio.  Finish came when Noble got distracted by Tajiri's advancing towards Nidia.  And although Nidia managed to surprise Tajiri with a shot to the nutsack, the distraction was sufficient to allow Sakoda to come out undetected and hit a move on Noble that allowed Akio to get the win.
  • Backstage: Paul Heyman is so convinced that last week was a fluke and that Shannon Moore really is the future of SmackDown! that he's got another match for the kid.  It's next.  And it's against Nathan Jones.  D'oh.
  • Nathan Jones squashed Shannon Moore.  Nothing else to say about this one.
  • Backstage: John Cena cut a Thanksgiving-themed rap.  What, no Gravy Bowl match this year?  All we get is Cena doing a rap?
  • Eddie Guerrero beat Charlie Haas in the Disputed Match of the Night.  Benjamin and Chavo were also at ringside and factored in.  In fact, the end game here was Eddie deciding to Cheat 2 Win while the ref was tied up with Benjamin.  So he grabbed the crutch that Chavo was using (to sell his knee injury from last week)... unfortunately, Chavo fell down as a result... but Eddie used the crutch to whack Haas and get the pinfall win.  After the match, Chavo is irate, but cools down a little as Eddie explains himself.  
  • Vignette: Bob Holly may be suspended, but he'll figure out a way to come back, and when he does, he wants to break Brock Lesnar's neck.  Blah, blah, blah.  I think fans would probably buy Holly more if he was in a death feud with the kid from Tough Enough that he roughed up.
  • John Cena beat A-Train.  Better than the Benoit/Morgan match, and in fact, also received a vote to be the other Disputed Match of the Night.  Finish was impressive, with Cena hoisting Train up, parading him around, and delivering an F-U.  Maybe not quite worth the "Holy Shit" that he got for doing it to Show, but still...  clean pinfall win.  Cena also "qualifies."
  • With preparations made by Lamont (former butler to the APA, and current assistant to the Cat), Ernest Miller made his Big Return in Boise.  This consisted of some dancing and catchphrasing to a lukewarm response.  And then, the Cat decided to call out Torrie Wilson to be his dance partner.  The crowd got a little more into it at this point.  Torrie and the Cat did some shtick that included licking on a lollypop, much to the Cat's near-apoplectic glee.  You know, I never "got" the Cat's appeal, but I know he gets a response and other people enjoy him, so I guess as long as he entertains them, I won't bitch too much...  but seriously, wouldn't there be better ways to spend this money?  Like on, oh, retaining Goldust, for instance?
  • The 20-Man Battle Royal ended in a tie.  The 20 men are just about exactly who you'd expect (everybody who worked on SD!, plus Big Show, Mysterio, the Bashams, Benjamin, Bradshaw, Rikishi, Scotty, Rhyno, and then the FBI and Jordan called up from Velocity).  It gets good when it's down to the final four: Eddie, Haas, Benoit, and Cena.  Eddie goes out first, at the hands of Haas, but then Benoit and Cena team up to catch Haas from behind immediately, and toss him.  Benoit and Cena tie up and do a few minutes of teases before getting tied up in the ropes, and both going over the top at the same exact time.  Two refs stationed on that side immediately make opposite rulings, one saying Cena won, the other saying Benoit won.  Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman both come out, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.  After some hijinx, Heyman couldn't get the refs to come to a decision, so he decided on a compromise.  Next week, it'll be Cena vs. Benoit, winner gets a shot at Lesnar.  [I should note that one report says Heyman decided on Lesnar vs. Cena vs. Benoit in a three-way match, but I'm going with the two that said Cena vs. Benoit in a #1 Contender's match.  That just makes more sense given Heyman's apparently allegiance towards Brock.  Plus, it doesn't seem like as much of a rip-off of RAW's PPV main event.] Either way, the show ended with Cena and Benoit both getting beat down by Lesnar.

Sounds like WWE had themselves a nice little outing, even with the knowledge that their audience will probably be smaller this week.  Of course, they also set the table for a very big show next week, and that should work nicely.

Check it out, if you can, tomorrow night, or come on back to OO on Friday for full recap and analyis.
 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.


  
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