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ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
WWE TV Spoilers
March 31, 2004

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

Week Two of the "New WWE"...  would it be a little less one-sided than Week One?

Read on if you just can't wait till tomorrow to find out!

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

  • Travis "Bane" Tomko beat Lamont (the Butler) in a dark match
  • Chuck Palumbo beat Some Guy (might also have been a dark match, reports vary)
  • Garrison Cade beat Rosey
  • La Remainders beat Two Other Guys
  • Val Venis beat Steven Richards (no Victoria, Stevie was a heel)

And for the second time in three weeks, I've got a single detailed SD!/Velocity report that seems to hit everything, so I won't compile anything.  I'll just give you OO Forums Regular Concrete TG's on-site report from Columbus, OH:

Yo Rick,
 
ConcreteTG reporting in 
 
Smackdown information for ya....
 
Dark Matches/Velocity:
 
We opened with Paul London over some Puerto Rican. London pulled out a lot of insanity, but ended up losing the match. In a fit of pique London chased the nobody to the locker room.
 
Orlando Jordan beat up some guy - this was the "Babaganouch" match we harped on]
 
Mark Jindrak beat up Shannon Moore. Decent enough match, we got to see the EVIL DROPKICK OF DOOM. Someone give Jindrak his old tag-team partner back!
 
Billy Gunn beat Danny Bashem DESPITE Danny and Doug switching off! ((We tried to start a "Let's go Assman" chant))
 
Rico (w/Miss Jackie) pinned Jamie Noble. Rico, despite his gimmick, is still one of the crisper workers. Either that or Noble made him look like a million bucks.
 
SMACKDOWN!!
 
We open with our GM Kurt Angle coming to the ring to talk to us about how he is looking for someone to represent the "American ideal" in his company, and tonight will be the start of the "Kurt Angle All-American Tournament" or something like that. He unveils a trophy (one about as tall as the one Steph gave him and Benoit a while back) and it's topped with an eagle.The winner not only gets the spiffy trophy, but the #1 contender's spot for the WWE Title. So let's have our first match.......
 
Big Show v. Rikishi. Lots of big men lumbering around, but what was unique was that Big Show took a Stinkface, but still managed to win the match to advance. No sign of Scotty. Odd......
 
Bradshaw arrives in a looooooooong white limo with Texas longhorns on the hood. Bradshaw berates his hispanic driver for his poor driving skills and inability to speak English. His "This is America, learn the language" got a mixed reaction from the crowd.
 
Rey Mysterio and Spike Dudley faced off against Los Chavitos in a tag match. Spike pulled out all the stops, Chavo Sr did a Butterfly Suplex(!) and we get some good spots out of everyone. Spike wins the match for the good guys, and Rey does not get a 619 for us, because......
 
Bradshaw crashed the ring and gave Spike a Clothesline from Hell. Then he powerbombed Spike. Then he celebrated heartily.
 
Our next match in the tournament - RVD v. Charlie Haas. Charlie got to keep the Team Dork music and intro; he shoul have kept the singlet, he looked stupid in some neon green trunks. Haas tries to mat wrestle, RVD does some spots. Haas worked RVD's leg for a good portion of the match. (While RVD was selling the hell out of his leg, at one point he stopped to fix his ponytail) I'm not sure exactly what happened near the end (opposite side of the ring) but it had something to do with Haas, a chair, and RVD doing a plancha..... the two are counted out. Angle then steps out and says their has to be a winner, so he will go on "points". RVD is confused, Haas is curious. Angle awards the match to his protoge (probably on everything he did to RVD's leg, or just cause Haas is an ex-dork). RVD is not pleased.
 
Angle talked to Booker T, and put him in a match with Hardcore Holly.... NEXT!
 
Booker T faced Hardcore Holly in the longest match of the night (20+ minutes). This match had a couple of REALLY slow points, at least one of those was for commercial. Rest holds, sleeper holds, and a few other things really made this match drag. Booker also blew his corner cruiser move. Booker T ends up winning the match with a rollup and a handful of tights.((Listen for the "Muppet T" chant - that's my crew))
 
The Dudley Boyz beat the Yakuza Boyz in a pretty tight match. Akio bumped like a madman and Sekoda is a big dude, going toe to toe wtih Bubba. Very little in Dudley antics here, as they win on the 3-D.
 
Hardcore Holly stormed to the ring and challenged Booker T again. T came down to no music and used the same pin on Holly in less than three minutes. I suspect this was a "Do-over" for editing purposes.
 
Backstage, Bubba and D'von talk to Spike, who's icing his neck from the clothesline from hell he took earlier. Teddy Long arrives, gives his spiel, and gives cards out.... but Spike doesn't get one. Frustrated, Spike hurls his ice at the wall.
 
Eddie arrived in an orange lowrider and chatted with Bradshaw's limo driver.
 
our last tournament match of the night - Cena v. FBI (handicap match). It was never explained to us why Cena had to fight both of them. Rene Dupree (and Fifi) came to ringside to watch. Cena only needed about five minutes to take em down, giving the FU to Johnny the Bull. His pre-match rap wasn't anything spectacular, but he tossed "dese nuts" at Fifi and the dog freaked a little. (I am hoping that Tazz makes some "Poodle Cole" jokes like last week - they saw my "Tazz and Cole" sign of Tazz Bulldog and Cole the Hype poodle)
 
oh, but we're not done!
 
Angle came back to the ring to talk to Eddie about the tournament. Eddie is not too pleased with this whole thing, and his mood worsens when Bradshaw blocks in the lowrider with his limo. Bradshaw brags, Eddie loses his temper, Angle vanishes at some point. Eddie tries to get into the limo through the sunroof, but only manages to get Bradshaw's hat. Hilarity ensues when Bradshaw protests, then Eddie tries the hat on, claims it's too big, then decides the hat needs to be filled - so the crowd got to pour soda, beer, water, popcorn, etc into it -a couple of people spit in the hat. Eddie then brought it back to the ring, stomped on it some, then flung it to the crowd. (about another 4 feet and I could have caught it). Eddie left after that, so that might be where the show ends. If it ends there, it'd be a shame, because......
 
Bradshaw came to the ring and demanded his hat back (the fan who had it did offer......)) Bradshaw then ORDERED Eddie back to the ring, cause despute the fact the big Texan was all dressed up, he could dirty his clothes for this ass-kicking....
 
BONG....BONG.......BONG......
 
Bradshaw freaks out, the place goes crazy. Taker and Bearer head to the ring.
 
Bradshaw begs for mercy, claiming he wanted to talk to Eddie. He has no beef with Undertaker ("C'mon, you an me go WAY back - Mr. Bearer, explain to him that I ain't got no beef with him").At some point Taker explodes into action, pummels Bradshaw, chokeslam, Tombstone, thanks for coming. Taker gives us the dramatic "homage to the Urn" pose before leaving the ring. (watch over 'Taker's shoulder if this airs - you'll see Bradshaw "Peek" then go back to "unconscious".)
 
Not a bad show, and watch for my signs - "Concrete TG", Tazz Bulldog and Cole the Hype Poodle, Rob Van Dragon (about to embrace a Yin/Yang in SD colors), Rico/Jackie (Velocity) and my Cena "Yo Yo YO yo Yo yo dawg" sign

Big thanks to TG for his report.  Check out the show tomorrow, or come on back to OO on Friday for the full report and analysis of the as-aired version of SmackDown.

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.


  
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