by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

But realize that whatever criticisms have been made over the past month, they have been underscored by plunging ratings, and now, with a PPV push on, they will be magnified if not rectified.  "Magnified if not rectified."  Hey, I'm the white Don King!

Anyway, as SD! enters its month in the spotlight, we've got the spoilers from last night's tapings for folks who just can't wait till Thursday to find out what happened.  Read on at your own risk...

Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Grand Master Sexay beat Some Guy
• Lance Storm beat Steven Richards (Storm was monsterously over)
• Rob Conway beat Rosey
• Shelton Benjamin beat Rhyno

Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Late Saturday for the Last Time Ever)

• Jamie Noble beat Spike Dudley
• Nunzio beat Funaki (he IS the #1 Contender, right?)
• Mark Jindrak beat Orlando Jordan
• The Grumpy Old Men (Holly/Gunn) beat the Bashams

SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Show opened with a rematch of Booker T vs. RVD.  Kinda short-ish, I gather, as the match was a "Cold Open" of sorts, and a couple minutes in, they did a gimmick where the opening theme/pyro kicked in.  This distracted RVD, and allowed Booker T to get the win.
• Immediately, Paul Heyman made his way to the ring, apparently the cause of the blast... he said that with Kurt Angle hospitalized, he was named by Vince McMahon as "General Manager for the Night." Heyman said he once made SD! great, and then turns to RVD and says he even once made RVD great.  But now he's losing opening matches to Booker T.  That's not the RVD that Heyman remembers from ECW!  Upon invoking the ECW name, the Dudley Boyz come out to defend Rob, but Heyman just laces the same into them....  RVD, flanked by the Duds, steps forward to confront Heyman... but right at that instant, the Duds attack him from behind.  They were in cahoots with Heyman all along, and celebrate with him after RVD is KO'ed.
• They announced that Charlie Haas and a Mystery Partner would be getting a shot at the tag titles.... so of course, after last week's display of homophobia, Haas' partner was:  Rico.  Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi came out, and they did a pretty decent match.  Crowd had fun with it, anyway, as it was built mostly around comedy spots (Haas being disgusted with Rico, Haas being seduced back into the match by Miss Jackie, Rico begging Rikishi for the Stinkface, et al).  Haas and Rico also got it together enough to win the tag titles (Haas over Scotty, I believe).  New champs, albeit grudging partners...
• Bradshaw came out and cut a little promo about being a great American, and introduced his opponent for the night, a "Champion" from Mexico who went by the name of El Gran Luchador.  You guessed it: squash city.  There's nothing like an American asshole using a Mexican jobber to get heel heat in Canada, now is there?
• SD!'s counterpart to the Highlight Reel -- Cafe du Rene, or whatever -- came next.  There was a French Bistro set in the ring, and Rene Dupree and Fifi came out together to get things started.  Then they intro'ed their guest: Torrie Wilson.  Torrie was there wanting to talk about the Divas Magazine she's on the cover of, but Dupree kept on wanting to talk about the Big Show and last week's incident.  He gets beligerant and says something about how only a bitch would laugh at a man who just lost his job.  Torrie no likely the bitch talk, so she slapped him.  Rene seemed like he was about to strike Torrie back when John Cena ran out for the save.  Dupree powdered out eventually, and Cena decided to do some free stylin'... but he was interrupted by Los Chavos Guerrero.  Senior and Junior challenge Cena to a handicap match... Cena agrees.
• Chavos Guerrero beat John Cena in their handicap match.  Pretty good action, but pretty standard template: Cena out fast, Guerreros gain edge for a while, superman comeback for Cena, Guerreros put an end to that and cheat to score the win.
• Booker T hit the ring for a promo.  He hit all the same notes he has been for the last month about being too big a star for SmackDown! and so forth... until the lights go down and the Undertaker's BONG hits.  And to everyone who keeps writing asking why I don't say "GONG hits," well, let's just say I'm a master of search engine placement, and I know what I'm doing.  Booker gets a scared look in his face and leaves through the crowd.  Taker never shows, but the crowd popped for his music.  
• In Your Main Event, the now heel Dudley Boyz beat Eddie Guerrero in another handicap match.  Another case where reports are the action was good, but the drama may have been lacking because you could pretty much see where it was heading...  one thing I'm not clear on: in two reports, both say Bradshaw ran out at the end of the match.  But one sounds like he interfered to cost Eddie the match.  The other says Bradshaw only attacked after the Duds already won.  So he, if you want drama, there it is!  Tune in tomorrow night to see whether Bradshaw's interference is before or after the finish!  Yee haw!  Either way, show ends with Bradshaw celebrating after punking out Eddie.

Sounds like another case of SD! trying to do the best they can with what they got.  No Angle, no Show, no Taker...  but lots of TV time for the usual suspects in an attempt to get them over with the audience.  We'll see how it plays in its as-aired version tomorrow night.

Or come on back to OO on Friday for the full recap and analysis...

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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