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WWE TV Spoilers
August 25, 2004

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


I've got no problem standing by my assessment that Monday's RAW was a massively unentertaining two hours of crap.
But is it two hours of crap that spells doom and gloom, or just a one week aberration? I mean, you won't have the Rock stinking up the joint and the campy Wedding From Hell every week, right? Still, it's an opening the likes of which SmackDown! hasn't had in many, many months: a chance to stand up and say "Look at me, *I* am the best brand this 

week, and I might be the best brand next week, too."

So what kind of show did SD! deliver? Read on and find out, if you must...

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

  • Rodney Mack beat Maven
  • Chuck Palumbo beat Some Guy
  • Chris Benoit beat Tyson Tomko. Do NOT even get me started on what's wrong with this.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

  • Rene Dupree beat Charlie Haas
  • Mark Jindrak beat Funaki
  • The FBI (as babyfaces) beat the Basham Brothers
  • Bubba Dudley beat Bob Holly in a match that featured a lot of interference from the other Duds as well as Billy Gunn 

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

  • Eddie Guerrero opens the show with a promo, talking about how angry he is over Kurt Angle defacing his low rider last week. He challenges Angle to a fight right here tonight... but instead, out comes Luther Reigns to try to cool Eddie down. When it doesn't work, and he keeps asking for Kurt, Luther obliges, and introduces Angle on the FistTron: he's out in the parking lot, suggestively standing near a car, telling Eddie if he doesn't want to wrestle, if he just wants to fight, then he should come on out to the parking lot, and they'll fight. Sounds good to Eddie, who makes his way through the back and to the parking lot... but as soon as he gets there, Angle runs away from the car he'd been standing near.  Eddie figures if he can't deface Kurt, he'll at least deface Kurt's car, so he trashes the car for a minute or two...  that's when GM Teddy Long appears and starts shouting at Eddie to stop: apparently, Eddie's been tricked, because that's Teddy's car, and he's not happy about Eddie's actions.  Teddy tells Eddie to leave the arena and calls security to escort Guerrero away...
  • Rob Van Dam beat Kenzo Suzuki. One reporter called it "Suzuki's best WWE match to date," which is faint praise, but worth passing along.  Standard heel domination early to set up RVD's comeback late, but the comeback seems to misfire when Rene Dupree hit the scene and interfered. But RVD managed to take Dupree out, and then reversed his way into a quick small package pinfall win over Suzuki.  After the match, though, Dupree and Suzuki beat the hell out of RVD, and no one made the save. [I reassert last week's opinion that I see many fun possibilities if they wanted to put Dupree and Suzuki together as a tag team...  problem is that RVD works best as a singles; maybe just a quick makeshift thing with Charlie Haas to set up the heel team?  I dunno...]
  • In the Parking Lot: Teddy Long is still surveying the damage to his wheels, when up rolls JBL's limo.  Long lets JBL get in about a minute or so of his heel shtick before he's heard just about enough: he tells JBL to zip it, and for running his mouth, now he's gotta defend the WWE Title tonight against the Undertaker. But JBL is still in his comical neck halo, and can't wrestle!  OK, says GM Teddy: then the match is Orlando Jordan vs. Undertaker... and if Taker wins, he wins the WWE Title, too!  Ouch.
  • Billy Kidman beat Chavo Guerrero.  Good action and good heat on this one.  Both guys had their tag partners at ringside, and both Paul London and Jamie Noble got involved at the end: Noble tried to interfere, but London intercepted him, allowing Kidman enough time to hit the Shooting Star Press for the pinfall win.
  • Legitimate Injury Note: After the match, the show was halted for a few minutes, as Chavo Guerrero remained motionless in the ring. Neither of the two reports I got saw any single spot where Chavo was clearly hurt, but this was a legit injury, and trainers immediately arrived, put Chavo in a neck brace, and hauled him away on a stretcher.  Fans caught on, and started chanting Chavo's name, and on the way out, he was able to give them a big wave and Thumbs Up to thank them.  
  • Vignette: apparently, Carly Colon is coming to SD!, and his new name will be "Carlito Cool."  
  • Booker T beat John Cena to tie their Best of Five Series at 1-1.  More According To Formula Action: Booker dominates, Cena gets the comeback about 7 minutes in, gets a few near falls, but when he decides to go for the F-U, THIS TIME it's Cena who wastes too much time showboating (doing the Sneaker Pump, much as Booker did the Spinaroonie to lose Match 1 of the series), and Booker is able to counter the F-U and turn it into a pinning combination.  He also uses his feet on the ropes for extra leverage. 
  • In the Parking Lot: Kurt Angle returns to check out his masterpiece of deception, but is confronted with GM Teddy Long revealing that was HIS car that Angle caused to get trashed.  Angle switches gears and tries to apologize, but NO SALE~!  Theodore R. Long proves once again that he is a wise and beneficent General Manager when his punishment for Angle is announcing that Next Week on SmackDown!, Angle will wrestle Eddie Guerrero in a 2 out of 3 Falls Match.  Whoo f'n Hoo!  And furthermore: Angle's gonna have to work tonight as well.  In a match against Rey Mysterio.  Only slight less of a Whoo Hoo!
  • Paul Heyman introduces Heidenreich.  Actually, Josh Mathews is your in-ring host for this little piece, and he brings out Heyman, who talks about how he lived in fear of the Undertaker after what happened at the Great American Bash... but now he's found himself a "guard dog" to protect him from all his enemies: John Heidenreich.  Out is Heidenreich, and Josh tries to channel "Tough Questions" Todd Grisham by bringing up the fact that Paul Heyman's made a LOT of enemies in this business, and that for all Heyman's hype, Heidenreich won't be able to fight all of them.  Heidenreich responds by beating the crap out of Josh Mathews.  Heyman responds by narrating the beating and hitting the punchline "That's not hype, that's Heidenreich."  Wheee!  Probably worth it just to see Josh punked out, but otherwise, there have GOT to be better uses of Paul Heyman...
  • Vignette: the Big Show is Returning.
  • Kurt Angle beat Rey Mysterio. Really good stuff here, Match of the Night and Of the Week by one assessment. Angle controls early, Rey makes the comeback, things really heat up for the final 5 minutes or so.  No major interference or anything: just a clean finish in which Rey had Angle set up for at top rope something-or-other, but Angle countered, rolled through, and got the pinfall win over Rey.
  • Backstage: Orlando Jordan is less than confident.  JBL is less than confident, but tries to pretend otherwise.  The result is a comical variation on a pep talk in which Jordan is eventually psyched up, but as soon as he leaves for the ring, JBL is back to acting like he's sure he's about to lose his title....
  • The Undertaker beat Orlando Jordan by DQ (JBL retains the WWE Title).  Taker starts out fast, but then gets distracted by JBL, allowing Jordan a run on offense.  Jordan throws everything he can at Taker, but Taker keeps on getting up and doing the Zombie Sit-Up and all.  Eventually, JBL tries to get involved, but that's the start of Taker's comeback: he nails JBL and hits a chokeslam on OJ.  Then he nails Jordan with the Tombstone, and is about to win the title when JBL gets his wits back enough to yank the ref out of the ring.  The ref has no choice but to DQ Jordan for JBL's antics.  After the match, JBL makes a big show out of making sure an announcement is made the title cannot change hands on a DQ, but that only further enrages the Undertaker.  Taker gets his hands on Bradshaw and beats the piss out of him to close out the show; final shot should be Taker holding the WWE Title belt while standing over JBL's carcass.

Check out the shows as they air, or come on back to OO for full recaps of their as-aired versions...

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28



Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.




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