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ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
RAW, Huge Ratings Update, Holly/Dupree
Fall-out, Theme Song Info, and MORE!
November 29, 2004

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

I hope everybody out there enjoyed the hell out of your holiday weekend. At least, those of you Domestic Readers who HAD a holiday weekend.... 
 
Myself, I can't complain. It seemed like kind of a mixed bag; a Dayton Flyer win here, offset by a totally unwanted bump-into of losers I knew in high school who were home for the weekend there; a magnificent spread of delicious food and lubricating cocktails with the family here, offset by the jerkfaces at "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" trying to

fuck with my head again with some VERY suspicious geographic choices made for "source newspapers" of the individual jokes during an "Actual Items" segment there.

But on the whole, the good stuff was the important stuff, and the annoying stuff was piddling small beans. So a big ol' Happy Thanksgiving it was; again hope the same can be said for you. But now, it's about damned time we try to get back into the swing of things, here.  We've got, what?, about 3 normal weeks left, and then it's a long stretch of Holiday/Year End wackiness, non-stop Best Of columns, and sporadic updates.  Savor it while you can!

Let's shuffle up and deal:

  • Tonight on RAW, Randy Orton is In Charge, folks.  Proof positive that you don't need a college education -- or even 7th grade reading skills -- to attain a position of power in this Great Country Of Ours!  
     
    But I keed, I keed.  Jokes, people, just words.  *This* is how I express my frustration with someone, harmlessly, cleverly; nothing personal and nobody gets hurt. Rather than -- oh, let's just make up something -- for instance, waiting until a guy I had issues with was in front of a crowd a few thousand fans and was expecting to perform a fake wrestling match and then beating the shit out of him for real without warning. Not that THAT would ever happen...
     
    I digress.  Let's try again:
     
    Tonight on RAW, Randy Orton is In Charge, folks. And though the one thing he craves is the World Title, the only thing he's forbidden to do is grant himself a shot at it. Oh, the ironing is delicious. But the second thing Randall craves is getting sweet, sweet revenge on Triple H. So Orton has concocted a Main Event From Hell for Trips tonight....
     
    Instead of having to defend his World Title against 1 man, or even against 2 or 3, Triple H is required to step into the ring tonight against the ENTIRE RAW Roster -- including his own Evolution mates, Batista and Ric Flair -- and the only way he can retain his belt is to be the last man surviving an Over The Tope Rope Battle Royale. And with 20-plus other guys shooting for him, and only 2 other guys having his back (and even THEY might not be 100% loyal), that sure seems like a long-shot, doesn't it?
     
    A new World Champ, live tonight on RAW? It could happen, people... I'll be honest, I viewed a HHH title loss as practically a REQUIREMENT of this 4-week Guest GM gimmick if I was to retain any faith in the titular quality of the WWE's CREATIVE Team. But I also viewed it as a likely development in Week Four, AFTER HHH had already been beaten and battered for three weeks.  Instead, WWE is loading up the Ambiguity Canon for tonight's show: yes, HHH is in there with 20-plus enemies, but NO, HHH is not in bad physical condition, and is in fact as fresh and spry as you please after hoodwinking everybody and getting out of a title defense last week. [FYI: you know when I was doing my Fantasy Booking and how I set it up so that HHH would retain but would STILL not be able to say he ever beat Chris Benoit? Well, I realize now that even in reality, Benoit can still claim Undefeated against HHH, which is nice...]
     
    Now, obviously, a big match like this, and it gets everybody's juices flowing a bit. People start creating schemes in which Ric Flair (who won a 30-man Royal Rumble to win the WWF Title in 1992, and if you wanted to pretend he's still the same athlete today he was then, might make him a semi-favorite to win) could win the title and take it to his hometown of Charlotte, NC, next week. And that's cool; I had my own wet dreams along those lines, and if WWE can come up with some equally-compelling way to accomplish it, I'll tip my cap. People are talking about other possible winners like Benoit, Edge, Jericho, possibly even a returning Shawn Michaels; anything that would insulate the World Title from the HHH/Orton feud. And again, I can't argue with that, even if I do feel (at a VERY base level) that such forecasts are the purest fanboy nonsense. But fanboys we are, one and all.
     
    I've even had some VERY convoluted schemes popping up in my mail box in which people latched onto the phrase uttered by Young Randall Orton last week on RAW.  He said this would be a "Company Wide" Battle Royale.  He did NOT say "Brand Wide" or "RAW Wide."  He said "Company Wide."  And in WWE's own established lexicon, that means Orton DID kinda say he was making this open to ANYBODY on EITHER ROSTER.  Of course, this leads people to create fantastical scenarios that make my own Fantasy Booking look as formulaic, simplistic, dumbed-down, and uncreative as your average Jerry Bruckheimer/Nicholas Cage collaboration. My only response would be that there are two very reasonable explanations for why Orton said what he said, and neither involves guest stars from SD! crashing the show tonight.  They are (1) a careless creative team put the wrong line into the Orton Unit's Wordhole, or (2) Orton himself called an audible without really even realizing what he was saying (and it wouldn't be the first time; it wouldn't even have been the first time LAST WEEK).  So to all you kids, I say, "Nice catch on the Company Wide thing"... but I also wouldn't get my hopes up too far.
     
    If you want to play word games, there's something I am FAR more concerned about. The fact that this Battle Royale could quite easily be won by Randy Orton himself.  I was thinking about this over the weekend, and I realized: I have no clear memory of the EXACT wording of Randy's Deal With The Devil. When he lost that match against Flair, and when he signed away his rights to title shots, why do I have this nagging feeling that it was worded such that he was only forsaking one-on-one title shots?  That there was something like, "You'll never be able to face me, Triple H, for this title ever again." And the Battle Royale? Not really facing HHH at all, is it?
     
    So anyway, for about an hour on Saturday, I was having Waking Nightmares about scenarios in which Orton would preside over the Battle Royale, somehow orchestrate the elimination of HHH, and then announce -- with his GM-ly Power -- that he was now joining the Battle Royale, since now he's not technically facing HHH for the title.  Or waits until he can manipulate HHH's elimination, and then orders that the new champ (spent from the Battle Royale) defend the title against him RIGHT NOW (imagine that WWE really wants to stick it to me, and they steal my "Edge wins in his first shot, but then loses it in his first defense" shtick from last week, except they move the title onto fricking Orton instead of Jericho!). Or something.  I even envisioned horrifying situations in which Orton would enter himself as a mysterious masked wrestler (ohhhhhh, imagine, people: The Black Scorpion returns and wins the World Title, and next week, ONLY Ric Flair can stop him~! Except then I stopped thinking about that, since then you're pretty much castrating Chris Jericho in what should be his finest hour).  
     
    I don't know, I just was suddenly struck by the crippling fear that there's really NOTHING stopping Randy Orton, through some bit of semantics or flimsy plot contrivance, winning the World Title tonight.  Considering what WWE's shown us in terms of their misguided notions about Orton, I honestly look at this as a more real possibility than Kurt Angle showing up to win the World Title from SD!, and the ONLY way it'd be any good is if it as so cheaply done that it was actually part of my lusted-for Orton Heel turn (which, like I said, given WWE's misguided notions, I'm not holding my breath for)...  sorry to put the fear of god in you, fanboys, but this is how my brain works....
     
    Although, if we distill it down, the fact that WWE's even *got* my brain working like this on tonight's show is a very good thing.  Battle Royales are not workrate showcases, there will be nothing as good as Benoit vs. Edge on this show, and yet, I am MEGA stoked for tonight. Not because I can compile a certain number of "stars" for the workrate, but because I really want to see what happens next, no matter HOW much dread I have that it'll be something not as cool as it should be. So score one for WWE: they got me hooked.  Plus 10 out of 10 for Laying An Interesting Foundation...  we'll see how many points they score on Executing A Good Plan in about 8 hours here.
     
    Elsewhere on RAW....
     
    Well, again, just by virtue of every single male on the show being more focused on the main event than on their individual issues, the only secondary storyline that might stand out at all is the Trish vs. Lita feud for the women's title. Last week was one of the more entertaining women's matches in memory, and in it, Trish might have scored the pin, but it was actually Lita and a DDT that *beat* Molly Holly, and then it was Lita who left Trish lying in the ring after the match. So surely, this issue is Far From Over (although Molly's involvement probably is, given WWE's asinine new plot for the women's roster)...  but because I *know* that this is all building towards Lita eventually winning the Women's Title in the Feel Good Hit of the Summer, I think after three straight weeks of Lita getting the "last laugh" (metaphorically-speaking; as we've covered, the one who gets the LITERAL laughs by being all funny and clever is Trish; Lita gets hers by being a vile cheat who uses a steel chair!), it might be time for Lita to be derailed somehow this week. Just my gut feeling for how you stretch this out and keep fans hot for the eventual PPV title match...
     
    Beyond that, like I said, all issues become secondary.  Some of the men are sure to pull double duty tonight, and since it is GM Randy Orton, it wouldn't surprise me if he made all of Evolution work matches before the battle royale even takes place. And if Evolution works matches, it's probably against similarly positioned upper-card talent (your Jerichos, Benoits, et al). Could make for an interesting little subtle undercurrent in which all the "favorites" already had to work matches, but all the underdogs are coming into the main event fresh, somehow creating parity (like if March Madness required #1 seed Kansas to play against #2 seed The Mighty Dayton Flyers in an exhibition IMMEDIATELY BEFORE they took to the court for their MEANINGFUL games against #16 seed Garrison Cade and #15 seed Tyson Tomko, respectively; you know what I mean, people!). And it could also play into a later Randy Orton heel turn if he's booking his ostensible BUDDIES like Benoit and Jericho into matches that softened them up before the Battle Royale.  But now, I'm sure I'm thinking WAY too hard, and of elements far too complex and elegant for them to be of any use to WWE.  Point is: secondary storylines are just that tonight, secondary to all the main event related stuff.
     
    A few things you might keep an eye on: La Resistance clearly desire a tag title rematch against Eugene and William Regal, which could come tonight or next week...  from the sounds of things, Christian was also in the market for an IC Title rematch against Shelton Benjamin (though that issue SEEMS like it should be dead and Shelton should be moving on)...  the Simon Dean vs. Hurricane/Rosey feud is, sadly, still probably a few weeks from being relegated to Heat, where Simon Dean should die a quick, painless death so that Mike Bucci can be repackaged as a character that doesn't make me want to strangle the WWE creative team with my bare hands...  Mohammed Hassan and Khosrow Daivari need to get their asses out of prepared vignettes and into the arenas so we can see how this shtick is gonna play in front of a WWE audience (my prediction: not prettily, and I'll be left more hanging my head in shame than entertained).... and finally, the Ritual Humiliation of Jonathan Coachman seems sure to continue, on the grounds of "just because." Wracking my brain, the best I can come up with is that Coach asserts his Utter Dumbness by AGAIN asking for "JR in this very ring, tonight," and GM Orton trumps him with Super Duper Mega Ultra Dumbness by saying, "Oh, OK, Coach: you can go head to that very ring for tonight's Jattle Royale. Have fun! And don't look at me like that, me know how to spell werdz!"
     
    I'm excited for tonight's show, I hope you are too. I encourage you to check it out.  And then, whether you missed the show and need detailed results or whether you just want to be told what to think about the show, come on back to OO on Tuesday. For that is when I shall have the Finest RAW Recap in All the Lands ready to be enjoyed by You, the Home Viewer.
     
  • In the holiday rush last Wednesday, I failed to mention last Monday's RAW rating.  It was a 3.9, which is exactly the same as the week before, which means that interest held up after the Survivor Series bump. Maybe people are attached to the Guest GM Concept, maybe it's just the fact that RAW has been quite good the last two weeks...
     
    But whatever it is, it's good news.
     
  • In not so good (but also very expected) news: SD!'s rating last week was an abysmal 2.6, a drop of nearly a full point of recent averages. The Thanksgiving holiday drives down TV viewership to some extent, since people have better things to do with their families than huddle around the Idiot Box; and those who DO huddle around the Idiot Box? Well, they are given much more "holiday-appropriate" viewing options on other networks...
     
    So SD! took a big hit this week, and needs to rebound in time for their PPV these next two.  For whatever it's worth, I thought it was painfully obvious that they knew they'd have a limited audience and didn't do anything even remotely resembling serious storytelling.  I mean, the show still had some entertaining moments, but was mostly flat and boring and was clearly constructed to be missed. If you come on back next week, you can get right back up to speed with little or no trouble. 
     
  • And if we're talking about ratings, I just want to mention this, even though it has nothing to do with anything... it just makes me feel good.
     
    Apparently there was a "Tough Enough" one-hour special on UPN on Friday night. I know I, personally, found out about it on Sunday afternoon, when I was watching my recording of "Star Trek" from Friday, and it had a bunch of Tough Enough ads in it, which struck me as out-of-place enough that I stopped to see why a SD! ad would be shown 8 times during a one-hour show, and feature only Tough Enough.  The answer: because it wasn't a SD! ad, it was an ad for the Very Special One Hour Edition of Tough Enough Shit!
     
    So anyway, this special on UPN on Friday night?  It drew a 0.9 broadcast rating.  HA!  I'm not entirely sure, but that SHOULD put it in the bottom handful of shows for the week, ratings-wise.  And it DOES mean that more people end up watching Heat in a given week than who bothered to check out the Very Special Tough Enough Special.  Which pretty much vindicates me...
     
    Because Linda McMahon actually sits there on conference calls with investors and says that "New TV Initiatives like Tough Enough" are the solution for flagging ratings... which is just too retarded for words, but it's what you should expect out of a company that is trying to dazzle Wall Street Investors with its Diversity, and which thinks failed sitcom writers are the solution to making the on-screen product more accessible.  WWE has forgotten that it's a wrestling company, that there are VERY UNIQUE elements to being a wrestling company that they have to do well before they worry about being a movie company or a football company or a reality TV company or whatever. Something like this, something where your Sunday night B-show (which pretty much features ONLY WRESTLING, not even any real storylines) outdraws your "Red Hot New TV Initiative," might slap SOMEbody in the face and get them to clean out some of the front office and creative team who are -- to borrow from a dated marketing campaign -- completely failing to "Get It."  
     
    And Potsie, before you even open yer yapper, I AM right about this.  I've dealt with enough dolts who want to defend "Tough Enough" (or the Diva Search) by saying, "Well, Rick, maybe it only got a 0.9, but as you like to say, this is a show that is completely different from the wrestling show and so it draws a completely different audience.  Which means that's 0.9 of viewers that WWE wouldn't normally get to watch their product, at all, so really, lay off, because Tough Enough and the Diva Search DO get a few new people tuning in to WWE shows."  And you're wrong.
     
    Well, maybe not WRONG wrong, but you're right about the wrong thing. Do these "New TV Initiatives" create a handful of new eyeballs for WWE? Probably. But I'd argue out of 0.9 worth of viewers for a Tough Enough special, honestly, at least two-thirds of those have to be people who are familiar with and at least CASUAL fans of WWE.  So we're down to, what?, about 0.3 ratings points worth of Incremental Viewership.  If you're LUCKY, it's 0.3 points, and then, you still have to figure out how to trick those people to tune in and STICK AROUND FOR TWO HOURS on Mondays and Thursdays if you even want them to count for jack-shit.  Which you can't do with any certainty.
     
    So what do we have left? WWE torpedoing their own flagship broadcasts with momentum-killing, spirit-sapping, brain-cell-destroying tripe like Tough Enough and Diva Search segments in the elusive hunt for MAYBE one-tenth of a ratings point of new viewers in a given week.  And do you even NEED for me to spell out for you the Singular Very Important Way This Is Painfully Retarded? Well, you HAVE been trying to defend these idiotic segments so maybe you do....
     
    It's because while WWE is falling all over itself to do reality TV in the quest for 0.1 ratings points worth of New Viewers, they have sat by and watched about 2.0 ratings points worth of WRESTLING FANS say, "You suck now, buh-bye" over the last 4 years or so. Explain to me how this is good business?
     
    But again, we begin to tread into territory where I might have an entire Master Thesis brewing, and I'd hate to get motivated to write that thing, only to have it be 75% re-hash. So I'll zip it now.  My point has been made clearly enough here, as it regards "Tough Enough" and its (lack of) value.
     
  • The fall-out from Bob Holly's unprovoked attack on Rene Dupree continues to be felt. By no one. Because there is none.
     
    Yes, Holly did have to lose a dark match to some jobber at SD! tapings last week. But that's about it. There has also been word that Holly was fined an undisclosed amount, but I'd conservatively estimate that 100% of everybody thinks that's bullshit and that there was no monetary punishment involved, but Holly and management are circulating that rumor to create the illusion of justice being served.
     
    And look, maybe Rene Dupree is Lord of the Douchebags, I don't know.  I *do* know that him showing up to work last Tuesday for TV, and not even remotely uttering the phrase "lawsuit," probably counts as serious points in his favor, though. A TRUE douchebag would have had an ambulance chaser on the phone before he even left the arena in Syracuse. Because while I feel quite strongly that real men don't wait until they are in a wrestling ring performing a fake fight to grow a set of balls and beat the shit out of somebody without warning, I also feel quite strongly that real men don't litigate unnecessarily.
     
    But enough about that. The moral of the story is: in the pro wrestling fraternity, you can be a total asshole with a warped sense of justice and keep your cushy job provided you only beat up people nobody else likes and are inexplicably tight with management.
     
  • Paul London returned to TV this week (recovering from a legit broken nose, and in TV storylines, recovering from injuries inflicted by Billy Kidman's Shooting Star Press)... but did so on Velocity, losing in a meaningless tag match.
     
    And just like that, a guy who was breaking out so promisingly just 2 months ago has been forgotten by a company that apparently lacks the ability to plan more than 1 week ahead. Why they don't have a plan for the Chavo/Kidman feud, why they didn't have a spot ready and warmed up for London to jump into that storyline, it's all quite baffling...  
     
    Then again, this was probably EXACTLY the wrong time for me to spend a week talking to my Hollywood Brother over Holiday Cocktails and finding out that I apparently have a better idea of how to write good TV than 80% of the idiots running actual TV shows. [The "Idiot Method" consists of producers who invent certain unnamed she-spy shows or trapped-on-desert-island shows who tell writers crap like, "Hey, this week, wouldn't it be neat-o if we came up with some pre-historic monster on the island!  Don't worry, you'll figure out how to explain it later!", but then nobody remembers to explain it later. The "Might Actually Be Watchable Method," with examples that include certain unnamed "real time" spy shows or teen dramas, involve coming up with a major story idea and where you want to be in 12 or 13 episodes, and then writing everything with focus to get to that climax. See, and you people think I'm talking out of my ass when I say that WWE needs to get into more long-term planning...]
     
    But I digress yet again.  Paul London's non-triumphant return to TV can be relived in the OO Velocity Recap, if you like to torture yourself by trying to duplicate the thought processes of those on the WWE creative team.
     
  • A clarification (and one that actually does have me breathing a sigh of relief)...
     
    WWE will NOT be staging an event in Baghdad this Christmas. As you should know if you have even a vague grasp on current events, the Baghdad of today is a wreck, and much less secure than last year at this time. I was wondering how in the hell they intended to pull this off again in 2004, considering how many attacks we keep hearing about in Baghdad's "green zone," these days...
     
    Instead, WWE will stage SD! at a venue in the United Arab Emirates (I think in Dubai), which is as close to a Vacation Resort as exists in the middle east. UAE is removed from all the turmoil in the region, is US-friendly, and will give the SD! stars a very safe place to hold an event in a place where troops are stationed in vast numbers but who aren't exactly on alert like they were last year.
     
    Now, that said, some WWE personnel will also be visiting the troops more on the front lines, just as they did last year. It's just... well, there's no sane reason that they should be calling attention to themselves by trying to hold a wrestling card outdoors in Baghdad. So they're not doing that part. Which is totally reasonable.  This is still a very cool thing WWE is doing, though...
     
  • I have no idea why, exactly, but TNA Impact was pre-empted last Friday (I know I watched some football on Thursday, but was there really anything huge going on in the sports world on Friday afternoon that would have justified pre-emption?)...
     
    In a Rare Attempt To Turn A Lemon Into Lemonade For TNA, allow me to happily spin this pre-emption, thusly:
     
    Because of this, TNA Impact now airs tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon.  Check your local listings.  Impact also airs in its normal slot this coming Friday afternoon.  Which gives TNA the very unique opportunity to run 2 hours worth of TV in the final five days before a crucial PPV event ("Turning Point" on Sunday night).  What a great opportunity to REALLY hammer things down on the homestretch to the sure-to-be red-hot Turning Point pay-per-view!
     
    End Spin Zone.
     
  • Our Very Own Intrepid Reporter, the Canadian Bulldog passed along this note:
     
    I just read that Alliance Atlantis Films (the Canadian distributor for Blade: Trinity) is holding a red carpet screening of the movie on Wednesday, December 1st in Toronto. Triple H, Batista and Ric Flair ("and more surprise celebrity guests") will be on hand, according to the press release. The premiere is at Paramount Theatre (259 Richmond St. West, Toronto) and it sounds like its open to the public.
     
    Proof positive that whatever else he may be, this Bulldog really is Canadian, at the very least, if he is intercepting such press releases!
     
    In any case, Toronto readers who want a sneak peak at HHH's attempt to pull a "The Rock in The Mummy Returns," by stealing the show with a bit part in a sequel that had no business getting made, you can check this out. If the crappy movie doesn't sell you, maybe the possibility that Trish would be one of the "surprise guests," will; and if you spot her and she's NOT wearing the facemask, give her hell for me, OK? 
     
    And for the record, the rest of us chumps (well, YOU chumps, unless this turns out to be one of the movies I can see for free thanks to a friend whose mom works at one of our Local Multiplexes) can check out the third "Blade" movie when it opens to the general public on December 8.  Yeah, a Wednesday.  Because they're trying to get a jump on ANOTHER sequel I'm not entirely sure had to be made, but which at least looks like it'll be amusing ("Ocean's 12" which gets the Friday release next week).
     
  • Last thing, a quick WWE Theme Music Update....  because this is kinda cool.
     
    You know how in the last few weeks, I've given Christian's new theme song my stamp of approval? Well, it turns out there's a completely understandable reason why: Christian's new theme is by a band called Waterproof Blonde, who just so happen to have been Publicly Approved By Online Onslaught in not one, but two, pointless anecdotes in past columns. Hey, they are from The Region (about 2 hours down the road from me in Louisville), have played a lot up here in Dayton, and you can do a whole lot worse if you're looking for a live rock show, kids.
     
    Which brings me to Edge's theme, which I gave the pissy Thumbs Down to (I'd have to go back and check, but I believe my strongest compliment was "At least it's better than Orton's," which is far from strong praise). And again, with an understandable reason why! Because it's performed by the bunch of dudes whose ONLY commendable artistic decision in their lives was ditching Scott Stapp.  About whom I have made a solemn vow to make no more mean jokes; which pretty much means I have nothing more to say on this issue. Except this: how fucking hard is it to come up with decent theme songs that either (a) fit a character perfectly, or (b) just have a "cool" factor that's through the roof (in this case, for Edge, I know he's trying to be a heel, and doing it amazingly well, but if the Fed would just quit fretting over nickels and dimes and get the Rob Zombie theme back, it'd do WONDERS for turning Edge's entrance into a spectacle like HHH's, which of course then turns into a major bonus when he invariably turns face again)?
     
    So, kids, at the very least, I hope you realize this: maybe someday, with hindsight, we'll find out I'm a complete moron, with sub-normal intelligence, who didn't know what the hell he was talking about all those years on those various websites, but you'll never be able to dispute the INCREDIBLE INTERNAL CONSISTENCY of my wrongness!  The Continuity, it gets into EVERYthing when you put me in charge: I came up with tentative calls on both those themes without really knowing WHY I was doing it, but it turns out I was responding properly on a purely instinctual level!
     
    Oh, and about Orton's theme and my hatred of it? You people can stop trying to change my mind; you say it's "catchy," and I don't really care to dispute that. The little intro riff is decent enough, but as soon as you hit the chorus? C'mon, people, if you don't die a little bit inside every time you hear that and realize that somebody, somewhere was dumb enough to allow those words to be encoded digitally for all time, then I'm sorry: you cannot be my friend.
     
    It's like the VH-1 "Most Awesomely Bad" countdown (which was MY family's choice of Thanksgiving night viewing, actually, since I knew what song won, but I never saw the actual show)...  you can write a decent pop song, but 90% of the little vignettes for each entry on the countdown had people remembering the WORDS to the song and how they were stupid or nonsensical or crude or whatever.  In the case of Orton's theme song, "stupid" applies, and ANYbody who listens to them (and you HAVE to, because the track is also shittily produced in such a way that it's all you fucking hear) should be struck by how awful and ham-handed they are. I'd be embarrassed to have The Story of My Character summed up by sentiments so uncleverly-put, but WWE and Orton have no problem with it.  Thus was born my running joke: this is "Theme from Dumb Guy," written and performed by the Even Dumber Guys. It is a truly awful song. And actually, I'm flashing back now, and I already did this rant, didn't I? Yeah, I did. Again, responding Purely Instinctually the first night I ever heard the song.  And it was funnier that time, too!
     
    Also: from that VH-1 countdown, I had no fricking idea that Limp Bizkit was in there at #3 with "Rollin'"... you cannot IMAGINE how my face lit up with glee (even brighter than the Jeff Hardy Song/Catfighting Videogame Incident!) when that popped on!  I thought for sure it was still "too soon" to have achieved the necessary hindsight on the Genius of Fred Durst, since I sure as hell still catch enough crap from his fans. But nope: even in pop culture, Limp Bizkit has already made the transition to Vanilla Ice laughability, and MUCH faster than even *I* would have guessed!  And the main reasons everybody gave for scoring Limp Bizkit so high on this "Worst Songs of All Time" countdown? The lyrical retardation of Fred Durst.  Maybe NOW we know who should get the next shot at writing "Theme From Dumb Guy 2"!
     
  • On that note, I'm about done for today. Hopefully you'll join me in getting stoked for RAW tonight.  Hopefully you'll join me back here at OO tomorrow for the Full Recap of the show (which hopefully will be as good as I think it can be).
     
    And hopefully you stragglers out there will get off your asses and Make A Donation to OO (credit card/PayPal/check or cash), since this is the last week I'm gonna be hassling people about it, and I need money, dammit, to keep bringing YOU the finest in Wrestling Analysis without ALSO bringing you the most-obnoxious-pop-up-and-spyware-laden in Wrestling Analysis! So c'mon: even a few bucks helps.
     
    See you tomorrow with RAW.


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 
 
E-MAIL RICK SCAIA

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

 

 

 


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