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ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
Lotsa PPV Fall-out, Flair News, RAW,
ECW/Hardcore Wrestling Update, MORE!
August 22, 2005

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

A bit of selfish, in-house business to start with today. But necessary business.
  
I am officially announcing the start of the 2005 OO Annual Pledge Drive. Yeah, it's about 6-8 weeks earlier than usual, but I've got a few reasons for that.

One is just the simple fact that although OO's readership has been a little bit bigger with each passing year since the demise of (the original Corporate) WrestleLine, our Pledge Drive peaked

in the fall of 2002, when we only had about three-quarters as many people visiting here as we do today.

Second was the growing realization that even though a ton of people would write in and say, "Hey, I'm saving up money for the holidays right now, but I'll catch you with a few bucks in the New year," very few of them ever made good. So I decided last fall that we had to move the Pledge Drive so as not to overlap with all y'all's Spending Sprees. One less excuse for you leechers to use on me, at least!

And third, when I was thinking about where to move the thing, this was about the only time of year I could come up with. The IDEAL thing would have been to do the Pledge Drive in March and into April, to correspond with all the massive WrestleMania traffic we get, but I figured I'd just piss you off if I did the 2005 Pledge Drive 4 months after the 2004 ended. Next best thing: try to capitalize on SummerSlam traffic increases. So the decision was made to turn the end of August and into September into our new Beg-a-thon phase. Hopefully this'll work out a bit better than the last two years have.

So the short version of my spiel: OO combines relatively timely (and always accurate) news with unparalleled analysis/recaps/commentary, and we do it with neither (1) a a required subscription fee nor (2) crippling levels of advertising that render the site unvisitable. That's a fairly unique balance we've achieved, and at the end of the day, the reason it works is because you fine readers have traditionally found it in your hearts (and your wallets) to help augment the revenue gained from our limited advertising. So with my massive appreciation (and the less-vocal appreciation of the 95-plus percent of slacker-visitors who don't donate, and count on others to foot the bill for them), I prostrate myself before you and announce: It's time to do this again. Me wanty!

For the longer version of the explanation of how things work and just how little you really have to pitch in to help us out (and details on how to donate through PayPal, Amazon.com, or via US Mail) you just need to check out the OO Pledge Drive Page. Everything you need to do your Civic Duty is right there for you. Thanks in advance, everybody. Sure you probably got about five more weeks of me mentioning this, but wouldn't you like to know that when I start getting indignant and bitchy halfway-through, I'm NOT angry at you, since you already stepped up and donated?  So c'mon: pitch in, it'll make you feel better....

But for this column, that's about enough humiliating groveling. Let's get back to the part where I feed my ego, instead, and pompously breakdown All Things Wrestling and declare that I, and only I, have the solutions to WWE's problems. Here goes:

  • SummerSlam. A day later, and I'm still pretty much in the exact same spot I was last night as I was typing up the recap: more satisfied than I'd expected, but still far from blown away.
     
    The show did have two admittedly strong highlights. Eddie and Rey wrestled a very cool ladder match; albeit one that kind of got hamstrung by the silly storyline that hung over them and resulted in a bit of a weak finish. Then Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels had all the storyline and drama elements firing strong, even if they couldn't quite match Eddie/Rey in terms of pure action. Like I said last night: I may lose my Internet Jackoff Card for saying so, but when you mix all the elements together and compare the two matches, I think the overall nod for Match of the Night goes to Hogan and Michaels. Although, if we're honest: it really goes to just Michaels. For all the reasons I expounded on, at length, in the recap.
     
    And maybe it was two-and-a-half highlights. Because the Jericho/Cena match was definitely a notch below those two in terms of overall entertainment value, but it's also the only other match on the card that actually exceded expectations. A huge part of the reason why is because of the crowd deciding "If WWE won't tell a good story and make this match interesting, then WE will make our own fun." It was either a majority, or a very vocal minority, who stepped up and started cheering for Jericho and booing Cena. Jericho fed off that, and seemed like a more legit challenger for the final 5 minutes of that match than he did at any point in the 5 weeks leading up to the match. Sure, he still lost, just as expected, but the final few minutes of the match were way more dramatic and intense than I'd have guessed.
     
    After those three matches, what else did SummerSlam serve up?
     
    Well, first you had the Benoit/Jordan and Batista/JBL matches. Neither was a "good match" in the traditional sense, but both had finishes that were satisfyingly decisive. The problem for both matches: they were finishes that needed to be satisfyingly decisive LAST MONTH, when fans might have still had the patience to put up with these unthrilling pairings. Making us wait an extra month before sheepishly admitting "OK, maybe we were wrong, so let us make it up to you by jobbing JBL and OJ out in matches even shorter than you could have dreamed of"? A nice gesture, but it doesn't get to the root of the problem: namely, that a creative team not wearing its ass as a hat wouldn't have been in this predicament to begin with.
     
    Then you had Orton/Taker, which fell well short of their WM21 match in terms of drama and quality. It was certainly not bad; but it's nothing you'll be talking about a week from now. On the upside, at least it had the right finish, with Orton needing just a bit of a helping hand to score the cheap win. And something else I thought of today: if WWE sees any value in the "Rogue Evolution" concept I presented in the PPV Preview, maybe Bob Orton (trick arm and all) could take on the role of Ric Flair, as the elder statesman of the group? I think it fits, since the idea should be to have Orton's "Rogue Evolution" be one notch shittier across the board than the real Evolution was. With the possible exception of whoever they pick to be Randall's Dumb Muscle (since said Dumb Muscle could then follow the Batista Path and split off from Randy's dimwitted regime at some point in the future; Luther Reigns or Matt Morgan would have been perfect... but how about Brock Lesnar, instead? A few months of "paying his dues" and reproving himself as Orton's second fiddle, sure; but then how delicious would it be to have Orton be Lesnar's bitch at some point down the line?).
     
    Edge/Hardy? An intense brawl, but not intense enough to seem "real" enough to justify the cheap, Matt's-character-killing ending. Something I didn't realize: apparently, there's a lot of folks out there who thought maybe the match WAS too real, and that Matt really did get KO'ed and this wasn't the planned finish. Erin had surprised me by mentioning her take on the match (and I poo-pooed, saying if any match ended quicker than originally planned, it was Angle/Eugene), and then the e-mail started piling up over night and this morning. Really, folks? I mean, I may bitch about audio and other mild distractions at Hooters, but I *was* watching the match and paying attention. There were a few shots that looked a bit stiffer than usual, but Matt and Edge were also cooperating on a few "wrestling spots" (including the snake-eyes that provided the excuse for Matt to roll outside and bust out the razor blade)... at no point did my internal alarm go off, suggesting that things had gotten out of hand or gone off-script. So I'm kinda surprised that this seems to be such a popular viewpoint. Also: like I said, a spot was designed for Matt to blade, and the blood loss was used as a big part of the justification for the Ref Stoppage; that seems to suggest premeditation. Also also: WWE had plenty of replays lined up of the one particularly stiff death-kick by Edge and the announcers fully prepped to explain things, another sign that this was the intended finish. And with me sticking to my "intended finish" theory, every ounce of indignant bitching I did in the recap about how stupid and counter-productive this booking was holds up. I just thought it was lame, unsatisfying ending to a match that never quite got the point of resembling a wrestling match. At some point, this fetish for making the feud and fights seem "real" just has to peter out, giving way to actually-well-plotted entertainment.
     
    Finally, Angle/Eugene. Like I said above and said last night, with the crowd turning so completely against Eugene due to WWE's short-sighted, no-grasp-on-psychology-having creative monkeys, I almost think they just called an audible and cut things short so that Angle could get his win, and Eugene wouldn't spend 10 minutes getting crucified by the fans. The whole gimmick of the match was that it was "no time limit," and they still brought it in right around the 3 minute mark (same as the "Eugene Invitiational" matches). If that was the intended booking, let's just say it makes no freaking sense. And regardless of if it was an audible or not, the match represented a hugely disappointing outing from two guys who could have delivered so much more.
     
    And then there was an over-arching issue, too: that SummerSlam just never really got any momentum or flow going, and didn't seem like a cohesive, 3-hour experience. Instead, it was a cobbled-together series of 8 self-contained segments. That strikes me as kinda lazy... it's an issue of pacing and segues, mostly. Fans don't plop down $35 expecting 5-10 minutes of filler between each PPV match; they (rightfully so) expect a non-stop thrill ride. Unlike UFC or boxing, wrestling isn't "real," so there's no excuse to script 7 extended piss breaks in between each match, like you would for a legitimate sporting contest. Especially on a show where so many deserving talents were left with nothing to do (Christian, Big Show, Carlito, Shelton, both tag champs, etc....), axing some of the annoying video package filler and upping the pace of the show with some connecting skits and stuff would have been a huge plus. It's definitely OK to do that "let's pause, collect our breaths, and look at a video package" before one or two of the biggest matches, but other than that: seriously, I vote for a more tautly-paced show that flows from segment to segment and builds momentum and never gives the fans a chance to get bored.
     
    A prime example of something that would have fit this bill: instead of just delivering the 8 pre-announced segments in their little self-contained packages, I really was calling for an impromptu Benoit/Christian US Title match last night after Benoit's 30 second title win. Once you get done axing 5 of the seven lengthy video packages, you're basically freeing up another 15-plus minutes of PPV time. Time that could have gone into something free-wheeling, exciting, and unexpected that would have helped create that sense of organic flow on the show. Instead of the sense of safe, careful scriptedness. Am I making sense? Or am I explaining this poorly? I know that, in my head, this whole theory/rant makes sense, but I can't tell if I'm presenting it clearly....
     
    The whole thing distills down to the fact that, sure, SummerSlam was better than anticipated. To be honest, I'm not sure it'd be possible for the show to have fallen BELOW expectations, considering where most of us had set the bar. But even with that praise and 2 or 3 genuinely entertaining segments, the most generous I can be is to call the show "slightly above average." Things like the lack of cohesive flow and the way the crowd exercised its civil disobedience and seemed intent on telling WWE, "Hey, monkeys, THIS is what we want, NOT what you're deliver" on at least 3 notable occasions added up to a sense that as surprisingly tolerable as SummerSlam was, it doesn't represent an end to the creative rut the company is in. 
     
    You can get the fully detailed results and analysis, in the immediate post-show OO SummerSlam PPV Recap. It's a damned worthwhile read, if I do say so myself.
     
  • In the PPV Predictions Battle this month? I pulled a VERY respectable 6-for-8, and one of the two matches I missed, I admitted upfront that I was just taking a stab in the dark.
     
    Turns out, I had done a complete misread on the intentions for the Hogan/Michaels match; I let myself get suckered into all the hype and let my mind jump to countless possibilities (and more than a few improbabilities). But at the end of the day, what WWE gave us was PROBABLY what I should have guessed at if I'd really put my noodle to it. Because Hogan gets his ego gratification with a pinfall win (which also flat-out provides a Happy Ending to the PPV, too), but Michaels gets HIS ego gratification from having all of us sitting around talking about how he probably just got the last great match out of the Reanimated Corpse of Hulk Hogan. I guarantee you, both men walked out of that building last night feeling like winners. [And I don't want to start any silly rumors, but what if Bret Hart's watching this, and sees what Shawn did? What if Bret, on his best days, is only half-as-physically-capable as he was 5 years ago? Wasn't there a time when "Half a Bret Hart is still better than a whole Hulk Hogan" is something we all might have agreed with? Too bad Shawn undid his kick-ass "Old HBK" heel shtick with the babyface-re-turn at the end of the show last night.... because even being the pragmatic realist I am, with a firm grasp on Bret's status, I was watching Michaels last night and thinking "Man alive, I was just a little too young to see Ric Flair prove the Broomstick Principle in his prime, but I STILL think Michaels is showing him up the way he's making Hogan look good." And the mind did begin to race....]
     
    Anyway: so I whiffed on Hogan/Michaels (and also on Edge/Hardy, but on that one, I can at least do my usual thing of claiming that my pick made a hell of a lot more sense than WWE's booking). But on this day: 6-for-8 isn't cutting the mustard. In direct contrast to last month's Bash PPV, everybody picked at least half the SummerSlam outcomes correctly, and a bunch of the trOOps (four of them: Matt, Jeb, Adam, and Immolator) scored big 7-for-8 nights. Me and Erin's identical slates were good for the aforementioned (and quite respectable) 6-for-8. Then Danny and Bulldog were 5-for-8. Cubs Fan was sort of an anomaly, as he brainfarted and didn't pick the Orton/Taker match, so he was 4-for-7 to stay above .500 (ever an honest man, Cubs admits he intended to pick Taker, but since he didn't make the pick official until Monday morning when he sent along his weekend TV recaps, I'll say that can't count against him). And then bringing up the rear, right at .500 (on a 4-for-8 night) was PyroFalkon, who must be LOVING that he has to audit his own humiliation each and every month.
     
    I knew, even with just a quick eyeballing of the predictions last night, that the Team Score for OO would be pretty awesome. Sure enough, it turns out we had a .734 hit-rate as a team (58-out-of-71), which is probably our best for the year. 
     
    Problem is, I get the numbers turned into me today and find out that WrestleLine scored an insane .833 hit rate (40-out-of-48) as a team. So we can beat WL when we both end up below 50%; but in a month when both sites end up looking like they might actually know a damned thing or two about wrestling, WL steps up and smokes us? D'oh. See, you need to donate to OO, folks, otherwise we'll never be able to afford to go to the community college and be as smart as WrestleLine!
     
    PyroFalkon's full breakdown of SummerSlam's OO and WL Predictions stats (and also all the year-to-date compiled stats, where WL now holds a 5-to-4 advantage over OO) are available right here.
     
  • Something else, quickly, about last night's PPV... in the recap, I registered a bit of confusion over how Hogan ended up wearing a crimson mask after what I remembered as just a few right hands from Shawn.
     
    A goodly number of you chimed in that you were paying closer attention to me, and thought you spotted Hogan fumble his blade, or something, screwing up the timing of his bloodening. I guess there was a bigger spot (2 said it was ringpost-oriented), and right after that, you could see Hogan frantically doing something with his hands, but before he could finish, Michaels was back on him. So then they had to improv until Hogan could get his business taken care of, and that's why I remembered it as Hogan being busted open immediately after punches, instead of something more dramatic.
     
    Can't say as I remember that my own self (sadly, I DO pride myself on my attention to detail and incisive analysis, but can't do my Grade-A job of viewing a show at Hooters like I can on my couch), but if that's right, big thanks to all who helped Unstump The Rick on this minor mystery.
     
  • Another SummerSlam-related item.... WWE has made yet another appearance on ESPN.com's Page 2. This time, it's one time Loyal Rick Reader and Boston Sports Guy Bill Simmons who has penned a piece.
     
    It's actually a re-do of one of his once-standard gimmicks (before he started watching less wrestling): a timeline of his evening watching last night's PPV. Some pretty funny stuff. Be warned that as wrestling fans, you're liable to be put off by some of Bill's apparent ignorance or disrespect for the business.
     
    But also be forewarned that it's all part of the act, and if you relax and don't get so pissy, it's a lot more entertaining. And plus, you wanna know something? I think the dude doth protesteth just a little too much; to come across as truly ignorant of Wrestling Current Events as Bill did, I'm betting he had to know at least enough about them to know which ones to be ignorant about, if that makes sense. If nothing else, pretending he didn't know who Batista was when I'm DAMNED positive I stole a line from a previous wrestling column of his (about Batista looking like a Vivid Video Reject, or something like that) didn't quite ring true. But you know how it is: it's not cool to know stuff about wrestling, so for the mainstream ESPN audience, it's better to play dumb and just make some funny jokes about the spectacle, instead.
     
    Also a bit amusing: check out the "PPV recap" done by a guy who claims not to have been a wrestling fan for the past 5 years.  Then ask yourself where you heard some of the same general complaints and observations just last night.  When you realize, "Oh, Rick said a lot of the same stuff, even though he's still watching hours and hours of wrestling every week," I hope it strikes you as further proof that I might not be talking out of my ass when I say I might have a better handle on casual/mainstream fan psychology than the monkeys at WWE do. Do I really have to issue the Rick Invitational Challenge again?
     
    Nah... instead, I'll just tell you that a visit over to Bill Simmon's Page Two SummerSlam Recap is definitely worth your while. Check it out when you got a moment.
     
  • While various factions within WWE seem to have successfully stifled any significant ECW brand extension (despite the One Night Stand PPV out-drawing the RAW brand PPV in June and DECIMATING the buyrate of July's SD! PPV, current plans are to limit ECW to one "reunion" per year; even home video plans have been scaled back, as a follow-up ECW DVD for this fall has been scrapped; it should be noted that at least a few people feel these decisions have been made because of pettiness, not because certain people want to do what's best for the bottom line), Shane Douglas' version of the ECW Reunion Gimmick is expanding.
     
    In September, his "Hardcore Homecoming" shows will do a weekend long tour, hitting Cleveland, OH, as well as two one-time ECW strongholds in Pittsburgh and Buffalo. Later in the fall, I believe there are also hopes to do a run through some of ECW's old Florida towns, and also a desire to return home to Philly.
     
    Shane's one-night "Hardcore Homecoming" on the eve of WWE's "One Night Stand" was well-reviewed. Depending on your tastes and the agenda of the person you talk to, it might even have topped WWE's ECW Reunion show. Because WWE has severely scaled back ECW plans and has made no deals with any of the ECW guys brought in for try-outs (Balls/Axl, Doring/Roadkill, etc.) nor with Sabu or Sandman, Shane basically has the entire same crew available to him for these tours. And then, on top of that, you can add on the Dudley Boyz, who become free agents this weekend. Just about the only guy Shane loses is Joey Styles; if Douglas intends to release any of this footage on home video, I can only assume Joey will be under the same limitations that dictated him stepping down from the PPV project that was actually NAMED FOR HIM last week.
     
    This could be really interesting; TNA wants badly to be taken seriously as the #2 promotion in the country, but the only shows they run are free ones in a television studio at a theme park in Orlando. Meantime, if Shane's tours are anywhere near as successful as the one-night reunion, he'll essentially have a "touring company" that is actually capable of drawing PAYING fans in numerous cities across the eastern US. I'm not necessarily trying to make a value judgment (but I guess I kind of am, eh?), but at the very least find this to be an interesting observation.
     
    I would love very badly for there to be competition for WWE (REAL competition), to force them to lose the stubborn tunnel-vision and shake things up... but it's kind of sad that in a very real way, their stiffest competition this fall might end up being from some rag-tag ECW Reunion shows that can't even use the letters "E," "C," and "W" without serious legal ramifications. Wacky.
     
  • Speaking of Joey's PPV Project.... it taped Friday in Atlanta. About 100 fans in the audience. Not all of them paid, from my understanding. D'oh.
     
    With Joey out, Scott Hudson did the announcing for the "Extremely Hardcore Wrestling" taping. With the PPV slot only being for an hour, matches were said to be short, rushed, and underwhelming. The "main event" was a New Jack/Partner-I've-Never-Heard-of-Before vs. Balls/Axl brawl, but the closest thing to a good match was DDP vs. Justin Credible. The e-mail I got from the taping didn't seem to be making a "buy" recommendation when the show hits PPV in 2 weeks.
     
  • Anybody wanting to call up Diva Search Ashley oughta forget about it. I got a bunch of e-mails over the weekend from guys saying they tried the number she gave out on RAW a few weeks back (after I mentioned a few readers actually got through to Ashley and NOT to her voicemail), but service had apparently been discontinued.
     
    What, Ashley? You win a quarter million and now you're too good for us?!?!?!?!
     
    But awww, we can't stay mad at you. Just make sure they give you something worthwhile to do, and soon, so that it doesn't take a year before you find a serviceable niche (like it did for Spaz).... I still vote for some form of spunky standing-up-to-Coach, who was such a meaniehead, tool, and general wet blanket in a few of the Diva Search things where he should have swallowed his pride and let himself be a prop. Punk grrrrrrrrrl attitude rawks~!
     
  • And I think the last order of business today is to talk a bit about tonight's RAW...
     
    It's a show that SHOULD be really interesting and instructive, for the simple reason that last night's PPV matches had a LOT of closure on the RAW side (Hogan/Michaels is obviously over, and Michaels is returning to babyface status; Cena dispatched Jericho, and Jericho's likely off on a little siesta; Angle crushed Eugene and needs something new).... and the brand has another PPV coming up in just 3-4 weeks.
     
    So something needs to happen, and quick. Of course, I say "SHOULD be really interesting" because there are no guarantees given the short-sighted and ham-handed booking that led into SummerSlam... but let's try to keep a smile on our faces and hope things work out better for this month's PPV build up.
     
    On the top line, the widely-discussed rumor going back more than a week was that Cena vs. Angle would be the next WWE Title Feud. After last night, that looks like exactly what they are setting up: Angle had a great night and a convincing win, Cena's still the champ, and given the "Cena vs. Bischoff" thing, it'd make sense if Angle was the next hand-picked challenger to Cena. Also: the two have feuded before, so there's some depth there, and the interactions between them (Homey Cena vs. Straightlaced Angle) showed inklings of being really fun. If that's the plan, it really can't wait much long than tonight to be jumpstarted. [And to repeat myself from the PPV Recap: given the trouble Cena had getting cheered against Jericho, it'll be a perverse pleasure to watch him be booed out of the building against Angle. Well, not a "pleasure," really, and it's nothing against Cena The Actual Guy. But Cena The Character is obnoxious as hell, and it's not like I haven't been talking about this for MONTHS now... and yet, it takes WWE waiting until things reach the point of their signature babyface getting booed before they might start to make tweaks. Dum dums.]
     
    Also: depending on what the plan is with Jericho (what with this indecipherable mishmash of information and disinformation related to his contract status, his Fozzy commitments, and all that), why do I get a sinking feeling that he might not be done getting shafted. It's bad enough he spent the last month as Bischoff's errand boy, now he's gonna be Bischoff's errand boy who failed to do his errand... that can't lead to anything good, can it?  The only thing that can save us are more crowds like last night's, who aren't afraid to show WWE how they feel... only then might WWE listen and re-sign the talents we care about and who are capable of filling up valuable prime time segments (unlike the Chris Masterses and Snitskys of the world) without inducing channel flipping in viewers. I know WWE might not want to "over-pay" for guys with limited ceilings, but they need to open their eyes and realize that it's worth paying guys like Jericho and the Dudleys to be on TV, to keep eyeballs locked in, to get crowd reactions even if just by going through their standard motions, and to move a goodly amount of merchandise. Yes, OK, you can keep looking for "The Next Rock" among the young, gassed-up prettyboys, if you want.... but that shouldn't preclude valuable proven commodities from being a priority to WWE. Let 'em hear it, live fans! You got Matt Hardy rehired, afterall!
     
    Except.... maybe that isn't exactly working out so well. That's the only match from SummerSlam that I assume is NOT meant to be the end. Although I'm personally annoyed by the counter-productiveness of the ending, I fully expect Matt to show up and try to play the "I wasn't hurt that bad, the referee just dicked me over" card and to ask for a rematch. Or something like that. Bleh. Again: less time trying to be real, more time trying to be logical and entertaining, please, OK? Thanks...
     
    Other than that, pretty much everything seems up in the air. What's happening with the IC Title? What's babyface Shawn Michaels gonna do? Is Hulk Hogan sticking around? How about the tag belts? What the fuck is the deal with Big Show not having squashed Chris Masters like a bug yet despite starting that storyline over a month ago? What's next for Eugene and Spaz, and will WWE's writer monkeys finally figure out how NOT to dick Eugene over with their ham-handery? Do we just have to get used to WWE thinking that RAW is the right place for Rob Conway and/or Rene Dupree and/or Viscera, since Heat is going away and taking these three's natural habitat with it? What about the women? Diva Search Ashley probably needs some exposure, but in what capacity? Are Stacy and Victoria still feuding or not? And what of Trish? For the love of god, WHAT OF TRISH?
     
    One last detail we do know: Ric Flair will be returning to RAW tonight, to do an interview on Carlito's Cabana. Last time we saw Flair, he was a de facto babyface in that memorable match against Kurt Angle. Triple H's absence on RAW started a week or two earlier after he lost the Hell in the Cell match to Batista, and most signs point to him wanting to hold off until RAW's return to USA Network in October before he comes back to TV. So that makes Flair flying solo kind of intriguing. He could go any number of ways in a promo tonight. I'm curious to see how that goes. Very curious.
     
    Will RAW come off of SummerSlam with a focused, action-packed show that makes us feel good about the Road to Unforgiven? Or do they keep on stumbling through a lazy, disjointed creative wasteland, barren of the elements that make up Good Sustainable Episodic Television? There's only one way to find out...
     
    Well, two ways. Cuz sure, you can watch the show tonight, and we could get lucky with a really strong episode of RAW. But you can also play it safe and just wait till tomorrow when I return to my throne as the once and future Bestest RAW Recapper In All The Land. And it doesn't look like I'd better get comfortable, cuz I don't get to move off this thing for at least the next 15 weeks or so. No weeks off to apply soothing balm to my well-sanded vagina? Man alive, WWE: you really DO need to start bringing the gOOdness, or else things could get ugly around here this fall. And you know what I mean by ugly, jerkos. Me all pissy? My conscience (as traditionally personified by an even-tempered Little Angel on one shoulder) gone missing? My innate assholitude (as personified by the infamous Little Devil on the other shoulder) allowed to roam free? You *don't* want me to go there, again, WWE. 
     
    So starting tonight, let's us make a pact: you'll finally start trying REALLY hard to not suck, and I'll gladly be pleasant and positive about the suddenly-rejuvenated product in my recaps. See, it's win/win, baby!
     
  • That is all. I'll see you tomorrow with the recap, folks. Enjoy your Monday, and however much of your Tuesday you endure before once again bathing in the warming glow of the The Rick's wit and charm...


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 
 
E-MAIL RICK SCAIA

BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

 

 

 


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