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ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
New Champ in TNA... Can Edge Duplicate
Christian's Feat?... and LOTS More News! 
February 13, 2006

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

The Rick smells a rat.
  

Late last week (either Thursday or Friday), the story broke the "Scooter" Libby was blaming criminal intelligence leaks inside the Bush Administration on his "superiors." As the Chief of Staff to Dick Cheney, he really only has one "superior."

This seemed poised to become a major bombshell once people started paying to news again as the

new week started. But nuh uh.

Because then early Sunday, before the crack of dawn, VP Cheney goes out hunting with some buddies and wings one of his Gun Enthusiasts with a full load of buck shot. Cheney's victim is reportedly stable and will be OK, but guess which instantly becomes the sexier story? It's NOT "White Collar Crime at the White House." It's "Vice President Nails Some Guy With a Shotgun."

And it just so happens that the Sexier Story is also one that can easily be passed off as an accident as soon as the target makes a public statement exonerating Cheney. But no matter: we have been successfully deflecting from paying attention to the REAL issue!

Or: do the two incident fit together in a different way? Could Cheney's remarkable reign of exceptionally capable and competent evil be catching up with him, with a spectacular flame out coming soon? Or will this run of bad luck just bounce off him like countless other accusations and cardio-flutters? Or could it be that there is a vast conspiracy to frame-up Cheney to look like an Evil, Evil Man, who must be removed from office, but it's all really just part of a bigger plot in which Cheney is *so* evil that he willingly sacrifices himself as the Fall Guy for the administration so that W., Rumsfeld, and the others get to continue their heinous agendas while Cheney distracts the poor, lemming-like public with Vice Presidential Gunplay and the inevitable Full Pardon?

I dunno, but it's fun to spin brief pre-ramble riffs about, isn't it? And just like that, I hope I've also proven that if you get your eyeballs off of the Idiot Box long enough to get yourself some Current Events, you'll find the real world offers up potential for Actual Drama And Intrigue that'll easily trump anything that happens on fricking "Lost" this week.... just like "All the President's Men" is amazing viewing and WAAAYYY better than old "Mannix" reruns, no matter what my addle-minded, TV-addicted brother would tell you.

Not saying there's not a place for sucktastic, fluffy brain candy in a given week. But I am saying one must prioritize, and only go for the fluff once more worthwhile pursuits are fully exhausted. And frankly, if you're here, we share at least one Sucktastic Fluffy Vice, which means we need to work Extra Hard to improve ourselves outside of those four hours a week we naively waste on wrestling.

Well, more than four hours, since you've got about 10 minutes of reading ahead of you today. At least I promise I'll actually try to make them 10 minutes you don't have to be embarrassed telling your friends about:

  • With RAW preempted till Thursday for roughly 75% of my reading audience, I think we can safely start things off with a different Headline Item.
     
    Christian is the new NWA Champion, after defeating Jeff Jarrett last night on TNA's Against All Odds PPV. "Against All Odds" is actually a fitting title, as very few in the industry thought TNA would pull the trigger on Christian's win (with Sting's return looming on the horizon, and a money match with Jarrett thought to be among his goals)... and zero of OO's TNA Posse predicted the win, too. 'Twas the very definition of an upset.
     
    Knowing full well that the undercard would upstage the main event in terms of action and OMG WORKRATE~!, they really jazzed up the Jarrett/Christian main event and had what I've had described to me as Jarrett's best match in at least two years (going back to the height of his feud with Raven), and which had the sort of Big Match Atmosphere that TNA so rarely manages to create. You had plenty of extracurriculars, and you also had Earl Hebner making his debut as TNA's new lead referee, creating a bunch of tension as to his loyalties.
     
    This is obviously a big deal for Christian, who needed only 4 months after willingly walking out on a strong WWE contract offer to sign with TNA instead. I think the "upset" feel of the win also means you give some credit to TNA itself, which was careful to NOT just go whole hog and hand the promotion over to Christian and the Dudleys immediately upon their arrivals. By having AMW keep the Duds at bay (at least in their first title shot), TNA created that sense among fans that "goddammit, this means that Jarrett can stay champion, too."
     
    And you kids know me: I do NOT short-change the importance Jarrett's played in this lately. For a while, his act was probably stale and boring, but then he got so good at throwing that back at fans, that he actually became one of wrestling's best heels again over the course of the past year, and the Wanker Fans in Orlando were eating out of the palm of his hand. By being one of TNA's few true heels, Jarrett provided Christian the ideal foil for creating that Big Match Atmosphere.
     
    It's also interesting for another reason: with the win, Christian joins his "TV brother" Edge in winning the top title available to them. Let's not delude ourselves: Edge's is the more prestigious trophy, but Christian's ascended to the highest possible throne given his career choice. And the thing is: both did it amidst promos the hit the same notes.... that they're out to prove they are not "mid-card comedy acts." Edge, unfortunately, has been proven to be a "transitional champ," afterall; but Christian, with his less trophy, has a chance to transcend that label with a reign measured in months (instead of in weeks).
     
    That could be a not-unremarkable accomplishment. I think if you asked fans, six months ago, "Which of Edge or Christian will be a Top Champion first?", NOBODY would have answered "Christian." And while Edge beat his little bro to the punch, Christian can outlast Edgeward by being a long-term champ.
     
    And more telling: if, six months ago, you asked the question "Will BOTH Edge and Christian be Top Champions before Valentine's Day 2006?", absolutely NOBODY would have answered "yes."
     
    Not too shabby for a pair of long-time friends who were thrown together as a tag team almost as a last-second whim when the WWF was putting together "The Brood" faction.... but when all's said and done, and WWE owns the TNA tape library, and they're doing Career Retrospectives 15 years from now, it'll sure look good that Edge and Christian positively whupped ass in all those TLC matches. Can you believe that there was a time when some people projected Jeff Hardy as the biggest possible singles star out of those six guys?
     
    At least you can take solace in the knowledge that OO was NEVER one of those people. We always figured Edge would make it. But we are ashamed to admit that we probably projected Matt Hardy ahead of Christian. Whoopsie.
     
    Anyway, Christian's win was the satisfying climax of a show that has been very-positively reviewed by almost all who saw it. Hopefully weather and power-outage issues in the northeast didn't hurt the audience TOO much. Obviously, the other highlight of the show was the three-way X Title match, where Samoa Joe retained the belt by pinning AJ Styles (leaving the door open for a final chapter between Daniels and Joe). In fact, 95% of e-mails seem to agree that was the match of the night, and some even think it matched their first 3-way dance (which I liked so much that I put it on my Match Of the Year 2005 Short List)....
     
    Jason Longshore is a bit more reserved about that match, and I tend to trust that analysis given the way Jason's proven himself to share the OO Mentality on the difference between "entertaining" and "OMG WORKRATE~!".... you can get all of Jason's rundown of last night's PPV (which sounds like it started slowly, but ramped up in the final two hours to be a very strong show) in the Against All Odds PPV Recap.
     
  • And now that Christian's got the TNA Title, what are the chances that Edge regains the WWE World Title on RAW tonight? 
     
    Well, slim and none, really. And Slim? He's already on a bus out of town.
     
    But if Edge could pull off the upset, that'd make one potential KILLER "Five Second Pose" for anybody who happened to bump into the former TV Brothers hanging out together with their costume jewelry, wouldn't it? I think it'd be even sweeter than Shawn Michaels posing in an nWo t-shirt in 1996, just to be an ass and piss off Vince McMahon.
     
    Of course, all signs point to WWE having a throbbing hard-on for a John Cena vs. Triple H main event at WM22, while they've got Edge penciled in for a sideshow match against Mick Foley. And conveniently enough? Mick Foley is the special referee tonight when Edge gets his final rematch against WWE Champ Cena.
     
    You don't need me to fill in those blanks for you, do you? Most houseplants can connect those dots, and predict that Cena beats Edge tonight, then Edge blames Foley, then HHH wins the #1 Contender Tourney, and you've got your two top matches set in stone. Hell, most single-celled microbes living in the SOIL of your houseplants have figured this out. It really kinda blows that WWE can't (even in as chaotic a mode as they've been in since last November when injuries and Eddie's death shook things up) shake that sense of Delivering the Inevitable.
     
    It's not even a matter of knowing any "inside" news bites (although Vince McMahon -- his ass serving as a hat -- would blame it all on that).... it's just a matter that once one watches enough wrestling, you see how things fit together, and if WWE's in the middle of a Creative Drought (which they are) and they can't create enough misdirection and excitement, then a lot of fans are gonna be underwhelmed when you deliver the obvious.
     
    Are there options to quickly change gears at this point? Eh, I dunno.... maybe, maybe not. It depends on what WWE's got the balls to do. For instance, something I quickly brainstormed last night while sitting -- bored off my ass -- on the couch: you could easily pull a huge surprise tonight where Edge regains the WWE Title, and it's *Cena* who blames *Foley*. Foley wouldn't even do anything wrong, he'd just be the victim of a well-plotted bit of chicanery by Edge and Lita, and he'd be in the wrong place, at the wrong time (and after you have Edge and Lita tease a split all night long, it'd make it even EASIER to pull a scenario in which Mick could be caught off guard and which would fire up the fans), and Cena pays the price by losing his title. Again.
     
    Cena then starts acting disrespectfully towards Mick. He doesn't even have to change his character: just keep being a petulant, bratty little wigger, but direct the Gay Jokes at Foley, and I think it'd be gold. Why? Because, all the grown ups will INSTANTLY side with Foley. But Cena will do ZERO damage to his "fan base" of impressionable adolescent tools and misguided under-16-fan-girls, who are all too young and stupid to understand that Mick is the cooler, funnier, more interesting of these two characters. To them: Mick Foley is icky and gross. You thought that the Mixed Reactions for Cena/Angle were gold? I think you'd get that on steroids for Foley/Cena.... it's a dynamic that I'm not entirely sure would exist for a Foley/Edge feud (which, for reasons outlined by Jeb Lund, has a Stink of Inevitability to it). In fact, it's a feud that I think would have a huge sense of playfulness too it, since the whole vibe would be Cena not taking Foley seriously, which would play to the strengths of both men in terms of promos. Whereas Edge is pretty much gonna have to be ultra-serious and pissy against Foley, which will seem forced and will again lead to that sense of predictability and inevitability that Edge will just be destroying the part-time legend. But against Cena, it'd be more an elective thing, both guys being themselves and doing their things and wanting to see what the other's got. I'm not saying the outcome is any less certain, but I'm saying the ride getting there would create a lot more sizzle and interest.
     
    But only if WWE has the balls to shine the spotlight on the many ways onscreen John Cena is an incredibly immature, needy douchebag. The way they pulled away after the Angle feud suggests to me that they don't have those balls.
     
    What do you do with Edge and the WWE Title, then? You can still do HHH, if you must (and sadly, I think all this "King of Kings" talk means that you must; but luckily, I think Solitary HHH also has enough babyface to him to pull it off against Edge and Lita).... but of course, in this scenario, the Wet Dream becomes that you send RVD up against Edge (likely in a Ladder Match Scenario) for the WWE Title in a match that might actually capture an imagination or two.
     
    Note: another reason this can't happen is because it leaves Triple H with nothing to do. And he's already spent the last 6 months with nothing to do. He's not gonna spend the next 2 doing the same thing. [In an Huge Irony, you could solve this problem by sending HHH over to SD!, or by at least involving him in a RAW/SD! cross-brand feud. You could also help solve some of SD!'s issues, too. But again: HHH doesn't take charity cases anymore, so you can write him out of doing anything like that. Alternatively, if you can find me one (1) fan who would find a 3-way Ladder Match among Edge, RVD, and HHH for the title to be less interesting than a straight Cena/HHH title match, I'll gladly be the one to press the button to eject that person into the sun, since they have no business interacting with us other Thinking Persons.]
     
    Anyway, it really is a "loaded" RAW if you look on the surface.... a WWE Title Match with a special referee, and then the semi-finals of a tourney to determine the #1 contender to that title at WM22.
     
    But sadly, you lose a lot of snap, crackle, and pop when you realize that -- barring an infusion of creativity, cleverness, and testicular fortitude at WWE HQ -- the outcomes of all three of those matches are not in doubt. Cena retains his title, and HHH advances to face Van Dam in next week's Final (which he'll inevitably win to crush RVD back down to the mid-card where he belongs, right, Trips?).
     
    Note: I don't WANT these things to happen, necessarily, but WWE's on-screen product has given us absolutely no reason to believe that any other outcomes are possible.
     
    Besides those three matches, we also have one other Big Segment in store tonight.... Vince McMahon's Mandatory Retirement Party for Shawn Michaels. DO NOT CALL IT A FIRING PARTY (although no game of semantics can possibly label it otherwise)! I would gather that this entire Logic Nightmare of a storyline will culminate tonight when Vince fails to comprehend the meaning of the word "mandatory," so Michaels isn't made to retire, and instead, we set up the WM22 match in which Shawn will face either Vince or Shane (or both). Possibly with a Retirement Stip on the line, then.
     
    Again: the taint of obviousness hamstrings this segment. Making things doubly worse: you know when you hand Vince McMahon a live mic, you run the risk of taking thrice as long to get to the point as you need.... so it's not just that you're going somewhere you don't really care about visiting, but Vince'll make sure you take way too long getting there. That's always something that gets on my nerves.
     
    By the time you get done with those four things, I'm betting you only have a handful of segments left to fill up tonight. One of them should definitely address the Trish/Ashley/Mickie situation.... but as outlined extensively last week, it's clear that somebody has gotten a Wrong Idea in their head over how to handle this. And instead of Mickie going all Annie Wilkes (in "Misery") on Trish, we've set the stage for Mickie going whatever-Jennifer-Jason-Leigh's-name was (in "Single White Female") on Trish's new comically toolish "boyfriend." Whee?

    OOfficial prediction: if Mickie does anything to that wiener-boy, she'll get cheered for it, and it'll only amplify the problem I talked about going back a month or more.... namely, that the Writer Monkeys are displaying a lack of grasp on Basic Psychology, here. Know your audience: because it contains some sexless chair-moisteners who are going to think vague-lesbian overtones are HAWT~! even if they come from a totally annoying and frustrating Psycho, and it'll also contain some (and perhaps I'm even in this group) who'll appreciate it if SOMEbody is looking out for a top-shelf broad by punking out her unworthy boyfriend. And by going down these unnecessary avenues, you're fucking up what should have been (and maybe still could be) a VERY simple and ultra-compelling storyline in which Mickie could become one of your strongest heels, Trish emerge as a Top Five Babyface (counting the men), and the two could have a match at Mania that would have blow-the-roof-off-the-joint potential. But none of those things have happened. Yet.
     
    And again: a basic guideline that we ALL should apply in all aspects of our life is that there is nothing worthwhile or replicatable about any project starring an alumnus from the TV show "Wings." Which includes "Single White Female." OK, except for "Monk." Never seen it, probably never will, but my mom would disown me if I didn't exempt "Monk" from the "Curse of Wings." To hear her tell it (and to placate about three dozen of You Fine Readers), it's the greatest thing on Geriatric TV Saturday Night since "Columbo" got cancelled. Which was a long time ago, since I remember sitting around on weekends when I was in grade school, and even *I* liked those "Columbo" movies.
     
    Point is: SOMEthing will happen with Trish/Mickie, but our proximity to Valentine's Day and the general direction we went last week has me fearing the worst -- some kind of very lame Hollywood Skit -- instead of expecting the best -- a simple, compelling angle that could and should be done in the ring without any other nonsense.
     
    Wracking my brain, I'm blanking on anything else that is a hugely pressing issue for tonight's show. Probably something with Shelton, explaining his Mama's absence, but at this point, I don't know if you have Shelton keep his energy on Flair's IC Title, or if you have him run-in and make his lone appearance by helping HHH beat Big Show (since Show "killed" his Mama last week). Nor do I really care. Well: I do care, and wish they'd keep the focus on Shelton's IC Title quest, but I also dread that WWE would have Shelton LOSE an IC Match against Flair WITHOUT his Mama, and only let him win the title once his Mama is back. Which is just so dumb and so ass-backwards that I don't even want to contemplate it.
     
    Which leaves me towards the end of my RAW Preview.... with only one final item to mention:
     
    That us fans in the United States don't get to see the show till Thursday. Stupid dog show. But the show is still live to our Canuck brothers living up in North Michigan (and also on only slight delay to our one-time oppressors in England).... I think Mexico and/or Spanish-speaking Americans get the show on Wednesday, too (I'm not clear on the details, but I guess Wednesday is ALWAYS a Spanish-language repeat of RAW on one of NBC/Universal's digital cable channels).
     
    But Me and most of us? Don't get the show till Thursday. So don't go getting all panicky tonight at 9pm. Just maybe watch some "24," instead. Hopefully it'll be back on track after last week's lameness. [I had the same problem with "Veronica Mars" taking a one-week nosedive in quality last week. Luckily, "The Office" was excellent, so at least one of my grand total of Three TV Shows I Watched was good. Oh, and the four-episode finale of "Arrested Development" was sweet, too, but that's more a special event.... although I got a kick out of the fact that two characters had a discussion about throwing in the DVDs to "Veronica Mars" and having a good time, but it got bleeped by FOX, with a vague-but-decipherable subtitle indicating that FOX will not have their TV shows promoting off-network teen PI Dramas. Heh: it all ties together for me. I maybe watch a half-dozen shows with regularity, but they're apparently inbreeding. Because Quality seeks out Quality! Veronica Mars was even a briefly-recurring character on "Deadwood"! And Steve Carrell came from "The Daily Show"! And Chloe from "24" was in "Mr. Show," which is long-since cancelled by available on DVD! I don't mind if these people are all inbred whores! As long as they are all only whores for Quality!]
     
    Notice nobody's made any references to wrestling on any of those shows. ZING~! WWE's a whore for plugs on "Dancing with the Stars," which is just about right, these days. That's Suck molesting Other Suck. 
     
    I digress.... point is we don't get the show till Thursday here in the US, so don't freak out tonight. If you're in possession of DVR Technology, just remember you'll have to set a MANUAL recording for Thursday night, since you know that the show on Thursday won't have the title "Monday Night RAW," and you're machine will be too stupid to make the adjustment to "Thursday Night RAW."
     
    And just in case big stuff happens and we can't contain ourselves till Thursday: I'm in the process of making arrangements with either a Limey or a Canuck so that OO will have a Full RAW Recap here on Tuesday. You can look forward to that, and I'll look forward to finally getting a week off from the Recappening Grind for the first time since.... well, I was going to say "August," but I think I got a break on Thanksgiving week, now that I think back.
     
  • TNA, RAW.... guess we might as well polish off the trifecta and touch on this weekend's SD!.
     
    For starters: it did a 2.9 broadcast rating, which is about four weeks in a row holding steady in the high-2's, which is NOT up to snuff.
     
    Then again, the show itself is not up to snuff recently. I honestly think that this push of Mark Henry into main events is resulting in the same kind of ratings malaise that happened back last fall when RAW spent 5-6 weeks putting Chris F. Masters into main events. It not only means that the final segment of the show will suck, but it also casts a pall on the rest of the show, simply because of the "judge a show by its finale" philosophy that I have.
     
    And if you're sending Mark Henry into the ring for a 20 minute main event match against Undertaker? Well, that was permission to Fast Forward through to the ending. I just do not care. Henry can't win. And the match can't be good. There's no drama. And there's no quality. Why would any thinking person watch that?
     
    They ran a deal where Kurt Angle had to run in and save Taker from a 3-on-1 attack (MNM joined in), to set up an Angle/Taker vs. MNM/Henry handicap match next Friday. Great: so when OO's trying to come up with a Top Shelf PPV Preview, the ONLY storyline advancement in the Angle/Taker main event will still not have aired domestically. Nice work, WWE.
     
    We'll still try to fake it, though. Promise.
     
    The second line match on the PPV this weekend is Orton vs. Rey, and there's an increasing buzz that WWE's going to go Orton vs. Angle at WM22, because they simply refuse to put the title on Rey, and there's a bit of waning-faith in Angle's health situation. Oh. My. God. The same under-performing dimwit was was forcibly ousted from the WM21 title picture a year ago because he wasn't connecting with fans has spent the last 12 months making a grand total of zero (0) tangible improvements.... but somehow, the "field" has fallen back enough that now Orton actually is considered to be in the main event mix. Culture of Mediocrity, indeed.
     
    One note: Orton getting punked out by Rey came after another utterly uncomfortable Ghost of Eddie Guerrero promo... and it also featured one of my Guilty Pleasures: Orton laying on his back with a blank stare on his face. The return of Concussed Idiot Randall Orton! It's the only time I actually believe his performances! Truly, nobody acts like a concussed idiot with half the skill of Young Randall Orton!
     
    In fact, Guilty Pleasures are just about all I had on SD!....
     
    One Guilty Pleasure was Booker T doing color commentary during a 4-way #1 US Title Contender Match. He and Sharmell are just a blast together. Maybe they wouldn't be on a full-time basis, but for 20 minutes at a stretch? I'm loving Booker's spaztic charm, and Sharmell's fetching willingness to step in and verbally punk out Michael Cole if he dares speak out against her man. It's hard to explain, it's nothing that really contributes hugely to the overall product, but it makes any match Booker's commentating for a LOT harder to fast-forward. No matter how much you want to. Which is pretty much, since this week, said match involved Orlando Jordan.
     
    Another Guilty Pleasure was the midget match, and the Fit Finlay's run-in to decimate them all with his sheleighleigh. Which cannot possibly be how you spell that, but it's Irish for "billy club," and it's dead-on perfect in a way that Gonnad hitting people with his shoe is not. Everything's better with midgets, you know that.... and we're also getting to the point where Finlay contributes to the most convincingly-ass-kicking segment each week on SD!, which -- since he's actually generating fan reactions -- is eventually gonna land him in a few more higher-profile situations. I'm talking US Title matches (especially if they'd come against Benoit) not being out of the question.... the comeback magic might not last long-term, but Finlay (and WWE) oughta ride this pony till it gives out.
     
    One thing that I'm not feeling guilty about is liking the MNM vs. London/Spanky match. Only issue there was that it was too short to be really good, and didn't really latch on with the fans.... but I thought it was very nicely worked, and if you're putting together a PPV full of matches nobody will care about, I could go for a 15 minute rematch version of that match as something that *I* would care about.
     
    Beyond that.... ummmm, Pirate Burchill didn't quite pan out like I thought. Instead of having it be either bad-ass or sorta-funny, they just gayed him up with really bad eye-makeup (i'm not joshing) and horrible hair extentions, and had him bumble around without doing anything interesting or even establishing a punchline. I vote for un-gaying him, and making it be "Yarrrrr! Quit starin' at me Cutlass, ladies!". Unless you hook him up with Orlando Jordan (hey, those are long jaunts out at sea, and they might bring about a few fundamental changes) and there'd be a whole OTHER reason why he wouldn't care for ladies looking at his Cutlass.... but whatever. Point is I don't know what I was expecting for the start of Pirate Burchill, but what happened this weekend was none of it.
     
    You can get the full report from the show in Jeff Snider's SmackDown! Recap.
     
  • Some have written in wondering if the little mini-skit on SD! where Melina approached Matt Hardy about "joining a winning team" might be signaling the end Matt's downward spiral into irrelevance, courtesy of a heel turn.
     
    I guess the chance to be the Singles Heel for MNM, and the chance to once again work with a skanky-yet-hot chick strike y'all as just the kick in the pants that Matt needs. [Note: in deference to Melina's recent make-over, the new hairstyle results in lots less skank, and much more hot. But her character is still SD!'s Lita in terms of easiness.]
     
    But I also guess you people just don't pay attention to the newsbites that I actually deem worthy of including in OO. Because I carefully filter them, and only put in the ones that are pertinent, and if you've been reading, you would never have arrived at that notion.
     
    Because you'd already know that plans are for Matt Hardy to fill in as Road Warrior Animal's new tag team partner, including for a bunch of house show matches against MNM.
     
    MIght they still re-write things so that Matt turns on Animal in the end? Maybe. That could work, too. But M&MNM isn't something that's imminent; Matt and Animal vs. MNM is.
     

  • WWE has two more "Super Show" tapings coming up before WM22. One is in two weeks, and is the result of accommodating an overseas tour. But the other is coming up in mid-March, and there's no overseas tour or other logistical reason for the odd scheduling.
     
    The only thing I can figure is that it's the Monday after Saturday Night's Main Event, and WWE's trying to save money by still only running two TV tapings that week, instead of three.
     
    In either case, you've got at least a few chances, there, for cross-over appearances and stuff, if WWE's got any good ideas of RAW vs. SD! storylines. At this point, they don't even have any good RAW storylines or SD! storylines, so I wouldn't bet much more than a nickel on them having RAW vs. SD! storylines, but you never know...
     
  • I guess the last thing I want to say today is a quick call-back to my Friday column.... not just because I sorta consider it one of the better pieces of incisive analysis I've done in the last 18 months, but also because it's generated at least one VERY hilarious class of reactions. 
     
    Namely, the "underground" of John Cena fans somehow managed to interpret the column as a diatribe against Cena (which is wasn't). And then also interpreted it as something written BY JERICHO HIMSELF.
     
    HA~!
     
    That's actually doubly funny to me, since I was *so* close to titling that section of the column "Rick is Jericho" given how  similar Jericho's sentiments of 7 years ago are to my sentiments today. But then I realized I wasn't exactly highlighting anything flattering about myself if the column title amounts to me (for real) agreeing with something Jericho said in character (seven years ago, just to get heat). I figured I'd shift the focus of the column away from the spOOky similarities, and more towards the Actual Issue. 
     
    And yet, it appears that not only did Cena fans mis-read the column as being about John Cena, they also mis-read it as being penned by Jericho (or at the very least, recited by Jericho to me for publication). As part of an "online shoot," or something. Tee hee. But c'mon, people, Jericho and I are NOT the same: he has way better hair than me. And I'm a better guitar player than him (trust me, he Bono'ed his way into being the singer of Fozzy). Jericho would bore you with hockey talk, while I'm an endless well of Dayton Flyer minutiae. And most tellingly: if I were Jericho, it wouldn't take acts of god to get Erin Anderson to periodically do my bidding. Use your heads, people!
     
    I had 3 people e-mail me in to tell me they saw the comical display, but none provided the direct link.... instead, they just say "it was on one of the blog entries of Cena's MySpace website."  And that maybe it had spread to one other message board, or something. I tried to find it, but there are about 4742 Cena-related search-matches on MySpace, and I frankly have better things to do with my time than killing more braincells with that poison than I ever have with whiskey....
     
    But the way the mailers made it sound, it was Cena's Own PERSONAL MySpace site, which means that (a) it's not Cena's site, and (b) it is visited mostly by fangirls dumb enough to believe that it really is Cena who is interacting with them. Which suddenly makes it equally as sad/pitiable as it is funny that they managed to get their panties bunched over this situation. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less from such an intellectually curious group of middle-schoolers.
     
    Part of me would actually love to play off them and goad them, as part of my Very First Web Feud Ever (EVER~!), but I'm not sure there'd be any satisfying end game if I (or OO Nation) crushed the hopes and nascent desires of a few thousand fan girls.
     
    And plus: if I *am* Jericho (or in cahoots with him), the LAST thing I'd do is admit it openly. No, I'd doth potesteth too much! Keep you guessing! Because I'm sick of screwing with all you dumb little marks on my own website. I'm taking it up a notch! 
     
    Yeah.
     
    Anybody wants to keep me apprised of any further progress on this issue among the Cena community, feel free to do so; I'd love to hear the sad, sad details.
     
    The rest of you: if you didn't make a visit this weekend, I really do hope you'll check out the offending column, as it's good stuff. And it's got NOTHING to do with Cena (in fact, the only thing I say about Cena is a backhanded compliment)... it's about a far more important plaguing WWE. One in which Cena is, at best, a symptom, but NOT a root cause.
     
    Read, share, and enjoy. 
     
    Then, because tomorrow's a day off from the RAW Recap, it'll be Wednesday before I see you. Agayn.


  
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PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
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PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
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RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 
 
E-MAIL RICK SCAIA

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

 

 

 


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