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OO SPECIAL FEATURE  
TNA iMPACT on SpikeTV: Episode 3 
October 17, 2005

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

And now, my traditional sports update to get past the advertisement. The Thrashers have decided to suck, losing three games in a row and getting pounded doing it. At least they did the pounding during Friday’s Fight Night that served to piss off the Leafs and the NHL. I guess if you’re going to suck, do it in an entertaining fashion. The Falcons were helped out by some good luck and

bad refs to beat the Saints. My DC United soccer team tied Saturday night, but the game didn’t matter because their playoff spot was already guaranteed. Georgia won to stay undefeated, but they beat Vanderbilt. You could put together eleven random guys at your local bar and give Vandy a good game.

And that should just about do it, on to Impact…

We start the show off with highlights from last week’s annihilation of Team 3-D (the former Dudleys if you’re not keeping score at home). After the obligatory welcome from Mike Tenay and Don West, we start with the matches.

MONTY BROWN V. JERRELLE CLARK/MIKEY BATTS (HANDICAP MATCH)

Batts tries to catch Monty by surprise with a springboard plancha off of Clark’s back, but Monty isn’t playing that game. He catches him, and uses him to hit Clark when he comes out to try to help. Batts is out, so Monty tosses Clark back into the ring. Clark gets in a couple of shots, but Brown destroys him with an overhead release belly to belly suplex. Brown tosses him off the ropes to nail the Pounce. But oh no, he’s not done yet. Batts flies in off the turnbuckle, but Monty catches him again. Don’t these kids ever learn? One Alpha Bomb to Batts later, and that’s that as Monty pins both of them at the same time.

Monty grabs a mic and welcomes everyone to the Serengeti. He says that he will win the NWA World Title and no one can stop him. Lance Hoyt comes out. They have a match scheduled for Bound for Glory. Hoyt says that he’ll make Brown remember one name, “Hoyt.” Well, alrighty then…

Backstage, Shane Douglas is with Larry Zybysko and a whole lot of security. Zybysko announces that The Naturals will face AMW next week on Impact for the NWA World Tag Team Titles. We see the need for all the security as Raven tries to get to Zybysko. Raven screams about how Zybysko screwed him out of the World Title and gave his rematch to Kevin Nash. Zybysko tosses him out of the building, even though Raven does have some good points.

Coming back from commercial, we see a hype video for the Jushin Lyger/Samoa Joe match at Bound for Glory. Joe will be making his Spike TV debut next week.

DAVID YOUNG V. MATT BENTLEY

Young already loses in the valet department. Simon Diamond is just no match for the lovely Traci. And she’s in a dress again, which I’m sure is upsetting our favorite webmaster in Ohio. Okay, okay, there’s a match here to recap. Young takes the early advantage with his power advantage. Young scores big with a sweet double knee to the back neckbreaker drop sort of move. I’m sure there’s a better name for it out there somewhere, I’ll come up with something better next time. Young keeps up the momentum with a suplex and big right hands. Bentley is able to reverse things with a neckbreaker. Following up a brainbuster, Matt steals his uncle HBK’s elbow drop. Simon tries to get involved, but eats a right hand and gets Young tossed into him for his trouble. The Bentley Bounce is followed with the superkick and that’s all she wrote.

Petey Williams comes out for the post-match shenanigans. He nails the Canadian Destroyer on Bentley. Traci comes in to check on Matt, but Petey grabs her. After stealing a kiss from her, he gets slapped. Petey decides to go for the Destroyer on Traci, but is distracted by pulling up her dress instead. Hey, it happens. This gives Chris Sabin enough time to show up and he chases Petey off.

Commercials are sandwiched between video packages for AJ Styles and The Naturals. Tenay and West inform us that Jeff Jarrett and his band of cronies aren’t in the building tonight, but they show us a special video they made. This is the world famous funeral segment that the internet’s been raving about. I can’t say I have experience recapping funeral segments, so I’ll just hit the highlights here. James Mitchell presides, which seems fitting. Team Canada sports black hockey sticks. James Storm is drinking beer. Gail Kim is bored. Jeff Jarrett looks like he stole Wham’s wardrobe. After Mitchell spoke, AMW step to the podium. After Storm proclaims, “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if it weren’t for America’s Most Wanted, Team 3-D’d still be with us,” Harris tells us why AMW joined up with Jarrett. He breaks it down to the money, power, and to show teams like Team 3-D that they can’t just come in and take their spot. The Canadians chant along with the money and power parts. We learn that Eric Young is a bit paranoid, he freaks out every time anyone touches him. Storm says that he can hear Brother Ray saying, “Devon, get the…” Jarrett cuts him off, saying that even though their career is dead, they don’t want another lawsuit. Mitchell tells everyone that they’ll be returning after Bound for Glory for another ceremony for Kevin Nash. Everyone leaves, except for Storm who decides to piss in the casket. Hey, he’d been complaining that he needed to piss the whole time, what do you expect?

After commercials, we’re back for…

RHINO V. SABU

Rhino charges into the ring, but neither man can gain the early advantage. They trade shots until Rhino is knocked to the floor. Sabu follows him out with a senton. They both make it back to the ring, and with chairs. Rhino wins the always fun chair duel. He sets the chairs up and goes for a second rope piledriver. Sabu is able to block it and he hits the springboard hurricanrana. Rhino kicks out at two. Sabu goes for the Super Atomic Arabian Facebuster, but Abyss comes out and nails him. This leads to the Gore and win for Rhino.

Abyss comes after Rhino, but takes a belly to belly suplex. Rhino goes for the Gore, but he gets the sole of Abyss’ boot instead. Mitchell tosses Abyss the tacks, but Jeff Hardy is out to spoil the party. He knocks Abyss out of the ring, but then gets decked by Rhino. Rhino goes on to blast Sabu with a chair shot. All four men get up and face off in the ring as security breaks it up.

After more commercials, we get video packages for Bound for Glory and the World Title match between Jarrett and Nash. Tenay and West remind us about the NWA World Tag Team Title match next week and announce a main event of Jarrett/Monty Brown/Abyss v. Styles/Hardy/Lance Hoyt.

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS V. ??? (IRON MAN CHALLENGE)

Daniels will be facing three opponents of Styles’ choosing and has to defeat them all in fifteen minutes. AJ’s first hand picked opponent for Daniels is the ever popular Shark Boy. Sharky runs around the ring for a while to kill time, he’s a clever one that Shark Boy. Once in the ring, he nails a missile dropkick on Daniels for a two count. A neckbreaker also gets two. Daniels has had enough though, he catches Sharky coming off the ropes and hits the Angel’s Wings to pin him in around two minutes.

Next, AJ brings out Sonjay Dutt. Tenay tells us about Dutt’s recent trip to India that sparked riots. That’s what happens with the Original Playa from the Himalaya returns home. Sonjay shows he’s up for the challenge, getting the best of Daniels early. He hits a springboard elbow drop for a two count. He then hits one of his super twisty tilt-a-whirl headscissors moves. Daniels goes for a powerbomb, but Dutt reverses it into a hurricanrana to Daniels that sends them both over the ropes and out to the floor. An Asai moonsault by Dutt takes us to the last commercial break of the night. We come back with Daniels locked in an octopus type hold by Dutt. It looks really painful, whatever it is. Daniels breaks it by getting to the ropes, and then turns the tide with a Flatliner to Dutt, who was coming off the top rope. Ouch. Daniels goes for multiple body slams. A gutwrench suplex by Daniels gets two, and Dutt is able to escape a rear naked choke hold. Dutt comes back with a slingshot hurricanrana. Dutt then does a crazy rope walking move while doing the Sprinkler dance. Just in case you missed it, he follows up with a Sprinkler elbow drop. The fans in Bombay were going nuts! It just served to piss Daniels off. Dutt went up for the Hindu Press, but Daniels moved. Dutt landed on his feet, but Daniels nailed with an enziguiri. While he was still stumbling around, Daniels got him with the Angel’s Wings and the win.

With three minutes left, Daniels gets on the mic and demands that the third person come out now. In a surprise to few, AJ Styles revealed himself as the third man. Daniels did not look too pleased. Daniels runs from him at ringside, but catches him when they come back into the ring. Daniels pounds AJ with hard Irish whips to the corner and running knees. Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, but AJ fights out of it. AJ goes for a springboard Flying Angry Man Forearm, but slips as time expires. That’s what you get for wrestling in your Reebok’s, AJ.

AJ gets on the mic and says that he’d normally go up the ramp and beat Daniels all over the arena. However, he says he’ll wait until Bound for Glory when he gets to do it for thirty minutes.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

The show was lighter on the actual wrestling this week. We didn’t Raw levels because of the Iron Man Challenge, but it was pretty light for TNA. That was made up by the excellent funeral segment. Excellent job by all involved. James Storm was hilarious, as was Eric Young. What’s up with Young’s paranoia anyway? I liked that AMW finally spelled out their reasons for the heel turn, and they all actually made sense. What a concept! I think the main reason this segment was such a home run was that it was something that TNA doesn’t do very often. I’ve often thought that TNA comes off as a little too serious sometimes with their PPV intros and James Earl Jones Jr.’s voiceovers. The comedy was a welcome change, and it was very well done. The Iron Man Challenge was well done, I liked the push that Sonjay seemed to get. He looked very strong.

I did have a few gripes. Monty is coming off as a little too serious. I liked him more when he acted like The Rock after watching a Discovery Channel marathon. He needs to cut more promos or backstage interviews like that. It gave him a weird edge that made him seem more threatening. I think it would work to get him over more to new fans better than squashing two jobbers. I know Batts and Clark are on the roster, but if you don’t get music and ring introductions, you’re jobbers. I could have done without the Sabu/Rhino match, a shorter backstage brawl with the Monster’s Ball guys would’ve worked just as well. It might have added more time to the Bentley/Young match too, which could have used it.

Next weekend is Bound for Glory. The card looks to be stacked and the regular band of TNA experts will be here on Friday to preview the show for you. Until then…

E-MAIL JASON
BROWSE THE OO FEATURES ARCHIVE

Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.


  
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