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OO TNA COVERAGE  
The Impact Zone Gets an
Injection of Charisma 
November 21, 2005

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

So I finally got to see U2 live for the first time Saturday night.  Now I finally see what all the fuss is about, those guys definitely know how to put on a rock show.  It’s amazing that I always get stuck sitting near the biggest idiots at a concert though, is it just me that this happens to?  We have Idiot #1 to my left, the type of idiot who tries to yell the

lyrics out on every line but misses it horribly.  He punctuated this ineptitude by smelling like he had just dropped a deuce in his pants.  I guess Gavin Rossdale’s new band, the opening act, was too much for Senor Smelly to handle.  

Idiot #2 was behind us and he really took the cake.  He was the type of idiot who decides that the slow, quieter songs are the best times to have a really loud conversation with his girlfriend.  He also had the revelation during “Miss Sarajevo” that, “Wow, U2 is really political and stuff.”  Pure genius.  He then topped all of that by trying to pick a fight with me, during the song “One” of all songs, because I turned around after having beer spilled on the back of my head for the third time.  I didn’t even get a chance to say anything before Idiot #2 is saying, “Well why don’t you come up here and do something about it?”  Of all the shows for a near fight, I figured U2 was pretty low on the list. 

Somehow, U2 managed to overcome the idiocy and made the show a great one.  And now, it’s time for Impact…

The show kicked off with a nice video package of the Genesis PPV.  The song they set it to didn’t even suck.  I think that TNA might be getting real bands to provide them with music. 

SAMOA JOE V. JERRELLE CLARK

Joe comes to the ring with his towel stained with the blood of Christopher Daniels.  Poor Jerrelle is getting good at playing the lamb being led to slaughter.  He starts off by getting the crap kicked out of him here.  Joe hits the big running knee in the corner, followed up by the evil Face Wash.  Clark tries to come back with a tornado DDT out of the corner, but just gets tossed across the ring instead.  Joe hits the running senton and sets Clark up on the turnbuckle.  A Muscle Buster, followed by the Kokina Clutch, finishes Clark off. 

After Joe finally lets go of Clark, AJ Styles appears on the PandaTron.  AJ reiterates his comments from Bound for Glory about Joe breaking the “code” of the X Division with his attack on Daniels.  Joe brushes it off and starts to walk away, but AJ yells “Don’t turn your back on me!”  Joe doesn’t, and AJ demands a match with Joe at Turning Point with the X Division Title on the line. 

After commercials, Tenay and West comment on the AJ v. Joe match.  They also announce that Sabu and Abyss will face off in a Barbed Wire Massacre match at Turning Point, with barbed wire being all over the arena.  They start to talk about Jarrett defending the World Title, but are interrupted by the King of the Mountain himself.  Tenay says that Larry Zybysko is meeting with TNA officials and hasn’t determined who will face Jarrett for the title yet.  Jarrett says he’ll go to Zybysko and find out for himself.  Gail Kim pretty much stands around and looks hot. 

AMERICA’S MOST WANTED V. SONNY SIAKI/APOLLO

Apollo is now wearing a bandana around his head during his matches, trying to distract us from the fact he sucks.  Try a bag over your head, buddy.  Siaki and Apollo start off by kicking some ass, surprisingly.  Here’s another tip for our good friend Apollo.  When you’re doing double team arm drags, make sure you do the same type of arm drag as your partner.  If you don’t, you look like a dumbass.  AMW is shocked by this and have to bail.  Spike TV is shocked by Siaki and Apollo getting in some offense and they go to commercial to sort things out.

We come back with a more familiar scene, Apollo catching a whooping.  He ends AMW’s dominance with a big boot and is able to get a hot tag to Siaki.  Sonny comes in with lots of fire.  He hits his cool neckbreaker on Storm and a Samoan Drop to Harris gets a two count.  Apollo comes back to knock Storm to the floor.  He then tries for a dive on Storm, but the wily Cowboy blasts him with his trusty beer bottle instead.  Referee Rudy Charles tries to figure out what happened, while Storm tries to blame a fan at ringside.  Meanwhile, Harris grabs his trusty handcuffs and blasts Siaki with them.  Storm returns and a Death Sentence ends things. 

AMW steps outside and retrieves a table from under the ring.  They paint 3D on the table and plan to deliver another Death Sentence through it, but Team 3-D come out to take offense.  They take the opportunity to announce that they’ll be facing AMW for the Tag Titles at Turning Point in a tables match.  Harris and Storm do not look pleased. 

Jarrett, Kim, and Shane Douglas stalk around outside of Zybysko’s office.  They say nothing we haven’t heard before. 

We come back from commercial with a recap video of the 3 Live Kru.  This leads us to Shane Douglas interviewing the group, starting off mentioning that BG James has a huge announcement next week on Impact about the group.  Konnan and Truth aren’t too happy learning about this announcement from the Franchise instead of from BG himself.  K-Dawg slips in a good line about BG needing to go back to rehab.  Even Truth has to admit that that was wrong.  BG says he has a meeting and has to talk to his people.  Konnan says he has some people of his own to talk to and Truth just wants everybody to get along. 

RHINO V. ABYSS

They trade shots early in the match, with neither man getting a clear advantage.  Abyss fails with an attempted hip toss and is eventually knocked to the floor.  Rhino follows that up with a slingshot crossbody to the floor.  Spike is so horrified by the collision of a flying Rhino with Abyss that they’re forced to go to commercial. 

Rhino tries to blow everyone’s mind again as we come back.  He has an armbar/body scissors locked on Abyss in the middle of the ring.  Abyss eventually fights out, but eats a nasty back elbow from Rhino.  Abyss is knocked to the outside again with a clothesline.  Mitchell doesn’t want to see Rhino fly again, so he gets in the ring to distract him.  Rhino turns around and Mitchell fakes an ankle injury.  This gives Abyss enough time to recover and trip up the Man Beast.  That is followed up with a Reverse Wishbone Testicle Crunch on the ring post.  Back in the ring, Abyss tries to wear Rhino down with a neck vice.  The crowd is chanting for Rhino, except for one douche who tries to counter with a “Let’s Go Abyss” chant.  Okay, maybe it was two people, I’m not positive.  Anyway, Rhino is spurred on by the crowd (or maybe the douches) and breaks out of the hold.  He hits a big flying clothesline, but eats a big boot after springing off the ropes a second time.  Rhino changes the momentum with a spinebuster out of nowhere for a two count.  Rhino then has some ECW flashbacks and gets a table.  He sets it up in the corner, but Abyss blocks the Irish Whip into it.  He tries to set up for the chokeslam, but Rhino counters and hits his belly to belly suplex.  Rhino goes for the Gore, but Abyss side steps him and Rhino smashes through the table.  Abyss goes for the Shock Treatment, but the lights go out.  When they come back, Sabu is at ringside with his chair covered in barbed wire.  Abyss starts to freak out and forgets about Rhino.  He turns around and gets Gored to lose the match. 

Jarrett is finally in Zybysko’s office and is informed that he will be defending his title against Rhino at Turning Point in the rubber match between the two.  Jarrett wonders why Raven didn’t get a rematch or why Monty Brown hasn’t received a title shot.  Zybysko says, “I thought you hated Raven.  I thought you hated Monty.”  Jarrett says he’ll have to beat Rhino and that he expects Christian will be next in line.  He says that Zybysko is just a puppet of TNA management. 

After commercials, Christian comes out for his first Impact appearance.  He says that he apparently ruffled some feathers at Genesis, he wasn’t fired and had nowhere else to go, he came to TNA because it’s the place to be (leading to an obligatory TNA chant), and that he came to take the NWA World Title.  He also said that he didn’t care how the other boys in the back felt about that, because, “That’s how I roll.” 

Cue Monty Brown, who apparently rolls a bit differently.  He welcomes Christian to the Serengeti and says, “The quantity of speech is not always indicative of the quality of thought.”  That surely went over the heads of about 87% of the Impact Zone.  Monty then laughs about Christian giving Jarrett fashion advice at Genesis (referring to Christian telling Jarrett not to wear white pants after Labor Day).  Monty, who appears to have stolen a shirt out of Don West’s shiny shirt closet, laughs at Christian’s clothes and “Bob the Builder” boots.  Christian doesn’t have much of a comeback, he loves those Bob the Builder cartoons.  He says that he “lays down for no man” and will make Christian feel the…

Captain Charisma cuts him off, which is always a dangerous thing to do.  Christian talks about how Monty likes to hurl his body around and pounce on men.  He says that he doesn’t want to talk about what Monty likes to do in his spare time.  The Alpha Male looks like his head could explode at any time.  Christian says that it sounds like Monty is afraid of losing his spot, and he should be.  He then steals Monty’s “POOOUUUNNNCCCEEE… period.” line, which sets off the brawl.  They trade rights, with Christian eventually getting the best of it.  He goes for an Irish Whip, Monty reverses it, and destroys Christian with a Pounce that sends Christian’s head ricocheting off the bottom rope.  He stands over Captain Charisma to end the show. 

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

  • AJ’s promo with Joe was one of his best.  I know that’s not saying a whole lot, but he really showed some emotion.  Joe’s reaction to it also helped.
  • It’s funny how AMW and Abyss were completely treated as heels by the crowd, yet Joe still gets tons of cheers.  AMW are excellent heels and do a good job to get the crowd pissed.  Mitchell helps get Abyss over as a heel.  Maybe Joe needs to change his act up a little bit to truly get a heel reaction, if that’s what’s needed.  Tease some of the spots that the fanboys love, and then don’t deliver on them.  I wonder how well it would work. 
  • Damn it, where was Traci?  Also, is Jackie Gayda ever going to make her debut? 
  • Jarrett’s presence was pretty pointless in the show.  He ran his mouth a fair bit, but didn’t say much of anything.  No one cares about how he doesn’t like TNA management.  The roles of TNA management and the Director of Authority haven’t been clearly defined enough for me to care who makes the decision and how it screws Jarrett over.  Come up with a new reason to be pissed about your opponents, Jeff. 
  • Rhino v. Abyss was a really good, standard heavyweight match.  They stayed away from the hardcore style for the most part.  The ending was kind of screwy, but made sense for the storyline. 
  • I still think Apollo sucks.  He did suck a whole lot less this week though. 
  • The Monty/Christian war or words was excellent.  I’m hoping there’s more of that as we build to their match at Turning Point.  I’d actually have no problem with a prolonged feud between the two. 

Check out the replay tonight at midnight if you’re interested.  I’ll see y’all next week with the next recap.  Until then…

E-MAIL JASON
BROWSE THE OO FEATURES ARCHIVE

Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.


  
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