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No Gold in Dudleyville... Not THIS
Month, Anyway.... 
February 6, 2006

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


I had written a nice introduction, discussing the rumored move to prime time for TNA and Impact. Spike just couldn’t wait though, announcing Monday morning that Impact will be run on Thursday nights at 9 P.M. Eastern and Pacific. It will repeat in its current Saturday night timeslot as well. Unfortunately, the show will remain an hour long. I was holding out hope 

that it would expand, supposedly TNA was really pushing for a 90 minute show. This is great news for TNA though. You have to give them credit, they went from doing weekly PPV’s, nearly going under in the process before they really got started, debuted Impact on Friday afternoons on Fox Sports Net, did a couple specials with them, moved over to Spike, and have now moved into prime time. All of that has happened in a span of less than four years. Not too shabby, I imagine the champagne corks will be popping in the TNA offices as you read this. Congratulations!

Enough of the back slapping, it’s time for Impact…

The show kicks off in the ring with Team 3D. Brother Ray is especially amped as he tells us who they are and what we’re watching. He reveals that the fans have spoken, and they chose Team Canada for Team 3D’s opponents at Against All Odds. I guess the fans don’t want Team 3D to get a title shot, weird.

A video package gets us up to speed on the Sting return/departure and the World Title scene.


Still no music or entrance for jobber-ific Tough Enough Kenny. “War Machine” Rhino is up for the match as he starts off wailing on King. Kenny learns that you don’t Irish whip Rhino, he eats a shoulder block. Rhino beats King’s ass in the corner, and gets bleeped talking trash. Joey Porter would be proud. King tries to come back with a boot to the gut, but gets clotheslined instead. Kenny learns another lesson, don’t try to steal AJ Styles’ Pele kick. He grazes Rhino’s shoulder, which only serves to piss him off. King bounces off the ropes and Rhino gives him a huge spinebuster. The crowd chants for the Gore, Rhino thinks it’s a good idea, so he goes along with it. Kenny learns his final lesson of the night, you don’t get up from the Gore.

Terry Taylor is on backstage duty for Shane Douglas this week. Did the Franchise pull a facial muscle making his ridiculous expressions? Anyway, he’s talking to Larry Zybysko. Larry’s bitching about Sting walking out and the press conference they had for Christian v. Jarrett. Austin Aries and Roderick Strong interrupt the interview. Aries is now buying his clothes at Fashionable Male, he’s even got ridiculous feathered earrings. Zybysko thinks they misunderstood his comments about trying to stand out. The Naturals show up as well. They want to know why they’re not getting title shots. Zybysko announces that since the fans voted for Team Canada v. Team 3D, that means AMW needs a match at the PPV. He’s set up a 4 team tournament that will decide the new challengers.


They trade reversals early, until AJ scores with his patented dropkick. Lethal is on the apron. AJ goes after him, but Lethal cuts him off. Lethal goes for a suplex to the floor, but AJ blocks it. Styles then suplexes Lethal, dropping him on the apron with a sickening thud. Lethal seems a little shaken up by that one. AJ hits him with the Angry Man Forearm in the corner. Samoa Joe comes out to watch, with a fresh towel that’s presumably meant for AJ. Styles sets up for the Clash, but Lethal is able to get to the ropes. Lethal hits a missile dropkick for a two count. He then nails AJ with a sweet hip toss/cartwheel/dropkick combination. Lethal rolls him up for another two count. They trade more reversals, until AJ eventually gets him in a double underhook. He turns that into the Styles Clash for the win. Joe does not look impressed.

Lethal is still down and AJ checks on him because he’s a man of honor or something.

Taylor is in the back with Team Canada. He talks about how stupid the fans are for putting Team 3D in a match with Bobby Roode and Eric Young. Young doesn’t look too happy to be put in that match. Petey and A-1 will be entering the tag team tournament. Before he can continue, Gail Kim shows up. She’s listened to the tape Jackie Gayda gave her and she’s really worried about losing her job. She says she wants out. She reveals that a few of the names mentioned on the tape were D’Amore, Roode, Jarrett, Zybysko, and Raven. D’Amore says that he’ll take care of it. Petey reminds him that they have a match now, but D’Amore says that if he doesn’t clean up this mess, they all might be out of jobs.


Sonjay is arm drag happy on Petey to start things out. He does the ridiculous Rope Walking Sprinkler Elbow of Doom and follows that with almost as ridiculous Sprinkler Elbow Drop. Petey is not amused as he kicks out of the pin attempt at the one count. A-1 comes in and gains the advantage, with a little outside help from Williams. Dutt is set up in the Tree of Woe. Petey comes back in and sings his national anthem while standing on Sonjay’s testicles. A-1 comes back and continues the whooping. Dutt is finally able to fight off the dastardly Canadians, leveling A-1 with a missile dropkick. Sabin gets the hot tag and he’s en fuego. A tornado DDT on Petey gets two, but A-1 breaks it up. Sabin goes for the Cradle Shock on A-1, but Petey chop blocks the back of his knee. The Canadians come back with a sweet clothesline/roll-up combo that gets a two count. Petey sets up for the Canadian Destroyer, but Sabin escapes. Dutt and A-1 brawl to the outside. Sabin stuns Williams with an enziguiri kick, which gives him time to hit the Cradle Shock for the win.

This week’s Global Impact segment is footage of a show in Australia with AJ, Daniels, Joe, Jarrett, Team 3D, and more.

Terry Taylor is about to interview AJ when Daniels shows up. AJ throws a towel at him when he comes in. He says that they’re even, but Daniels disagrees. He says that he threw in the towel during AJ’s match to prove a point. AJ reiterates that he was just trying to help Daniels when he through in the towel during the match with Joe. Daniels says he doesn’t need anyone’s help. He then slaps the piss out of AJ, who responds with punches and the brawl is on. Security has to separate the two while Taylor yells at them like a kindergarten teacher.


We’ve hit a new level of jobber-dom with these three. And no, I’m not talking about Apollo’s team for once. It’s never good when Apollo is talking trash to your team, you might as well just go on home. Homicide continues the assault. He drops Capone with a belly to belly suplex. LAX gets the win with a bulldog by Homicide off of Apollo’s shoulders.

LAX breaks out the dreaded slapjack after the match. The James Gang don’t play that though, and they run the LAX off.

Tenay and West talk about Sting and then throw to footage of the Jarrett v. Christian press conference. Jarrett’s all business as he’s wearing his orange Ace T-shirt again. Zybysko says that he’s taken special precautions to make sure that the match is fair. Dory Funk says the NWA World Title is the most meaningful in wrestling and he believes that Christian can win the belt. Christian tells us that he came to TNA for the belt and that this will be the biggest match of his 12 year career. Jarrett brags about his “victims list,” talking about Nash, DDP, Rhino, and even Hogan. He then rambles on about Sting being a quitter. One of the “reporters” asks Jarrett about Jackie Gayda and he says he’s not talking about that. Monty busts in and says that he could have signed the contract for the match, but he didn’t. He wants Jarrett to give him the next title shot. Christian promises victory, Jarrett says he’s going to send him back to the midcard, Jarrett throws a pitcher of water on Christian, and the brawl is on. Not quite Lennox Lewis/Mike Tyson, but a decent brawl nonetheless.


Shelley is about to set up his camera, but Coach D’Amore and Gail Kim come down to talk to him. They talk him into leaving with them. Austin Aries has some of the worst trunks I’ve ever seen. Chase Stevens is in control of him in the early going. They both tag and Andy Douglas keeps the advantage for the Naturals. He gets a two count after a neckbreaker on Strong. Aries and Strong go to the outside, and Stevens tosses Douglas on top of them. They head back to the ring, and Strong finally takes Douglas down. Strong pulls out a backbreaker, and Aries tags in. Quick tags keep Aries/Strong in control. Strong drops Douglas with a butterfly suplex, which is followed up by a pendulum elbow drop by Aries. Aries misses on a top rope leg drop, which allows Stevens to get the hot tag. Douglas comes back to help take Strong out. He’s tossed to the outside and they go for the Natural Disaster. Strong is able to recover and break it up. Aries takes advantage and rolls up Stevens, grabbing the ropes in the process, to get the win.

They go to the back with Jarrett’s posse. They’re sending Shelley off on his mission, which is to get dirt on Jackie Gayda. Jarrett’s told Alex where she lives, where she shops, what clubs she goes to, etc. He says that Shelley better get the job done, or don’t bother coming back. He leaves and Jarrett asks D’Amore if this is going to work. Coach says that he thinks it will work, which sets everybody off. They all argue and ignore Eric Young. He keeps trying to get their attention, but they all just walk off yelling at each other. Young grabs the camera and says that he knows that Sting isn’t gone. He says that Sting’s still around and it makes him nervous.


· Team 3D’s promo at the beginning was fine, but I don’t get putting them in a match with Team Canada. They should have been pissed off that they didn’t get another title shot, especially considering Ray’s earlier promos about how much the NWA Tag Team belts mean to them.

· It was noted at the bar that Devon has been working out, some people couldn’t even believe that it was him.

· Kenny King is still a jobber.

· Rhino’s complete no selling off Kenny’s moves was hilarious. The look of disdain after the pseudo-Pele kick was especially nice.

· For now, Jay Lethal is still mainly a jobber. He should be busting out of that role though if his match with AJ is any indication. The fans like him and he can definitely add to the X Division. It’s just a shame the match didn’t get more time.

· Zybysko is just annoying with all of his whining lately. I don’t know if your Director of Authority should be that much of a crybaby.

· The Jackie Gayda soap opera gets curiouser and curiouser. It’s been well done up to this point, I just hope the payoff is worth it.

· I always love pulling out a tournament to determine a number one contender. Two good tag matches this week and we should have another one next week.

· Sonjay and Sabin make a pretty good team. If they’re not going to get pushed right now in the X Division, keep them as a team for a while.

· Good segment with Daniels and Styles. The build up with them has been solid because they both have good points in their arguments. AJ thought he was trying to help Daniels because he was in trouble during the match with Joe. Daniels is pissed because he doesn’t think AJ should make that decision for him. Simple, but effective.

· I don’t care about LAX.

· The press conference was okay. The way it was done, in clip style, did help. Christian came off really good in the segment. Jarrett gave his usual performance, but I really wish he’d get another big event T-shirt. It looks like Monty isn’t completely trusting Jarrett again, I wish they’d make up their mind on that.

· Austin Aries somehow managed to out EuroTrash Alex Shelley this week, which is no small feat. When is Strong going to bite the bullet and look like a jackass to join his teammates?

· I’m looking forward to Aries/Strong v. Dutt/Sabin next week, I just hope they give them a decent amount of time.

· Eric Young is great, he’s earning himself a bigger role every week.

That’s going to do it for me. Against All Odds is next weekend and the TNA Posse will be back to get you ready for it on Friday. Until then…


Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.


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