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Sting's Got a Secret. Again. (Again.)
May 5, 2006

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Ugh, I hate pollen. This is my semi-annual “Week of Sinus Hell.” Twice a year, once in the spring and again in the fall, I have a week of agony because of my stupid sinuses. I thought I was going to escape this spring without any problems, until I woke up one morning and could barely talk because my throat was so sore. It's 

starting to get better, but I’m sniffling, sneezing, and coughing a lot at this point. Hopefully I’ll have something resembling my usual game, but if not, at least you now know why.

Enough Nyquil commercials, onto Impact…

Borash welcomes us backstage to an argument between Gail Kim and Jackie. Chris Harris breaks it up and tells Gail he better get Jackie in check. They leave for the match. Storm stops Borash and says, “Daniels, AJ…,” chugs the rest of his beer, slams the bottle down, and says, “I’m ready.” A video recap of last week’s leads us to the opening graphics.


Daniels comes out with AJ to Styles’ music. They sure are buddy-buddy again. Harris goes straight over to yell at Don West as usual. Storm’s ribs are still taped, which Tenay attributes to AJ putting him through the table at Lockdown. Daniels gets tossed early and AMW double teams AJ. Daniels comes back to even the odds and Harris and Storm get tossed as we head to commercial break numero uno.

The guys have a lot to live up to after that break, it featured a Smokey and the Bandit movie promo. Burt Reynolds’ mustache can be overwhelming. They give it a shot anyway, with AJ hitting his patented dropkick as we come back. Daniels tags in and continues the assault on the Cowboy. Harris takes advantage of the distracted referee to pull Storm closer to the corner for the tag. He then hits his delayed vertical suplex on Daniels. Storm tags back in and hits the leapfrog back splash. He sets Daniels up in the corner and chops him. Harris comes back and they hit some classic AMW double team maneuvers. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen that. Daniels is finally able to fight to his feet, but Storm takes him down again with the knee to the gut. Harris tags back in and scores with a double sledge. Daniels ducks a punch and decks Harris. AJ gets the hot tag and he cleans house. Angry Man Flying Forearm for Harris in the corner. AJ ducks a Storm superkick and puts him in the Torture Rack. A spinning slam gets two. Daniels takes Harris out to the floor and follows up with a suicide dive. Gail Kim goes to the top rope for a hurricanrana on AJ, but Styles catches her. He sets up for the Styles Clash, but Storm comes back with a Superkick. Gail hits a sweet hurricanrana on AJ to set up Storm’s pin.

We come back with a Sacrifice hype video, followed by a video highlighting Senshi’s martial arts background.


Hotshot Johnny Devine appears to be even more of an ass upon his return. Young has Maple Leaf tap on his wrists, nice attention to detail there Showtime. Shelley brings the ShelleyCam down to ringside. Eric Young is a wee bit intimidated by Shocker. Magno takes Devine over with a hiptoss and a variety of armdrags. Devine comes back by spitting on him. That’s a counter, I suppose. Devine hits a nice snap suplex on Magno. Shocker tags in and kind of misses a standing moonsault, Tenay covers for him calling it a Headbutt. He hits a sweet elbow drop on Devine. Shocker and Magno fly to the outside on the Canadians. Shocker talks trash to Shelley at ringside. Devine hits some weird move on Shocker that looked pretty stupid. Devine collides with Alex Shelley filming the match, which gives Shocker a chance to roll him up for a surprise win.

Zybysko joins Tenay and West at the announce table. Zybysko’s voice sounds about as bad as mine right now. Poor Larry. He announces that AMW will have a rematch with Styles/Daniels at Sacrifice, with Jackie and Gail banned from ringside. Raven comes out of the crowd and chases him off.

A video recap of last week’s DEAL OR NO DEAL brings us back from commercials. It’s the hottest new game show sweeping the land, and it’s back for round two. Jeff Jarrett’s music hits and he comes out with Scott Steiner. West says he gets “goose pimples” every time Sting walks to the ring. The Stinger says that these guys know the deal this time around, but there’s only one choice this week. He can pick the option behind the tunnel, or he can wait to see who else Sting will pick. Jarrett says Sting’s no Richard Dawson. No love for Wink Martindale, what’s up with that? Steiner wants to take the deal. Sting talks trash about the game show music, couldn’t he choose better music if wanted to, it’s his game show? Jarrett asks the crowd for their opinion. They say he should accept the deal. He asks if they think he’s that stupid, and they resoundingly say yes. Jarrett says no deal, he’ll push until next week. Sting says that this week’s contestant was an All American college wrestler, he’s a real estate agent in Georgia, a member of the Cherokee County Board of Education. The music hits and Rick Steiner emerges from the tunnel. Rick barks a lot and hits his old school catch phrase. Sting says Jarrett’s left him with no choice, and he’ll make his pick next week.

Sweet, more Smokey and the Bandit commercials this time around, I love Spike TV. The Alex Shelley interview with Kevin Nash brings us back from that greatness. Nash says Sting and Steiner are “substantially below” his stature. He then shows a graph he drew saying that he was the largest grossing champion in the history of the business, saying Austin was close and there was a drastic dropoff with The Rock. He says he’s not going to toot his own horn though. He says the X Division has “some good little guys who can put on a good little match” and that it’s good filler. That ends the interview, and Tenay goes nuts. He rips him for the X Division comments and Nash’s drawing power.


Non-title match here. Shelley tries to apologize for the filming of Christian’s wife and offers a handshake. Christian slaps him instead. He sets him up in the corner and chops him. Punches to the body send Shelley to the mat. They trade reversals, but Christian decks him with a clothesline. Inverted DDT on the apron for Christian. He slams Shelley into the guardrail next. Christian then goes over to West and asks him if he can borrow the extra chair. He sets Shelley in it and grabs a headset. He says he’s filming a documentary of his own called “Boot to the Skull” which, shockingly enough, is followed up by him kicking Shelley in the head. He does tell us that the producers are saying it’s time for a commercial break.

I’m going to have nightmares about the Jack In The Box commercial, I think it was scarier than the See No Evil movie promo. We come back to Christian continuing to kick Shelley’s ass. Shelley comes back with a kick, but his offense doesn’t last for long. Christian chops him in the corner again, until Shelley comes back with a modified STO dropping Christian throat first on the ropes. Christian goes to the outside, which Shelley follows up with a sweet suicide dive. He chokes Christian with his wrist tape, until Cage powers out. Shelley comes back with a nice spin kick. Christian floats over and drops the back of Shelley’s head across the top rope. He goes up top and hits a cross body block for a two count. He hits a Sky High, as D’Lo Brown breaks his TV in Japan (or wherever he is at this point). Shelley comes back with a dropkick to the head. Christian avoids the Sliced Bread #2 by whipping Shelley into the corner sternum first. The Unprettier finishes it.

Christian grabs a mic and says Abyss has ten more days until Full Metal Mayhem. Then we go to a video of Mitchell and Abyss under the bleachers where they invite Christian to show up next week to try to take back his belt.


· Really strong ring work this week, it seems to be a priority on Impact these days. I fully support this new initiative and hope it continues.

· I’m glad they’re doing more with the Styles/Daniels v. AMW match than using it as a throwaway on Impact. The PPV rematch should be great to watch, and they can use the controversy from tonight to add more heat to it. Storm’s bit with Borash before the match was great. I’m still wondering about AJ and Daniels being such good friends again though.

· The World X Cup match was pretty sloppy, but still fun. Devine’s big move on Magno looked ridiculous and didn’t even seem to make sense.

· Bonus points to Tenay for bringing up the tension between Sabin and Shocker from Shocker’s last run in TNA. That adds a little extra heat to the Cup.

· Sting seemed really out of it during his Deal Or No Deal segment, and mostly just came off like an ass. What was up with that? Did somebody switch his baseball bat with a whiffleball bat backstage?

· I hope they have more in mind for Christy Hemme than we’ve seen so far.

· On a similar note, isn’t it time for the Gail v. Jackie pillow fight by now?

· On another similar note, where in the blue hell is Traci?!?

· The Nash segment was actually pretty funny, but I’m wondering where it’s headed. Didn’t he already do the crazy act in WCW at one point? Poor Kev, I guess he’s out of ideas.

· The Christian v. Shelley match was good for what it was. Christian ripping off Rock’s in-match commentary bit was really bad, until he actually took us to the commercial break. That redeemed it.

I think that’s going to do it for me tonight. Impact is back next week with the last edition before the Sacrifice PPV. The Posse will be back next week and we’ll set the stage for the PPV. Until then…


Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.


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