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One Company, Under Jarrett, Indivisible, with a Title Change, and Mama Jokes for All
June 23, 2006

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Well, this morning’s big World Cup match was not the way I wanted to start my day. I have this theory. When your team is in a true “must-win” situation, you don’t put the team in a formation with only one forward. Maybe I’m crazy, but that seems a little defensive to me. It’s a shame that we don’t know if the US team was good

enough because of our coach’s tactics. Judging from his lineups, he sure didn’t think we were good enough. Unfortunately, we’ll never know for sure.

A recap of Slammiversary, highlighted by the appointment of Jim Cornette, kicks off this week’s Impact.

Tenay’s yells and screams take us to fireworks and lasers, hooray!

Cornette’s in the ring when the lights come up. He says TNA “needs some straightenin’ out.” He says he’s been holding closed door meetings with all the personnel. He threatens Jeremy Borash, telling him to stop knocking on his door. He then calls out LAX, saying they no-showed their appointment this afternoon. He promises that somebody’s getting fired next week. The crowd chants, “Fire Jarrett.” He holds up the belt, saying Jarrett really wants the belt (I’m not quoting his stupid line here, sorry). He says he’s embarrassed about Jarrett’s actions at Slammiversary and that the title is currently held up. He promises a decision on the champion, and a major announcement about the July PPV, next week. He talks about his history with the Jarretts, saying Jeff’s grandmother would be ashamed of his actions. He says he’ll see Jarrett in the ring next week.

Jarrett comes down the ramp as Tenay and West start talking. He argues with Cornette, saying he wants his belt back. He also says, “Don’t bring my family into this.”


Tenay plays up the fact that the Diamonds defeated Styles/Daniels three weeks ago, with the help of AMW. Daniels and Young start it out, but Skipper cheap shots Daniels. Tenay announces that Samoa Joe will defend the X Division title against Senshi and Sonjay Dutt later tonight. West goes nuts about there being two title matches tonight. Meanwhile, Skipper kicks Daniels square in the back and gets a two count. Daniels tries to reverse the momentum, but he gets crotched instead. He does block Skipper’s tight rop walk, and he drops Elix with the STO. AJ and Young tag in. Young breaks up a Styles Clash on Skipper. AJ and Daniels hit a sweet double team move on Young, and follow up with their take on the Total Elimination. Diamond breaks up an Angel’s Wings attempt by Daniels. AJ and Daniels’ strong female friend shows up to body slam Diamond. Daniels drops Young with his Rock Bottom, follows that up with the BME, and AJ follows that up with the frog splash to retain the titles.

Gail Kim comes running down to attack the mystery woman. She keeps getting tossed off, but keeps coming back for more. AMW comes down to pull her away. Tenay says he doesn’t even know the mystery woman’s name. I guess the Professor’s been skipping class.

Borash is backstage by Cornette’s office. He talks to a paranoid Eric Young, who’s convinced he’s about to be fired. Jarrett shows up and cuts in line, the bastard. He says he doesn’t need an appointment to see Cornette, he’s going in to get his title.

They come back from commercial with Sabin and Lethal trying to talk Eric Young down. Jarrett comes out of the office and Young asks him if he’s getting fired. Jarrett says he doesn’t give a crap about Young. He also says that Cornette told him he’d find out about the title next week.


Tenay tells us that ??? is Chasyn Rance (I’m guessing on the spelling). Slick Johnson is dressed like a retarded World Cup referee. He’d probably give the US more red cards than the crappy refs we had in the Italy game. Anyway, this was the standard Monty squash special. Fall away slam leads to the Pounce leads to the win.

Konnan invites Monty to join LAX after the match. He says that the company is holding him down. Monty mulls the offer over, and says that he’ll stand alone. Konnan says he’ll learn the hard way, like Killings and Dutt. Killings comes down the ramp upon the mention of his name. He starts talking to Konnan, K-Dawg calls off his boys saying that “Ronnie’s” family. Konnan then gives Killings pretty much the same speech he gave to Monty. Konnan says that TNA holds people down because of their race, not their talent. Killings holds his hands out, wondering what’s going on, when Konnan hugs him. Killings still looks confused, but then Hernandez and Homicide attack and they all leave Killings lying.

Borash is still with Eric Young. Sabin and Lethal are in the office with Cornette. Young asks Borash for advice, you know he’s troubled. Sabin and Lethal come out, and Sabin’s pretty excited. He won’t give any specific details, but says that Nash is going to love it. Young leaves, telling Borash not to tell anybody about their “secret plan”.

Borash is still by Cornette’s office. He talks to Christian next, who says that he should get the title back after the events of Slammiversary.

Tenay throws it to the back, where Team 3D and the James Gang are talking trash. You expect a fight, but instead they have a “Yo Mama” battle. Security and other wrestlers are standing around laughing at the hilarious hi-jinx. Ray eventually talks about BG’s “daddy”, saying that their whole family’s a bunch of losers. That starts the real fight. They brawl out to the ring. BG blasts Devon with a chair, then Kip destroys Ray. Brother Runt returns, and takes out Kip with an Acid Drop. Ray challenges the James Gang to find a partner for a six man tag match at Victory Road. Tenay speculates that they’ll be bringing Bullet Bob back for the match.

Borash is still stalking Cornette’s office. Christian is irritated that Cornette won’t tell him about the title situation. Sting shows up, saying he has something to talk to Cornette about. Christian asks what it is, but Sting ain’t telling. What a tease…

A TNA Knockouts video brings us back from commercial. The music selection sucks, but the mute button does wonders. Bonus points to Christy for the Poison shirt.


As of late, I think Sonjay has surpassed Amazing Red as Don West’s man crush. I hope he stands on the announce table chanting for Sonjay some time soon. Senshi starts out on fire, until taking a leaping kick from Joe. Joe ducks a flying Sonjay, who ends up crashing into Senshi on the outside. Eric Young is running around the ImpactZone with a “Don’t Fire Eric Young” sign and the crowd chants for him. Joe slams Sonjay into the guardrail. He sits him down on a chair and punches away, following up with a Face Wash into the guardrail. He attacks Senshi next, but Senshi decks him with a clothesline. Back in the ring, Senshi scores with a series of kicks. Joe starts slapping back as we head to the final commercial of the night.

Senshi gets a two count when we come back. He hits a basement dropkick on Joe’s quad. Sonjay finally reappears, decking Senshi with a crossbody block. He drops Senshi with a drop toe hold, following up with a standing moonsault for a two count. He attacks Joe, but gets flapjacked for his troubles. Senshi comes after Joe with kicks, but he gets an Atomic Drop and a senton. Sonjay scores with a springboard hurricanrana on Joe. Joe locks a chokehold on Dutt, which Senshi breaks up. Dutt hits his flipping inverted DDT on Senshi for a two count. Joe tries to get up on the outside, but Scott Steiner shows up to blast Joe with a chair. Senshi levels Sonjay, following it up with the Warrior’s Way double stomp to take the X Division title.

Steiner stands over Joe with the chair while Senshi celebrates in the ring.

Sting comes out of his meeting with Cornette in good spirits, saying that everything’s going to work out and that he got everything he wanted.


· Cornette’s bit went too long to open the show, I was getting bored with him towards the end of it. He covered a lot of ground, almost too much at once.

· Solid first title match for AJ/Daniels. I think they could get more out of the Diamonds than they currently do. Perhaps a Naturals/Diamonds feud could change that…

· Just say what AJ and Daniels’ muscled up female friend’s name is already, it’s not worth all the mystery. It looks like we’re headed towards a rare TNA woman’s match between ??? and Gail Kim though.

· I wish Cornette had come out and slapped Borash for hanging outside of his office all night. Borash was acting like he was Joan Rivers at an awards show or something.

· If I hadn’t already seen Monty squash 732 other jobbers, this one might have had some impact. Please come up with something original for him to do.

· While I’m making requests, let’s not go down this road with Konnan/LAX and Killings. Make Truth a real title contender already…

· The “Yo Mama” battle was downright sad, although I’m sure Fez loved the rip-off of his MTV show. They had to have had better ideas on how to get to the in-ring portion of the segment than that, wouldn’t you think? I’m going to blame Kip.

· They’re hyping the crap out of this Knockouts DVD considering it doesn’t come out until the end of August. The timing kind of sucks for Miss Jackie, eh? Damn Charlie Haas, trying to sabotage TNA projects.

· Not a bad way to get the X Division title off of Joe, and Senshi was a good choice to take it. It also keeps the Steiner/Joe deal going, which I fully support.

· Poor Sonjay, it never pays to be Don West’s favorite wrestler. What did it get Amazing Red? Not much, unless you count those milk cartons he’s on these days.


Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.


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