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TNA IMPACT RECAP  
Who's the Champ?
July 1, 2006

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

I’ve been going through World Cup withdrawal the last couple of days. After games every day for a couple of weeks, it’s been two days since the last Round of 16 game. I’ll get my fix this weekend though, starting tomorrow morning. My picks are Argentina, Italy, England, and Brazil to move onto the semifinals, with Argentina facing

Brazil in the final. We’ll compare notes next week, if you use these picks for gambling purchases and do well with them, I’m expecting a cut…

Highlights of last week open the show, ending with Cornette’s line about somebody getting fired, and his confrontation with Jarrett.

Tenay freaks out about all the questions surrounding TNA as we cue the fireworks and lasers.

Christian’s music hits and he is welcomed to the ImpactZone. Don West says that Christian has to feel like he was cheated at Slammiversary. Christian says he doesn’t want to wait until the meeting, he wants Sting out here right now. The Stinger appears, and he doesn’t look so happy. Tenay repeats Sting’s line about preventing Jarrett from winning King of the Mountain, conveniently leaving out Sting’s other line about taking the belt if he got the chance. Christian says he knows that Cornette’s going to give him the belt back later tonight. He says that Sting can have the first chance at the belt. Sting calls Christian “Jeff Jarrett”, and Christian is quite upset. He says, “Am I wearing white pants?” Sting tells him to shut up, and threatens to bite Christian’s finger off. Sting tells Christian that he’s cracking under pressure, and he’s second guessing everybody. Uh Sting, you did say you’d take the belt if you had the chance, genius. Sting says he requested a tag match with Christian next week against Jarrett and Steiner, and Cornette granted it. He declares that they’re on the same page. We’ll see, but I’m not trusting Mr. Sting…

Borash is backstage with Steiner and Jarrett. Steiner says that Sting can’t stand up to him, and he says that Ethiopians have better muscle tone than Christian. I’m just impressed he knows what Ethiopia is. Jarrett says he’s got Cornette backed into a corner, and that he’s the smartest man in wrestling. I thought the internet declared HHH that guy. Steiner ends the interview by asking Samoa Joe if he’s learned his lesson, with Borash looking shocked.

TEAM CANADA (WILLIAMS/YOUNG) V. CHRIS SABIN/JAY LETHAL

Lethal’s robe is lame. Petey attacks at the bell, but Young just looks worried. The Canadians each take double team move. Sabin hits a springboard elbow drop for two. Petey cheap shots Lethal. Roode and A-1 get involved, but Eric Young puts a stop to it. Tenay says he doesn’t want to do anything illegal and get fired. That sends us to a commercial as the crowd sits in confused silence.

Petey has Lethal in the Tree of Woe when we come back, but Young stops him from singing the Canadian anthem while standing on his balls. The other Canadians are upset with Young, D’Amore slapped him. Petey gets a spin kick on Sabin and tags in a reluctant Young. Petey tags back in, and Young blocks D’Amore from cheap shotting Sabin. Petey hits the Side Canadian Legsweep for a two count. Young comes back and gets a two count of his own. Petey sets his foot on the turnbuckle, and Young tags it instead of slamming Sabin’s head into it. Lethal gets a hot tag. He hits the cartwheeling dropkick on Young. Lethal kicks A-1 and Roode, followed up by Sabin flying over the top to take them out. Alex Shelley comes out with Johnny Devine working as a camera man. D’Amore knocks Lethal off the top, which sets up a Canadian Destroyer for the win.

Young shakes the ref’s hand, and the rest of the Canadians yell at him.

We get a training vignette with Shane Douglas and The Naturals. Some ring work is followed up by the infamous stadium steps, damn I hated doing that. That Franchise is a tough coach.

MONTY BROWN V. NORMAN SMILEY

No music or intro for Smiley, poor fella. Norman stops a lock-up to dance. Monty gets pissed and slaps him. Norman blocks a charging Monty with his boot. Monty comes back though, suplexing Norman. He follows up with the fall away slam and a Pounce to win.

AMERICA’S MOST WANTED V. TEAM 3D

This is a No-DQ match. Harris doesn’t even waste much time yelling at Don West, he and Storm wait for Team 3D at the top of their ramp. Ray and Devon don’t see them, and get ambushed. Dummies. AMW beats the crap out of Team 3D at ringside. Storm and Ray head to the ring. Harris suplexes Ray from the second rope for a two count. They hit a double suplex on Devon for another two count. Harris poses to send us to another commercial.

Ray tosses the trash can o’ plunder into the ring as we come back. Ray busts a keyboard over Harris’ head. Ray jabs a crutch into Harris’ crotch. That’s not very nice. Devon slams Storm for a two count. Harris slams Devon, following up with a middle rope leg drop. The keyboard must’ve busted Harris wide open, you’ve got to watch out for that “x” key. Gail tries to interfere, but gets slammed. Runt smashes a trash can lid set up over her crotch with a golf club. Eh? Storm superkicks Runt, but he ends up getting the Whazzzup Headbutt for this troubles. Team 3D goes for the tables, but AMW makes their comeback. Devon blocks a powerbomb from Storm with a backdrop. Harris and Storm have a face off, arguing over which weapon should be used. They miss their chance to take Devon out, and end up losing the match on a 3D.

New James Gang music hits, and they appear on the ramp. BG says that Team 3D doesn’t lay out the challenges. But, then he accepts their challenge from last week. He announces that Abyss is their third man. He makes his appearance by double clotheslining Ray and Devon. Runt goes for an Acid Drop, but gets tossed to the outside through the table. BG does a half decent Jim Ross impression, screaming “He’s got a family, he’s dead!” BG said that Abyss is on the James Gang’s family tree during his announcement, something that Tenay and West completely no sold.

It’s time for the first ever TNA company meeting. Cornette’s in the ring with a mic, the wrestlers are all over the arena. Cornette starts with LAX, saying that they’ve been doing a work stoppage due to the immigration issue. He says that they will return to the ring, or they can go work a Jiffy Lube. He announces that Team Canada is disbanded. He announces that AMW will get a tag title rematch at Victory Road, but it will be a six man tag with Gail Kim and “that big Amazon looking woman that you found.”

Next up is Earl Hebner, Larry Zybykso, and Jeff Jarrett. He calls all of them to the ring. Tenay sauces himself screaming about how the controversy from Slammiversary will be addressed now. Cornette says that Hebner is fired, and Eric Young celebrates. Cornette says he’s sick of hearing about Montreal. Cornette says that he can’t fire Zybysko without paying him for the rest of the contract, unless he breaches the contract. Cornette says that he is allowed to book Zybysko in matches and sets Zybysko v. Raven in a hair v. hair match at Victory Road. Zybysko says he’ll decide his own future and he compares Cornette to Pee Wee Herman.

Next up is the NWA World Title. He talks some trash about how he doesn’t want to give the belt away, he wants it to mean something. He doesn’t want to be like other companies and give it to the boss’ son-in-law. He says that he can’t give the belt to Sting or Christian, because they didn’t win it. He announces that Christian, Sting, Steiner, and Samoa Joe will face off at Victory Road. The winner of that match will face Jarrett for the title that same night. He does announce that Jarrett is the current champion.

Jarrett grabs the mic and talks trash, while dodging flying bottles from the crowd. Jarrett challenges Christian and Sting to come down to the ring to start next week’s tag match a little early. Sting attacks from behind, and he and Christian clear the ring. Christian beats Steiner up the ring into Samoa Joe. Joe locks in a choke hold as the show ends.

POINTS OF RANDOMNESS

· The bottle throwing thing was cute at Slammiversary, but does it have to be done every time Jarrett does something? Please get over yourselves.

· Hebner was kind of a weak payoff for the promise of firing someone, but Eric Young’s reaction made it worthwhile.

· Good to see the reaction for the announcement of Raven’s match with Zybysko, but I don’t know if I can picture Larry with his head shaved. Did Raven need a new trim? As long as Shane Douglas doesn’t show up to puke in the ring this time, I guess it’s okay.

· Thank you to whoever came up with the idea to disband Team Canada. The idea has just been flat out stale for months now. A-1 can disappear into the job squad. Young and Williams can get nice pushes in the X Division on their own, Young’s a breakout star in the making. I wouldn’t hate D’Amore still being paired with Roode in the heavyweight division, at least for a short period of time.

· Nice new music for the James Gang. I still think The Naturals and Jarrett have the best of the TNA theme music though.

· So, is Abyss going to be really related to the James Gang, or was BG just talking out of his ass. With the non-reaction Tenay and West gave the statement, who knows?

· Let’s not have dissension that breaks up America’s Most Wanted again. It didn’t work last time, and it won’t this time.

· Young was hilarious in the opening match, keeping the other Canadians from cheating.

· Was I the only one who heard Sting’s double talk in the promos leading up to Slammiversary? All he wanted was to keep Jarrett from winning, then he said he’d take his chance at the belt, then he went back to stopping Jarrett, what’s the deal? He kept flipping like he was running for office. Christian called him on it, but it was swept under the rug. I’m almost hoping that the whole thing has been leading up to a Sting heel turn. They could definitely make it work, and I’m hoping that’s what’s in the cards.

· I read Rick’s column today and get all excited about the return of the lovely Traci, and then nothing. That’s so not cool, Rick.

Sorry to be cutting it short this week, but I have a long day of work, World Cup, and local pro soccer ahead of me. Next week, it will be Jarrett/Steiner v. Sting/Christian? Will I get my wish for a Stinger heel turn? We’ll see next week.

E-MAIL JASON
BROWSE THE OO FEATURES ARCHIVE

Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.

 


  
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