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TNA IMPACT RECAP  
TNA Tries a Free-Per-View
July 10, 2006

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

My friend Papa John has made his appearance for the evening, so I’m set for some Impact. We’ll see how the lack of a UFC lead-in hurts the ratings, hopefully the new comedies Spike is trying out don’t kill the audience too much. Based off the couple of minutes I’m watching now, that’s a distinct possibility. Let’s hope TNA can rise to the challenge.

 
Borash is camped outside of Sting’s locker room to open the show. Christian shows up and he says that Sting might be his partner tonight, but they’ll be opponents at Victory Road. He then calls Borash knucklehead. I haven’t heard that since I was watching The Get-Along Gang when I was little.

A video recap of last week’s Impact leads us to the opening graphics, fireworks, and lasers.

SONJAY DUTT V. HOMICIDE

They replay Cornette’s comments about LAX from last week. Moody Jack from the Spanish announce team introduces Homicide in Spanish, he’s accompanied by Konnan and Hernandez. Sonjay arm drags Homicide to kick it off. Sonjay skins the cat on a backdrop from Homicide, but Homicide kicks him out. Hernandez tries to hold Dutt for a suicide dive, but Sonjay avoids it. He then flies out onto Homicide and Hernandez at ringside. Hernandez cuts Dutt off on a springboard attempt coming back to the ring. Homicide takes Dutt down with a back elbow for a two count. He locks in a nasty submission move, but Dutt gets to the ropes. Homicide hits a suplex on Dutt from the second rope, holds on, and turns a second suplex into a slam for a two count. Homicide goes for a frog splash, but comes up empty. Sonjay hits a sweet springboard dropkick. Dutt’s in total control, hitting a spinebuster followed by a moonsault off the second rope. Homicide hits a Diamond Cutter out of nowhere for a two count. Homicide goes for the Killa, but Dutt counters out. Dutt hits his flipping inverted DDT, but LAX gets involved. Hernandez tosses Sonjay across the ring while Konnan distracts the ref. That gets the pin.

Slick Johnson shows up to tell the ref what happened. LAX doesn’t care and they continue to beat Sonjay down. They set up his arm in a chair, Homicide goes to the top, but Ron Killings shows up to make the save.

Slick and Zybysko argue in front of the announce table about Larry’s hair match with Raven.

I’m sorry, but those Kentucky Friend Chicken mashed potato bowls sound really nasty. Mashed potatoes, corn, chicken, and cheese, all mixed together?

Video highlights of the Team Canada run in TNA, complete with Cornette’s comments, brings us back from the hideous food. They show backstage footage of Cornette telling D’Amore he’ll give him a chance to keep his team together. Eric Young’s worried about getting fired, D’Amore tells him he won’t be able to keep his job if they’re not a team. Next week, it’s Team Canada v. Team 3D/Rhino/Lethal. If they win, they’re still a group. If they lose, they must disband. Another added stipulation, the person who gets the pin gets a title match of their choosing.

Eric Young shows up at the announce table, begging for West and Tenay’s help to keep him from getting fired. Slick Johnson comes back to bring the announcers PhotoShopped pictures of Zybysko bald. Young ends up helping Slick pass out the pictures to the crowd, Slick says he’ll help Young keep his job. The rest of Team Canada comes out to yell at Young.

Shane Douglas is still yelling at The Naturals. I wonder if he’s going to shave their heads…

Was it just me, or did Jimmy Earl Jones sound really odd on the Victory Road commercial? He sounded like Chef after he had been hanging out with the Super Adventure Club.

They show footage of Rhino pledging to stay with TNA in their show at the ECW Arena, complete with a backstage promo. Damn, he’s got a foul mouth. Great promo, and a great advertisement for the company.

MONTY BROWN V. KENNY KING

Hey, Tough Enough Kenny is back to job. He looks like he hasn’t been eating very well. Poor Kenny, he does get some punches and kicks in though. Monty gets sick of it and tosses him with a fall away slam. Time for the Pounce, and Kenny takes it extremely well. Bye Kenny.

Monty grabs a mic, and he quotes Young Joc. He says he’s not going to pad his winning streak with “little gazelles” like Samoa Joe did. He calls out Rhino, Christian, Jarrett, Steiner, and Sting. Well, at least he isn’t messing around.

Borash is backstage with Jarrett and Steiner. Jarrett says that either he or Sting has to go, they won’t be able to work together. Jarrett says that they’re going to put Sting and Christian out of action tonight. Borash says that if that happens, then it will just be Steiner v. Joe at Victory Road. Steiner says that’s fine, he’ll beat that “fat bastard.” Borash then points out that if that happens, it will be Steiner v. Jarrett for the title. Jarrett gets pissed and leaves, Steiner seems intrigued.

Our latest Alex Shelley film bring us back. Nash, Shelley, and Johnny Devine talk about the effectiveness of the classic body bag trick. Shelley and Devine are hilarious in their man love for Nash. I’m sure Rick was clapping right along at the end of it.

Tenay and West are talking trash about Nash, when he walks right out. Shelley and Devine come out with a shopping cart and something in a body bag. Nash grabs a mic and says that they’ve found Osama! Nash says he’ll split the $25 million reward, $6 million each for Shelley and Devine, and Big Kev will take the rest. They open the bag and reveal a tied up Chris Sabin. Shelley and Devine kick Sabin around a little, until Jay Lethal makes the save. Tenay announces that Nash/Shelley will face Sabin/Lethal at Victory Road.

Samoa Joe is backstage with Borash. Joe takes offense to Borash’s scenario earlier with Steiner winning the match at Victory Road. He says that he’ll change any scenarios once he steps into the ring. Joe says that he’s now the man to Sting, he says Christian can whine all he wants, and he says that he’ll have his revenge on Steiner. Joe says it’s not about beating Steiner, it’s about hurting him. He wants to make Scott’s children cry. That’s just mean, don’t they cry enough already when Scott cuts his deranged promos on them for not cleaning their room?

JEFF JARRETT/SCOTT STEINER V. STING/CHRISTIAN CAGE

Sting throws his leather jacket at Steiner to get us started. They brawl around the ring. Sting puts Steiner’s “head gear” on and punches Scott. Sting drops Steiner back in the ring with big boots and a dropkick. The Stinger’s excited tonight. Christian tags in and gets a two count. Steiner comes back with power moves. Jarrett comes in, but Christian gets a two count off a springboard sunset flip. A powerbomb by Christian gets another two count. Christian mounts Jarrett for the ten punches in the corner. Steiner distracts him, and Jarrett tosses Christian over the ringpost and to the floor as we head to our final commercial break of the night.

Jarrett rams a chair into Christian’s back as we come back. Jarrett drops the leg across Christian’s back up against the ropes, then slides through and hits the uppercut. Steiner tags in, and hits his patented elbow drop followed by some push-ups. Steiner belly to belly suplex is next, and it gets two. Jarrett comes back, and locks in the sleeper. Christian reverses it, but Jarrett drops him with a backdrop suplex. Steiner tags in and cuts off the tag attempt. They go for a double reverse suplex, but Christian counters with a double reverse DDT. Sting gets the hot tag and he goes nuts. Stinger Splashes for both Jarrett and Steiner. Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock on Jarrett, but Steiner breaks it up. Sting tosses Steiner, but Jarrett comes back with a low blow. That sets up the Stroke, but Christian pulls the ref out before he can count to three. Christian tosses Steiner into the ringpost. Christian and Jarrett brawl on the top rope, with Christian getting the advantage by biting Jarrett. He tosses him down into a Scorpion Death Drop. Christian follows with a frog splash, and Sting gets the pin.

Steiner cuts the celebration short by decking Christian and Sting with the title belt. He goes for the Steiner Recliner on Christian, but Samoa Joe makes the save. He brawls with Steiner up the ramp. Sting and Jarrett brawl through the crowd. Christian is left in the ring alone with the belt. Sting talks trash to Jarrett while he locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.

An excellent video package hypes the Team Canada match next week to close it out.

POINTS OF RANDOMNESS

· Very solid main event, but it just didn’t quite live up the “PPV quality” hype. The closing sequences were good, and the post-match was also well done. By no means did it suck, it just wasn’t quite up to the level of hype either.

· Great video package to preview the Team Canada match to end the show. I really want to see that match now. I’d still rather see some sort of ECW Pulp Fiction type segment to throw a few more people in front of the camera at the end, but this was perfectly done.

· Joe’s comments about making Steiner’s kids cry were really harsh. Another good interview out of him…

· The Nash segment was just stupid, was that really the best they could come up with? I do like putting Johnny Devine with them though.

· Will anything come of Monty’s promo calling out all the top guys in TNA? It’s a shame Jarrett and Steiner didn’t even acknowledge it in their interview immediately afterwards.

· Somebody take Kenny King to CiCi’s Pizza, please.

· Eric Young is still great, just don’t let Slick Johnson’s eau de suck rub off on him. I guess he’s fine as a ref, but I really don’t want to ever hear Slick talk again.

· I’m curious to see what they have in mind for Homicide. I’d like to see him more in the X Division, an out and out heel would be nice for the division.

· Supposedly, the plan now is for Jarrett to face the winner of the Road to Victory four-way at the August PPV. I could have sworn that Cornette said he’d face them at Victory Road, maybe it just wasn’t clear enough.

That’s it from here. Sorry if you took my advice on my World Cup picks last week, they were about as good as a Dupp Cup match. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m picking France in the final over Italy. Of course, now Italy will win because that’s how my luck runs. Ah well, until next week…

E-MAIL JASON
BROWSE THE OO FEATURES ARCHIVE

Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.

 


  
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