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When Loafers and Slacks Get EXTREME~!
August 25, 2006

by Jason Longshore 
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Comcast here in Atlanta finally added WWE 24/7, and I decided to check out one of the free offerings as a warm-up for Impact tonight. It was the Monday Night War show, with footage from Raw and Nitro from September of ’96. It’s sad that Lawler is doing the same lame shtick 10 years later. I thought Zybysko was bad in TNA, somehow he’s even worse doing commentary with 

WCW. Luckily, I did get to see a great delusional interview with Rick Steiner, which was the highlight of the show.

Actually, I spoke too soon, Sting and Luger stealing a police car to chase the nWo limo tops it. I especially love how WCW spent about 30 minutes replaying footage from the previous week.

Enough with the old school, it’s time for Impact…

Brother Runt starts out backstage with Borash. He calls out Abyss again, challenging him to a 10,000 Thumbtack Match next week. Raven was sitting on top of a production truck, looking on with glee.

A video recap of the Jarrett/Sting situation for last week is up next, with Jarrett’s challenge to Sting of career v. title.

Fireworks, lasers, and a really awkward edit bring to Shane Douglas in the ring. He brags on The Naturals, and their upcoming NWA Tag Team title shot. He introduces The Naturals for their match.


Devine runs his mouth to start it out, but The Naturals are in complete control early. They look to be all business tonight. Shelley gets tossed to the floor. A double team bulldog/facebreaker sends us to a commercial.

Devine is beating down Douglas when we return. Tenay hypes up Bound for Glory. Shelley takes Douglas down and spits at Stevens. Quick tags by the Paparazzi keep them in control. Devine whiffs on a moonsault, giving Douglas an opening. Hot tag to Stevens. He back drops Devine, takes Shelley down with a flying forearm, and combines with Douglas on a double shoulderblock. Shelley blocks the double team finishing move by knocking Douglas off the top rope. He then clips Stevens’ leg, leading to Devine sneaking the pin.

The Franchise is not too pleased, and gets bleeped screaming at The Naturals.

Borash is backstage with AMW and Gail Kim, asking them where the magic has gone. Storm goes for a disappearing trick with beer, but Harris doesn’t like the joke. He says that he isn’t seeing eye to eye with Storm these days. He says that Storm can end it right now if he wants. They agree to get on the same page, and Storm and Harris toast a beer on the deal.

A commercial, hyping it as TNA’s biggest PPV of all time, for Bound for Glory brings us back from commercials.

A video recap of Christian’s turn on Sting, complete with Christian and Rhino’s confrontation is next. A chair and mic sit in the ring in a darkened ImpactZone, and Christian’s music hits. He adds a little extra cockiness to his strut on the way to the ring. He sits in the chair, with the spotlight on him, as a “You suck” chant breaks out. He says Sting lied to all the fans when he said he’d become champion. Christian says that Sting says “a man of faith, a man of God.” Christian says that, “I am God.”

Rhino’s music hits and he sprints to the ring. Rhino says he’s sick of Christian’s talk, he wants to know why Christian did what he did. Christian is upset about Rhino questioning him, since they’ve been friends longer than Rhino’s known Sting. He’s pissed that Rhino seems to be taking Sting’s side. He hands Rhino the chair and says he’s going to turn his back. Rhino “looks conflicted”. Christian says that it’s not about Sting, it’s just that Rhino is jealous of Christian’s stardom, money, house, and car. Rhino tosses the chair down, he can’t do it. Christian says he’s the “only one around here with a set of balls.” Rhino says he’s wrong, he doesn’t need a chair, and commences with the beatdown. He sets up for the Gore, but Christian tosses the chair into Rhino’s face. Rhino’s busted open, and Christian blasts him with the chair. Christian leaves the ring, and he gets another chair. He talks trash to Rhino, and sets him up for the old school ConChairto. He does it, and stands over top of a decimated Rhino as we head to commercial.

A video recap of the Earl Hebner issue brings us back, complete with shots of Hebner sleeping in an alley. Zybysko is backstage with Borash, and he says he has no control over Hebner. Borash brings up the “rumors” about Slammiversary, and Zybysko denies everything. He starts railing on Slick Johnson, saying he should get fired. Eric Young heard the word “fired” and shows up. Zybysko says that Young has a match next week, and he’ll be fired if he loses.


Mitchell is on commentary with Tenay and West. They don’t even mention Riley until Mitchell calls him by his old name, Cassidy O’Reilly. Mitchell yells for Abyss to end it, and Riley eats a Black Hole Slam.

Abyss spreads out some tacks in the ring, and punches them for fun. Freak.

An awkwardly added graphic says “Bound for Glory, A Starr is Born”. They’re really off with their edits tonight.

A commercial for the Knockouts DVD brings us back from commercial.

Sting accepts Jarrett’s offer from last week via video package. He agrees to put his career on the line at Bound for Glory. Sting says he’s going to go away for a while, saying you don’t want to know where he’s going to go, and he promises to get the job done against Jarrett at Bound for Glory.

Tenay has the contract at the announce table, and that brings out Jarrett. Jeff delays signing the contract, saying we’ll get a “public execution” next week.

A video package brings us up to date on the LAX v. Styles/Daniels feud. Daniels promises that they won’t quit until LAX is dead, Konnan promises that LAX will be loco.


No DQ, anything goes in the Border Brawl. AJ wears his standard street fight attire, but Daniels looks like he just took his suit jacket off. Odd. They attack at the bell. AJ hits an Atomic Drop on Homicide on the ramp. Daniels chokes Hernandez at ringside. Homicide gets a punch in on AJ, busting him open. Daniels hits a splash on Hernandez from the bleachers above the announce table. That sends us to the last commercial of the night.

AJ hits a nice enziguiri kick on Homicide on the entrance ramp. Tenay mentions the September PPV for the first time. Daniels gets a two count on Hernandez in the ring. Hernandez hits a sick backbreaker on Daniels for a two count. Both Daniels and AJ are bleeding. AJ is dead on the outside as LAX beats Daniels down in the ring. Homicide brings a chair in, but Daniels tries to fight back. Homicide goes back out to wail on AJ some more. He comes back, but gets hit with a backbreaker by Daniels. Daniels blasts Hernandez with the chair. He then hits a springboard splash on Hernandez, using the chair, but Hernandez catches him and tosses him back onto the chair. Hernandez goes for a table while Homicide beats on Daniels. AJ tries to crawl into the ring, but Homicide tosses a chair at him. Konnan gets involved. Styles starts AJ’ing up, nailing Hernandez with a sweet spin kick. Daniels hits Homicide with an STO. AJ flies out onto Hernandez at ringside. Daniels sets up for a top rope Angel’s Wings, but Konnan smacks Daniels with the slapjack. Homicide hits a top rope Diamond Cutter through the table to make LAX new champs.

Hype for the 10,000 Thumbtack Match next week takes us out…


· This show should have been better than it was, it just never really clicked for me.

· Solid main event, but not nearly as good as the PPV match. I guess it was just a foregone conclusion that Konnan would get involved and help LAX win the titles. What happens next for these two teams? I doubt that was the end of the feud.

· I’m really worried about the “public execution” Jarrett has planned for next week. They were way to vague about it for him to just be executing a contract. Is he going to hang a Sting action figure or something?

· Sting’s segment was a total letdown. The video package was well done, and I really liked Sting’s delivery of his part. However, they just played the package after a commercial, with no build up at all, and that seemed way out of place. If there was ever a time for Tenay and West to scream their heads off about throwing it to a video package, this would have been it.

· Sting’s going away for a little while? That’s an interesting way to handle the story.

· The production side of the show was way off all night. Did the regular producers take a week off? Let’s hope they get better interns next week. The edits were awful.

· The Hebner video was hilarious, bonus points for the sleeping in the alley part.

· Thumbs in the middle on the Christian/Rhino segment. I liked the tweener role they were going with last week for Christian, he was too over the top tonight for my liking. He is good at being a jack-hole though.

· I wish they would keep rolling with Christian’s comments about Sting not being all that he’s cracked up to be, that he’s not as good of a guy as he’s portrayed. I’m not sure if we’re still going down that road though.

· Rhino was good in his delivery, he’s been on a roll as of late.

· The Paparazzi/Naturals deal was just lacking for me. Somehow they made Shelley come off as uninteresting, that’s not easy.

I’m hoping we’ll see an improvement next week. Some concrete build-up for the September PPV would be nice. Until then…


Jason Longshore is your second-most-favorite wrestling fan/writer from Atlanta, GA.


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