by Jonny X
OnlineOnslaught.com

All I know is that the year has been the most up and down in terms of quality that I can ever remember. I remember the first time I watched wrestling. It was 1986 and I saw Hulk Hogan escape the steel cage against King Kong Bundy at WrestleMania 2. From then on, I was hooked. Much to the chagrin of my father who showed me wrestling only as a joke, I became entranced and started watching All American Wrestling every Sunday morning on USA. God I miss wrestling on USA. TNN sucks.

But more importantly, no matter what network wrestling has been on: NBC, USA, TNN, TNT, TBS, or MTV, I've missed rarely a minute of it. Just ask my friends who up until recently had no idea I watched wrestling. For a while they would actually yell, "Suck it!" at each other and give each other the double bird Stone Cold style. Unfortunately they're back to making fun of me for liking this "side show." Or ask my girlfriend who had to endure such shlock as Supertape Vol. 2 and World Tour '91 when we were first dating. God bless her for not dumping my pathetic ass for having to sit through two hours of Lord Alfred Hayes and Sean Mooney instead of eating a romantic dinner. Big ups to me for getting my head out of my ass and learning my priorities.

But undeniably I have a passion for wrestling. I probably always will despite what my dad says. He says that I'll grow out of it, but he still watches the Three Stooges and probably always will. The only difference between me and him is that he watches three guys beat the crap out of each other while I watch a whole shitload of guys do the same with slightly higher production value.

And it's that production value that keeps me coming back. A great story told inside the ring is sometimes better than a watching a movie, reading a book, or masturbating. Maybe not the tertiary choice, but still. I watch old wrestling events more than all the movies I own. Someone will call and say, "Hey Jonny, what are you doing?" And I'll say, "Nothing. Just watching Rumble '92." There's usually a pause while they either laugh or come up with a semi-clever response.

I don't care though. If they don't get it, it's their loss. I know what wrestling is all about. Wrestling is theater and storytelling. Wrestling fulfills a primordial urge to watch guys pound the living shit out of each other. But most of all, wrestling is entertainment. Just as someone might enjoy the ricockulous play "Cats," I enjoy a good Jericho VS Triple H Last Man Standing Match. It's all about perception and taste.

And this past year my perception and taste has made me feel about the WWF the way most of the WWF characters feel about each other. I love you! I hate you! I love you! I hate you! To wit: Vince buys WCW preventing it from dropping off the radar (I love you). Vince then makes the biggest can't-miss angle in history a horribly unfunny joke and pathetic ego-stroking session (I hate you). Chris Jericho becomes the first man in about 50 years to be the Unified Champion of the world (I love you). Vince McMahon shows the crack of his ass to the world and dances around the ring slapping his bare ass with Jim Ross's cowboy hat (I hate you, and grow up, Vince.).

But what's done is done. I can't change anything about the year 2001, and if I could, I wouldn't. Everything happens for a reason. When Triple H tore his quadriceps muscle, everyone pissed and moaned (myself included) at how much that sucks. And while it did suck, life went on. We learned that one man can't always be the entire show. And now as we sit perched on the new year, The Game's return awaits us. And with that return comes excitement and curiosity about the product that has been absent for so long. When Benoit went down to neck surgery, many proclaimed that workrate would go in the toilet. But Benoit's absence allowed many of his masturbators to see the good, if not great, workrate of guys like The Rock, Test, Hurricane Helms, and others.

I don't know what will happen in 2002. And I don't think I want to just yet if only for the same reason that I don't read Smackdown spoilers; I like to be surprised. In 2001 I would have never guessed that... Vince would buy WCW, Jericho would become the Undisputed Champion, Rob Van Dam would become the biggest breakout star since Kurt Angle, Edge & Christian would breakup, the Hardyz would breakup, Stone Cold would turn heel and then back to face, Jerry Lawler would be fired and re-hired, ECW would rise from the ashes only to die once again, Eddy Guerrero, Brian Lawler, and Road Dogg Jesse Jammes would all be fired for drug reasons, I would enjoy Test's ringwork, Triple H would sit out seven months, Stephanie McMahon would get breast implants that would make Anna Nicole Smith say, "Hey, don't you think that's a bit excessive?"

So who the hell knows what 2001 will hold. But I sit with baited breath to see if the WWF brings me prime rib or leftover Tuna Helper. It's been a little of both in the past, but with the impending returns of Triple H and Chris Benoit this year, the product can only hope to get better. Kevin Nash is supposed to re-debut, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, he was the super-cool badass that invaded WCW and kicked ass all over that bitch. On the other hand, he was the old-looking, jobber-squashing, lazy crapcake that we all grew to hate in latter WCW.

But good or bad I'll probably still watch. Wrestling makes up part of who I am. It's woven in the fabric of my being, and I can't just turn it off like many people would like. Because no matter how bad the television shows are, the workrate is, or the storylines are, there's always that glimmer of hope.

It's for that glimmer that I'll watch in 2002.

E-MAIL JONNY X
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