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OO BYTE THIS RECAP
A Marriage of Convenience:
Edge and Mr. Fuji?
August 27, 2004

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

Welcome one and all to the newest weekly recap of Online Onslaught! You might recognize my name from my Smackdown! spoiler/recap I penned a couple weeks ago when Danny was on vacation. I basically begged for this job, cited my previous attempt as a résumé, and Rick was huffing enough gas to let me on! Either that, or his brain was so fried at the comedy known as the comedy known as the Lita/Kane wedding. Whatever… I can play Team Coverage now for the next PPV! Woo hoo!

So before I delve into the wide world of Byte This!, an Internet show that pretends to appeal to those of us who do things like read OO but still kayfabes to an extent, I’m going to rant a bit. No, don’t worry, I won’t go off on a complete tangent. I just want you to know a bit more about the man behind the recaps.
 

I am a huge, HUGE video gamer. So yeah, between wrestling and gaming, I have what amounts to No Life. But hey, I’m anti-social so you don’t have to be! Anyway, I’m so into gaming that I’ve written a number of FAQs for sites like IGN and GameFAQs.com. Of course, wrestling is a whole different ballgame than anything virtual, but I think I can lend my 

sense of style and flair into writing for wrestling too. 

Okay, this is the part where I describe what kind of games I like, but no one cares, so we’ll just skip that. I’m 21 (almost 22), I live about that many miles from Rick in Xenia, Ohio, and I’m about as dorky as you can imagine.

Am I past the ad thingy yet?

Anyway, I do think I bring something to the OO (dysfunctional) family that isn’t quite here. I’m WAY more of a casual fan of wrestling than most or all of the writers here. Wrestling is not my life, it’s just a hobby. It took a site as great as OO for me to even care about reading news and stuff. I’ve seen most of the sites out there, and trust me, they can keep their wrestling news… I’ll take OO any day of the week and twice on Mondays.

So while I feel I’m a slightly more educated fan than pure marks, I also am not close to pure smarks. I am right in the middle, so I have a weird view of the fed and matches. For example, a list of things I currently dislike: Lita/Kane prior to them converting to comedy, all things Diva Search aside from Carmella and her pears, and JBL’s and Randy Orton’s quick pushes. Things I currently don’t dislike: Lita/Kane after converting them to comedy, practically everything on both shows in the ring, and Randy Orton as a whole.

Note that I didn’t say I like Orton. I said I don’t dislike him. I guess my view is the same as Erin’s: “You don’t suck anymore.” I’m not an Orton fan, but I’m certainly not anti-Orton. I really, REALLY like Orton’s performances in the ring (except for too many chinlocks), so if he can learn how to use The Stick consistently, he might go really far.

Besides, I think the main issue with Orton at the moment is that HE doesn’t know who he is. Like with Lita and Kane, what they’re doing is character suicide. Orton doesn’t really have a character. He’s just a fresh-faced guy who’s talented and wants the gold. The thing is, in today’s WWE, that doesn’t fly unless your last name is Benoit.

(I know. I just asked everyone to start sending me flames. I can deal.)

Kane/Lita is in a similar gray area. I don’t like storyline, I never did, I never will… but at least it’s tolerable now. The bridal shower last week was gold, and the whole idea of the wedding was fairly bizarre. Plus I get a perverse pleasure out of seeing the live crowd rebel. Ah, seeing Joy from the Diva Search getting booed to hell when she punked out Carmella was sweet.

Okay, so, enough of that. Let’s get to the recapping. From now on, my rants will be a lot shorter, since I shouldn’t have to re-introduce myself every week. Oh, and don’t worry, I won’t use real-time time stamps this time around.

The show opens with The Fink and Tommy Dreamer hosting it. They look extremely bored to be there, and they open with a drab dialog that includes Finkel making an unfunny joke about how he has no hair. The guests today will be Droz, Edge, and a mystery WWE legend. Woo freakin’ hoo. In addition, we’re playing a game called Outthink The Fink, where he asks a trivia question, he takes a call, and laughs as the moron gets it wrong! If they are a “good answerer,” they get the Hard Knocks: The Story of Chris Benoit DVD set.

So I assume Byte This! wants to lead with its best foot, but settles on first recapping what happened with Randy Orton and Triple H this past Monday. Dreamer shows the first shred of personality on the show, harping on the Wad Of Spit that was in Trips’s face. “There was green stuff in it! But if it were me, I’d just open my mouth and taken it.” Thanks for the image, Tommy. I really wish I was making up what he said.

Then they decide to go over the card so far for the PPV, and Howard Finkel says verbatim: “The match has been signed; Randy Orton defends the WWE… Well actually it’s the World Heavyweight Championship against Triple H.” Apparently, Orton isn’t the only one who doesn’t know what title he’s got. Anyway, they mention the La Resistance vs. Tajiri/Rhyno match, and then it’s off to a video break.

Video recap of Triple H and Orton, and the Lita/Kane thing. I don’t detail my recap of recaps.

…That just doesn’t have the same flair as R-Sky’s catchphrases, does it?

So we go back to Dreamer and Finkel, who discuss how sucky the whole wedding thing must be for Matt. “Matt sure got the short end of the stick,” says Dreamer, who then proceeds to analyze with Finkel about whether Lita’s new name is Lita Kane or Kane Lita. Then he announces he wishes to see the honeymoon and will tune into Raw next week to see if they’ve got any shots of it. They say that Byte This! is for the more intelligent fans of the WWE, but I lost IQ points after hearing that.

So then Droz calls in, and the first thing they do is ask him about the wedding. Droz says the wedding was beautiful up until the point they got married. In other words, it didn’t start outright sucking until someone had to speak. I like Droz… or did, until he too said he wants to see the honeymoon. And then Dreamer reminds us that Lita’s only seven or eight months away from spewing out a mini-Lita of her own, which smells to me like they really ARE intent on pushing the storyline to the end. And another few of my brain cells die.

Then Howard asks Droz about the Diva Search thing. He puts Rock over, says it was a great bit… blah blah blah. Droz is asked about the growing feud of Cena and Booker, and replies with more vanilla responses. Then he’s asked about the upcoming Tough Enough. Droz plugs it, talking three times as long as he did for Cena/Booker, but actually managing to say less. Finally, Droz is asked what he thought of Tracy being tossed from the Diva Search. Droz responds by saying that’s the way the ball bounces, and that Joy should have a match with Carmella, which didn’t seem to answer the question. Dreamer follows that up by nonsensically saying that he wants to see Tajiri do the green mist to Joy. Now THAT would be comedy.

So we go to the phones and pick up a caller who asks the Fink how he got into wrestling announcing. In short Fink did a lot of PA announcing at his school’s sporting events, and he went into broadcasting school. In 1976, Vinny gave Finkel the shot, and he’s been a part of wrestling since. Huh.

They ask Droz to plug his column, which he does, but doesn’t give much of a look into the content of the next one. Droz then clicks off, and we fire up a new video break. This one is Todd Grisham interviewing Edge, who says “E to the D to the G to E also spells Intercontinental Champion.” Riiiiiiight…

So here comes Edge on the horn. Dreamer talks about his attitude, but Edge says he hasn’t changed. He’s the same as he always been, and Y2J has been the instigator on most of the attacks. It’s the crowd who’s changed, but they can react however they want. For some reason, Denny Burkholder’s kick-ass article last week crept back into my mind.

Howard then asks Edge about getting booed in Toronto. Edge breaks away from kayfabe here, explains that he assumed he’d be a tweener and Batista would be the heel, but it got reversed for some reason. He said it’s all gravy though, because as long as the crowd counts along with false finishes and gets into it all, that’s what matters. It’s easier for the crowd to get pissed off than like you, he said, so he may go that route, but either way, as long as they’re entertained, he’s cool wit’ it.

Howard mentions that the first time Edge won the IC belt, he was in Toronto. Edge says it was one of his happiest moments to win the belt then, and he idly thinks about it whenever he’s in Toronto.

Dreamer rolls with it and says that the first trivia question should be in that vein, especially since none of the three gave away who Edge beat down for it. Howard agrees, so that’s the first question of the afternoon: Who did Edge smackdown to win the IC belt from in 1999 in the Sky Dome in Toronto? Because I know you people would just LOVE to play along, I’ll put the answer at the bottom of this recap. It’ll give you time to think about it, or something.

They take a caller who says he doesn’t need the Hard Knocks DVD because he’s got it already. He doesn’t know the answer anyway, but goes on to ask Edge if he’s willing to get the tag belts again, and with who. Edge says no, because the Powers That Be tend to put guys without a direction on teams with other guys without directions. Edge has a direction, and that’s hunting down the World Heavyweight belt, showing that HE knows what belt is on Raw. Spiffy. That said, Edge wants to team up with Christian one more time before retiring.

The next caller who calls in guesses the trivia question right. He then asks Edge if he’s contemplated going after the one who put him out for a year, and guys, I have to admit, I wasn’t watching wrestling back then, so I don’t know who he’s referring to. Edge said that he wanted to do it, but simply said that it was “out of his control” and the people whom he asked “didn’t think it mattered.” Hmm…

The Fink asks Edge about SD, and Edge says he hasn’t paid attention to it as much as he had since he moved to Raw. He says he wishes he was on SD, because he feels he could better contribute there. He wants to feud with Eddie, Taker, or Angle if he could.

Howard says that Smackdown! is starting its Australia tour, and asks Edge about traveling. Edge replies that that is the one aspect he hates about the industry, dealing with security and flights and dress shoes and dress pants and blah blah blah, which sounds like a subtle slam on the new dress code that nobody cares about.

An e-mail asks if Edge will wear the wacky glasses again, but Edge said he probably won’t, and that it was more of Christian’s forte to do that anyway.

Next up is a caller who asks Edge if he’s pleased with Orton being the champ already. Edge puts Orton over, saying that Orton is one of Edge’s top three opponents ever. And he said that because Edge wants the World Heavyweight belt, expect to see a lot of Edge/Orton matches in the future. Foreshadowing? I suppose if Edge goes full heel and Orton supposedly goes full face…

Anyway, Dreamer follows that up by asking if there are any BAD opponents Edge has dealt with. Edge says it’s a likable challenge to face the bigger guys, like Big Show and A-Train. It’s worse when you’ve got an injury like a torn MCL that you wrestle through, because you have to do all the running when facing big guys.

Another caller is in and asks Edge to pick his three favorite matches. Edge can’t narrow it down well, but says he liked the Haircut Match against Kurt Angle, the No DQ match against Eddie Guerrero, winning the tag belts with Hulk Hogan, any TLC match with Christian, and any match against Randy Orton.

New trivia question from The Fink: What was Edge’s character name prior to coming to the WWE full-time? The names Adam Impact and The Young Adam Copeland are ignored for the purposes of the question.

So the Fink asks about Edge’s book, and Edge says it’s getting edited now, but it’s really more or less done. The title will be Adam Copeland on Edge. Nifty and poetic. The release date is November 2 of this year.

Another caller enters, doesn’t know the answer to the $64,000 question, and asks Edge if he gets a lot of wear and tear on his body due to delivering spears. Edge basically says not really, although he’s taken rough bumps, but not due to the spear. He wants to get away from the spear anyway, but not because of the pain. The surgery, apparently, is holding up well.

One e-mail later, Edge is asked about using the Edgeucater or Edgecution again. Edge reiterates that he’s trying to use the Edgeucater more, though the name may not stick.

The next caller correctly answers the trivia question, and asks who Edge would wrestle of all inactive wrestlers? Edge, without hesitation, replies Bret Hart. Ha! Take that, Ric Flair groupies!

The next e-mail asks if Edge is still a vampire. Edge says he’s got vampire-like teeth, but it was Gangrel who was the vamp in the Brood. Edge just brought the Kool-Aid – I mean blood – for the bloodbaths.

Edge closes out his segment by “impersonating” Howard Finkel, which ends up sounding like a cross between Big Gay Al and Sylvester the Cat. (Big Gay Al, what an obscure reference.)

Video break again, showing the whole Rock crashes the Diva party thing. I still think Tracy looks DAMN pleased to be eliminated. I wonder if any of the chicks actually realize how little anyone cares about the whole shit.

Tommy Dreamer says the Coach looks like the Rock. Didn’t Hurricane make that same distinction months ago?

Howard plugs the Lita/Kane wedding, then asks the third trivia question for the night. Who had the first televised WWE wedding? Holy crap, I actually know that one.

So now, it’s time for the Mystery Guest. Come on down, Mr. Fuji!!! Tommy Dreamer was laughing about it, saying how much he hated Fuji as a kid, which obviously means he was effective in the role.

The interview with Fuji was pretty rapid-fire in practice, although Fuji more or less filled time by poorly explaining his answers. I honestly think there was fault in a phone connection or something, but whatever. Howard asks him if how he liked tagging with Professor Tanaka (must have been before my time), and Fuji said he liked it. Fuji is asked to compare Tanaka to Saito, which Fuji never really answers and instead puts Saito over. He’s asked who his favorite client was, and he answers Yokozuna eventually. Howard asks him about switching from wrestler to manager, but he doesn’t really answer that either.

A call is taken, and he gets the trivia question wrong. He says it’s an honor to talk to Fuji and asks him who would win in the following three matches: Steve Austin vs. Goldberg, Bret Hart vs. The Rock, and Scott Steiner vs. Kurt Angle. Fuji cops out and says they’re all strong and cool and good and blah blah.

Howard asks how the stars of today compare to the old-school stars. Fuji loves the action and pace and high-caliber stunts of today’s stars better, regrets the higher injury rate as an effect of it, but still enjoys it more.

Dreamer then says he knows Fuji wrestled Young Randall’s father, Cowboy Bob Orton, and asks if Fuji ever wrestled Randy’s grandfather. I’m not sure if Dreamer actually meant this question seriously, because he asked it straight, but all three busted up laughing. Whatever.

The next caller calls in and wants a hint about the question. The Fink says it happened in 1984, but that doesn’t help. Dreamer pities the kid, who was born in 1992, and gives him the Hard Knocks DVD anyway. He calls Dreamer the King of Hardcore because of it. Wow. Then the caller asks how it felt for Fuji to throw salt into Bret Hart’s eyes. Fuji says “Because I’m mean and evil.” Um… Five will get you ten that there was a big phone connection issue. The dorky shit-eating grin on Howard’s face as he tried to salvage Fuji’s response was priceless.

Dreamer then asks Fuji about the ribbings that occur all the time between The Boys, because Fuji was one of the best ribbers ever. Tommy says that he’s heard of one where a guy was stripped naked, strapped to a car, and driven down the highway. Fuji laughs and said he’s done that. hehe… Too many amusing images, mostly revolving around the released Rikishi.

So then Howard asks Fuji about the WWE Hall of Fame, and whether he wants to be in it. Fuji is all for that, and wants to be in it. Howard then reminds Fuji about skits on TNT where they spoofed TV Shows and made Fuji Vice, Fuji Chan, Fuji Hospital, and Fuji Bandito. Howard wants Fuji’s thoughts on them. Fuji answers verbatim: “We competed against the best, and we came to be the best.” Cue the Fink’s shit-eating grin again, along with about a second of dead air, until Tommy says “Well there you go.” Wow, and I thought Lita fumbled replies.

Howard says he wants Fuji to talk in his “native” language for the listeners in Japan. Fuji says he would, but he’d be wasting his breath because they’re all asleep because of the time change. Rick’s multiple International Dateline references enter my head.

Fuji’s done, and so is most of the show. Tommy gets bored and arms himself with a salt packet and throws it at Finkel. Finkel tears it open, pours it in his hand, and prepares to attack as Tommy tries to plug the WWE as a whole. Tommy interrupts himself to put a threat against Howard (“If you salt me, I swear I’ll beat your ass right here on the Internet.”) Howard says the answer to the third trivia question here, and Tommy says that he’s wondering if Katie Vick will rise from the dead and get involved in Lita/Kane mess. I swear, I was THIS close to putting a bullet in my head. If Vick indeed exists, I may just block Spike from getting to my TV.

Finally, we close out the show with a recap of Trish crashing the wedding. The only interesting thing to note here is that at the part where the preacher said the “speak now or forever hold your peace” part, they completely edited the crowd noise, so it almost sounded like they were taking it seriously. Wow, the magic of The Replay in action.

Okay, that does it for me this week. Looking back on my report, I don’t think I did too bad a job for my first time behind the keyboard for OO. Here’s to another week of quality wrestling! (What kind of quality remains to be seen.)

Oh, before I forget…

Question 1: Who did Edge beat in 1999 in the Sky Dome in Toronto for the IC belt?

Answer 1: Jeff Jarrett

Question 2: What was Edge’s character’s name directly prior to entering the WWE?             

Answer 2: Sexton Hardcastle

Question 3: What was the first televised WWE wedding (groom only needed)?

Answer 3: Paul “Butcher” Vachon

See you all next week!

 
E-MAIL PYROFALKON

BROWSE THE BYTE THIS RECAP ARCHIVES


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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