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Snitsky is Good? But Foley's Still God.
October 14, 2004

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Okay, it’s been WAY too long since I was able to write a recap. I know most people don’t care about Byte This!, but damn it, I love writing about it, even if my audience is smaller than… um… something that’s… really small…See? I’m gone two weeks, and I lose any semblance of creativity and wittiness that I had.

And the REAL fruit in my beer is that I was all set to pen a piece where I insulted Josh Matthews for hours on end for being wrong after he said that Byte This! would be on Wednesday, when in fact WWE.com said it would be on Thursday. But then, guess what? WWE.com pulls a swerve, and the show DOES air when Matthews said it would! DAMNIT!!!
But it’s not all bad, all. See, with my reports coming to OO on Fridays, they would be overshadowed by Rick’s news (and/or Jeb’s columns) and Big Danny T’s recaps. With the shuffle, my recaps are now appearing Thursdays, and I may get the coveted Top Spot on the front page once in my life! Maybe. 

Not only that, but I’ve been chatting with a friend of mine (the one who led me to OO in the first place), and he thinks we should collaborate on a column one of these days. What helps is that Rick’s Character vs. Gimmick column, while a pretty damn good read, still rang a little false to me in a couple places.

Trust me, I’m not the kind of guy who pulls an Austin and insults the boss simply for some attention. But I am the kind who’s not afraid to have a dissenting opinion, and I know Rick’s the kind who’s not afraid of putting up said dissenting opinion on his site, provided it’s well-written. So right now, I’m getting words and thoughts together. And who knows? Maybe you’ll see a little special column out of me soon, for the next time BT goes on break or something.

But speaking of BT, you’re here for a recap, aren’t you? Well all right, I aim to please.

Josh Matthews and Mark Lloyd. Yep, this’ll be really intelligent of a show, like always. We open with a “I just flew in from England, and boy are my arms tired!” joke out of Matthews, which Lloyd actually laughs at. You know what? I’m start to really, REALLY hate their choice of hosts. I think they should be replaced by someone who loses the Taboo Tuesday voting… You know, someone like Steel Pipe and Steel Chain. At least those two would show more personality, and I wouldn’t want to beat the shit out of them for the entire show. 

Anyway, Lloyd starts by going over the recap of RAW, and saying how it plays into Taboo Tuesday. They go over the list of guests: Gene Snitsky’s already getting a guest spot? Alrighty. And also, Mick Foley will be here too! Very cool. And goddamnit, they start in with WWE Fantasy. Screw it, I’m going to turn off my ears for five minutes.

Blah blah blah, Million Dollar Tough Enough, blah blah blah, RAW Magazine, blah blah blah, Taboo Tuesday, blah blah blah, video break.

SD Rebound! YAY! Why the hell can’t I DVR this? Maybe I should start writing these after they’re archived.

We’re back, and hey! Droz is on the phone!

Droz: “Carlito Cool is cool. Must suck for John Cena. JBL and Hardcore Holly will RULE!!! A good match would be Jericho/Christian! A good match would be Jericho/Shelton! A good match would be Jericho/Hurricane! A funny match would be Jericho/Coach! A good match would be Jericho/Rhyno! A good match would be Jericho/Tomko! A good match would be Flair/Orton in a cage! Randy Orton is cool! Everybody is cool! Taboo Tuesday is cool! A good match would be Edge/HHH! A good match would be HBK/HHH! Bye!”

Guys, as always, I REALLY wish I making half this up. It may not be verbatim, but trust me, Droz didn’t say any more than this. Oh, and yeah, I didn’t forget to type it… He said Edge vs. Trips would be cool, and Shawn vs. Trips would be better, but never said Chris Benoit’s name. OMG, CONSPIRACY~!!!

So anyway, Droz clicks off, and stupidity goes on. Blah blah blah, Taboo Tuesday, blah blah blah, Snitsky’s gonna die, blah blah blah, video break.

Hey! Mick Foley’s written a book! And we see a clip of him and JBL’s debate. I still haven’t seen one yet, be it presidential, vice-presidential, or wrestlers. Not by choice, either. Luckily, WWE.com has the “entire debate in its entirety” according to Matthews. Hm.

So Mick Foley is now on the phone. He insults George W. subtly, to the point where I found it extremely funny, and made it relevant to himself. “Bush had the advantage of having the bar set real low, and for [JBL and me] it was lower, so no one expected us to do so well.” [paraphrased] Foley’s gunning for the third debate, which will start at 9 PM, conveniently when Byte This goes off the air. Foley puts over John Kerry, then we go to the phones.

The caller asks if he collects his own wrestling figures, being a wrestler himself. He says he has a box of them, but it’s hard to get a bunch because he’s got a three-year-old who doesn’t understand “this toy needs to stay in the container.” Mick apparently hasn’t told his son he was a wrestler, and has apparently sold his son on the fact that every dad has his own action figure. That’d be bad ass, wouldn’t it? The population of Xenia, Ohio! Collect all 22,000!

Foley puts over his books… he’s written six! This latest one is apparently a story he REALLY wanted to have published, and he told a reported a few years ago that not having published was the greatest disappoint of his ENTIRE wrestling career. He says because he left the WWE on “not the greatest of terms,” he assumed it would never be finished. Now he’s back, it is, and the world is a better place for it, or something. The best part is that he actually makes Al Snow look cute. The title, by the way, is Tales from Wrescle Lane.

New caller in. Is Mick going to do a book tour? Mick dodges the question for some reason and puts over his book’s plot. “It stars the WWE superstars, and Al Snow.” BURN!

Blah blah blah, illustrations are cool, blah blah blah, her pictures are better than my words, blah blah blah, I’m part of indy shows but not the WWE and talk to Al Snow there, blah blah blah, Al Snow is the cutest character in my book, blah blah blah, here’s a passage of my book that has Al Snow in it, blah blah blah, did I mention Al Snow is cute?, blah blah blah, Million Dollar Tough Enough will RULE with Al Snow in it!

Mick then gets all insider on us, saying that Al Snow was/is not used to his full potential within the WWE. Mick says he’s great that Vince put together the Great Debate because Mick and JBL had different views of the country, and one of whom had different views than Vince, yet Vinny Mac let it go on anyway. That said, “someone” made bad decisions regarding Al Snow’s usage, and Mick’s kinda disappointed by it. Huh.

New caller on. Will Mick become active in the WWE again? Mick, oddly, says “maybe.” That was unexpected, but he also doesn’t say anything for certain. He just says that it’s definitely not impossible, and getting back in is good to keep his weight down. He also has at least one more Wrestlemania match in him, so… who knows?

Lloyd asks Mick about Taboo Tuesday. “Every time I hear the word ‘Taboo,’ I expect Kay Parker to make her return at age 65.” Mark laughs, but Josh doesn’t. For those who don’t know, Kay Parker is a porn star who starred in a few movies with ‘Taboo’ in the title. I would say it was before Josh’s time, but I’m younger than he is, so what the hell does that say about me?

Mick says, “If you get it, good; if you don’t, let’s just move on.” Josh tries to, but then Mick proceeds to ruin the joke by explaining what I just did. Crap. There goes my ability to show off some knowledge about a subject.

Mick goes on and says Taboo Tuesday will RULE. Yay for what the girls will be dressed in! Yay for whoever faces Triple H! And Taboo Tuesday is COINCIDENTALLY the same day Mick’s book comes out!

Mick says he will be doing a limited book tour, finally answering that one caller from before. All money from the book will go to charity, which I always respect. He goes on about the book tour dates, but I’m too damn lazy to reprint them, especially since WWE.com or some other site will have it.

Josh asks what’s next for Mick. Mick says he’ll probably help out his congressman campaign, and he loves getting into politics as he’s done. He’s going to Germany to ref a wrestling match, but he’s basically busy with everything else. He says that while he won’t come running back to the WWE just because Vince calls him, it “wouldn’t be surprising to see him back on WWE programming very soon.”

Josh wraps up by asking if Mick is going to help out Tazz, who said he was going to run for mayor of Brooklyn. Josh says he doesn’t know if Tazz was kidding, and Mick starts busting up laughing. Blah blah blah, put Tazz over, blah blah blah. Lloyd says that Mick should tell everyone that it’s really important to vote. Mick says that it is important, but buying his book is more important. I think I found that funnier than half the people who heard it did, and I don’t know why. Mick’s out, and we’re off to a video break, which cuts off Josh in the middle of saying “Snitsky.”

You can vote for crap in Taboo Tuesday! Did you know that? Lita/Kane/Snitsky recap. Insert standard comment here.

And Snitsky’s on the phone! Josh is pronouncing his name as “Shnitsky,” putting an extra H in there for no reason. Josh asks him about his debut match, and Snitsky is being really low-key here, which works for him. Lloyd is all “Take responsibility, you asshole!” And Snitsky replies, “Why the hell was Lita in the ring in the first place when I hit Kane in the back with the chair? Kane fell on Lita, not me!” Snitsky says he was more concerned about his own health than Lita’s when Kane fell on her. Snitsky booked it to regroup, but he’s going to be the victor in the long run.

Caller in… no, wait, technical difficulties. Wow, that’s never happened before. Anyway, Josh pulls a Grisham and asks Snitsky how he feels when he hears the fans chanting “Baby Killer.” This must have thrown him for a loop, because he stumbles to find words. He finally answers with “Screw the fans, I’m doing my job.” And he says while it sucks that Lita lost her baby, he doesn’t regret what he did. Besides, Kane fell on Lita. Dick.

Mark pulls the Grisham now and asks about the pipe in the baby carriage. Snitsky repeats his promo from Monday, basically: “I wasn’t going to run or get beaten up,” that kind of thing. He’s just trying to do his job, and if this is what he has to do to climb the ranks of the fed, so be it.

Josh, though not pulling a Grisham, asks a great follow-up question. What is Snitsky’s goal is in the WWE, since Snitsky brought it up? Snitsky wants to be one of the “top guys” in the biz. He’s not there just to wrestle, he wants to be one of the best! “If I have to use Kane as a stepping stone, so be it!” Kane as a stepping stone? Wow. He goes on about he’s happy that his name is out there, because he’s against one of the best in the business. He’ll beat on Kane with whatever the weapon is as much as Kane will get him.

Caller in… and out again. Josh asks what Snitsky’s weapon of choice would be. “Well, I had some success with the steel pipe, so I wouldn’t mind using that again.” THAT was verbatim, spoken totally casually. I’ve already decided something, but I’ll save it for the end of this recap. Snitsky’s all, “I don’t care what the weapon, I’m going to doing an ass-whooping on Kane.”

Snitsky’s out without flair. Lloyd goes all Snitsky-hater now that Snitsky’s off the phone. Pussy. Is it too late to see a Gene Snitsky vs. Mark Lloyd match?

Video break… Lex Luger? WTF? Luger puts Hogan in the Torture Rack, drops him, pins… no, it’s only a two-count! We’re coming to you live from War Games!

…I wonder what that 24/7 logo in the top-right corner means?

Well anyway, after that is Million Dollar Tough Enough crap. I don’t recap crappy recaps of recaps of crap? Something like thap… er, that.

Mark asks what Josh did for his submission video. Josh dodges it… blah blah blah, don’t miss SmackDown!, blah blah blah, JBL vs. Hardcore Holly will rock, blah blah blah, we’re out of here, and here’s another video clip!

The last 10 minutes of RAW. That means we got through Byte This in about 48 minutes. Honestly, they can keep doing that as far as I’m concerned. And pulling a Seinfeld really helped my recap go quicker. Maybe I should keep that up. (I know, in Seinfeld it was “Yada yada.” If you were going to e-mail me just to point that out, shame on you.)

Okay, I know I promised I was going to talk about something about Snitsky. But screw it, I’ll wait until I write my column. That will pad it out a bit anyway and give me more material to work with. So, if I don’t finish that before next week, I’ll see you next Thursday for next Wednesday’s Byte This!. Take care all, and fire an e-mail or two at me if you wish. My inbox is always open.



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PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
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PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
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PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
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PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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