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OO BYTE THIS RECAP
A Note to our Affiliates: Byte This 
Will be Concluding Early This Week
February 17, 2005

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

You wouldn’t know it because of Rick’s schedule for updating OO, but I’m writing this on Thursday. It was tough night for me last night, because I was time-shifting myself. See, I like night, and I usually sleep from 6 AM to 3 PM. However, with the baseball season starting and my job as an umpire coming soon again, I have to shift my hours to a more normal schedule.
 

You wouldn’t know it because of Rick’s schedule for updating OO, but I’m writing this on Thursday. It was tough night for me last night, because I was time-shifting myself. See, I like night, and I usually sleep from 6 AM to 3 PM. However, with the baseball season starting and my job as an umpire coming soon again, I have to shift my hours to a more normal schedule.  

 
You wouldn’t know it because of Rick’s schedule for updating OO, but I’m writing this on Thursday. It was tough night for me last night, because I was time-shifting myself. See, I like night, and I usually sleep from 6 AM to 3 PM. However, with the baseball season starting and my job as an umpire coming soon again, I have to shift my hours to a more normal schedule.

So over the last few days, I’ve been staying up as late as possible and sleeping as long as possible to get my body re-trained. Last night was the worst day, the last one, because it involves me getting up early (like 4 AM) and then staying awake until 10 PM or so. I didn’t quite make it, but I did stay up long enough to at least record Byte This! and hear the first few minutes or so.

My training is done though, because I woke up at 6 this morning, and now the real scheduling can begin. In bed around 11 PM, awake around 6 AM, through spring and summer. Now I can take morning games and make a little extra money than I normally do!

What does this have to do with wrestling? Absolutely nothing! I suppose I’m not as skilled as I thought I was… apparently I can’t turn EVERYTHING into a wrestling-related comment. Too bad, I thought I was better than that.

Oh well. All that matters is Byte This! aired last night, and you’re turning to the best freakin’ Byte This! recap on the entire Internet. Or the only one. Whatever.

Apparently I’m Not The Only One Who’s Tired

At our start time of 8 PM, nothing is happening. Technical problems are stopping from me from even loading the damn website, and I would later find out it wasn’t just me. Apparently WWE.com was having a vacation from itself. We didn’t get started until 8:18 PM. That will make this short and sweet… hopefully.

Who The Fuck Cares About The Point Of Byte This! Theatre

I don’t apologize for stealing a Rickism because it’s too appropriate here. Byte This! is so thrilling that we start with Tazz on his cell phone. He would rather be on the phone ordering a boat than dealing with Josh and Marc. They spend the first few minutes talking about how Tazz has a Blue Tooth wireless headset for his cell phone, and that most of the WWE stars have ‘em so they can… um, talk without wires. Tazz calls Marc a tool, making me wished he pulled a The Rick and called him a toolbox, because that would be amusing.

Tazz then tries unsuccessfully to kick Marc off the set. (“Marc Loyd has to leave Byte This! because of an emergency: his career is drowning.”) That ends up in a tangent about how much Tazz hates three-man announcing crews, and that while Josh and Tazz are John Madden and Al Michaels, Marc is Michelle Tafoya down on the sidelines. Even with the NFL and NCAA seasons over, they manage to sneak in football references. Grand.

We’re actually on track now, though it took 6 minutes into the show to get us there. They’re giving away two copies of Are We There Yet, a book I’m almost tempted to buy myself. Trivia questions are the method, as usual, so here’s the first one: what current WWE superstar was the ref for the Hogan/Rock match of No Way Out 2003?

Ron Simmons: A Little Too Funny for Words

No break, and we’re skipping Droz (presumably because of the late start). Ron Simmons is on, and he’s sure to tell us that he was a 3-time All-American for football at wherever hell college he went to. They retired his jersey there, apparently, but you can’t pay me enough to care about the NCAA.

Simmons is in an unusual position due to his semi-retirement, as he can’t really be in or out of character, since there is no character. He talks about his current activities in the WWE, which are mostly just giving advice to both the E itself and younger superstars. Tazz and Simmons share a moment about it.

Josh diverts to random talk of JBL. Simmons says he was JBL’s best man at his wedding recently, and that he’s on his honeymoon. Josh tries to bring up JBL’s match at No Way Out, and Simmons says that JBL is probably having a No Way Out match right now. It’s funnier to hear it than read it, trust me.

They chat about road stories to segue into the new book. Once, JBL and Simmons were carpooling with Theodore Long and were ribbing him a little too much. They stopped so APA could take a piss, and once Bradshaw got back in the car, Long took off leaving Simmons in a snow storm.

There a small story about ECW that seems esoteric (a “you had to be there” kind of funny), and then Simmons is out. It was a pretty amusing segment overall, but you have to listen to it to really appreciate it.

Tazz now takes the time to bitch about three-man announcing crews again. Then we bring in a caller who nails the trivia question, so here comes the second: How many times did the APA win the WWE Tag Team Championship?

[break 1]

I’m Sure Somebody Cared

We’re back, and Luther Reigns is on although he can’t hear Tazz. Reigns says he’s at the gym; Tazz says you won’t find Josh or Marc there, but you will find them at a non-ladies’ dancing establishment or the library. Reigns asks “What?,” and Josh helps out by saying that Tazz attempted to call Josh a non-heterosexual. This also leads to Tazz (with more translation from Josh) saying that Josh would have been a popular playmate in prisons. Look, I enjoy hearing Josh get insulted, but the gay stuff is getting a little old. Be creative! Then again, this is the WWE we’re talking about.

We finally shift to wrestling, where Luther chats about how he’s getting prepared for dealing with the Taker for No Way Out. However, nothing really important is said, as Luther gets all cliché-happy. “I have no fear” this, “every dog has his day” that, blah blah freakin’ blah.

He’s out. Well, that was pointless.

Pointless Pointlessity

With no other guest and nothing else to talk about, the three basically talk about nothing. Tazz tells us that Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars, as if anyone watching BT gives two shits about… about the only amusing thing they said was this…

Marc (to Tazz): “Can’t you say one nice thing to me today? My confidence is low.”
Tazz: “I think that’s a very nice bright pink corduroy pair of pants you’ve got on. My wife has the same pair.”

A caller is in at some point, who asks what Tazz’s most memorable Wrestlemania moment was. Tazz says that his most memorable was getting knocked out and throwing up after a match in Wrestlemania 18, but his most favorite moment was “The Elbow Drop,” whatever the hell that is. I’m sure non-casual fans know, and that’s all that matters.

Tazz later says he loves reality shows, but not Survivor, because there are too many guys without shirts running around and he gets enough of that at work. They talk about Jose Canseco for two seconds, and manage to get some moron named Don Vito on the phone. Apparently Don Vito is some idiot on MTV as a show that spun off from Jackass or something; all I know is his call was totally annoying and had nothing to do with wrestling, so I ain’t recapping it.

(Oddly, they cut Vito’s entire segment out of the archived version of this episode. And you wonder why I record ‘em live. It’s just too bad that what they cut was completely not worth saving.)

Well, that whole episode was stupid. Here are the trivia answers:

Question 1: Who was the referee for the Rock/Hogan match at No Way Out 2003?

Answer: Sylvain Grenier

Question 2: How many times did the APA win the WWE Tag Team belts?

Answer: Three.

That’s all for me this week, all. 

 
E-MAIL PYROFALKON

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