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The Captain and the General (Manager)
March 3, 2005

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Not much to say this week, I don’t think. Um… I just got a new Dance Dance Revolution game and dance pad today. My best friend got me into it. He’s got four of the games and a few pads, including one of the big $250 ones. I’m not going that deep into it, but I like playing the game for the workout value.

What else… Had my third of five meetings for baseball officiating. My season starts on the 18th of this month. Baseball rocks (still not as much as football), and I’m getting antsy. I love being out there, it’s the best job in the world.

Okay, I’m going to gamble that that’s enough words to get me past the ad box. Here’s hoping Tazz is back, and in form! 

Intro, Guest Rundown, Media Hype: No Tazz, no Josh. Instead, they’ve pulled the Velocity color guy. Apparently this guy, Steve Romero, is the new permanent co-host. Damnit, why not Tazz? Ah well.

They open by recapping the crap out of both brands, trying to hype Wrestlemania. They’re giving away one Captain Charisma T-shirt, with an accompanying question eventually. Nothing else is said, so we go to…

[break 1]

Droz’s 20 Cents: Droz opens with a monologue praising Hulk Hogan, saying that he is well deserved coming into the Hall of Fame. (I just noticed that everyone is referring to him as “Hulk”… I guess a settlement or something was reached with Marvel?) Marc segues into chatting with Droz about Roddy Piper too.

After that, the two hosts and Droz basically recap RAW and SmackDown!, and the OO policy on recaps is well established. After a slight technical issue, he talks about Batista for a good few minutes. It’s almost interesting, as Droz is trying is best to getting into Batista’s mindset and psychology… but Droz is still not quite as skilled in that kind of thing as Tazz is.

They re-recap what happened on SmackDown!, and Droz goes into discussion about Cena, JBL, and Big Show. He basically recaps and put over everything, without going into the psychology. All three put over Wrestlemania and how exciting it is… “Both brands have great, exciting storylines already!” It doesn’t matter who said it, because we all know it’s not true.

Another segue, and we’re talking WWE Fantasy. My policy on that: I don’t give a shit, and neither should you. After that, he’s out, and we get the Cena/JBL skit for Wrestlemania 21.

[break 2]

Holla Holla!!!: Long is in, starts strong by launching into a monologue about how great it is to be still the GM. He then gets into Carlito’s head, trying to find his (and other heels’) motivation to oust him; this part was pretty cool and well done.

Segue to Batista, who actually steps up the interview quality by praising Batista for staying on RAW. Long basically says, if Trips screwed with Batista that much, he might as well stay there and get some revenge. Long peers into a crystal ball, predicts Batista gets the strap at WM, and generally puts him over.

E-mail question, asking if Long has any other goal in the WWE since he’s been a ref, manager, and GM now. Long kinda goes insider, says not really, but wants to share any knowledge and advice with anyone else (especially the young’uns) in the company.

Another e-mail question, asking who Long liked managing the most. Long takes a moment and answers Butch Reed and Ron Simmons, collectively called Doom. He also said he enjoyed managing the Taker, although at the time he was called the Mean Mark Calloway.

Marc Loyd brings up the story of Long driving off and leaving Ron Simmons in a snow storm after heckling Long too bad. Long retells the story in more detail and from a completely different perspective, and it’s definitely worth a listen. Damnit, I just need to buy Are We There Yet.

Marc knows we can’t have anything more interesting in Byte This!, so he cajoles Long into talking about Cena in general. Trust me, you’re not missing anything here; just hype.

The final question from Marc is how Long can deal with the life, with all the traveling and all that. Long flips the interesting switch back on, although he speaks vaguely of hitting the gym and how he eats right. Long gives a holla holla, and he’s out.

They’ve got a Captain Charisma T-shirt to give away, so here’s the trivia question: who did Christian beat in his first official WWE match?

They talk about some stuff they’re doing on WWE.com, such as the fact that Stacy Keibler has some new pics on for being Babe of the Year.

Caller in minutes later and nails the trivia question. After that, we get…

[break 3]

Calm, Cool, and Captain Charisma: Christian is in and sounds extremely sober and low-key. They open by asking Christian about Hulk Hogan… does that seem at pointless to anyone else as much as it does me? I mean, aren’t there about a hundred other guys who would be better served getting asked that question?

Anyway, he goes over some basic thoughts on Wrestlemania in general. Then he talks some about his life in general; in an oddly insightful comment, he mentions how he’s still a wrestling fan. He loves wrestling and just because he’s in it doesn’t mean he is no longer entertained by it or anything like that. It was pretty cool.

They chat for no reason about his part in the commercial for WM. Marc then segues that into asking him about acting in a movie… well, now we know the point of the question in the first place. Christian says he’d be all over a movie deal, and feels can do it mentally and physically if he gets the chance.

An e-mail question in as how Christian feels about teaming with Tomko, and how it’s different from former partners. In short, Christian answers that it’s different because he’s not used to teaming to power guys, just fliers or technical guys.

More general comments on WM (“It’s special,” “it’s our Super Bowl”). Steve mentions a story in Are We There Yet about Christian going to sleep on the plane, and then getting “decorated,” and wants Christian to elaborate. Christian does so, and I don’t want to ruin the details for you, but he basically ended up getting his face written on.

E-mail question asking if Christian wants to write a book. Christian says he wouldn’t be against it, but it’s not high on his priority list, and that he hasn’t achieved enough to make it worth it.

Christian confirms he’s healthy and doing well. He’s gotten over the exhausting trip to Tokyo and back, and is feeling great. He clicks off without flair.

They fill time talking about both brands, recapping the crap out of them for some reason. They’re out, and… that’s it.

Closing Thoughts: Hm. Not too bad of an episode, I guess. I think the Christian bit would have been tons better if the questions had been better. It was like nothing but basic questions that had no other answer than the “prepared” one. Raven indirectly shared his thoughts on that one some time ago, which Rick captured in HTML.

Almost everything about Theodore Long’s interview was good, but… well, nothing about the show seemed to click. I doubt it’s coincidence that when Tazz leaves the show, everything seems to be a little less entertaining. Too bad… but there have certainly been much worse episodes.

Question: Who did Christian beat in his first official WWE match?

Answer: Taka Michinoku

I’m out, yo.



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