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Main Event Mania: Batista's Fatigue vs.
Triple H's Windbaggery
March 24, 2005

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


So I finally caught Anchorman this weekend. I’m a big Will Ferrell fan, which came about when I still watched Saturday Night Live after the Farley and Hartman era. I find very little to be excited about when Jimmy Fallon or Chris Kattan (the other big two during Ferrell’s reign), and tuned into SNL simply for him.

I was interested in the movie from the trailers forever ago, but only now got around to watching it. Truth be told, I would have forgotten entirely about it, but they had some previews here in Dayton (Ohio Tilde Bang) for pay-per-view. So, because I’m stupid, went out and rented it from Blockbuster instead of saving money and getting it on PPV.  

But let me tell you, it’s worth it. This is a comedy that has many laugh out loud moments, especially due to Ferrell’s performance. You seriously owe it to yourself to give this movie a shot.

Also of note, new South Park episodes are on tonight, so I know what I’ll be doing after BT gets off the air. So let’s gets this party rolling now so I can get my Cartman fix!

Intro, Guest Rundown, Media Hype: Marc Loyd and Steve Romero open the show by showing the Steve Allen and Bolsheviks bit from Wrestlemania 6 for no reason. After reminding us about Wrestlemania only being 10 days away, they do the standard hyping the shit out of it. Triple H, Batista, and Kane will be our guests tonight, with Droz too as usual. That should be pretty interesting, shouldn’t it?

They recap both shows, then move to our first…


Droz’s 23 Cents: Droz is on with nothing to say aside from the standard PPV hype. Trips is great for going over Benoit this, Randy Orton will kick all kinds of ass which was proved by killing Stacy that… I still don’t see how that proves he’s ready against the Taker. It’s like that damn T-shirt he had: Fabulous Moolah is the first mark on his list. Does that really prove anything? I’m sure I could beat up a 90-year-old woman, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to last four seconds with the Taker.

Droz recaps the SmackDown! side of things, and you know the Rick Policy of Recapping Recaps. Some shit about WWE Fucking Fantasy, and he’s out. Well, there’s 12 minutes of my life I’m never getting back.


Talk About Out of Character: Kane’s in… sounding really normal. I mean, at first I thought they made a mistake and Batista was in. He sounds like a normal guy. No growling, no heavy breathing… sounds kinda funny, being so normal.

Anywho, they shoot the shit about the lumberjack match and the six-man ladder match. Kane whips out every cliché he can think of, from “everyone’s ready to go” to “we’re all chomping at the bit,” and doesn’t say anything exceptional. Kane actually gets into the psychology, pulling a Tazz and saying how everyone but Shelton Benjamin has some ladder match experience, so they’re threats, especially E & C.

Staying with the actual interesting theme, Marc asks an intelligent question about who Kane fears most in the match. He responds that it’s not really one, because they’ll probably team up 5-on-1 to make sure he doesn’t win.

Marc tries to get stupid by asking about when Kane will blow his wad for the title match if he wins the ladder match, but Kane is still channeling Tazz when he answers. Kane says that he’s been thinking about it, and it may be better timed to use it the next night, or it may be better to wait until everyone forgets about it and then use it then.

A thought just occurred to me, but if they want to pull a Wrestlemania 9, what’s stopping the winner of this match from using it THAT NIGHT? Let’s say Trips wins the match… what if, oh, Kane wins the ladder match and then immediately uses it? Trips would be dead from the Batista match and would be easy pickings.

Okay, back to reality. A caller asks what Kane thinks is the most challenging match, and he answers that it’s a Hell in a Cell or the Elimination Chamber. He says it’s not to take anything away from ladder matches, but those two are extremely taxing.

An e-mail asks if Kane has given any advice to Randy Orton to deal with the Taker, and Kane says no. He basically says that Randy is young and stupid, then passes onto the next subject.

Marc asks Kane about the Hall of Fame ceremony, and he answers he’s pretty interested in seeing Hogan. He says that there are legends, but Hogan’s in a league of his own. He’s out, and aside from a couple good psychology answers, this was flat.


Batista in the Belfry: Batista comes in after they show the Taxi Driver spoof, and after Marc welcomes him, Bats immediately says “You talking to me?” Subtle, funny…

Batista sounds a little tired, but certainly not as much as last time. Marc asks about Evolution, and wants him to basically pull the promo Rick’s wanted from him since the face turn. Batista says that he’s always had a feeling that Trips was behind the JBL crap since it started, and it wasn’t really a surprise when he did he learned it “officially.”

Marc asks if he defended Trips just so he could take the belt away from him. Batista, unfortunately, does not jump at this, and instead says that he never thought about it that way. He just decided it was his time to shine, which is why he turned.

Batista then goes on a long monologue about Wrestlemania in general and his matches. He sounds like a normal guy, but unfortunately doesn’t tell a very interesting story here.

Caller in, who says it’s an honor to be talking to him. Batista responds to that as “Thanks man,” very understated. The caller asks how Batista is going to deal with Ric Flair, but Bats craps out and just mentions that he’s definitely a factor and he’ll have to keep his eye out for him.

Because they asked Trish about Playboy last week, this week they ask Batista about appearing on the cover of Flex magazine. He says that he didn’t tell that many people he was on it because it wasn’t that important to wrestling (yay for that!), and the only one he really told was his wife.

They change gears to chat about the Taxi Driver spoof, and Batista says he thinks he looked pretty cool in the jacket. They manage to talk for a full thirty seconds about how Big Show ripped the jacket and that Batista could have. Geez.

They wrap up for all intents and purposes with Marc saying that he and all the fans are excited. Batista said he’s close to entirely losing his temper with Trips, and he’s going to probably kick all kinds of ass soon. He’s out, so check out the next…


Better Dim the House Lights Again: At first I thought Triple H wasn’t there and they were filling time, because they screw around for a minute talking about Trips/Batista match. Instead, Trips comes in, and immediately opens by verbally bitch-slapping both of them for what they said. He starts in with “Did you ever hear of Batista before Evolution?” and “What did he ever do to deserve a shot?” Well gee, Trips, aside from winning the Royal Rumble, I don’t know!

Trips is still in character as he starts in with a self-recap of his own 15-minute promo this last Monday. I’ve done everything this, I’ve beat everyone that… He actually starts getting original when Marc asks if he’s worried because this is going to be a power-versus-power match. Trips replies that if it was a weight lifting competition, it may worry him. But no, even though Batista can lift weights well, those dumbbells don’t hit back.

Trips goes on with more crap about how he beat everyone including Benoit, and he’s going to win, because Batista’s planned poison for him didn’t work. Marc calls bullshit, because Batista didn’t lose to the poison Trips had for him either, but Trips is all, “Well, I’m not denying Batista is good. I’m just better.”

He takes a (in-character) shot at the fans by saying that they latch onto everything and anyone who they think can stop Trips, but no one can, and on April 4 [sic], after they realize he’s not that good, they’ll find someone else.

Caller in, who kisses ass and asks how it feels to almost be up to Flair’s record of a 16-time champion. Trips might have broken character (I honestly can’t tell) when he says it’s honored and a thrill anytime to be compared to Flair, especially since it’s a different era.

After some uninteresting comments about Trips’s acting stuff, they move onto Randy Orton. Trips says absolutely nothing you wouldn’t expect him to say, and I don’t recap crap that has been said a dozen times in this interview already.

The hosts try to be clever here about how great Trips is, but it sucked, so I’m not repeating it. Trips leaves, the hosts hype RAW and SmackDown!. Then they preview who’s going to be on next week… John Cena and Stone Cold Steve Austin. At least one of those two should be interesting. Right? RIGHT???

Closing Comments: Sigh. Byte This! is slowly becoming even less entertaining than normal. The guests try, by god they try, but you can only answer shitty, unentertaining questions in certain ways.

It’s sad, because I’ve posited before, even in this post-Attitude era of WWE Think, it’s possible to hold interesting shows on BT. It’s been done before. All they need to do is single-focus on a topic, ask questions that are somewhat intelligent, and allow the guests to answer either out of character or at least psychologically. That is, Kane’s psychological look into his opponents’ minds tonight was good… why couldn’t they do that for every question?

Anyway, I’m shutting up now, because I don’t want to go off on a rant. That’s all for this week, yo.



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SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
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PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
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RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
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PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
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PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
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RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
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PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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