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OO BYTE THIS RECAP
ECW To The Rescue Yet Again
May 12, 2005

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

I know what you’re thinking: “Where the hell were you last week?” Well, you’re probably ACTUALLY thinking “Just get on with the recap, you retard,” but humor me here.
 
I was actually around, but due to technical issues, I couldn’t write up the recap. Specifically, I forgot all about BT, and by the time I remembered, it was 8:45 ET. 15 minutes of show is not very good recapping material, but I figured I could just go from the archived version. A good plan, except the archived version doesn’t load on any of my browsers. The   

other episodes are fine, just THIS one won’t go. I even planned on doing a special “double dose recap,” but they STILL haven’t fixed the problem. That makes the second BT since I started that will pass by without a recap.

Next week, I won’t be able to write a recap either, but at least I know it ahead of time. It kinda blows, because I had this great intro and everything for last week, but alas, it will never see the light of day. But then, if you hate Family Guy or enjoy American Dad, you probably wouldn’t have wanted to read it anyway.

Ah well. This, again, will be the last BT I do until May 25, so I’ll put full attention to it. I’ll be sharp as tack, and as attentive as a

SWEET! THE CUBS WON TODAY!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

Intro, Guest Rundown, Media Hype: Steve Romero and Marc Loyd open by shooting the shit about RAW and SmackDown!. If we don’t recap recaps, we sure as hell ain’t recapping two recaps. We’re going to have Justin Carroll (sp?) on, along with Spike Dudley and the Superheroes. Who the hell is Justin Carroll? Why, the winner of WWE Fucking Fantasy Season 3! I’M SO HONORED TO LISTEN TO A GUY WHO’S WORTHY AND NOT AT ALL MILKING WAY TOO MUCH OF HIS 15 MINUTES OF FAME!!! Tilde bang, even!

[break: They showed John Cena’s “Bad Bad Man” video. I missed RAW this week due to technical issues (read: I overheated my satellite receiver, don’t ask how), so this was the first time I saw it. Rick and Erin are right: it’s just cheesy enough to be entertaining.]

“Who the fuck cares” theater: Justin Carroll is in. Blah blah blah, I did great, blah blah blah, I’m not going to tell you how I won, blah blah blah, I came in second last time, blah blah blah, I knew I was going to win after Wrestlemania, blah blah blah, I call Paul London “The Wild Man,” blah blah blah, I’ll hit Triple H with a belt shot when I get my belt for winning this, blah blah blah.

Marc now hypes WWE Fucking Fantasy (who didn’t see that coming?), and we’re going to have a break. Yippee.

In case you’re new to the party here, remember that I have no problem with the game itself. I do have a problem with it being hyped all the time on BT… five minutes of talking about WWE Fucking Fantasy is five minutes lost for the, you know, wrestlers to talk about, you know, wrestling.

[break]

Droz’s 29 Cents: Blah blah blah, the Wrestlemania 21 DVD set will rule, blah blah blah, [I don’t recap RAW recaps, blah blah blah, [I don’t recap SmackDown! recaps], blah blah blah, click.

You know, if this pattern keeps up, I’ll have to dust off my Bullshit Hat. Or, as a friend’s mom calls it, my Bullshat.

[break]

Through the (Mostly) Bullshit, the Spike Dudley Edition: Huh, I was right.

Marc: “HI! WELCOME TO BYTE THIS!!!”

Spike: “Thanks.”

Marc: “You don’t have the cruiserweight belt anymore, Paul London has it.”

Spike: “He sucks.”

Steve: “What’s the difference between having the belt, and not having the belt?”

Spike: “Nothing.”

Marc: “Do you have animosity to Paul London?”

Spike: “No. It’s not personal, I just don’t like him.”

Steve: “Ha! That’s funny!”

Marc: “Is it any different facing a big guy versus facing a cruiserweight?”

Spike: “I wouldn’t say that, but it is different. Because cruiserweights are smaller than heavyweights.”

Steve: “You face big guys more than other cruiserweights. That’s cool!”

Spike: “Thanks for the compliment! [No bullshit, that’s verbatim what he said. Shout out to our very own Canadian Bulldog, perhaps?] But I’m not really better than anyone else.”

Marc: “Do you want the hardcore division back?”

Spike: “Yes. Because I had fun with it. I love the violence. VIOLENCE~!”

Marc: “Yes! Violence rocks!”

Spike: “Hell ya! WWE equals violence!”

Marc: “Is there any difference between ECW then and WWE now?”

Spike: “Yes: WWE is bigger.”

Marc: “What do you think of One Night Stand?”

Spike: “I’m excited. It’s going to have ECW guys back together!”

Marc: “You still hear ECW chants. Isn’t that amazing?”

Spike: “Yes.”

Okay, I’m pausing our game here because Spike suddenly turned on the Interesting Switch. One of the hosts asked him what he thought of Rise and Fall of ECW. Spike said that he got his copy recently and just casually put it in, not knowing fully what to expect. But he said that as soon as the music hit, he realized that he had to stay rooted to the spot. He sat on the couch, watched both discs without food or phone calls or bathroom breaks or anything, just totally uninterrupted for four hours. He further said that it brought back a lot of memories, some of them painful, as he digested the show.

It figures that it would take an obscure half-reference to the Magical ECW Episode to break Through the Bullshit, but so it goes. I don’t love my ridiculous commentary so much that I gloss over good, interesting information.

He continues that for all five years of his stay at ECW, he loved it, and it will probably be a long time before he can bring himself to watch it again. He says that it’s way too emotional to watch it, especially because of all the time he invested into it.

Marc falls back to that magical episode, and tells Spike that when they did it, he (rather, it was Josh and Paul, but why not have Marc take credit for the best Byte This! episode ever just because he wasn’t a part of it?) asked the guests to describe ECW in a single word. He turns that question on Spike, to which Spike replies, “Extreme.” Spike says that you can’t sum it up any better.

They’re showing video of Bam Bam Bigelow and Spike going at each other, and Marc asks how they hooked up (competitively) in ECW. Spike says that he was surprised because it was Bam Bam who requested to work with Spike, and their matches together were some of the best he’s had. Plus, Spike learned a ton about the wrestling business from Bam Bam, and was honored to have worked with a veteran like him.

Marc says that as great as that feud was, he had some great feuds with his brothers too. Spike, by now, is completely out of character and says that as they were talking about before, the key word in the Dudley feuds was “violence.” He said that the feud and matches worked because they knew each other so well, they would push each other to their very limits of tolerance for moves and so on.

We slow down the excitement of this interview, as per the BT custom. An e-mailer asks when Bubba Ray and D-von will be back to reunite with Spike and kick some ass again. Spike replies, “No idea.” Thanks for the contribution there.

They touch on the upcoming draft, where Spike basically says “it would be cool to go to RAW, but I don’t care.” An e-mailer asks what kind of music Spike likes (the question somehow an evolution from the release of John Cena’s album; how anyone can equate the two is beyond me), and Spike says that he’s not really into any single genre. He likes anything that’s good. Wow, we have one thing in common! He then says that Korn and Godsmack are his two most-favorite modern bands. Wow, we still only have one thing in common!

Marc: “So, what can we expect from you in the future?”

Spike: “Wrestling. I’m going to wrestle. Because I like wrestling. Because I’m a wrestler.”

Damn it, we had to end this interview on a low note, didn’t we?

[break]

Through the Bullshit, the Hurricane & Rosey Edition: Yeah, it’s one of those episodes this week.

Marc: “Congrats on winning at Backlash!”

H&R: “Thanks.”

Marc: “How do you feel about winning?”

Hurricane: “I feel good. We worked hard.”

Marc: “You came out last in that match, so that was an advantage!”

Rosey: “Didn’t matter, we would have won.”

Marc: “What were you thinking before coming out?”

Rosey: “A lot of things. I prayed.”

Marc: “Was it a disadvantage at all to come in last since you weren’t warmed up?”

Hurricane: “No.”

Marc: “You guys have beat La Resistance a lot.”

Hurricane: “Yep. It was good to beat them. Because we were always beat by them. So it felt great to beat them.”

Marc: “Why is Rosey a good partner?”

Hurricane: “We have fun together. And backstage and off-camera, we have a lot of fun. But in the ring, we have a lot of fun.”

Rosey: “I agree! Because we work good! Because Hurricane runs around fast and I’m the power guy!”

Marc: “Were you ever jacked about the partnership?”

Hurricane: “Yes, ever since I saw Rosey’s costume.”

Marc: “An e-mailer asks if it’s different teaming with Hurricane than it was with Jamal from 3 Live Crew [or however it’s spelled].”

Rosey: “Yes, it’s different. I was generally pissed all the time when I was teamed with Jamal. Now it’s fun. Because Hurricane said so.”

Marc: “Is there any similarity between Kane and Rosey?”

Hurricane: “They’re both power guys. They’re both really strong. But Rosey can do a moonsault. He could even do Jericho’s Lionsault! And he will one of these days!”

Marc: “What did you think of Triple H leaving RAW last week?”

Hurricane: “It was good. Because I hate taking Pedigrees. If I take one more Pedigree, I’m out. But no one takes Pedigrees better than me.”

Rosey: “I don’t care. He hit me with a sledgehammer, but I don’t care. He can do what he wants. I want to defend the belts.”

Marc: “How did it feel to defend Stacy Keibler?”

Rosey: “Good.”

Marc: “What do you feel about Simon Dean and Maven?”

Hurricane: “Simon Dean needs to have some of his own Simon’s System because he looks REALLY fat in that spandex. [Okay, I admit that was funny.] But it was fun to save Stacy. Because she was showing her legs. We ran faster to the ring that night than we ever have before. [Because PG-rated sexuality is more important to them than the tag belts, apparently].”

Marc: “What’s it like to be targeted by everyone to get the belts?”

Hurricane: “Being a champion is hard. But we’re ready to defend the belts. Because, we’re ready to defend the belts.”

Marc: “What do you think about the upcoming draft?”

Rosey: “Anything can happen. But I want us to stay on RAW. But we can beat down anyone on SmackDown!. But I want to stay on RAW because I’m having fun.”

Steve: “I’ve been silent this entire time, but I’m going to speak now simply to point out that Marc is wearing a S.H.I.T. shirt and Hurricane mask. Buy all this stuff on WWE.com!”

Marc: “If one of you go to SmackDown!, who would Hurricane recruit as a new S.H.I.T.?”

Hurricane: “I don’t know.”

Marc: “What historic team do you want to face?”

Rosey: “One of my cousins. And my uncle.”

Hurricane: “Shannon Moore and Jamal.”

Marc: “What’s up with the Hurricycle?”

Hurricane: “I like it!”

Marc: “Just be careful driving it!”

Hurricane: “Yeah! It’s not how good of a driver I am, it’s how bad everyone else is!”

Marc: “Especially if they drive as bad as Romero!”

Steve: “Hey! I’m not witty enough to think of a comeback, so we’re going to have two seconds of dead air!”

Marc: “Thanks for coming on the show you guys!”

H&R: “Thanks.”

Ending Noise: No video break, but they segue into the new let’s-repeat-the-most-boring-shit-we’ve-already-said post-show ritual they’re doing now. And we’re done.

Closing Comments: Um… It wasn’t an entire waste, but it was damn close. For Spike, once we switched to ECW, things became a little more interesting. For everyone and everything else, it was filled with vanilla questions, boring answers, and stupid hype. A standard episode, in other words.

Next week, I’ll be in the air. Well, at this exact moment in seven days, I’ll actually be in Los Angeles. I’ve never been to a big city, discounting brief stints in Chicago and Cincinnati to see baseball games, so I’m going to be enjoying it.

The purpose of my trip (which is actually a business trip, but I won’t go into the details why) includes not having Internet access, so I won’t be available to recap Byte This! next week. I also won’t know how the hell I’m going to play Team Coverage for Judgment Day, but I’ll deal with that with Rick through e-mails. I will be back in time to compile stats two Mondays from now, provided my Delta plane doesn’t crash, and I will be resuming my Byte This! duties on May 25.

Take care all, and I’ll see you in two weeks (if I’m alive)!

 
E-MAIL PYROFALKON

BROWSE THE BYTE THIS RECAP ARCHIVES


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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