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OO BYTE THIS RECAP
This Show Sucked Balls (suckedballs)
October 6, 2005

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

This week, I have found some time to actually recap Byte This!. My schedule is finally thinning out, and I think I’ll actually be able to start doing this weekly again starting… well, starting now. This week, I’ve also got a friend over to help me bring the snark, so hopefully I will come across as an asshole instead of a forgiving casual fans. Because chicks dig the assholes.   

 
Intro, Guest Rundown, Media Hype: Todd opens by blasting on his air guitar, blessing the bass line of the BT theme song. Also, last week’s BT, featuring a Matt Striker impersonation of the Ultimate Warrior, was the most watched BT ever. Which really makes me weep for the two ECW episodes that’s certainly deserve better, but I digress.

So riding that wave, we’re going to have some five-star WWE workers on the show! That’s right: Stacy Keibler, JBL, and Ken Kennedy! Stop me when I get too excited.

Actually, out of the gate, Todd is excited because he’s raring to ask Stacy a burning question. Jennifer Aniston is reportedly trying to steal Stacy’s boyfriend, so everyone is obviously wanting to know Stacy’s thoughts on it. Because this is, you know, the perfect topic to speak about on a wrestling show.

Todd recaps a bit of Homecoming RAW, then we move on to our first guest.

Wow, That Sucked… Sucked: Mr. “Kennedy… Kennedy” is on (swallowing the mic the whole time), accepts Bob Holly’s challenge, cuts a stereotypical wrestling promo against Holly, and leaves. That was pointless.

[break: JBL is just like Martin Luther King Jr., George Washington, and Neil Armstrong, and you better believe it, damn it, or he’ll make you submit to his new finishing move, the 100-Minute Promo]

Mostly Bad, but a Little Good: JBL takes the first couple minutes saying Eric Bischoff sucks, and so does RAW, and JBL himself is above Austin and Mick Foley and the rest. He says Rey’s win over him is as implausible as Big Show posing for “Playgirl,” and he goes on to guarantee that he’ll pin Rey this Sunday.

But after a moment of more stupid crap, he makes an interesting comment. JBL calls out Shawn Michaels, saying that while Shawn can beat a 100-year-old Hogan, HBK wouldn’t have a chance against JBL. “Whether Shawn comes to SD or I go to RAW, he needs to step in the ring with me to really test himself.” Huh.

We’re done with the interesting stuff, so we talk about how great that one ugly chick from SD helped his image (damned if I remember her name), and he gossips about Stacy’s boyfriend or something at Todd’s prompting.

This leads to a general “SmackDown! is better than RAW” tirade, which finally leads up to a caller, who asks how JBL has helped out Hurricane Katrina victims and whether JBL will write another book.

Okay, there’s two ways we can do this: in-character or not. Luckily, JBL goes out of character, and answers that he helped Booker T with a food line (that was for the most part covered by Booker T’s personal wallet). Plus, JBL opened his house in Texas for a few evacuees too. Wow, that’s cool if it’s true. He then goes on with a shoot comment against Stacy, saying that if she wanted to get her name in the papers, “that’s how you do it” instead of getting involved with celebrity trysts. There’s quite a bit of truth in that.

Slightly damaging the smoothness, he falls back into character, saying he helped them because they are fellow Americans, unlike Rey Mysterio (a non sequitur that, quite frankly, did not belong in this otherwise feel-good moment). Also though, he is on planning on writing another book, but he plugs his first one without giving any more details.

JBL, at Todd’s questions, insults the hell out of Ultimate Warrior, calling him a piece of shit and a son of a bitch (verbatim) because of him calling Droz a “cripple” or something. I… don’t understand what’s going on, but whatever.

JBL had some comments from Homecoming RAW as he voiced his displeasure being bumped, so we go to some WWE.com exclusive footage.

Well, there’s 20 seconds of my life I’ll never have back. To elaborate, JBL just basically repeats everything he’s been saying to this point: Shawn Michaels sucks this, SmackDown! is better than RAW that.

JBL is ready to go, so Todd wants some advice from him on how to be a better broadcaster. “Quit. Just take two weeks to think about it and quit, or just quit now. If you were any better, you would suck.” Heh, that was funny.

JBL is out, but Todd isn’t going to a break first. He pimps a new WWE.com service that basically shows what’s going on in the arena on Monday nights during commercial breaks on USA. Of course, this only helps those of you who watch RAW live, unlike me, who DVRs the hell out of it.

[break: clip of said service]

Stacy Doesn’t Want to Play: Todd gets the leggy blondness on the phone, and jumps right into the question on everyone’s minds… With Star magazine reporting that Jennifer Aniston is about to snake Stacy’s boy, what’s does the petit diva think? She rather annoyingly says that she has nothing to say on the matter. Todd doesn’t know that “no” means “no,” so he presses on and tries verbally goosing her by saying “Wow, you sounded mad when you told me off! Does that mean it’s true and you haven’t set your boy straight yet?” Stacy, to her credit, says “No comment.”

So Todd finally moves on, and they talk about Babe of the Year, including all the upcoming pictorials. After some hype for her and Spaz… Stacy is out? I guess Todd assumed they’d be talking about the Hollywood drama longer. Whatever.

Droz’s 44 Cents: Huh, I haven’t heard Droz in awhile. Todd tells Droz that JBL stuck up for him in his interview, which Droz casually thanks him for.

But onto the Team Coverage predictions! Droz calls JBL over Rey, Kennedy over Holly, the Ortons over the Taker, Christian in the 4-way, and Batista over Eddie.

Caller on, who asks whether Droz and Todd would rather see RAW or SmackDown! win if both rosters beat the shit out of each other. Todd picks Raw, because he’s on RAW, which makes sense. Droz no-calls it, but says everyone is a winner if that would happen, especially the fans.

Droz is out, and Byte This! is done. I ain’t got nothing to say, so I’m done too.

 
E-MAIL PYROFALKON

BROWSE THE BYTE THIS RECAP ARCHIVES


  
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
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PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
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RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
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RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
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PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
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PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
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RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
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SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
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RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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