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Chavo Meets the Press
December 1, 2005

by PyroFalkon
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


I picked up WWE SmackDown! vs. RAW 2006 for the PlayStation 2 this week. It is absolutely the best wrestling game since No Mercy came out on the Nintendo 64 years ago… No Mercy is still the best ever, but at least there’s finally a game worth purchase that won’t have Mark Henry as a usable character. If you have a PS2, and you’re a wrestling fan, you really should grab this one.
Trust me, this is coming from a guy who bought every PS2 wrestling game and sold them all within a few months. Already I’ve had more playtime with the 2006 edition than I’ve had with most of the others. It’s especially a great party game if you’ve got a few friends who’re into the action type of games too, not to mention it's got an

online mode in case you’re a shut-in like me.

All right, I’m past the box, let’s get to the show!

Intro, Guest Rundown: We’re only going to have one guest this week: Chavo Guerrero Jr. Todd blathers about how cool WWE SmackDown! was on Tuesday, and he recaps RAW a bit, as usual. We even get a clip… Shane McMahon’s dance? Always brings a smile to my face. Everything from his music to that amounts to what’s probably in my top five favorite entrances of the past decade. Seriously.

A caller is in already, who asks Todd if he thinks Bobby Lashley will be the next Brock Lesnar. Todd basically says, maybe, but Lashley needs to beat a big-named wrestler first.

Hm, a second call? New kid asks about… hilariously, the PS2 game. Todd says that he hasn’t played it yet, but it looks cool, but he’s a cheap bastard and is trying to get one for free. It’s available through WWE Shop, but if you’re dumb enough to buy a videogame through them, I pity you. Todd also begs to the camera his character to be placed in the game too, even if his sole role is to come down to the ring to get beat up. Heh… Well, there ARE signs in the audience now that say “Byte This,” so maybe he shouldn’t complain too bad. Still, I’d like to be in a video game sometime myself.

Recap of Survivor Series, plus a clip of the ending of the Tuesday SmackDown!.

Third caller, who asks if the ending dissed Eddie’s memory. Todd says probably not, because no one had that intent, but that question will be turned to Chavo later. Todd slightly breaks kayfabe and says that all the guys involved loved Eddie, and would have refused or protested had they felt like it was a dishonorable act.

Now, that all said, I’m slightly doubting the plausibility of the third caller. See, generally, the caller gets to get his question in, and then they essentially hang up on him. This caller was able to hang around long enough for Todd to fire the question back at him, so… meh, never mind. No conspiracy theories this week, I’m too tired.

Hey, something new now! After SmackDown! went off the air, the cameras kept rolling, and we get to see the Emotional Acting Superiority of Randy Orton, as his face slowly melts from confusing of blowing up the car to realizing that he may have rid himself of the Taker once and for all! And throughout all those emotions… the same dumbass smirk. Seriously, the only change in his face was the severity of his eye squint. He is Keanu Reeves.

Speaking of Orton, he was supposed to be a guest (ah, that explains a couple things). However, he “refused to call in,” so they called him for a statement. Basically it’s a totally in-character “I don’t regret what I did, and I’ll talk more on SmackDown! (presumably Friday?).” Wow, I’m sure looking forward to that.

Fourth caller, who asks how close Eddie and Todd were, and how his death affected him. Todd says that they really weren’t best friends or anything, but they saw each other every week and Eddie was always nice. Todd says that the locker room still isn’t entirely back to normal.

This segues to Todd’s promise of bringing Chavo, and we go to break.

[break: Clips from the European tour. This includes an ungodly cute appearance from Spaz, who says “I love the way they pronounce my name ‘Kreestee.’ Ah, so hot (Playboy pics excluded)… Easily my third favorite hottie on the current roster. Oh, there’s also a clip advertising the new Shawn Michaels book, which includes his own viewpoint of Montreal.]

All About Eddie: Chavo’s on the phone, not in the studio, and I have to jack my volume through the roof to hear him. He’s doing okay, but needed to severely adjust his lifestyle due to Eddie’s death… it still doesn’t seem entirely real, he says.

Todd asks if Kerwin White is finished, and Chavo answers that it definitely is. He says that it was fun for awhile, especially to be a fun heel, but because he’s the last Guerrero wrestling, he needs to keep his name and the tradition that it carries.

First caller, who asks if Chavo is going to have a family to carry on the name. Chavo says that he does have a family, and his two sons want to be wrestlers, but Chavo told them that they must get a degree from college before he’ll train them. That’s a cool parenting device.

The chatroom asks why he hasn’t taken more time off, but Chavo says that being in the ring is his high and stress reliever; Chavo says it became Eddie’s high too.

Todd asks if there’s anything that wrestlers can do to prevent this from happening, but Chavo doesn’t really think so. He said that sure, Eddie did hard drugs and died indirectly from that with a heart disease, but “there are people who have smoked cracked for 15 or 20 years and are fine.” He says that Eddie was in the best shape of his life, and it just came out of nowhere.

Todd brings up the drug policy, and Chavo is in favor of this. He says he, and many of the other wrestlers, don’t have anything to hide. He says it’s great to keep people in check, and should be a deterrent enough to keep people from taking anything.

Second caller, who asks what Chavo’s favorite match was that Eddie was involved in, whether Chavo was involved or not. Chavo can’t pick one, and says that he was so good at his craft that he was fun to see anytime he was in the ring.

A story is now shared about Eddie’s beginnings when he teamed with (forgive a misspelling) Art Barr in an unnamed federation. Art Barr did the original frog splash, and Eddie named it in a passing comment. Barr passed away, so Eddie took up the frog splash as a tribute. Chavo says that he intends to start using the frog splash too, to in tribute and honor to Eddie.

Third caller, who asks how Vickie Guerrero is. Chavo reports that she’s doing her best, but has the three kids to take care of too. She’s holding together as best as it can be expected, but she’s of course not totally back to normal.

Todd tells us that Chavo will return to the ring on Heat, and what we can expect now that the Kerwin gimmick is over. Chavo says that we definitely won’t see an Eddie clone in the ring, because there was only one Eddie. Their styles have always been slightly different, but he says there may be a little flavor of Eddie’s moveset in his.

Chavo’s done, but thanks all the fans for our support and well wishes. He declares that the Guerrero name will live on, especially thanks to us. Todd puts over Chavo as being a great, nice guy after he hangs up, and basically echoes Chavo’s thanks.

[break: Wrestlemania Anthology commercial, WWE 24/7 commercial, RAW hype]

Todd Pulls a Columbo: As we come back from break, Todd informs us that he’s a bad host because he forgot to ask Chavo about the SmackDown! ending. But, he’s not Marc Loyd, Steve Romero, or Josh Mathews, and actually makes the effort to call Chavo back to ask him!

So, what does Chavo think about the angle? Chavo’s opinion is the same as all rational people, that it was just an angle that is not disrespecting. He says it may even be that WWE involved Eddie in a storyline one more time. Chavo breaks all kayfabe here and says that if anyone is “disrespecting Eddie,” it’s Randy Orton, but it’s okay because that’s “what a heel does.” (Gotta love it when wrestlers use those insider-y terms that we’re not supposed to know!) Chavo laughs and says that if he was facing the Undertaker though, he probably would have run him over in the lowrider or anything else nearby. “Gotta win by any means necessary!”

[Random aside: As you know, I try to spell everything right in my columns, unlike certain Canadian writers here who like to fuck with my files so everything gets slowed down. The punctuation for “lowrider” has been killing me… is it one word? Two? Hyphenated? So I did a search on WWE.com, and “lowrider” is the way they have it in all references except a couple times when John Cena or fans typed it. “Lowrider” must be the official way of writing it, so that’s what we’re going with.]

Anyway, Todd repeats that he thinks the wrestlers would have vetoed the angle if they thought it was a dishonor, and Chavo agrees. He still thinks it was a way to involve Eddie in a storyline postmortem.

Chavo had made a spaghetti dinner, which Todd interrupted with his call… Todd apologizes now, and tells him to go eat, because he thinks we’re done. Chavo, who just has to play along, asks if he should wait by the phone just in case Todd missed something else. I only mention this little conversation because it’s great to hear wrestlers have little throwaway conversations that make them seem, you know, human, instead of the larger-than-life characters they portray.

Speaking of that… you know, I hate that it takes a death to bring that out to everyone, but I like seeing wrestlers be human. That’s why… EVEN AS I WRITE THIS… That’s why thinking back to Chris Benoit’s breakdown on Eddie’s RAW still really touches me. Wrestlers understandably try so hard to be their characters for us that we can forget they have emotions and everything… I suppose that applies for all entertainment, from professional sports to movies, but still.

It’s just one more reason why I wish they would turn Byte This! into an out-of-character show. I agree with Rick that some things absolutely should be for the wrestlers’ knowledge only, like how it’s cool by me that the Guerreros wanted to keep Eddie’s funeral a secret. But for the most part, especially how it relates strictly to wrestling itself, it’s more fun and interesting to hear what’s going on behind the camera and scenes, and how matches actually go (what moves get audibled and what was intentional).

The only problem with turning BT into an out-of-character show is that some people would perhaps be less entertaining out of character, such as Carlito. But even with him, I’d like to hear his real accent (if that one isn’t it), and I’ve got about a dozen questions I’d like to ask him without having a constant fear of an apple being spat in my face.

Huh, didn’t mean for that to turn into a three-paragraph rant. And we’ve still got show to do!

More Stuff: We’re giving away a free Undertaker DVD set, so we need a trivia question. Byte This! has entered the 1990s and is now displaying the trivia question as a graphic on the screen too, which is very helpful. This question: Who was the Undertaker’s opponent at the 1994 Royal Rumble?

Todd is out of stuff to talk about, so he wants a caller NOW, whether they have it or not. The BT crew informs him, uh, dumbass, there’s a delay between the shooting and when the fans see it. This is the Internet, not Viacom. Todd says fuck that then, he’ll kill time by dancing, which he does; and it resembles something Carlton would have done from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That means it looks like a white guy impersonating a black guy impersonating a white guy doing a dance. Todd? You rock, as long as you stay away from Dr. Heinie’s nurse. God, that angle sucked.

But Todd knows how to overact for comedy, so he looks over at the BT chatroom, where whiners are whining that they don’t get shout-outs. So Todd does his best “You mean so much to me!” in the style of a Days of Our Lives actress (that’s right, I said actress), and he gets a smile out of me. Also he reads a few “you’re the best, Todd!” comments, including one that calls him Toddie. He doesn’t like this, because Ivory used to call him that on… um… that Sunday morning show. What’s it called? WWE Experience or something? And it drove him crazy to be called that, so, you know, don’t do it.

All right, so now we get a call. Is it Mankind? Toddie delays, pretending he’s Meredith Vieira and/or Regis Philbin, and says no.

Next caller, who guesses Yokozuna. Toddie now thinks he’s Ray Combs and/or Richard Dawson (because I refuse to accept Louie Anderson and Richard Karn as hosts), and yells “Survey says…!” And the caller is right! Yay!

By the way, this caller’s name is Frankie, and Ivory’s cat’s name is Frankie. Todd says, “And I hated that cat!,” in the same tone as he said he hated her pet name. Ivory’s a cat person? Definitely a MILF. I think if you put all the divas ever who were in the WWE, Ivory would be in my top three. Well, so would Gail Kim, but we’ve danced on that grave before.

Anyway, he asks a follow-up question, what kind of match was it? Answer: casket match, which Frankie knew too! So he gets a bonus DVD set (something about Taboo Tuesday), and Todd decides to make them more valuable by rubbing them on his face. Creepy.

So Toddie wants to keep going, and he’s got a Jake “The Snake” Roberts DVD set there too. He asks the crew if he can give that way, and the director or whoever says, “Whatever man.” Now, I haven’t been mentioning it, but there’s been a running dynamic between Todd and this guy for the entire episode, and is the type of dry, sardonic humor that made me a Foamy fan. It’s quite funny, very worthy of being listened to.

A caller comes on, and is boring, so Todd refuses to give her the DVD. This is followed by another caller, who is Canadian, and he reports that the SmackDown! special has not aired yet in Canada. (This is because Canada is the 51st state of the United States, and all its citizens are boring, no-talent hacks who write books so shitty that I wouldn’t be caught dead linking them.) Toddie apologizes for ruining some of the show, but the guy replies, “Oh no man, you can’t ruin anything for me! I love you!” Todd channels John Cena and makes sure this isn’t the gay love that is currently hovering between Kip and B.G. James.

But this caller is on a roll (one of the few Canadians who don’t suck), and manages to be funnier in five seconds than Josh Mathews and Marc Loyd were combined in the dozens of shows they did. He finally gets around to asking who Todd would like to wrestle, divas excluded. Todd thinks, and it’s a tough choice, because Rico is gone now. (Eh… what was that about no ambiguously gay man-love?) Todd wants a qualifier, because obviously the choice differs depending on whether Todd wants to actually have a chance at winning, or just get his ass kicked. The caller says, just the dream match, win or lose. Todd struggles to find his answer, saying that his hero growing up was Randy Savage, but also putting over the Ultimate Warrior and Viscera. (There’s a winning combination.) But he finally decides on Kurt Angle, because although he says it would hurt like hell, it’d be fun.

So this caller is so much fun, Toddie will do a trivia question for him: What color was Todd’s shirt last week? And just to make this more ironically funny than it already is, they put the question up as a graphic again. Wow. Scarily, the caller is right when he guesses “lavender purple.”

With references to Rico, Viscera, and lavender purple within a couple minutes, there’s too much man-love in the room, so Toddie wraps it up. Todd hypes SmackDown!, including talking about the Boogeyman’s debut. A graphic of him comes up, and Todd says he dated a girl that looked like him. Scary.

Todd signs off by reminding us, yes, he is wearing red today.

Closing Comments: Despite Todd’s assurance that this was not a good episode, it actually was pretty funny. Todd’s got the skill with sardonic humor to really shine even when there is a lack of apparent material. Chavo’s interview was fantastic, and it would definitely have been a whole different tone if had happened last week. I already said my piece unintentionally about keeping the wrestlers out of character, so I won’t repeat myself there.

Not exactly a must-listen-to episode, but hey, there are worse ways to spend 50 minutes of your time. Like reading Inside The Ropes.

Believe in the power of Santa! Or get nothing! 



SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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