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TCF Gets Heat (with the Rick),
Recaps Heat
June 23, 2003

by The Cubs Fan


Lots of gabbing to start. Sorry. Skip down to tv pg dv if you want.

Ratings: It's not that I'm lazy and late, I'm just reminding people of this feature on Mondays. I think theRick (or perhaps theJed) flipped my numbers around last week, because you know I hate RAW and love SmackDown! I guess, um, SmackDown 3.3, RAW 3.1. Sounds likely.

See, the thing is - it's a two fold thing, really. a) I watch both shows mostly in fast forward and only stop for the stuff I like, so it's not like I'm giving it al lot of thought and b) I'd like to give all the stuff I really like (SmackDown: most of the cruisers, most of the non-old people, RAW: um, er, the women and the TE1 crew? Jericho too I think) 5s and everyone else 0s and even doing an average that doesn't really translate to a rating in the slightest. What I'm doing instead is kinda mentally ranking them, if they're a better or worse than last week. Which still isn't a rating but hopefully slightly helpful?

Still, SmackDown was interesting, if only to see how much more over the Kurt Angle/Charlie Haas was than Rhyno/Chris Benoit and for the truly (hopefully) random Stephanie/Vince stuff. RAW, well, tremendously annoying for them to bury Al Snow and Maven as guys not up to the level of saving people from Evolution if you happen to be a fan of those guys (like me!). Maybe I'll actually write the RAW stuff after the show so I can remember what else to whine about next week. I could go on and on about the levels of being disturbed I got from Stephanie saying Vince was pimping her out, but I'll refrain in order to talk too much about something else.

I'm Pretending I Remember To Read All Of OO today: The thing about all titles in lucha libre is that, because of many weight divisions, public domain national titles, various surviving belts of long defunct promotions and stylistic lack of focus on strictly one on one matches, a lot of them are essentially outfit accessories. Especially the heavyweight titles: Canek's probably not going to lose his UWA title unless he (finally) decides he's done, and only then if someone asks him very very nicely, because it's his possession. My best guess is Rayo brought back the WWA Title just so he could do something similar; make yourself a 10 year champion by booking your own title matches. And Niebla winning the CMLL Title a couple month wasn't as much a surprise as Universo actually defending the belt; it'd been over a year since he had. At any rate, lots lucha titles exist but don't mean a whole heck of a lot. Those guys should be discounted.

The other thing is, there's a leap Chris makes from "champion" to "heavyweight champion" that's not universal. This Tuesday at Arena Coliseo in Mexico City, Shocker and Ultimo Guerrero will meet for Ultimo's CMLL World Light Heavyweight Championship, and whoever wins that match is undisputedly The Guy. Mr. Niebla will be wrestling more towards the middle of the card and no one will think twice about it. The difference is that Ultimo and Shocker are the two guys who've got the big wins (in great matches), fans accept them as top guys, and what the top guys are fighting about becomes important. It doesn't work nearly as well the other way; champions make belts, belts don't make champions. Benoit said that a whole lot better one time, but I don't have the quote in front of me right now. Maybe if hit refresh enough...

(I'd say WWE Title, (RAW) World Title, IWGP, Triple Crown, maybe the CMLL LH Title [if they go title vs title for the NWA LH Title I'll go for it], and why not NOAH's GHC Title as equal points of light. NWA can come talk to me after 2 or 3 years of rebuilding and when they have more previously credible people hold their title belts. I guess potentially the NWF over all those others if they keep building it like Inoki wants but fat chance. There is no current NWA World Successor and it'd take a tremendous business consolidation to get there, so maybe it's a good thing.)

I probably shouldn't tease theRick with lucha talk if I'm not going to follow through on things. Hey, speaking of teasing theRick...

Wrestler Of The Week: Kyle Farnsworth! I knew the Reds had no pitching, but that fight taught me they couldn't hit either. They sure can get beat up and turn into bloody messes and LOSE and this has a limited chance of being uncensored on OO so I should stop now.

tv pg dv cc entertainment bad blood recap (1:48) open fireworks

Your special referee for the next match is Dallas' Own Miss Jackie.

Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 242 pounds) vs Rosey (354 pounds) - Your announcers are Al and Coach. You have to agree that Bad Blood was a great night. YOU HAVE TO AGREE. Val has leopard print tights, lovely. "Hello ladies! I know it's common knowledge that the Big Valbowski adult video production company. Which simply means that I'm...scouting new talent. And Jackie - I truly believe that you could be a great addition to my new company as Venus Video Platinum Chick! [Jackie's thinking about this?] And Jackie, I even got your first video titled. Check this out, imagine your name flashing in the marquee - Jacqueline Does Dallas! [Jackie's a little taken aback.] Now Jackie, I don't want you to think too long about this - give me your answer, you want it or not?" "..." because here's 3MW Rosey's music to get us out of this pickle. No they haven't taken the Jamal out of his entrance. Coach about kills me: "Well, Rosey...timing's never been his specialty." It must be thrilling to be that completely moronic. Rosey trash talks. Val gives us an angry face. Lockup, Val pushed down. Rosey talks some more. Circle. Lockup. Val with a waistlock, Rosey tries to run him back first into the corner but Val moves out of the way at the last second, right, right, right, right, kick, kick. Whip, Rosey with a reverse into a short clothesline, Val ducks, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, back suplex isn't going to work. Rosey shot into the ropes and shot back with a shoulderblock. Val retreats to the corner, and catches Rosey coming in with kick to the leg, kick to the leg, kick to the leg,  kick to the leg, kick to the leg, off the ropes and Rosey levels him with a clothesline. Rosey off the ropes and there's the ol' spinning legdrop one two no. Rosey with a forearm to the back. Axhandle to the back. Later: Steven vs Goldust, Trish vs Molly, Hurricane vs not announced - announcers are stuck on that middle match, as you would expect. Rosey scoops Val up on his shoulder, but Val slips out and pushes him into the corner. Now he'll try the back suplex on the rebound and this time it'll work one two no. Val with right right right off the ropes, clothesline doesn't get him, off the ropes, forearm doesn't do it. Dropkick doesn't do it. Off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, cross body hits odd but works one two no. Whip, reversed into a Rosey knee. Coach says Jackie always calls it down the middle. Suplex, no Val lands on his feet and grabs Rosey's head - reverse neckbreaker. Val going up. Money Shot. One two three. (3:13) So does Val go ask Jackie now? He does say something to Jackie, but it seems more general kissing up. Ah, someone gets his towel. Sometime today? This is a fine way to kill 30 seconds. I guess that's why it's a three minute match. There we go. Girl is freaked out, but excited, so good for her.

Tonight: Steven Richards vs Goldust
Tonight: Trish Stratus vs Molly Holly

the Hurricane (215 pounds) vs Michael Shane (211 pounds, already in the ring) - Since when does Hurricane's cape have a breastplate? Kid who gets mask is happy to get mask, so we're two on two for giveaways. MSG is Sold Out. I can't help but think this match would be better on Velocity (which scares me), but let's see if they get around to reading my mind after they're done hyping RAW. What am I saying, they're never done hyping RAW. Circle. Hurricane lockup. Armbar. Twist. Twist, top wristlock. To a side headlock. Shane tries to turn out, can't. Hurricane shot in the ropes, back with a shoulderblock. Pose. Well, I'll be - Coach: "Michael Shane, not a lot of people know about him, but he's been very popular over in the independent circle, over in Japan, and is a very accomplished performer." The thing is, this - putting over the non-roster people on these shows in significant ways (as opposed to quickly tuned out patronizing ways)  - now has moved from "Josh is doing it because he's a wrestling geek" to standard procedure; I don't buy Coach, who in the previous match decided that a back suplex should be called a "corner suplex", opting to give bio info on independent wrestlers. Or even caring about bio info about independent wrestlers. I don't know the whys of it, but it sure would be a more effective way of debuting someone with an upset win on these shows, because you don't stick out in hyping them before the "upset". I dunno, but I do think this is a good thing - the credentials may not mean a lot to a casual fan watching these shows, but these aren't the shows casual fans are watching. Anyway, Al gives Coach credit for doing his homework (as I do too) and Coach says he did so Al doesn't have to carry him so much.  Hey, there's a match here too. Hurricane off the ropes, over (with a roll), ducks the clothesline, snap mare into a chinlock. Shane escapes into a hammerlock. Hurricane looking for a way out - rolls into a headscissors. Shane kips out, but runs into a drop toe hold. back to the Hurricane headlock. Why is Hurricane sticking his tongue out? Getting to their feet. Shane trying elbows, then shoots Hurricane into the corner, Hurricane kips up, Shane catches the legs and shoves him out, Hurricane lands on the apron, Michael Shane slaps the paste out of Hurricane! That was a loud slapping - either the mask amplified it or something else did. Shane is slow following up, though, and Hurricane is able to come back with right hands. Whip, reversed into a flapjack onto the top rope. Shane drags him into position one two no. I just realized I'm calling Shane vs the Hurricane. Too late now, but let's go with Michael, who's got a neck vice now. Hurricane punching his way free, but gets stopped with a knee. Michael with a whip, hiptoss is reversed into a backslide, Hurricane can't get him over, so he turns it around, kick, reverse facebuster! Both men down, but Hurricane is clearly in control - leaping lariat. And another. Corner whip, Michael goes in chest first and Hurricane hits the jumping neckbreaker on the rebound. Hurricane to the top - must be cross body time. Sure 'nuff, one two NO. Coach is all about Michael's heart here. Hurricane grabs him for the Eye of the Hurricane, but Shane hits uppercut forearms to escape. Turning it around, fireman's carry, turning around. What's he going for? We're never quite sure (Coach thought F5, Al thought DVD, I thought "wacky indy spot I don't know but I bet it's his finish")  because Hurricane escapes on his feet. Inverted atomic drop, off the ropes, Shining Wizard. Will that do it? One two three. (3:41)

Tonight: Goldust vs Steven Richards
Next: Did Goldberg kill Jericho with this spear?

Stacker 2 Goldberg has bad aim of Last Sunday - Coach says he won anyway.
Another match was Christian vs Booker T. We recap the near count out and the finish. (:29)
So that lead to this tag match on RAW (3:53)

Tonight: Goldust vs Steven Richards
Next: Trish Stratus vs Molly Holly

Trish Stratus (Toronto, Canada) vs Molly Holly (Maple Grove, MN) in a Divas Match - Al is about to have a heart attack about Trish. Coach says he's a big fan of Trish. Al: "You're a big fan of anything that's female and has a pulse." Lockup, Trish with a waistlock, waistlock takedown. LA MAJISTRAL ONE TWO NO! Someone just won a bet. Lockup, Molly with an armbar, twist, wristlock, Trish with a reversal, Molly shoves her down. Molly to the armbar, wristlock, twist, shoving her down using the hair, wristlock still in. Trish kips up and forearms out, nice. Molly's pulled down by the hair. And again. Forearm, forearm, chop, chop. Whip, reversed, clothesline, one two no. Al is going on abut how women run the world secretly. Molly outside for a break. The outfit Trish is(n't) wearing here is quite something. Molly to the apron - Trish tries to jump her and gets the neck snap over the top rope. Molly quick in one NO. Snap mare, running head snap combo. One two NO. Middle rope leg choke. Talking about Lance Storm, Al says Lance is great, but it's sports Entertainment. Molly with a corner whip. Time for the Mollypop, which means it's time for the other person to get a move in - Trish leaps up into a victory roll one two NO. Molly up first and nails the clothesline. One two NO. Chinlock. Crowd very into Trish's comeback - they've been very into her all match. Trish shots Molly off, no Molly holds on, short clothesline misses, Trish with a, uh, reverse waistlock cradle one two NO. Molly up again first with a knee, forearm that could've looked better. Molly trying to pull some hair out - and Trish gets tossed by it. Molly yells at the referee for warning her, as well she should. Molly back over to Trish, but Trish takes her down with a spinebuster. That was nice. Both are down, and it looks like Molly will be the first one up. Molly over - and Trish pos up with a right. Repeat. Forearm, forearm, forearm, kick, off he ropes, swinging neckbreaker. Trish waits for her to get up - Chick Kick one two NO. Turnbuckle smash. Kick to the midsection, kick to the midsection, kick to the midsection. As we watch a replay of the Chick Kick, Trish sets Molly on the top rope. Stratrusphere - is blocked! Molly shoves her off, then kicks her down. MOLLY-GO-ROUND! HITS! ONE TWO THREE! (4:36) What the HECK - I'm (secretly?) a huge Molly fan but even I'm shocked there. Announcers suggest that one of Molly's feet may have clocked Trish on the way down (which doesn't seem possible as Trish was falling before Molly got there, but the thought's nice.) You know, early in this match, they suggested Trish has needed to find herself after losing the title, if you're looking for something to come out of this.

Backstage, Victoria and Steven Richards (hey! you're back!) are doing whatever it is they do.
Victoria: "I love when you talk me like that - tell it to me again."
Steven: "Oh baby, tonight's going to start a whole new era for Heat. Just picture it - Steven Night Heat. I'm gonna take Heat to [into his Val Venis impersonation?] a...whole...new..level."
[enter stage right GOLDUST]
Goldust: [mocking Victoria] "Oh Stevie, I love it when you talk to me like that [normal] Did I hear you say, that Stevie you, were going to take Heat to a whole new level?"
Steven: "Yea"
Goldust: "Is that what I heard?"
Steven: "Yea"
Goldust: "You and your...pink panties?"
Steven: "HEY! Listen! Hey, these are HOT PINK! And I'll show you! Yea, I'll show you, you'll see-"
Goldust: "You're gonna show men? Hey hey hey, calm down man, you need to calm your WHOR-ah-ah-WHOR-Hormones down. Vic, grab some control of him, give him some loving or something." [breath...and bite.]

Next: Kane and RVD team for the last time? (on TV (for now))

JVC plancha gone BAD of Sunday

Kane's Wild Rid (3:07)
RAW: Triple H (c) vs Kane in a title vs mask match
Next: Steven Richards vs Goldust

RAW Live
Monday - New York, NY [RAW, MSG]
Friday - Poughkeepsie, NY
Saturday - Elmira, NY
Next Sunday - Syracuse, NY
Next Monday - Buffalo, NY [RAW]

Gail Kim vignette. She really shouldn't debut. She could not be any cooler to me than she already is in her vignettes.

Goldust (Hollywood, CA, 260 pounds) vs Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds, w/Victoria) - Hey, remember last time we did this? Steven's on an 0-4 streak. Al says it's actually HIS show. Steven's tights say "Stevie-T". Victoria's top is sure not a lot of fabric. You know, an idea I got when I was really bored was to explain Steven's recent absence (neck injury) on him finally having to tell Victoria that she wasn't still champion, Victoria trying to kill him but only hurt his neck, but then they're still together. Like I said, really bored. Lockup - no, Steven will duck and shove. "YEA! MY SHOW! It' MINE!" Goldust kneels down and runs over Goldust with a clothesline. Whip, clothesline, no, Steven is going to walk out. Goldust out - running clothesline off the stairs! Goldust takes him back in - whip, reversed, Steven with a leapfrog (oh so barely), Steven goes down for a monkey flip but Goldust stops short, spins Steven around, slingshot into the ropes, Goldust holds on so Steven falls back across his knees. Nice. Goldust mocks Steven's back pain, ha. Whip, reversed, Steven misses a clothesline, Steven misses a back elbow, Steven dives out of the way of a cross body and Goldust tumbles to the floor. Steven distracts and yells for Victoria. Victoria gets to stomping. Clubbing blows! Steven out, and there's a chop. Back in. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. One two no. Forearm to the back, forearm to the back, kneeling surfboard. Goldust rallies and the crowd is with him. Goldust elbow, punches to the midsection to escape. Steven with an eye rake to stop it. Chop by Steven. Bulldog? He dos the lasso motion many many times, but gets pushed off by Goldust and takes the drop by himself. Coach: "No one's ever seen the face of Kane." (First example that came to mind.) You know, no matter what he looks likes under the mask, they're breaking continuity, because they've set up many contradictory stories. Not that it's probably high on the concern list, but I wouldn't worry as much about that as what you're going to do with him next week, next month and next year. Goldust has to recover in the corner, and Steven follows up with a slap. And Goldust yells something. Steven slaps again, and Goldust loses it again. Slap, and Goldust gives us - what, a Warrior yell? Off the ropes, clothesline, clothesline. Whip, reversed, Goldust hits the sliding thrust uppercut. Inverted atomic dropkick, clothesline one two no. Goldust is calling for - something or other. Who really knows with him? Coach suggest that Goldust just maybe is faking it, NAAAAAAAH. Curtain Call? No, his yell takes too long, and Steven escapes with them uppercut forearms. Steven off the ropes, and into kinda a release side slam one two no. It was nothing in particular is what it was. Setting Steven up in the corner - Golden Globes? Victoria is not in favor of this idea, but getting on the apron may be the distraction Goldust needs - Golden Globes, but a knee lift instead of a kick. Victoria in the ring now and freaking out in Goldust's general direction. What's she going to do, besides quivering in anger? Victoria grabs her hair. Goldust grabs here - big kiss. Victoria is sickened, but Seven is up - inside cradle one two THREE! (4:10) Coach: "I don't know if it was worth it for Victoria." Night for upsets, I guess.

One last ad for Monday - this show only has one match.


The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 

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