Powered by LiquidWeb Search all of OO for news, columnists, and articles about your favorites!
News  -/-  Recaps  -/-  Columns  -/-  Features  -/-  Reference  -/-  Archives  -/-  Interact  -/-  Site Info

Donate to Online Onslaught!
     Daily Onslaught
     Obtuse Angle
     RAW Satire
     The Broad

     Inside the Ropes
     OOld Tyme
         Rasslin' Revue
     Title Wave
Crashing the

     Smarky Awards
     Big in Japan
     Guest Columnists
     2 Out of 3 Falls
     Devil's Due
     The Ring
     The Little Things
SK Rants
The Mac Files
     Sq'd Circle Jerk
     RAW vs. SD!:
         Brand Battle
     Cheap Heat 
     Year in Review
     Monday Wars
     Road to WM 

     Title Histories
     Real Names
     PPV Results
     Smart Glossary
     Message Boards
     Live Chat 
     OO History

If you attend a live show, or have any other news for us, just send an e-mail to this address!  We'd also love to hear from you if you've got suggestions or complaints about the site...  let us have it!

Farewell, Lance
April 26, 2004

by The Cubs Fan


TV PG DV CC entertainment open fireworks 

Hey, Coach sounds whiter this week. I know, I didn't think it was possible either! Al: "Who are you?"

Grand Master Sexay (Memphis, TN, 220 pounds) vs Wavell Star (Louisville, KY, 232 pounds, already in the ring) - speaking of whiter. I think we've decided it's three names this time around. The local's name is on the screen for two seconds. Yet To Be Identified says this is GMS's debut on Heat - Too Much became Too Cool on Heat! I might still have that interview around here somewhere. "The innovators, the percolators, the mast-". And then they ran in and attacked - the Hardyz? And Sexay tore his knee before they could do anything else, and the Hardyz went onto do some feud with Edge and Christian and I guess that might have changed a few things. I've got Sexay last appearing as a guest co-host with Steve Blackman 151 episodes (or so) ago. They're not going to show the announcers till after the first match, I guess. Sexay's masking up for lost entrance time. He still has the goggles. He has to ask all sides of the crowd if they want his headband, and it turns out that Wavell just wants to start the match, so forearm in the back. Forearms to the back. Right. Wavell dances! Not well. Whip - they completely clip the action here, moving over different camera shots to make you think you're watching the same action, though it turns out that Sexay is running a completely different direction then he started, and Wavell is holding his hands in front of his face for unknown reasons. GMS clotheslines Star out. Now, back to the headband. That into the crowd, Wavell brought back in, corner whip, Sexay backs up, raises the roof, corner charge, jumping whatever is side stepped and Sexay crotches himself. I bet Sexay always misses that move, and because it's not really move. Spinning neckbreaker, one two no. Whip, back elbow. One two no. Wait, is this Standing Thunder? I'm a little slow. Neck vice. GMS gets out with only one elbow. Star tries a punch, blocked, and Sexay hits one back. Star rebounds off the ropes, punch blocked again, Sexay hits his again. Whip, kick caught enziguri. Both back up to their feet, Star gets control with an eye poke. GMS loaded up onto the top rope. Superplex? Nope, GMS punching back. That's the goggles corner - is he going to do this already? Goggles on, Hip Hop Drop. One two three. (2:32) See, if you spend an extra minute dancing around ringside, that's one less minute you have to wrestle.

Your announcers are Al and Todd Grisham and this is Heat 299! Really, I mean it this time. (They didn't count the one that was pre-empted off MTV after 9/11, apparently.) Coach is off managing Garrison Cade's career - I guess he was serious when he said he was going to let his contract with Steven expire (and that they actually planned that all out since then. Later tonight, Shelton will be in action - look at when he beat Triple H, and think how fast he ended up here! I don't think that's what I'm supposed to think; probably more so on how to make an awful pun with a John Grisham novel, but it's not happening, yet. 

Tonight: Shelton Benjamin vs Rhyno
Next: Rosey vs Rob Conway 

Godsend kick you down, kick me down

Rosey (350 pounds, w/the Hurricane) vs Rob Conway (Quebec City, QC, 230 pounds, w/Sylvain Grenier) - Todd thinks they might speak French in Quebec. And then he wants us to watch Bottom Line. He's clearly lost his mind. Al's upset at Todd's suggestion that he might need to WIN a ticket to SummerSlam, and threatens to put in a bad word with Mr. Richards. Al figures Steven must've suspended Coach. Circle. Lockup, Rob shoved down. Lockup, no Rob with a waistlock. Yea, no. Thrown down. Pose. Rob with a kick to the midsection, kick to the midsection, headlock, off the ropes, slider under, shoulderblock was an unwise idea. off the ropes, falling headbutt drop one two no. Todd tells us how Rob moved to Quebec to be closer to America, which would be great if he wasn't being announced as from Indiana previously. Rob gets in an eye poke. Right. Right. Right. Kick. Forearm. Whip, not a chance, Rob takes the corner whip. Rosey's mask is bugging him yet again so he throws it down before charging the corner, and it costs him because Rob gets out of the ring and Rosey spears the corner post. Rob gathers himself and salutes the Hurricane. Hurricane is offended by that silliness, arguing with Conway and missing Greiner choke out his partner. Hurricane notices and give chase, which allows Rob to get in a few more shots on the outside. Hurricane is cut off, so Grenier gets in another shot before Rob brings Conway back in. Rob has the mask in his right hand as he stomps. Punch with the mask! The mask is not loaded, so it's not that helpful. Rosey fighting back, causing Rob to drop the mask. Punch battle, Rob's losing so he kicks, off the ropes, knee to the head. Choke on the ropes. Sylvan trash talks Rosey from a few feet away, but almost gets swatted. Rob with a right, kick, elbow. Chinlock. Al's singing the Batman theme now. There is context, but it's pretty unnecessary. Al and Todd debate Who Is the Hurricane's Favorite Superhero (Green Lantern or Black Adam - maybe I'm wrong, but Black Adam seems more Super Villain than Hero). Rosey battling back up with elbows and punches. Rob pauses him with a forearm and a kick, but this doesn't seem like a long term idea. Off the ropes, Rosey nails him with a clothesline. Another. Whip, backdrop. Sidewalk slam one two no. Scoop and slam. Pose. Off - wait, Greiner's on the ropes. Rosey stops to argue with him, distracting Grenier from Hurricane moving behind him, and tripping him off the apron. Big right hand and he's done for the moment. Conway has managed to get back up, and charges Rosey, but Rosey turns around in time to catch and drop him with a spinebuster. Hurricane's being sent back to his corner, and Greiner has the flag. Rosey to the second rope, and Greiner clocks him with the flag pole. Conway covers one two three. (4:05) La Resistance celebrates. 

Three Weeks Ago: Shelton won, but not as well. Al thinks Shelton got fluke wins twice and points out that Shelton didn't even pin him that time.
Tonight: Shelton Benjamin vs Rhyno
Next: Steven Richards vs Lance Storm

RAW Live
Monday - Topeka, KS [RAW]
Friday - Amarillo, TX [WMRevenge]
Saturday - Lubbock, TX [WMRevenge]
next Sunday - Yuma, AZ [WMRevenge]
next Monday - Phoenix, AZ [RAW]

Stills from Backlash - Flair/Backlash. They're doing straight face (Todd)/heel (Al) comments, which is different than heel/heel of old days. (:24)

Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds) vs Lance Storm (Calgary, Alberta, 230 pounds) - Steven: "WHO IS THAT?" Lance Storm lives! That's the UnAmerican's theme, right? And no wacky Dancin' Lance video, though he still is all smiley and happy but not busting a move. Loud reaction for Calgary. Lookat the Flames flag. What do you do when you're matching up two guys with recent heel turns that have been forgotten? YOU DON'T DO THAT. Morons. Actually, Steven should totally be the face here because Lance screwed him out of that match with Test for no reason, but we're in Canada so even if anyone remembers that, they don't care.  The look on Steven's face seems to indicate HE remembers, anyway. "GO LANCE GO" Circle. Lockup, waistlock, takedown, Lance with a front facelock. Steven backs up and gets a foot on the ropes. Break. Stop smiling like a goof, Lance. Lockup. Test of Strength. Todd keeps teasing Al with "Five Star" jokes, and Al keeps teasing a major beatdown. I probably should wait the whole hour for him to prove me wrong, but Todd seems to have a concept of what's going on (he called a front facelock, by god), which puts him ahead of Coach, Marc Lloyd and Chris Leary in their debuts (and in most cases, far far down the line.) Steven sneaks in the kick when he's losing. Armbar gets heavy boos. Tightening it up, but Lance is forearming out (not so great). Lance jumps to the top rope, balances, and rope flips out of the armbar. Pose, Steven angrily charges with a punch, Lance ducks, kick, hanging suplex - after having Steven up for ten seconds, Lance lets go of Steven's tights to wave to the crowd, still holding Steven up - and drop after 14 seconds, one two no. Corner whip, charge in, Lance backdropped, lands on the apron, right for Steen, up top, Steven grabs Lance's arm and snaps it over the top rope. Lance falls hard to the floor, and he's holding his left arm in tight. "STEVIE SUCKS STEVIE SUCKS" Steven yanking Lance and dragging him by that bad arm, though the chant is distracting him. Shortening into an armbar. Steven spreads on Lance's left arm, stands on the wrist, and yells at the crowd, "U! S! A!", knee drop on the bad shoulder. Forearm to the shoulder. Step on the arm. Punch to the shoulder. Armbar. "LANCE LANCE LANCE!" Al: "I'm speechless! People are chanting for Lance Storm!" Lance battling to his feet, forearm, forearm, armdrag out, but Steven high kicks the bad arm. Off the ropes, into the dropkick, Lance almost landing on Steven on the way down. Can Lance cover? Not if he rolls the other way. One two three four five six - Steven with a right to the arm, Lance back with a punch. Steven with a punch, Lance blocks it with his right arm and back elbows with the same arm, nice. Steven misses a clothesline, Lance chops him. Steven charges, into a back elbow, back elbow, whip, leg lariat, one two NO! Whip, quick reverse, armbar takedown! One two NO. Al busts out "Divorce Court - believe, I'm experienced that, and it is a lot of pain." Lance tries to keep Steven away from following up and gets kicks and punches to the shoulder for his trouble. Steven off the ropes, Lance with the single leg into the half crab! Lance pulls him into the middle of the ring, and Steven has no momentum to move - and he gives! (5:02) Yea, so all you need to is to keep Lance over is have a promotion of all US people but base it in Canada. No problem.

Tonight: Shelton Benjamin vs Rhyno
Next: Flair/Batista vs Edge/Benoit

And we join that match, already in progress. (6:39) Al points out that Randy's the only one left in Evolution with a belt. Todd points out Chris Benoit has more titles the whole of Evolution.
8 Days From Now: WWE Tag Team Champion Chris Benoit (c) vs Shawn Michaels for the WWE World Championship in Phoenix, AZ

Backstage, Shelton is getting ready
Backstage, Rhyno is getting ready

Drakengard sacrificial chokeslam of Monday. I guess when Kane is bearing down on you, you totally forget how to go through the ropes.

Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, SC, 248 pounds) - Todd: "Why would Matt help Lita?" Al: "I have no idea." You guys. Al: "It's been less than an hour and already I'm not liking you." Hey, Shelton got lyrics! Or is this new entire music? Ain't no stopping him now, I hear. Todd: "I don't know anything! I'm stupid! Why am I here?" I think he's going to work out okay. Crowd chants from some dead promotion. Lockup, no one budging. Break. Rhyno clapping, circle. Lockup, armbar, twist, Shelton forward roll , kip up, reversed the armbar, armdrag. Rhyno does not approve of Shelton's cockiness. Rhyno gets a quiet chant. Circle. Lockup, headlock by Shelton, Rhyno tries to back suplex out, blocked, Rhyno spins around and gets a hammerlock, Rhyno gets into the ropes and yells at the ref to get Shelton off of him. Rhyno taking his time. Circle. Lockup. Headlock by Rhyno. "OH YEAH WHO'S THE MAN NOW SHELTON?" Rhyno shot off, back with a big shoulderblock. Pose, and now he gets booed. Rhyno starts running, but Shelton trips him off before he gets going. Rhyno recovers, charges, into an armdrag and an armbar. Rhyno is able to power Shelton into the corner. Rhyno will ... NOT give the clean break. Kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, "WHO'S THE MAN NOW", right. Corner whip, Shelton kips up and out, right, right, right, Corner whip, quick reverse, Shelton stops that with a kick, face crusher. Shelton doesn't seem sure what to do next, but he settles on going up. Maybe taking too long, yea, as Rhyno pushes Shelton off the top rope, Shelton holding onto the ropes and landing on the apron barely. A lot of effort for nothing, as Rhyno gives him a running shoulder to the midsection, knocking Benjamin to the floor just in time for the last commercial break. (3:50)

Shelton back in as we return, but being worked over by Rhyno. Rhyno uses the middle and bottom rope for a little extra height on a knee drop, then pulls Shelton into the middle of the ring to cover, one two no. Suplex, one two no. Kneeling chinlock. Shelton trying to stand up out of it but Rhyno's pulling him hard to the right side, which makes it a little tougher. Shelton up and elbows, but Rhyno pulls him down as he tries to get to the ropes. Rhyno blowing kisses to the crowd? Huh. Cover, one two no. Snap mare, kneeling chinlock. Shelton battling up again, elbow, elbow, right, right, right, whip, reversed, and Shelton hits a spinning back elbow. Clothesline, clothesline, corner whip, reversed back the same way by Rhyno. Rhyno walks towards Shelton, Shelton tries a kick, it's caught, Rhyno pulls Shelton in the center of the ring and spins Shelton, Dragon Whip! (The spinning kick) One two NO. So that's not his move? Hmmm. Whip, quick reverse into the Concrete Crunch. Spinebuster. With !, says Al. Rhyno setting up for a move, and the crowd appears to know it's name. GORE is side stepped, Shelton gets a waistlock, Rhyno back elbows out. Slam, no Shelton grabs Rhyno's head and lands behind. Reverse DDT, one two Three. (3:56, 7:46) I think we've just found the finisher? Shelton's winning streak is intact.

RAW: What's up with Evolution?


The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.