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Molly Wins! Molly Wins! Molly Wins!
March 21, 2005

by The Cubs Fan


oops: I meant to link to scottchrist.com's March Madness Tournament last week, and now it's getting close to over. You can still check out the Final Four, and the Al Snow Cup. Hey, that gives me an idea
gold dots: Here is the official thecubsfan.com (which is a website I write at, for real!) Guys I Like On WWE Weekend Shows:

Paul London
Doug Basham
Steven Richards

That's it, that's the list. It seems much smaller pickings than usual, especially

given Steven has a broken face and all. There's others guys who I think are okay, like Haas and Shannon to pick guys I just watched, but I wouldn't defend them beyond reason like those guys. Josh is off the list, probably just because he needs a better foil. I would include girls, but they are not guys. And the ones I'd pick don't ever get to wrestle, at least on this show.

What's really bizarre is I could easily name a dozen guys in CMLL who are equally My Guys - I won't bore you by droppin' the knowledge, because either you have no idea who and what I'd talk about or my list is probably about the same (give or take Tigre Blanco) - and yet I've got about ten episodes saved on TiVo, waiting to be watched and poured over, and these gets turned around quick. I think I figured it's because I have an actual deadline to meet at OO, while my boss at thecubsfan.com is lax. Too lax. (I said 'Too Lax' there as a conclusion, lacking one with meaning.)

I may be including filler up top because these have been have been lame lately. The show, the recap, I'm not sure which one I mean there. Lord knows I'll never remember to gab enough to get around the OO banner ad. I guess the filler would work better if it was interesting to someone besides me, but eh. You're just scanning for funny Coach lines anyway. ON WITH THE SHOW

TV PG LV cc entertainment open

Simon Dean (Clearwater, FL, 215 pounds, w/bag) vs - aaah aaah no. To think Justin seemed upset (!) when some Aussie stole his gig. What up Mr. Roberts. Is Simon going to talk? Are we just going to have this quiet pause here instead? Your announcers are Coach and Todd on this 236th Heat. "If Wrestlemania was a baby, we'd be about ready to go into labor-" "Whoa whoa that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, kid, but I appreciate the enthusiasm." Oh, now he's going to talk. "Now, I know it's getting a little warm outside, and that means two things - bathing suit! And I know you people are getting excited about March Madness, but as I look around at this audience, it's March Fatness, if you ask me. And I know you people need my help, because lately, I've been so inundated with orders for my patented Simon System, that I didn't even get a chance to see who I was wrestling tonight. But it doesn't really matter, because I'm sure he's like all of you - a little bit overweight, an awful lot of ugliness, and in desperate need of a sponge bath! But I'll help him get in a bathing suit, it doesn't matter if it's a two piece, a bikini, or even a speedo, so send out my opponent!" Two things? Oh no.

Simon Dean vs Viscera (487 pounds) - You can't say Simon was wrong! Coach: "I say this with all the respect in the world - a little bit overweight, yes. A lot a ugly, maybe a little bit. But one thing you never want to do is - make fun of this man." Or give him a spongebath. Simon offers a energy bar as a peace offering, but Viscera knocks it away. Simon goes for Viscera as he takes off his coat. Whip, no. Whip, no. Viscera clothesline, yes. Open hand slap. Your ref is Choida, by the by. Whip, clothesline is ducked under, Simon clothesline but Viscera not going down. Simon off the ropes, into the Bossman Slam! COVER HIM! HE doesn't. Standing on him using the ropes doesn't work. Simon reaching into his bag, but Viscera stomps the bag and his hand. Bag kicked out of the ring, and into the camera. Simon kicks Viscera, and goes to the middle rope - better for Viscera to pick him up in a double choke. Simon eye rakes his way free, and tries to take out to the base with kicks and a clip. Viscera down to one knee, and back up as Simon pounds him. Viscera up to his feet as Simon comes off the ropes, and there's the wheel kick. Yell. Viscera off the ropes, big splash. One two three. (1:52) Wow, sucks to be Simon Dean. Coach: "Sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and that's what Simon Dean did tonight." That seems against the Simon System. 

Tonight: Victoria & Val Venis vs Molly Holly & Molly in a alliteration mixed tag match
Next: hot juicy clips from SmackDown!
WM Recall: Pete Rose getting Tombstoned.

Hulk Still Rules: Hulk Hogan beats the Iron Sheik. Oh boy, I bet we see Stone Cold run over the Rock's car again too.

HOF Hype
WM21: Triple H (c) vs Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship
Wm21: Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle
WM21: Jericho vs Benoit vs Christian vs Edge vs Benjamin vs Kane in a Money in the Bank (Ladder) Match for a World Heavyweight Title Opportunity, time of their chosen. 
WM21: Akebono vs Big Show in a Sumo Match
WM21: Trish Stratus (c) vs Christy Hemme for the Women's Championship
WM21: Rowdy Roddy Piper vs Stone Cold Steve Austin in Piper's Pit
WM21: JBL (c) vs John Cena for the WWE Championship
WM21: Undertaker vs Randy Orton

It'd be neat if RAW aired this to make Orton look good and Undertaker look bad. Writing this on OO requires to me point out it's so very tough to make Orton look good. But really, if they cut it out after the slap and don't include Orton being scared at the light show, it's subtle Bischoff work in progress. This just turns out to be the extended remix of what aired yesterday (5:21)
WM21: You Can't Handle the Coach

WWE Rewind, presented by MX vs ATX unleashed: Kane beats Tomko, then busts him upside the head.

"the masterpiece" Chris Masters (Los Angeles, CA, 275 pounds) vs - "That's got to be the best entrance in the WWE today!" Right. Tomko got 15 stitches. Coach: "'cause as we all know, hot chicks don't like ugly dudes! You know that as well as anybody and so does Chris Masters. This kid has everything it takes, the look, the charisma, the in-ring capability-" Okay, we're cutting him off. Coach likes Chris because he almost gets as many chicks as he does. It's probably bad form to be doing the anti-drug commercials reads during this segment. They let everyone have a microphone: "For those of you who still don't know by now [pause for boos] I am the Masterpiece, Chris Masters. Seems like you people don't like me too much. Why? 'cause I tell the truth - that no one can compare to my power, to my intelligence [WHAT], and to my ability [WHAT]. And no one in the back has been able to break out of my Masterlock submission. [WHAT] And it's gonna be no different tonight. [WHAT] So everybody in the back, pay attention. [WHAT - he's a bit annoyed] Pay attention [WHAT] 'cause the Masterpiece [what] what he's done in week in and week out. [WHAT]

Chris Masters vs Jimmy Rave (Atlanta, GA, 209 pounds, without air freshener, Prince Nana, Fast Eddie Vegas, that freaking awesome robe, and half of my ticket) - If I actually wrote the recap from the ROH show I went to on paper instead of just in my head, I'd be able to point back to a long meandering diatribe about how Jimmy Rave needs actual strong wins and not cheap wins over strong people if we're going to take him seriously, and compare it to Masters. It would've been sweet. This is the funny thing; I probably wouldn't go out of my way to recap a Jimmy Rave match (and, note, I didn't) and I'm not going out of my way to recap Chris Masters matches, but together, it's magic which absolutely needs to be recorded. These are the vagaries of this informal ROH/WWE hookup. Your ref is Jack. Circle, Masters with a drop toe hold, rubbing Rave's face into the mat. Front facelock. Suplex onto the top rope, and forearmed back into the ring. Rave, down on the mat, pulled chest first into the ring post. Masters back in for a kick to the ribs. Todd want to talk about WM: "unless you want to keep talking about Jimmy Rave here, who has a very nice haircut." hahaha. Boot choke. Rave kicks Masters away. Right. Right. Right. Off the ropes, into the Polish Hammer. Masters talking trash. Sizing up for it. Steven Richards mention, and there's the Masterlock. That's it. (1:37) Masters is now a top contender to the Pure Title, right? Coach: "Like I say to all my women: it's only a matter of time." Till they file the restraining order, sure. Todd: "The Masterpiece wins again. Can you question his level of completion? Yes. But you can not question his perfect record." Whoever's scripting these lines needs top stop.

Tonight: Victoria & Val Venis vs Molly Holly & Molly in a mixed tag match
Next: Snitsky vs Batista

WM21: 14 days away.

Coach and Todd discuss the pick your poison match. And there's the highlight package for RAW. (2:02)

Tonight: Victoria & Val Venis vs Molly Holly & Molly in a mixed tag match. Huh, that's some time.
Stone Cold Stunner: ZAMBONI. This is high up on the list, though some of it's because they hadn't done Austin Using Vehicles a hundered times before this. 

Boot of the Week, from Birdman Lugz is Christy kicking Regal low.

Val Venis & Victoria vs Maven & Molly Holly in a mixed tag team match - So did Victoria finally consent to be in his movies or what? Val has Victoria spin around for Coach, in a "this is the kind of babes I get, kid" move. Coach: "This is the only way Val gets any women's this days, is when he's tagging with them. Because, the bottom line is, Val Venis, when it comes to chicks, is well past his time." "Well, I've heard you haven't tagged a women in a long time, Coach. Is that true?" "That is not true." Pushing PG here. Victoria does the hipswivel with Val - ah, she's going to take off the towel. Somewhere, Steven's crying - if his broken face lets him cry. Maven hollas at his boy, making sure Coach is going to be annoying here. Maven poses on the ramp for no known reason, and then fakes high fiving someone with a Maven is RAW sign. And a stare at the pastry guy. Todd theorizes Molly and Victoria are ticked that they're being passed over for a title match at WrestleMania - they're actually more ticked at each other, and have to be held back by their partners and referee Chad before we get started. As Val is pulling Victoria to their corner, Maven charges them from behind and knocks them both down with a forearm and we're off. I think that was a plan. Maven working over Val with elbows. Corner whip, reversed into a Val back elbow. Clothesline, suplex and Maven apparently needs new plans. New plan is to roll out, trip up Val, and pull him out - only to get kicked away. Maven is upset he's not in the ladder match, according to Coach. Val chop, and back in. Maven wants a time out. Val decides to punch him anyway. Knee. Chop. Corner whip, charge clothesline. Val poses, and points at Molly. Chop. Running knee, kicks to the midsection. Running knee. Russian legsweep, stand over hipswivel, mounted punches. Val with a chop. Whip, reversed, high dropkick. Maven grabs his midsection, and tags in Molly? Huh? Molly tries a punch on Val, Val catches it, and only then do Coach and Todd explain this is one with no interaction between the sexes. Val settles for a hipswivel instead. Atomic drop - so I guess you can? The announcers have no idea. Tag to Victoria. Victoria waits for Molly to turn around, right, right, Victoria with shoulders in the corner as Todd remembers these two had a match at WrestleMania last year. Whip, backdrop, Molly rolls out. Maven checks on her, and Molly helpful leaves him hanging for a Victoria pescado. Victoria rolls in before Maven can get revenge. Molly up on the apron, Molly pulled in by the hair. Victoria with rights, reverse, Maven whiffs on the trip (! haha), everyone's confused, Molly charges, Victoria steps out of the way, grabs Molly in a waistlock, and pulls her into a reverse rollup. Ref Chad, having gone to Val for no obvious reason (but maybe he was supposed to after the trip worked), is slow to come back and count one two NO. Now Molly lures Victoria into a trip, dropping her on the bottom rope. Kick, and Victoria rumbles out of the ring, straight into a commercial break. (3:53)

RAW Live
Monday - Birmingham, AL [RAW]
Next Monday - Ft. Worth, TX [RAW]
Next Sunday - Los Angeles, CA [WM, SOLD OUT]
Next Next Monday - Los Angels, CA [RAW]
Next Next Thursday - Brisbane, Australia [Raw WM Revenge Tour] 

That Ric Flair Snickers Commercial catches you by surprise the first time you see it.

Molly covering as we return, one two no. Victoria tossed by the hair. Victoria reaching for the tag, which would work better if she was anywhere near her corner and reaching the right way. Another toss by the hair. Molly helping Victoria reach out - only to slam the arm down. One two no. Camel clutch. Maven: "HOW'S THAT FEEL! HOW'S THAT FEEL!" I'm thinking painful. Tag to Maven, and apparently Maven can wrestle Victoria? Maven holding Victoria for a kick. Maven hip swivel! That draws in Val, and Maven and Molly can - uh, switch places. Molly with kicks. Elbow drop. Todd: "I haven't seen Stone Cold Steve Austin in a while, but I hear he's in perfect physical condition." Awesome, he got his neck fixed. Coach: "I hear he's drinking a lot less beer, which is hard for the Coach to imagine." Leg choke around the middle rope, with Maven talking trash. Val taunted into distracting the ref, and Maven gets in a choke of his own. One two boot on the rope. Tag to Maven. Molly drops Victoria, and Maven talks trash as Victoria reaches for a corner. "She wants me! She wants me!" What is he going to do, kiss her? Oh, he IS.  This is a bit disturbing. "She wanted it!" Victoria slaps him in the face, but is drop toe holded short of a tag. Maven holds her by the leg and tags in Molly. Coach: "Just for the record, they always want it. They're always asking for it." You guys are creepy. Coach: "Don't you know what they say, 'No means Yes'. Hahaha, I'm just playing." Molly stomping. Slap to the face. Crowd: "MOLLY SUCKS." Whip, double clothesline, and now Molly is somehow as hurt as Victoria. Tag to Maven, tag to Val. Maven backing off, then charging, right misses, Val right, right, right, chop, chop, chop, whip, reversed, clothesline, back elbow, clothesline, chop. Whip, backdrop. Val poses. Reverse neckbreaker, one two no. Maven stops Val with a kick. Suplex, Val slips behind, forearms to the back, back suplex into a powerbomb one two no. We haven't seen it, but apparently Molly went after Victoria on the floor. Victoria rolled back in, distracting the referee and Val. They both turn from Maven, who gets in a low blow. One two three. (4:27, 8:20 total) That really wasn't worth the trip.

RAW: Batista vs Kane

That's it.



The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 

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