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The Shocking Truth About Rob Conway
July 18, 2005

by The Cubs Fan


TV PG LV CC entertainment open
Victoria (Los Angeles, CA) vs Talia (Daytona Beach, FL, already in the ring) - Victoria has a "Widows Peak Freak" shirt. This Talia has blond hair, so I'm thinking she's not the daughter of an immortal demon. Though you never can tell with girls from Daytona. Your hosts are Coach and Todd, who talks about HBK explaining why he did what he did, and who's greater? Lockup, no.

Lockup, Victoria with a waistlock, Talia with a go behind, over the top, snap mare, cover for one. Talia with an armdrag, standoff. Before Heat, apparently, Victoria told the announcers that she's sick of Christy Hemme. If Christy wasn't coming back for year two, you could do worse than having Victoria or Trish end her career. Back in reality (or whatever), Victoria offers a handshake for Talia, and gets in her face when she accepts. Headbutt! No one's going to bleed here. Talia gets thrown by her hair. Your ref is Earl, by the way. Stomp. One two no. Victoria thinks Christy's more popular because she has red hair, so I guess that's where we're going. Victoria running Talia into the corner, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, slap to the face. Short clothesline one two NO. Half nelson with a chinlock. Talia trying to rally. Victoria backed into the corner, but holds on. Talia spins her around to finally shake loose. Talia trying to get to the corner to get up, Victoria on her, but Talia kicking her away. Back elbow knocks Victoria down, and Talia goes all the way up - top rope cross body, Victoria rolls thru after impact, one two no. Victoria with punches to the head. Whip, Talia back with a spinning headscissors. Victoria thrown down by her hair, one two no. Coach points out Talia's thong, as her pants slip down ever so much. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Talia up for corner punches, but Victoria immediately powerbombs her down. One two NO. Victoria can't believe it, nor can she believe Talia's kick from the mat. Victoria with a kick to the midsection. This'll do it. Widow's Peak. One two three. (4:01) Todd: "Once again, the Widow's Peak proves fatal" - figuratively, he means.

Backstage, Maria talks to Rene Dupree. PASS. Sorry, the "French Phenom." Rene loads up a joke about Maria's IQ, and Maria beats him to punchline. Rene is throw off his game. Oh boy, Rene vs Val II. Rene sees his name in lights far away, and Maria is very confused.

WWE Slam of the Week, presented by the Devil's Rejects: Rene beats Val.

Rene Dupree (Paris, France, 263 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 244 pounds) - why does he have the La Resistance music? Coach: "Everything should be rosey." Everything should be Rosey! Anyway, Coach was yelling at Todd for some reason, but I'm not paying any attention. Todd: "Get over yourself." Coach: "Playing the part of Jim Ross on Sunday Night Heat, is Todd Grisham. Don't get upset with me just because he's entertaining." Coach: "I guarantee a guy catches that - or a really ugly chick. Same thing." Coach: "I mean, we could just roll the tape from two weeks ago, and you could see what's going to happen tonight." Well, yea. Rene starts off the match by hiding in the ropes. Rene with a forearm. Mounted punches. Your ref is Choida, by the way. Kick to the ribs. Head to the buckle. Chop. Right. Corner whip, Val goes down. Right. Short clothesline. Neck vice. Val eventually working up with elbows. Punch battle. Rene ed shat with an eye gouge. Rene charges Val, and Val backdrops him out. Rene getting counted out, but he's up to the apron by seven. Val punches Rene while he's there, and hiptosses him in. Rene begs off, Val relents, Rene punches, Val ducks and drops him with a half nelson suplex one two no. Val runs Rene into the corner. Kick, fisherman's suplex is blocked because Rene's got the ropes. Rene punches Val in the midsection, Val backs away, jumping reverse neckbreaker. French Tickler. There's the Cobra Clutch, but Val's back elbowing free. Val with a behind the back double leg takedown, and ties up Rene - reverse figure four! Rene is in trouble, but he's not too far from the ropes -he's got them. Val up first, kick, suplex. Heading up? Yes. Not fooling around much. Top rope splash, but not one's home. There's the cobra clutch again. Is Val giving up? Looks like it, but Choida's not calling for the bell - oh, there we go. (4:52) Dreading the Sgt. Slaughter match already.

Tonight: Viscera, Rosey, and Hurricane vs Tomko and the Heart Throbs. Not exactly Benoit/Regal there.

Next: Cena/Jericho

WWE Rewind, sponsored by Subway: "Y2Cheap"

Cena and Jericho and a match is made. (3:47)
SummerSlam: John Cena vs Chris Jericho [WWE]

Backstage, Maria talks to Buff Bagwell "Whoa, Maria, I know what you're thinking, and you're right: I am this good looking. But 'Row-beer'? There was never a 'Row-beer'. I have always been Rob Conway, the Con-Man. And the facts are, for the last two years, I have convinced everyone that I care about France and Quebec, when the truth is, I only cared about one thing, and that's me. So there'll be no more hiding behind flags. From now on, I'll be standing tall, and I'll start doing things my way - the Con Way."

Rob Conway (230 pounds) vs Mo Sexton (220 pounds, already in the ring) - Coach knew it all along. Todd mocks the cheetah print gear. Is he going to wrestle with the sunglasses. Rob with a knee lift, headlock. Rob shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Armbar, Rob with a clothesline. The other guy got introduced, but they talked over it and still haven't mentioned it. Rob with stomps. Todd: "You have to be arrogant to wear sunglasses indoors - who does that?" Whip, Conway back elbow, bicep pose. I don't think Mo Sexton is a real name! Conway runs Mo into the corner. Whip, back into the same corner and Conway charges right into boots. Mo charges out, into a powerslam. Stomping the back. Kneeling chinlock. Sexton elbows, but gets thrown down by his hair. Slap to the face. Choke on the ropes. Shots to the head and neck. Whip, clothesline misses, Sexton lands a dropkick. Dropkick again. Sexton to the middle rope, top rope shoulderblock meets a forearm to the face. Hangsman spinning DDT. One two three. (3:12) Coach: "I love that! The Ego Trip, the Ego Trip - call that the Ego Trip!" Well, okay. "As he likes to call it, the Ego Trip" OKAY

"This is the part that's very very difficult." Not if you hit fast forward. (1:56) Voting ends at midnight tonight.

Next: why shawn why

Two Weeks Ago: the superkick heard round the world, take 5 or something. (1:51)
One Week Ago: battle of the network stars (1:30)
RAW: Hogan Responds

Tonight: Viscera, Rosey, and Hurricane vs Tomko and the Heart Throbs.

RAW Live
Monday - Philadelphia, PA [RAW]
Saturday - Utica, NY [RAW Live]
Sunday - Watertown, NY [RAW Live]
Next Monday - Cleveland, OH [RAW]
Next Friday - Hampton Beach, NH [RAW Live]

the Heat Throbs & sad Tyson Tomko (760 pounds) vs WWE Tag Team Champions Hurricane & Rosey (590 pounds, w/Stacy Dudley) and Viscera (487 pounds) - Tyson just shakes his head, and refuses to participate in gay reindeer games. Two Weeks Ago, we had a handicap match. Stupid handicap match. When you consider Christian's antics, Tyson's "I can't believe I'm stuck with these morons" expressions are all the better. Lillian looks bored. I don't know about those red tips. Lillian gives us "sad introduction" for Viscera. Maybe she and Tomko can form a support group. Coach: "If anyone knows how much Viscera weighs, it's Lillian Garcia." Whoa, Rosey's gone all aquamarine on us. Dangerous. Oh no, the Lillian head shake of anger and dejection. What did Antonio do to his hair? Antonio wins, so it'll be him and Hurricane to start. Lockup, Antonio with waistlock, Hurricane trying to spin free, switch, full nelson, Hurricane out into an armbar, armdrag, into a headscissors. Hurricane with a headlock, Antonio with a forearm to get free. Coach: "You've got to be the whitest guy I know." No Kerwin segue. Antonio with a forearm. Whip, over, under, knocking Antonio down with a clothesline. Tag to Rosey. Hurricane drop toe hold, Rosey falling headbutt. Rosey with a forearm, forearm. Whip, head down too soon, Antonio kicks it and tags in Tomko. Romeo is way too happy about that tag. Tomko right, Rosey right. Tomko right, Rosey right. Rosey right. Corner whip, Rosey charges, Tomko moves out of the way. While Tomko has words for Stacy, and Coach explains Rosey had to get new gear because his old stuff smelled horrible, Antonio tries a cheap shot and gets dropped. Tomko back over, and into a boot. Rosey to the second rope - big jumping sit, but Tomko's rolled up. Tomko back in and clothesline Rosey down. Mounted punches. Rosey forced into the corner, tag to Romeo. Romeo with back elbows. Tag to Antonio. Antonio with kicks, but Rosey's fighting back with right hands. Antonio gets in a knee, tags in Romeo. Rosey's taken down to his knees, and Romeo dropkicks him down. Camel clutch - sorta. No arms hooked. Rosey's awful close to his corner, so Romeo lets up and drops Hurricane. He tries to drop Viscera, but no, headbutt for him. Rosey clotheslines Romeo, and now we have a race for a tag. Tag to Tomko, tag to Viscera. Viscera has an odd upper chest bulge - well, odd for guys. Viscera clothesline. Back elbow. Big chest slap. Whip, Tomko ducks a clothesline, but takes a sidewalk slam. scoop slam for Antonio, scoop slam for Romeo on Antonio. Viscera rides them both, and thankfully Tomko breaks it up. The Throbs are - leaving? Tomko's working over Viscera, but it looks like his partners have had enough of this match. Tomko's distracted, and Viscera swats him into a Hurricane top rope cross body. Hurricane with some distraction/holding on Jack Doan, so Rosey can get in his splash. Viscera adds his splash. One two three. (4:37) Sucks to be Tomko. Heart Throbs are all the way up on the stage. Let's not look at the Viscera hip swivel. Let's not look at Lillian Garcia. Haha, Hurricane warns Viscera not to be thinking about Super Stacy that way. Good place to stop it.

That's it. 



The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 

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