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OO HEAT RECAP
Birthing of a New (Old) Tag Team?
August 1, 2005

by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/TheCubsFan.com 

 

TV PG LV CC entertainment open
 
Rob Conway (235 pounds) vs - Conway's new soft piano rock music something along the lines of "Just look at me. Huh. Just look at me! Yea. Ain't I a sight to see. Yes! The whole damn world wants to just look at me" and at that point, I can't take it any more. You have to imagine long pauses between sentences, so it's more like a spoken word performance. Coach complains 

about Justin Roberts' introduction, but I think it's an effort just to get one out after that music. The more I think about it, Conway doesn't really remind me most of Buff Bagwell, but of the police officer in the Village People. HEY! Who gave him a mic? "I - FEEL - GREAT! Finally, the Con Man, is on his own, in the spotlight. And the spotlight, it never looked better. You know I'm the fastest rising superstar here in the WWE. And from now on, I'm not going to follow your rules. I'm going do things my way. [Which way?] The Con Way!" Todd: "Is that a girl's hat?" It's a Coach style beret, so Coach doesn't take that line well. Oh we have an opponent.

Rob Conway vs WWE Tag Team Champion Rosey (375 pounds, w/Super Stacy) - Your ref is Jack. Is Conway going to wrestle in his glasses again? No. Circle. Conway: "Huh." Coach has a list of things Todd can't touch. Conway with an armbar. Rosey reverses. Twist. Conway with a knee to get in control. Headlock. Coach says Conway's calling himself the "master of excellence", which is sure a dumb nickname if I've ever heard one. Conway shot off, back underneath Rosey's legs, left jab left jab right cross right cross, Rosey still up, Conway with a big right, Rosey still standing. Conway off the ropes, and Rosey runs him over. Conway going out to think about it. Rosey scares him with a baseball slide, but Conway avoids. Conway's punch is blocked, Rosey punch is not. Rosey slam, no, Conway slips behind and runs Rosey not the steps. Head into the steps too. Conway to the apron and posing. Apron dive elbow drop! Conway does not say BANG! BANG! Rosey thrown in. Conway in after him. One two NO. Punches to the head. Coach: "Has Rosey ever had a better time in his career than right now?" I don't know if he digs punches to the head that much, Coach. Rosey battling his way to his feet. Conway kicks him down. Chinlock. Crowd gets loud for Rosey. Conway with a front facelock, and knees to the midsection. Suplex? You gotta be kidding. Blocked, Rosey lands his own. Getting to their feet on opposite sides of the ring. ROSEY chant as he clotheslines Conway a couple times. Headbutt. Corner whip, Rosey loading up for the big splash, and eats knees. Conway off the ropes, cross body is caught, front slam one two NO. Conway to the apron, Rosey grabs him by the head, Conway tries to get free but ends up being forearmed to the floor. Rosey throws Conway back in, but Conway runs him over with a running knee lift. Coach and Todd try to get over that Conway's kneebrace - no different than the ones everyone else seems to be wearing - is a unethical advantage on that kneelift. Swinging neckbreaker one two three. (4:21) Coach: "I'm still laughing at myself!"

Your announcers are AT RINGSIDE and Coach and Todd. What's the deal with the location change? No one cares but me.

Tonight: the Hurricane vs Rene Dupree. Wait a minute, I've got to go rip off the knob.

SummerSlam: 3 Weeks Away
SummerSlam: Get It Poppin' by Fat Joe

The last KI. For this finish, this was pretty close to a complete waste of time. (4:43)
RAW: the Eugene Invitational

Next: Kane vs Edge, for the five millionth time

WWE Rewind, presented by Juicy Drop Pop: Edge beats Kane in the cage match. Did I see blood in color there? I think I'll live.

Wait, Coach is the guy with sunglasses? No way! Thanks for explaining that, Todd
Edge vs Kane, stretcher. You know, there were days when JR would actually remember that Kane trying to break someone's neck with a chair is how we get started on this path, long ago. Really! We cut out anything past the Tombstone to the ambulance ride. Obviously, Kane and I think "Undertaker + Champion + SummerSlam = MONEY!" but we're probably outvoted. And one of us is insane. JR: "A policeman! A policeman! My God, he calls it the Ego Trip!" I sure hope this means no Kane/Edge tomorrow. Maybe they'll have a match in jail! Matt could plausible be there and all. (5:39) So either the Punk or Swinger match got cut, hmm.

whatever stupid movie rewind of the week - it's almost funny that Schnider's slipped so low that he has to do this voice over himself is HBK's 'great' speech from RAW I never watched then because I figured "HBK speech = skip" and later figured they'd replay it all here. Huh.

Johnny Parsi (231 pounds, Atlanta, GA) vs Matt McChesney (185 pounds, already in the ring) - I guess Johnny wanted to hold on to the valuable "Swinger" name rights. He looks more grease than usual, if you can believe it. They do the ads over the other introduction. I think Coach wants to either imply that Parsi has sex with lots of people or has sex with lots of people and is a male stripper. Comments!

- As opposed to the French stripper in the main event and the conman stripper in the opener
- Did I get confused and start watching AAA again?
- At last a natural rival for Val; he's gotta be upset someone's giving it away for free
- Not surprising that they're reaching for new markets - just didn't expect it to be the gay one

You know, that guy wouldn't make 185 if he was holding a 25 lb weight. I'm just guessing on his last name's spelling. Lockup, into the ropes, Parsi talking trash, pointing his finger, getting it slapped away. Hey, Chris Kay, congratulations on the promotion! While Swinger Parsi does normal armbar stuff, Coach and Todd talk about a non-existent WWE.com article where Kane was arrested for his actions; I wonder if this is all going to be retold Monday night and that's why they never posted the article? Lita's not expected back any time soon. Todd: "And what about Matt Hardy showing yet again? You gotta be tired of seeing this guy." HUH. Not the way I'd do that but whatever. Coach: "Of course I'm tired of seeing him, he's not even on the active roster! That's why *I* decided not to show it on Heat! No one wants to see Matt Hardy!" Parsi is taking chops in the corner as we pick up. Corner whip, monkey flip is - blocked, eh. Stomps. Stomps. Clipping kick. Neck vice. Headlock. Matt elbowing out. Knee. Whip, head down too soon, Matt kicked in the head. One foot cover one two no. Ear yank! I totally rather see the Punk match, I think. He's going after the ear again. Matt fighting his way up with punches. Johnny stops him with a knee. Elbow drop to the back, elbow drop to the chest, elbow drop to the chest, elbow drop to the chest. Todd kinda wishing for this to be over and not the only one. Johnny's wiping his hands clean - is that it? Corner whip, charge, Matt moves, Matt ducks a clothesline Parsi doesn't bother throwing (miscommunication?), Matt dropkick, Matt dropkick. Matt cross body one two NO. Right. Whip, reversed, Johnny slam, Matt slips behind, Johnny kick drops Matt to one knee, DDT one two three. (4:20) Todd: "He calls it 'the Shaft'", yea okay. How bad must've that Punk match gone to lose to this? Coach: "You damn right he calls it the Shaft!" So he's the first to make that joke, but not the last.

RAW Diva Search highlights (1:18)
RAW: Queen of the Mountain

Next: Cena raps

RAW Live
Monday - Mohegan Sun Arena [RAW]
Friday - War Memorial Arena, Syracuse, NY [RAW Live]
Saturday - Pepsi Arena, Albany, NY [RAW Live]
Sunday - Beeghly Center, Youngstown, OH [RAW Live]
Next Monday - Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA [RAW]

Cena on RAW. You know, the "heel referee inexplicably decides to be impartial only to SHOCKINGLY go back heel as the face has a winning situation" bit is so Russo, I wondered for a second if he was back booking. (2:33)
RAW: John Cena vs Carlito [WWE]

Next: the Hurricane vs Rene Dupree.

Rene Dupree (Paris, France, 275 pounds) vs WWE Tag Team Champion the Hurricane (215 pounds, w/Super Stacy) - USA USA USA USA. Lockup, Rene with a headlock. Shot off, Rene wins the shoulderblocks. Circle. Lockup, Rene with a headlock, shot off, no, Hurricane has a headlock, Hurricane shot off, Rene leapfrogs him, Hurricane back with a clothesline. Armbar, arm yank takedown. Your referee is Choida. Dupree backs Hurricane into the corner, and gets in the cheap shot back elbow. Rights and kicks. Choke on the mat. And again. And again. Dupree backs off so his partner can get in a cheap shot - oh. Kick to the ribs. Snap mare, kick to the spine. Trying to keep it balanced. Jumping kneedrop. Chinlock. Coach: "I sounded stupid! And that's hard for me to do!" USA USA USA USA. Hurricane rallying back up. Rights. Off the ropes, into a Dupree knee. Kick to the shoulder. Scoop and slam. Fistdrop! Dupree going to the well tonight. One two no. Bearhug chinlock thingy. Stacy getting the crowd to clap for Hurricane again. Hurricane rallying up. Elbowing out, but stopped by a forearm. Dupree off the ropes, into a leg lariat. Both slow up. Hurricane up and punching. Whip, reversed, Hurricane spinning headscissors. Hurricane with a corner whip, and Rene takes a hamstring bump into the corner. Clothesline, and heading up. Top rope cross body one two NO. Hurricane calling for the Shining Wizard. Setting up, and ducked. Dupree grabs something approximating a cobra clutch (more a standard sleeper), but Hurricane backs them both into the corner, hard. Hurricane with a back elbow. Corner punches one two three four five six seven - and that's it, as Dupree drops him with Snake Eyes. There's the Cobra Clutch. Will he give? Will he slammed? YES. One two three. (5:17) You know, with their singles wins over the champions, maybe Dupree and Conway should think about teaming up for the belts?

RAW: John Cena vs Carlito [WWE]
RAW: the Eugene Invitational

 
E-MAIL THE CUBS FAN

BROWSE THE HEAT RECAP ARCHIVES

The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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