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Matt Hardy's Heat Homecoming!
October 3, 2005

by The Cubs Fan


So. My (Gateway - never buy Gateway) computer is busted for the third time in two years. I think it blew either a speaker or a fan. Whatever, it's putting out great amounts of static even when the sound is off, in between overheating and shutting down without a warning. Just the thing I need for the first week of Internet shows. Don't expect much in the way of commentary notes, because I'll be lucky if I can hear the bell.
As predicted, they've broken the show down into segments - one for each match, which might mean no more recaps! That'd be awesome if unlikely.

same ol' open

Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) vs Tyson Tomko (Jacksonville, FL, 285 pounds) - your announcers are Coach and 100% Not Gay! Todd. "Coach, I know you couldn't find a date to take to your

homecoming, but maybe things will go better for you at WWE Homecoming!" "Have you been working on that all day?" Ah, the World Tour rolls on. I wouldn't call Tomko ugly if I were you, Todd. First time we mention "the new era of Heat" and the USA move by name, so we're finally on the localized audio. Circle. Lockup, Tomko with a back heel trip, Tajiri back up and kicking the back of the leg. Tomko says he's spent 280 hours getting tattoos. Weak ECW chant. Lockup, Tomko with waistlock takedown, Tajiri with an ankle pick and a toe hold, opening up Tomko's legs for more kicks to the hamstring. Tajiri tries a takedown, but Tyson stops him and forearms him down. Too many Ts. Press slam by Tyson, dropping Tajiri down into a fallaway slam. (Forgetaboutit!) Stomps. Forearms to the back, knees to the back. Coach runs down the guest list. You think they'll run a Heat next week? Nah. "First Ladder Match On RAW in Two Years!" Choking Tajiri around the top rope. Over the shoulder backbreaker hold by Tajiri. This is the longest Tomko match in forever. Tomko drops to his knees to break Tajiiri's back. One two no.  Your ref is Mickey J, before I forget. Tomko with a chinlock and a knee to the back. Tajiri on his way up, back elbows, dragon screw leg whip! (Todd: "sweeping the leg") Yelping dropkick to the knee. Tajiri with a kick to the knee, whip, quick reverse, Tajiri ducks the short clothesline and nails a reverse thrust kick, one two NO. Tomko shoves Tajiri in the corner, Tajiri kicks him in the knee, and goes to the middle rope - seated Tornado DDT is shoved off. Both gathering themselves, Tajiri charges, Tomko tries the Boot, Tajiri ducks and kicks Tomko in the left thigh a couple more times. Whip, quick reversed, handspring elbow meets boot! That's it. One two three. (4:02) No KO? I guess Tajiri doesn't totally suck. (6:33)

oh man, the Matt Striker vs Johnny Parisi match won't load. What a horrible turn of events. Dang it, got the 56K bit feed working. What an appropriately ugly pictures.

Johnny Parisi (Long Island, NY, 230 pounds) vs the ulllllllllllltime Matt Striker (New York City, 230 pounds) - Todd and Coach discussion his controversial/entertaining impersonations, which likely means we'll be burdened with them for the next while. I can't wait. Circle. your ref is Chris Kay. Striker with a waistlock takedown and a front facelock. Striker reverses to a pin, one two no. Armbar. Parisi with an eye rake to get free. Right. Headlock punch. Waistlock, Striker trying to power his way out. Coach: "You can only live off that so long" - sadly, he's talking about the near win over Angle rather than newspaper stories. Striker flips Parisi down, and pins him with a weird feet on shoulders pinning predicament they've been working on all week, I'm sure. One two no, one two no, Parisi tries to roll back onto Striker, but Striker bridges over him one two no. I'm sorry, this whole thing look mega-rehearsed than cool, at least party because it's completely out of character. Striker back to an armbar. Parisi back in the corner. Shoulder to the gut. Elbow to the head. Corner whip, reversed, Striker charges into a boot. Parisi with a diving forearm to the back of the knee. Jumping knee snap. Knee driven into the mat. Striker trying to fight his way up, but it's not happening. Parisi with a jumping sit on the knee. Striker tries to get up, but Johnny trips him up. Elbow drops to the inside of the knee. Two, three, four, knee bar. Striker gets to the ropes. Parisi takes his time letting go. Striker fighting his way up, but he misses on a clothesline and takes a kneebreaker. One two NO. Parisi grabs a leg, Striker tries an enziguri, Parisi ducks it, Striker leg whips him into the corner. Eh. Parisi's elbow drop misses, so he tries it again and it misses again. I hate these people. Striker Okie roll one two no. Parisi's punch is turned into a backslide, one two no. Striker retreating to a corner, Parisi charging, Striker moves and cradles him, one two no. Parisi just kicks the bad knee. "That's it!" Knee breaker reversed to a sunset flip one two three. (9:56) What do you know, he beat Parisi, like he does every time. (5:47)

WWE Rewind, sponsored by no one: Edge becomes Mike Awesome, so Matt is - Masato Tanaka? uh oh.

Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 230 pounds) vs Russell Simpson (already in the ring, 228 pounds) - Welcome back Matt! Staying long? Someone please employ Russell so he's not on this show every week. Coach talks about the Coach Cast, which sucked. Sorry. Lockup. Russell with a hammerlock, Matt with a headlock, headlock takedown. You ref is Jack. Back up, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Todd: "Well, when Vince McMahon comes up to you and says we plan on you being the top guy in a couple years..." Let's just ignore. Matt with a headlock. Large HARD E chant. Russell with a foot in the back of Matt's knee to escape the headlock and get one of his own. Matt escapes, inside cradle, one two NO. Matt shows us how close he was. Circle. Lockup, Russell kneelift, inside cradle, Russell explains to us how close he is - and Matt punches him in the face. Turnbuckle smash, hard corner whip. Slam. Matt off the ropes, elbow drop misses. Russell up, right. Whip, clothesline misses, Russell tries to throw Matt out, but Matt throws him out. Waving him bye. Simpson is taking his time getting back up. Matt stopped from going out, so he reaches for Simpson - and gets his arm cranked over the top rope. Russell with an armbar, kicking the the arm., shoulder t the shoulder, armbar takedown. Armbar. Standing armbar as the crowd rallied for Matt. Matt with right hands. Corner whip, Matt charges in, and eats boots. Russell to the middle rope, mocking the V1!!, and missing the legdrop. Punch battle goes Matt's why. Corner whip, corner clothesline, bulldog out one two no. Russell with a knee, whip, quick reverse, Side Effect. (Todd: "the Half Nelson slam") It's time. KickwhamTwistofFate. One two three. (4:21) Coach says the Twist of Fate will do Matt no good at Homecoming - Todd points out he could do the move and climb up the ladder while Edge is recovering. (6:29)

Back to your announcers - oh no, they've got the video package set up voice going. Does Coach's hype of "youth being served" mean we're not supposed like new people? Dunno.
Main event hype. (1:33)

the Heat Throbs (Panama City, FL, 445 pounds) vs the Hurricane and Rosey (590 pounds) - Romeo counts eight abs! Unforgiven title change clips are labeled 18 September 2005 because they have no idea when you might be watching this. And two weeks ago, he got dropped on his head a few more times. Is he at 100% Rosey doesn't want him to start, actually. Hurricane isn't really thrilled with this, but goes along with it. Rosey and Romeo. ROSE E. Lockup, Rosey shoves Romeo down. Antonio talks over strategy whit his man. Lockup, no, Romeo behind and around into a headlock. Rosey lifts him up and throws him down. Hiptoss out of the corner. Romeo needs to come up with something. He's in the corner again, grabbing the ropes. Rosey pulls him out for the Finlay bump, but Romeo lands on his feet (!) and perhaps shouldn't celebrate that fact while Rosey is standing there. Rosey kicks him down hard it he corner. Rosey backing up, charging, running butt smash to the face. Antonio in, and he takes a backdrop before being thrown out. Rosey going to take in Hurricane? No! Hurricane displeased. This allows Romeo to slip in a jawbreaker and a tag to Antonio. Antonio in and punching. Off the ropes, clothesline. Scoop, walking, slam. Off the ropes, no, Romeo gets a knee. Rosey grabs Romeo, but Antonio clips him and Romeo snaps his neck over the top rope. Working over Rosey's back. Tag to Romeo, double Russian legsweep, one two no. Forearms to the back. Punches to the chest, and now Rosey's coming back with punches of his own. Whip, head down too soon, Romeo kicks it (and it works!). Romeo elbow drop, one two no. Tag to Romeo. Double reverse neckbreaker! One two NO. Antonio with mounted punches. Chinlock. ROSE E ROSE E ROSE E. Announcers are debating the WWE Title match. Rosey up, with Antonio on his back. Moving towards his corner, moving - Romeo in, off the ropes, Rosey ducks down, and Antonio kinda sorta takes the clothesline. Coach: "What is THAT?" Tag to Hurricane. Clothesline for Romeo, clothesline for Romeo, and he's thrown out. Right for Antonio, whip, reversed, Antonio hiptoss reversed into a double underhook reverse neckbreaker! Hurricane going up. Tongue out. Top rope cross body one two Romeo breaks it up. All four men in and fighting. Corner whip, and the Throbs collide. Hurricane throws Romeo out again. Rosey slams Antonio. Hurricane off the ropes, Romeo trips him up, and Hurricane is hurting - he landed on the numb left side. Rosey reaches out of the ring after Romeo, and Antonio checks him out of the ring. Antonio inside cradles Hurricane, feet on the middle ropes, one two three! (5:34) They actually won! Gosh. Perhaps someone should stop clearing Hurricane to wrestle. Romeo: "We got it! We finally won!" (9:56)




The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 

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