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OO RECAP
SNME 2: Better Than The First,
But Still Pretty Sucky
July 17, 2005

by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/TheCubsFan.com 

 

They're back, I'm back, why not.
 
corp open. Saturday Night's Main Event open - now interviews? It's been updated with recent (DX reforming) and relevant (Hogan posing) clips. Last shot you see is Cena saluting.

FIREWORKS! They have a budget for such things on NBC. Jim Ross welcomes us WWE, NBC, Saturday Night Main Event, and the American Airlines 

Center in Dallas, Texas - a sell out of 17,343!

TONIGHT: DX vs the Spirit Squad in an elimination match
Cole intros the SD's match
TONIGHT: Batista, Rey Mysterio, Lashley vs King Booker, Mark Henry, Finlay (w/William Regal and Queen Sharmell) 
TONIGHT: John Cena vs Edge [WWE] - JR says this is the first title match on NBC in 14 years. (I think he's selling it a bit short by comparing it to Bret Hart vs Papa Shango, but then again.) How to start?

Famous curtain jerker Hulk Hogan lives. Different set - I've completely forgotten the last one, but this one looks okay. Is he going to walk to the ring or just pose there? Oh, first he's got to wave in Brooke. Only JR and Lawler are talking, so this must be considered a RAW angle. (He IS wearing a red shirt.) Lawler attempts to find the line between obnixiously drooling over Brooke and obnixiously drooling over Brooke in a way Hulk won't like. The pair stop in mid aisle, so Brooke can give a kiss on the cheek to a ten year old with a "BROOKE HOGAN'S FAN CLUB" sign. Hulk makes a big deal of walking up the steps and pulling down the middle rope, but they cut to a crowd shot when she's entering. Announcers talk about us seeing "Proud Father Hulk Hogan." They've finally stopped the music, but he's going to look at the fans to get cheers for a while. There's the chant. Ready? Oh, no, Brooke is going to talk. Slightly mixed reaction. Don't laugh, talk. She's learned stalling from her father. "I have always dreamt about this moment. The moment that I can stand here, next to my dad, in this ring tonight, in front of all of you. I just hope my career can be as successful as my father's, and I just want to tell you guys that it's truly an honor to be here." "And as a doting father, I have to tell you Hulkamaniacs that I'm very proud of my daughter Brooke. [Brooke 'spontaneously' does the ear cup] Hey! And as far as looks go, thank god she looks like my wife Linda. But anyway, as far as Saturday Night's Main Event goes, I was on the first Saturday Night's Main Event - May 11, 1985. And I after all these years, because of all you Hulkamanicas, Hulkamania is still running wild, brother." What a shocking turn of events - it's Randy Orton! And he has a rose. That's awful nice of him. He's pleading for nonviolence even before he gets in the ring. It's tough to read Brooke's expression, but Hulk wants to protect her here. "Listen, man, I-I got to apologize, about interrupting you, and I'm truly sorry, but - sorry - there was no way I was going to sit back stage and pass up the opportunity to come out here and stand side by side with perhaps the biggest legend this industry has ever seen. Not to mention, [sweetly] your beautiful daughter Brooke." Brooke's touched by this, of course. "Brooke, I'd like to present you this rose, on behalf of all the Hulkamaniacs, of which I am one of as well. [Brooke takes the rose, smells it, and is happy. Hulk, not so much. Crowd chants for a bit, which Randy leads on] Now, Hulk, since, you are a legend among legends, since, I am the legend killer [boooos], I'd like to - respectfully, respectfully! - challenge you to a match at SummerSlam." Hogan's unhappy, thinking it over, looking at the fans. "Well since you respectfully challenged me to a match at SummerSlam [pause] I respectfully accept!" SHAKE! That was surprisingly without incident. Brooke smells the rose, Hogan looks like he still doesn't totally trust young Randall, and Randy's just going to walk away. He stops to take one more look at the ring, but Hogan and Hogan are too busy raising the arms in victory. 

Batista highlight video - into a Mark Henry 'injuring him a cage' video (:58)

NEXT: Batista (returns), World Champion Rey Mysterio and (US Army Sergeant) Bobby Lashley - NEXT!

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NBC: Heroes 
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NBC: Heroes

All Hail King Booker T (w/Sharmell and William Regal) is already on the way to the ring. JBL and Cole have taken over commentary. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm privileged to introduce to you, your next World Champion and the King [boos] and the King of the WWE. Accompanied by the vivacious Queen Sharmell - King Booker. ALL HAIR KING BOOKER." Oh, right the match.

King Booker T, United States Champion Finlay (Belfast, Ireland, 233 pounds, w/shillelagh), Mark Henry (Silsby, TX, 400 pounds) vs Bobby Lashley (Colorado Springs, CO, 273 pounds),  Batista (Washington, DC, 300 pounds), World Heavyweight Champion Rey Mysterio Jr. (San Diego, 173 pounds) - we get the announce shot again as Finlay enters, so Cole can note the title change, and JBL can explain there are no such things as leprechauns and Finlay was undefeated as an amateur in Ireland for ten years and Ireland IC Champion for 5. I don't even know, but neither does Cole. While I've got time here, let's note the ropes are white and corners are red. Lashley told Cole he's angry about the title change, but he's not going to complain - he'll just win it back. JBL: "the A Show, SmackDown!" MACHINE GUNS. Batista and Mark have a "yelling from a distance" contest. I am as surprised as you Rey's last. Cole keeps saying "the greatest underdog champion of all time", but I seriously think that was Underdog. JBL complains about his retirement. Cole notes the faces have all beat JBL plenty. Has Booker T's tape said "KING" for a while? Shows how much I pay attention. Oh, the match. Your ref is Nick. Who'll start? Lashley and Finlay - and a Batista chant. JBL's talking point is "has Batista come back too soon?" Lockup, Finlay backed into the corner, shoulders tot he midsection. Corner whip, Lashley charges, Finlay gets a boot up, but Lashley's got it and pulling him out. Bobby throws it down, and throws Finlay with a belly to belly overhead suplex. All the heels in, all the faces in - hey, I bet this means a break. (1:00) Yes.

Talladega Nights (1.5) - I almost want to see the movie to find out what a black guy is doing a NASCAR movie. NAAAAH.
Bowflex.
NBC: Last Comic Standing
NBC: Heroes (3)
USA: RAW
Walmart.com
ComEd - I bet you're not getting this, but then maybe they're not raising you rates for the first time in a decade 
Filtrete

As we return (4:44), Finlay has Rey in a chinlock. Rey quickly battles up and elbows out. Off the ropes, laid out by a Finlay clothesline. Back to the chinlock. Rey gets up after about 15 seconds, and backs Finlay into the corner. Finlay holds on, so Rey tries back elbows. Finlay lets go, to punch Rey into the head. Whip, Rey grabs the ropes, Finlay charges him and eats a boot. QUEBRADA! One two King Booker breaks it up and Mark Henry isn't far behind him. Heels leave - but aisle side, opposite of the corner. Batista and Lashley walk towards them as they go in the aisle - oh, it's a diversion so Finlay can get the Leprechaun. I guess it's a new name for a network! Finlay throw shi in, and the Leprechaun grabs the shillelagh, hammering Rey with it a half dozen times before Batista and Lashley (and Nick Patrick, who's MIA here) realize it. They start heading back, so Finlay grabs the midget and kicks him under the ring, staying out of it himself. Lashley and Batista check on Rey - Batista booting the shillelagh out in the process. Finlay grabs it for later use. JBL: "We're going to book the Leprechaun and Tazz in a step ladder match next!" There's Nick Patrick, getting Batista and Lashley out of there. Lashley back in, jumping knee, forearm in the face, cover one two no. Tag to King Booker. Royal stomps. JBL indirectly references Global. Satisfied with his stomps, King Booker tags out to Mark, and encourages him to snap Rey. Rey stood up in the corner so Mark can headbutt him down. Mark backs all the way up to the far corner, charges - and Rey moves! Rey kicks Mark, and Mark stumbles to the ground. Rey keeps him there with a dropkick to the head. Who can make the tag first? Crowd is hot for this - tag to Batista! No! Nick missed it because Booker came in the ring, and Patrick turned to stop him instead of spotting the tag. The fans went crazy for the tag and aren't sure what happened, except now that Booker dragged Rey back to their corner and stomped him down with Finlay and they get the general idea. As soon as Nick is done getting Batista back, he turns back and sees Booker in. Booker assures him he tagged in legally (and the way Mark's laying - which I assumed was selling at the time - he could still make the tag.) Booker congratulates himself for being King Booker. Chop. Whip, flapjack, Rey counters with a 'rana. Rey crawling for a tag, but to the wrong corner. Finlay in top stop him, Rey crawls thru his legs, turns around, thru Finlay's legs again, thru Booker's legs, back thru Finlay's legs (they're trying to grab him and failing), rolling thru Booker's legs and THERE's the tag to Batista! Not as loud this time, but still loud. Clothesline for Booker, clothesline for Finlay, slam for Booker, slam for Finlay. Whip, Batista puts hi a head down too son and gets it kicked. Booker charges and gets spinebuster. Finlay - doesn't charge, Lashley's got him and yanked him out for some revenge. Batista's fired up. Thumbs up? Thumbs down. (That's still not over.) What's he waiting for? Booker to get off the ropes and turn around. Booker's too busy talking to Sharmell and Regal to do anything else, so Batista waves Rey back in - 619. Batista grabs Booker, Batista Bomb. Cover one two three. (10:10) Huh, wouldn't have expected that one losing. JBL: "You can't beat the King on NBC!" He just did! 

Backstage, Vince shares some spirit with the Spirit Squad. "Tonight - tonight is night. Tonight, we destroy Degeneration X [agreement] Once and far all. Tonight, the five of you against the two of them, in a special elimination match, but get this, surprise, surprise. We've got holding cells, one one each side of the ring, coming down to the floor. And guess what, when you eliminate one member of DX, throw them in the holding cell, now there's only one left. There's no chance of any of you being eliminated! What do you think of that?" 

And Vince is saying more (though it's hard to believe he has more to say), but we don't hear it - instead, DX takes over half of the screen. Shawn: "Pardon the Interruption, folks, we're Degeneration X. That [points to the other screen] is Vince McMahon, our boss." Hunter: "You ever wonder what someone like him is really thinking?" [thoughtful poses]. 

We resume looking full screen at Vince and the Squad, while DX does voiceovers as Vince's Real Words (vaguely matching up with the onscreen antics). Hunter: "God damnit, I'm telling you guys, I'm old, I'm an old crusty geezer! That's what I'm saying. But tonight, tonight is a big night. Tonight, by the end of the night, I want you [Vince is taking off his coat] to all come to my room an take off my clothes, I want you to tie my hands over my head, and I want you to spank my bottom until is red! You understand me? Red! Spank my bottom!" HBK (as Kenny): "Well Mr. McMahon, before we get to the spanking, we have to go out on prime time television and get us our backsides handed to us by Degeneration X!" and on and on and on it goes and I'm bored now. HHH goes back to the spanking bottom thing enough that it's a bit creepy. Back to Vince just in time for him to really say "we'll never ever be embarrassed by DX after tonight!"

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NBC: Heroes - extra long version (4)

and JR gives it one more plug as we come back to the show.

Earlier Today: Highlights of the Divas Bullriding Contest. This looks a bit stretched thin on material once you get past the (stretch thin on material) outfits, so I guess that's why they clipped it. Watch women fall! No winner announced? (:54)

TONIGHT: Michelle McCool (SD!) vs Victoria (RAW) in the finals - ah!

Melina & Intercontiental Champion Johnny Nitro vs Trish Stratus (T dot O) & Carlito (Caribbean [cool!], 220 pounds) in a mixed tag match - You'd think Melina would have more outfits than that. Hey, look at JR shill this as an international match for whatever reason. Your ref is Mickie Jay. Controversial opinion: I'm not saying Melina's not hot, but the blond splotch in the middle takes her like 3 notches and the red deal everyone else takes her down 2 more. Nitro really shouldn't have better hair than her. Well, maybe he should. JR makes sure to note that RAW is the Flagship, on episode 686 on Monday and the network and time in case you didn't know about wrestling before but these entrances have convinced you (I guess.) Nitro and Carlito start. Circle - lockup, no. Nitro wants to tag in Melina. This means Carlito has to tag in Trish, helpfully explaining the rules in this encounter - men vs men and women vs women. Ready now? Lockup, no, Melina with a kick, slap, talking trash, eating a forearm. Forearm to the face exchange. Trish has better ones. Whip, reversed, Nitro is a beat late on a trip but Trish makes it work. Carlito into complain while JR pretends he's aware of the World Cup. (JR wouldn't be JR if JR cared one iota about soccer.) Melina smashes Trish's face into the apron. Chinlock, thumb to the eye. Trish up and forearming. I'm just going to start putting up $$ every time JR attempts a current events reference. ($$ - he can't possibly be watching Today or the View either.) Chop. Grabbing Melina by her hair and bringing her in the corner. Trish has Carlito lick her hand before she chops Melina again, ew. I don't think that's cool, Carlito! Melina's very unhappy, but Nitro urges her on - Melina charges and throws Trish down by the hair, but stays down herself as well; I think she bonked her nose on the mat on impact. Both crawling for tags - why does JR keep saying Carlito is from San Juan when he was clearly announced as from the Caribbean! - tags to both men. Carlito in with rights. Whip, dropkick, kip up. Look at the crowd, miss a clothesline, Nitro back with a bad attempt at a bodyscissors roll, so Carlito murders the poor man with a wheelbarrow suplex! Nitro's head bounced, and he's grabbing it rather to get up. Luckily, Melina is in and Trish into argue, so that'll buy a moment of time. Trish Thesz presses Melina over and starts punching, and the two roll out of the ring. Carlito watches, of course, so he's surprised by Nitro's kick. Reverse neckbreaker, no, Carlito keeps on turning, Back Cracker! One two three. (5:01) Nitro and Melina check on each other while Carlito and Trish celebrate by pointing. What's the deal with Trish's hair? Time to move on

TONIGHT: John Cena vs Edge [WWE]
TONIGHT: DX vs the Spirit Squad in an elimination match
Music From A Cage plays, as we take a look at the holding cells. That match is NEXT.

Movie: Accepted
Pizza Hut
SciFi: Eureka
NBC5: Next week's morning show features (local)
Illinois Lottery's Set For Life (local)
Ford (local?)
NBC: SNL

Exterior shot, CHECK. TV 14. It's bright outside this time of night, this time of year.

Earlier tonight, (Justin Roberts intro'd) Kevin Von Erich was brought out for the crowd to clap. CLAW. That's it? That's it.

JR goes over the hold cage stip one more time, but he's interrupted

DX vs wait, talking - the announcers go quiet so we can hear a big pop for HBK and HHH, but it doesn't come across loud (on TV.) HBK: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following thrashing of five male cheerleaders are being brought to you by DX, who want to remind you" - HHH: "that if you're not down with that, we've got two words for you-". You can say that on NBC, it turns out.

DX vs World Tag Team Champions Spirit Squad in an elimination match - Lawler compares Spirit Squad vs Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, while JR reminds us about the former cheerleader turned president (again.) JR wants to talk about his holding cell history, Lawler not so much. Referee is Mike Choida - Lawler says there's a second (outside, it turns out), but I haven't spotted him yet. HBK is going to start against Mikey - no, he gets tagged from the outside by a Spirit Squad members turns to fight them, against punched own by Mikey. Red letting on green pants aren't working well. Mikey tags in Mitch, but he's just a distraction for Choida and HHH as the Squad keeps working over HBK. Mikey holds HBK as Johnny gets the megaphone, oops, Mikey got hit. HBK's got the megaphone and giving everyone shots to the head. He waits for Mitch to stop distracting, and he turns into one more shot. HBK throws it to Triple H, who stashes it in their corner. The Squad (JR: "DX") regroups on the outside. Huddle taking a long time, oh, it's so HHH can get them with the airhorn. Mitch back in, he whiffs on a clothesline, HBK does not whiff on a superkick, one two three. (1:19) 4 on 2, they were late braking it in. HHH tags himself in and tells Mitch to leave, as we leave for a break. (1:31)

Just for Men
Chili's 
Movie: Snakes On A Plane
NBC: Miami Vice Night
NBC: Treasure Hunters
NBC: Fear Factor (military)
NBC: the more you know

We return (3:48), just in time to see one Squad member down on the mat with the megaphone on his head, one fall face first into his crotch, and one fall on to that one's rear. So glad we didn't miss the gay. Where's the 4th? There's the SNME logo. DX clear the ring of tow of them, and Johnny takes the megaphone of his head just in time to take a Triple H spinebuster. One two three (4:13) Ah, Kenny was on the outside, too good for this. Mitch and Johnny are already in the cage - they're big enough to fit a four or five people each, actually. Kenny working over HBK with punches in the ring as we return. Headlock, shot off, over, over, Kenny grabs the ropes and walks off. Kenny's leaving - but HBK is after him. Big right, all the way up on the stage. JR: "Remember, no DQs or countouts." Probably should've told the participants so they wouldn't feel the need to distract the ref, but JR told us because the next thing we see is Vince cracking HBK across the back with a chair. Kenny brings HBK all the way back to the ring by his hair. Tag to Nicky as the crowd has a non-NBC friendly chant for Vince. Kenny stets up HBK in the corner and boosts (sorta) Kenny into a  a flying forearm. $$ One two NO. Whip, sleeper by Nicky. HBK quickly fighting it, but I don't think I can hear the crowd over Nicky's yelling. We turn the hour HERE - give me a second while I switch shows on my TiVo.

There we go. HBK's still drawing form the fans, but settles for a back suplex. We're getting plenty of reaction shots form Vince. HBK is slow up, slower than Nicky, who tags Kenny. Kenny heads straight to the top rope. Top rope legdrop is almost missed looking at Vince - actually, it's all missed because Kenny, uh, missed. Tag to Hunter, right for Kenny, fright for Mikey, for for Nicky. Clothesline on Mikey misses, high knee for him instead. Whip, reversed, Nicky puts his head down too soon and takes a facebuster. Hunter throws him out, and almost into the cage. Spinebuster for Johnny. Pedigree? No, Mikey breaks it up. Kenny lost his headband, oh no! Both guys work over Hunter. Whip, double clothesline misses, Hunter's does not. Nicky's clothesline misses, pedigree for him one two three. (7:35) Vince can't believe it. Mikey works over Hunter with punches, but, uh, no. Whip, reversed, Mikey goes over, and into a superkick. Hunter covers one two three. (8:00) It's all down to Kenny, and what good his he without the headband. Slam. HBK heading up - top rope elbow drop. They're both fired up. Vince not so happy. HBK explains this is for him, and both HBK and HHH tune up the band! Superkick, Pedigree. One two three. (8:56) Shutout, as JR notes. Vince is enraged, and hustles over to referee Chad, who's been acting as the Keymaster. Chad won't hand over the key (hey, Tazz!, so Vince decks him.) Vince can't get the door open - ah, now he can. Vince yells at the Squad in the cage to get out, but they're pointing behind him in fear. Vince turns - SUPERKICK. Hey, HBK has the headband! Hunter relocks the cage, with Vince out in the middle of the cage. HBK poses on top of the cage like bizarro Rambo. Hunter very gingerly up with him - they make sure to stand on the edges, because it bends in the middle. POSE. You can do very slow crotch chops on NBC. 

TONIGHT: John Cena vs Edge [WWE]

USA: RAW
Movie: Zoom (good, we needed an escapist super hero story)
Esurance
NBC: Sunday Night Football - long
NBC: Friday Night Lights

Sabu vignette from last week's ECW TV.

The Great Khali and Daivari are in the ring. Kind of a switch. "One week from tomorrow night at the Great American Bash, the Undertaker will step into the first ever Punjabi Prison with this man, Khali! And once and for all, Deadman, your legacy will be buried, the one true phenom of the WWE, the one true giant of the WWE [uh oh], the biggest, the strongest, the badest, the toughest gia-" Well, he didn't even get it all out the second time before ECW Champion Big Show's music started playing. Paul Heyman's with him. Cole and JBL are doing this segment - I keep waiting for Joey and Tazz to butt in (and what a four way that'd be), but no. Cole says "ECW, the alternative to the WWE" to make heads spin. Big Show seems impressed with Khali? Pat on the arm. Daivari still has no idea what's up here. Khali, who can say about Khali. Heyman wants to talk? No, Big Show. "Man, you're a big boy. Let me just tell you a little about who I am. You see, I'm the Big Show, I'm Seven Foot Five Hundred Pounds of Extreme ECW Champion. Now you see, I'm the only man walking this planet, who's held WC ditle [sic] - the WCW Title [Paul: That's right] thank you very much, the WWE Heavyweight Title, and the ECW Heavyweight Title. I admit you're a big man, but one day, you an I have got to find out, who the real Giant is." JBL and Daivari agree on who'd win. "But that's not why I'm here. I'm here actually, I'm here to put you over. I can't put it any more plainer than that. I gotta put you over. The way you have single handily dominated the Undertaker - I've never seen anything like it! The Undertaker, the Phenom, the walking Deadman,  you have had his number, you pinned him by putting your foot on his chest." DONG. Lights. DONG and there's the music and the video. Hey, we're in Dallas, it can't be that hard for the Undertaker to show up in person. JBL works in one more "A-Show" as Undertaker makes his slow walk to the ring. The non-giants flee the ring. Cole says the Big Show/Undertaker battles have been "legendary", and I guess he's right. Undertaker is in no hurry, and the Giants are in no hurry to do something about it. Undertaker showing off his gray? Show wants no part of him, so Undertaker rushes Khali. Undertaker ducks Khali's punches and adds a lot of his own as Big Show plays spectator. Khali clotheslined out, and Taker turns quickly to face Show. Show pleads off again, waits for Taker to turn, and jumps him from behind. Right hands. Taker coming back with right hands, Show throwing rights of his own. Undertaker coming back with rights, and JBL notes this is SD! vs ECW (as SD! is winning.) Lots of punches to the had just bounce Show around. Show with a knee, whip, clothesline missed, Undertaker gets the goozle. Khali in - goozle for him. No way he can get him both - and in fact, they both can get him! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM. Give Show back his belt, because he's heading out of here. Khali looks around some. What IS a Punjabi Prison match? JBL has heard rumors but didn't know it actually existed. Hard sell for Undertaker/Khali.

Movie: Miami Vice
Verizon Wireless Media Razor Phones
NBC: America's Got Talent (3)
Sci Fi: ECW
Illinois's All Kids program (local)
DaimlerChrysler Employee Pricing
Purdue Chicken

Moments ago - double chokeslam. JBL: "I've never seen this before." He means the beatdown of Undertaker, not the double chokeslam that was Kane and Show's finisher, I think.

Todd catches up to Show and Heyman. "You want a word Todd, I'm going to give you a word. It's just like I said, the Great Khali has Undertaker's number. He dominated the Undertaker. But the Great Khali is not an Extreme Giant. The Great Khali is not the ECW Heavyweight Champion of the World. Now, you want to see an Extreme Giant, you tune in on Tuesdays, on Sci Fi, and you see the Big Show, the ECW Heavyweight Champion, the only superstar to win the ECW Title, the WCW Title, and WWE Title. That gives me an idea, the Undertaker, the Phenom, tell the Undertaker I'm issuing a challenge. I'm challenging the Undertaker for this Tuesday night, for the ECW Heavyweight Championship. And when I'm done being extreme on the Undertaker, the Great Khali can have what's left of the Deadman at the Bash." Undertaker vs Big Show in ECW? No reaction show of Paul?

Sabu (Bombay, MI, 231 pounds) vs Stevie Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 235 pounds, already in the ring) in an extreme rules match - speaking of unforeseeable events, here's Sabu on NBC. SATURDAY NIGHT STEVIE! Good for him too. Your announcers are Tazz and Joey; Joey wastes no time in staking his show's place by calling it the most watched cable TV show (on Tuesday). Lockup - no, Stevie hides in the ropes. Your ref is Mike Posey. Lockup - no, Stevie really doesn't want this to get going. Sabu gets a chair, and asks us to be quiet. Stevie unhide form the ropes, and gets a chair thrown his face. Sabu set sup the chair, backs up. - Air Sabu. Sabu readjusts the chair - triple jump moonsault. POINT. One two NO. Sabu to the outside - he's got the table. POINT. Table in, Stevie still not up, and stays down with a stomp. Sabu sets it up, and but Stevie's on him with forearms. Rights in the corner. Stevie backs up, charges, and crotches himself on a missed dropkick. Sabu rearranges the furniture, and sets up Steven on it with a clothesline. Not very far on it. Sabu stops grab a chair, drops it, drags the table - and legs on Stevie's side go out. Sabu is undeterred, stopping to stomp Sabu, and laying him back first on the half broken table. Going up with the chair - Sabu aborts the Arabian facebuster, and just gives Steven a massive chair to the face as Sabu smashes the table. One two three. (1:59) There's the normal Arabian Facebuster for good measure. Nice to see you Stevie. Mike Posey dares to stop Sabu from doing more, and Sabu decides maybe he'd like to do more to Mike Posey. Posey runs for his life. Replay of the finish - I hope Stevie still isn't made of glass. Joey gives one more plug.

Outside, Brooke Hogan and Randy Orton are talking by the cars, though we don't hear much - Joey (and ECW) drew the short straw, so he's the one who gets to fawn over Brooke's new album. 

And her video (1:53)

Back to Randy and Brooke, who still can't hear. JR and King have taken over the announcing. Here's Hogan, who slaps Randy hard on the back, and who's words we can here - "See you at SummerSlam, brother!" "Yes sir, no problem, yes sir." Brooke waves bye, and Hogan doesn't dig that - they're leaving. How many times is Hogan going to look back and shake his head? One time too little - RKO on the trunk! Brooke's out and has no idea what happened, just that Hulk is down. Randy walks off before Hogan recovers.

Movie: Lady in the Water
Vidalia Chop Wizard NBC: Last Comic Standing (2)
NBC: America's Got Talent (4)

Before the commercial, Hogan took the long way around his car and paid for it. JR: "What he has done is literarily spat in the face of Hulkamania!"

And now, the finals of the bullriding contest. Todd explains the rules - whoever holds on longer with one hand wins. Mickie Jay is your ref! Michelle McCool is first. JR is too upset at Orton to enjoy this! Ready - go. And :11 seconds, it's over. Well, now they're saying 12 seconds. Seems people went longer in the highlight package. Victoria, who I don't recall seeing the highlight package, has quite the wacky outfit. King: "Is she a cowgirl or an Indian?" Fair question. Ready - go. $$ 7 seconds! (Michelle wins). Victoria goes a bit crazy. Yah, the heel beat the heel. JR: "Friday Night SmackDown gets a victory over RAW - that doesn't happen very often." Oh no, Victoria broke Michelle's $5 ruler. Michelle just kinda laughs at her.

Who is John Cena - a guy who always gets cheered by everyone in the world if this video package is to be believed. Also, Edge gets booed. Back to ONS. RVD is only in this and the triangle video package as much as necessary and no more - no announcer says his name. Lots and lots of fighting. (2:40) 

Edge and Lita are moving towards the ring.

Movie: Snakes on a Plane (2)
Chili's (2)
NBC: America's Got Talent (5)
USA: RAW (3)
Chicago (the group) on Today (the show) (local)
Wolf Camera (with distracting Baseball Tonight highlight music, local)
Dunkin Donuts Smoothie
Hyundi
NBC: SNL
Sci Fi: ECW preview - Big Show vs Undertaker [wow, they got that ad done quick, and the bit with the belt on his shoulder looks weird]

John Cena (West Newberry, MA, 248 pounds) vs Edge (T dot O, 250 pounds, w/Lita) for the WWE Championship - Say Papa Shango, JR! I dare you! I'd take the other guy's name. Your ref is Mike Choida. In ring introductions, with Justin JJ Roberts. Cena gets a mixed reaction. Edge, slapping himself, does not. Who's going to make the first move? Edge - he's out of here! Oh, no, Cena's gone after and got him. Right hands, bringing Edge back to the ring. Edge slips in an eye poke, and he's in control as they get back to the ring. Cena thrown in. Edge up one the apron, Cena snaps his neck over the top rope, off the far ropes, back, and Cena goes flying over. Edge in, Cena out, break time. (1:46)

Time Life: 70's Music Explosion.
Movie: Monster House
NBC: Dew Action Sports Theatre
NBC: Treasure Hunters (2)

As we return (3:46), Cena is back in control and slugging. Whip, head down too soon, and Edge kicks it. Clothesline knocks Cena down. Cena slowly pulling shelf up. Edge slowly on him. Right hands. Cena set up on the top rope. If we're pretending there's a good percentage of new people who need to be introduced to Cena and Edge, JR needs to stop saying "they're both very controversial" and start explaining WHY they're controversial. Or just stop, I'd dig that. I'm turning back on JR tonight, it's not good. Anyway, Edge is heading up, all the way up, oh crap, he slipped. Edge had his left foot on the top rope, started to put his right foot on there for the top rope superplex, but missed the rope and started falling. Cena did the smart thing (!!!) and took the superplex bump by himself, and it didn't look like a horrible blown spot, just a painful one for Mr. Edge.  Choida checks him both guys. Is that the first sign for Edge? Lita checks on him too. Choida has the count going - one, two, three, four, five, both up, Cena punching. Whip, reversed, Lita grabs a leg as we look at a replay. Edge waits for Cena to get loose, and clothesline him. Edge seems unsteady on his legs, but not limping. Big boot, one two NO. Edge grabs his head as we look at the big boot, which was a good big boot. Edge slowly pulls up Cena. Right. Cena right. Edge right, Cena right, Edge right, Cena right, Edge right ["YAY"], Cena right ["BOO"], Edge, Cena, Edge, Cena, Cena, Cena, Cena, Cena. Clothesline, clothesline, the girls cheers are winning now. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Cena is fired up. Backs suplex powerbomb. Cena gives a look to Lita. You can't see me, five knuckle shuffle. Waiting for Edge to get up, lifting him up, FU, right in the middle. One two, Lita yanks Choida out and hard! Lita talking a bit of trash to the referee about his general skills. What's Cena going to do? He's staring at her. Lita begging off, and drawing Cena into position. SPEAR - no, Cena sidesteps and Edge this the corner. Drop toe hold, STFU. Choida is getting back up - but Lita pulls him off the apron and decks him! Choida back in, and calling for the bell. Edge isn't tapping (or we didn't see it), so this is obvious. (7:54) Cena doesn't know it, and the girls don't know, and they're more sure when they raise Cena's hand, but less so when Mr. Roberts says "winner by disqualification". Points to Cena for immediately changing his reaction upon hearing that magical word; he didn't see Lita deck Choida, so his reactions made sense - the announcers, not so much. Cena's trying to figure out what's going on, as Justin explains the title situation. What's Cena going to do? Get Speared! Now Edge grabs his knee, but he's not letting that stop him from getting to his girl and his belt. POSE. Lawler notes how Edge is hurting. Cena pescado! He's on Edge with punches. Head into the steps. He's taking apart the ECW desk (it's closest, and like they've used it.) He's clearing some furniture - monitor to Edge's head. Choida is trying to talk Cena out of this, but I don't think so. Lita is on the other side of the ring, and Cena's telling her to watch this. Cena lifts up Edge, thinking about it - no. Oh, wait, he's going up the steps instead. Nice to know you, Edge - he's thrown off thru the table! Play his music. One minute of RAW hype to talk, so ewe can watch some replays of that finish and the FU. Cena rants at the camera - "AAAH!" - and we're out.

Hey, better than last time. Yay for that.

 
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BROWSE THE HEAT RECAP ARCHIVES

The Cubs Fan watches way too much watching television - you can read more
of his overly detailed rambling reports at www.thecubsfan.com 


  
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