OO TV/Event Recaps: Jakked/Metal (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Steve Austin, RVD, Undertaker, Triple H)

JAKKED RECAP
2/9: Jonny X Phones it In!
February 10, 2002

by Jonny X
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

This will be the most half-assed Jakked report in the
history of our industry! Keep it here, fans! Jonny X
is the biggest Jakked recapper in our industry!

Tony Schiavone wrote my intro this week. But in all
seriousness, I don't have much time to devote to a
Jakked report this week, so please excuse the brevity
of this report. I've got a lot of real life stuff
cooking right now, so it's bare bones this week, but I
promise to be back next week with recap segments, my
thoughts on the stories, and all the Jonny X
shenanigans you've grown to love. But this week,
you've just got match results and a few quick
thoughts. On with it!

Welcome to Jakked where your jackass hosts are
Jonathan "Dancin' Fool" Coachman and Chris "Voiceover"
Leary.

Christian VS Hurricane Helms

Kinda sad to see Christian on the D-level show, isn't
it? Same for Hurricane. But I guess it works out
nicely for me since Rick pays me (in invisible
dollars) to watch this show. They have a dandy of a
match (what else did you expect from these two?) and
Christian reverses the Eye of the Hurricane into the
Unprettier for the win.

Winner: Christian

Funaki & Crash Holly VS Scotty II Hotty & Albert

I guess Crash and Sho are a regular team now. I like
'em, but that doesn't amount to much in the WWF
machine, now does it? Albert (God, that's a horrible
name. My condolences to anyone with that name.) uses
his size advantage most of the match to take advantage
of our pint-sized friends culminating in the Baldobomb
for the Zoo Crew victory.

Winners: Scotty II Hotty & Albert

Tajiri VS Jason Partain

God damn, I used to watch Jakked and see Perry Saturn,
Essa Rios, and Funaki waste away in syndicated hell.
And that was okay because all those guys suck in one
aspect of their game or another. But now accomplished
guys like Tajiri, Christian, Hurricane, and Scotty II
Hotty pop up here with some regularity. That kind of
scares me because that means less overall talent on
the real shows. This is a walk in the park for Tajiri,
but Coach calls it a "big win." What a moron.

Winner: Tajiri

X-Factor: I again apologize for the ridiculous length
of this report. But next week things get back on track
for me and I'll give you a real report. As for this
show, the talent is there, but the WWF doesn't believe
in this show for shit, so it still sucks. Until next
week...

E-MAIL JONNY X
BROWSE THE JAKKED RECAP ARCHIVES

Jonny X often wonders which country his one-letter last name comes from. He's been writing recaps for just over a year now, and his RAW work can be seen at www.theringpost.com and www.thesenetwork.com.

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