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WWE Survivor Series 2005 
November 27, 2005

by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OnlineOnslaught.com


You know that thing I said in the preview, about my latent enthusiasm for Survivor Series because -- due to recent chaotic backstage happenings in WWE -- it represented a chance for the Fed to explore some unique POSSIBILITIES?

Well, scratch that theory.

Despite being an EXTREMELY entertaining bit of fluff -- with good-to-excellent action in all but one match, and with an additional sweet-ass promo segment -- Survivor Series did nothing to seem historic, nothing to get fans buzzing, nothing to create a sense of "Must See" sizzle for either of their two brands coming out of the  


Instead, WWE made all predictable, safe plays that will continue to appeal to the core (or "primary") audience who stick with WWE through thick and thing, but likely do nothing to attract the interest of those fringe (or "secondary") audience members who assiduously avoid three-quarters of WWE programming, but who just as religiously still follow along and get news/results from websites like this.

Given that responsibility of writing for an audience that probably did NOT see the PPV, I wish I could bring something to the table that makes you feel badly that you did. But I can't really. All I can tell you is that yes, Survivor Series would have kept you amused for three hours... but then you'd read the match results and you'd go "Oh, well if I am to believe the star ratings, I missed some good action. But it also doesn't look like anything's changing, so I'll just keep not watching until the next PPV."

Would this be a good time to insert a TNA reference? Because "good action, but nobody actually cares what happens next" is the defining characteristic of TNA. Maybe that's what Survivor Series was: the Best TNA PPV Ever! EVER~!

I keed, I keed. Or at least, I have to say I am, otherwise I just pissed off WWE loyalists AND TNA fans in that one fell swoop. And lord knows I can't be burning the candle at both ends.

Instead, I'll just say that moves like RAW opting to keep on struggling through with John Cena as WWE Champ (despite being roundly booed by at least one-third of the live audience) and SD! opting to re-structure their show so that it now revolves a main event Taker/Orton feud (despite the fact that the match has already been done at least three times, and in NONE of those cases was it the main event) strike me as nothing but the safest of plays. The core audience has already sat through this stuff for the past 8 months (even as up to 25% of the secondary audience have walked away), so surely they'll stick around for more of the same. Right?

It probably is right, actually. It's a low-risk strategy for WWE. But my suspicion is that it's also extremely low-return. Given the incredible state of flux the company's in with injuries and Eddie and everything, I can't help but think this was the kind of show where you might nut-up and take a risk or two, in hopes of catching lightning in a bottle. Didn't turn out that way, at all.

But like I said, for all it's lack of anything news-worthy or talk-about-able, Survivor Series was actually one of the more amusing top-to-bottom 3 hours they've put on PPV this year. The lack of memorable highlights was off-set by an almost complete dearth of Suck. I can't remember the last PPV with a fluff-to-crap ratio as strong as Survivor Series'... and that, my friends, has gotta count for SOMEthing, no?

Here are the full results of tonight's just-completed Survivor Series pay-per-view (with some additional editorial commentary tacked on in the customary red italics):

  • Seahawks 24, Giants 21. Ugh. The overtime football game kept all of Hooters' TVs occupied until it concluded. This week, not only am I (likely) going to suffer the agony of only my second Fantasy Football Loss of the season, but then I had to watch my beloved Giants hand the Seahawks a win (2 missed FGs in OT? 18 penalties?) on a big screen at Hooters. Luckily, the painful experience only lasted until about 4 minutes past the hour, so I think all I missed was the standard Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc., and then we joined the PPV before missing anything important.
  • Booker T defeated Chris Benoit in Match 1 of a Seven Match Series to crown a new US Champ. Benoit tried to jumpstart the match, but only got maybe a minute or so of offense in before things went south. Credit some distraction from Sharmell, I believe. Speaking of whom: I am becoming a bigger and bigger fan with each passing week. It's something I've talked about from time to time, but she looks like she BELIEVES WHAT'S HAPPENING; her reactions and stuff seem that much more genuine. And also: I know I'm on record with a simplicity-fetish when it comes to personal style, but I also consider myself extraordinarily discerning when it comes to matching the right look with the right chick to create a dead-on-perfect total package. And Sharmell? Unlike just about every diva since 1989, she can actually work the Miss Elizabeth Classy Evening Gown Look like nobody's business. Once Booker settled in on offense, it was mostly with a focus on Benoit's (SURGICALLY RECONSTRUCTED~!) neck. This led to an (ugh) chinlock as Benoit's Fire-Up-Out-Of Hold du jour... but the fire up was aborted, as Booker retook control and started lining Benoit up for an axe kick right to the aformentioned neck. But Benoit countered that by snatching the leg into a SharpShooter attempt. Booker managed to escape that, but now Benoit was in control. The hat-trick of German Suplexes connects, and now Benoit's going up top to hit the Swandive Headbutt. Sharmell provided an expertly-timed distraction, and things ended up with Benoit leaping off the top, but Booker dodged out of the way. Almost immediately, Booker swooped in, and rolled Benoit up with a Schoolboy. For added leverage he not only put his feet up on the ropes, but also had Sharmell come over and pull down on his legs to make sure Benoit could not escape. [A roughly 15 minute opener, and although it seemed to start off a bit slower than was, strictly-speaking necessary, once Booker really got into telling the story of going to work on Benoit's neck, it was all good. The final 2-3 minutes or so were really tight, and I think the finish is exactly the perfect way to go to set the tone for coming matches....]
  • Backstage: Eric Bischoff is in full Karate Fighter gear and warming up for his match. Vince McMahon pops into frame and says he'd just like to wish Eric luck tonight. Eric says no luck is needed, since tonight, he'll be scoring the "trifecta." Trifecta of what? Bischoff will destroy Teddy Long, and then Team RAW will decimate Team SD!, and then finally, John Cena will lose his WWE Title to Kurt Angle because "I will screw John Cena." But Angle's now standing right behind Bischoff; if you need me to tell you that Cena used Bischoff's last line to make a gay joke, you are more optimistic about the WWE Writing Team's creativity than any human has a right to be. Bischoff, though, is obligated to be furious at such lame, empty accusations of homosexuality, so he leaves in a huff. Cena and Vince start talking. Cena has his Homey The Clown dial turned up to 11, so Vince tries to play along and talk "street." This ends with Vince walking away and telling Cena "You're my nigger." I'd say it was LOTS funny when Larry David did it, except that for once, somebody remembered to write a real punchline: as McMahon walked down a hall, he passed a mortified Booker T and Sharmell. Oh yes, Vince got himself a "Tell me he did NOT just say that."
  • Trish Stratus beat Melina to retain the WWE Women's Title. Melina has both M and N with her, and they are permitted to stay. Trish has Mickie James. We get off to a fast start (Trish insures that the adjective "awesome" will not be applied to any other WWE babe for at least another month on OO by starting things off by diving from the top rope all the way to the floor onto all three of MNM). But as tends to be the case, you just KNOW the heel has to take over before too long. And Melina obliges, and takes target at Trish's lower back. No, the lower back was not SURGICALLY RECONSTRUCTED, but it was RECENTLY INJURED AND REHABBED. Melina's offense continued largely unabated for maybe 2-3 minutes, until Mickie could no longer restrain herself and tried to get involved when the match spilled outside. This resulted in the ref being distracted by the ensuing catfight. Which allowed M and N to throw Trish into the ring and get her set up for the Snap Shot (for the unawares, that's their standard tag team finisher, and likely deadly against girls). But the ref turned around in the nick of time and put an end to that; he pulled Trish down to safety, and then ejected M and N. From there, Melina tried to take advantage while she still could and hit a Spinning Facebuster Thingie ('twas her finisher against Spaz this week on SD!), but Trish kicked out. She didn't quite go full-on Hogan with Trishing Up, but crowd was really into it as she finally got on track and put together a few moves in a row. Melina was crafty, though, and had lots of Trish's moves scouted (including the Matrix), so Trish couldn't score the one big move to get the win. Finally, after Melina countered a Stratusfaction by hoisting Trish out over the top rope, Mickie James made herself useful by coralling Trish to safety and then pulling her out of the way of an attempted Bossman Straddle by Melina. Trish applied a kick or two, and then went to the top rope and hit a flying bulldog for the win. [Easily 7-8 minutes, and as always, it's very cool when WWE presents women's wrestling that, you know, LOOKS LIKE WRESTLING. This was good, well-executed, and dramatic -- as evidenced by the very vocal crowd -- and there's no need for qualifying it as "good for girls." More of this, please; less of rushing Diva Search winners into the ring so they can stink and give fans the impression that there's no such thing as good women's wrestling.]
  • Triple H defeated Ric Flair in a Last Man Standing Match. Any sense of play-by-play probably takes a hike here... not because of non-stop action or anything. But because the breaks between cool spots consisted of alot of that dramatic Slow Counting to Ten, which simply doesn't translate well to the written page. I'll still try to give you a sense of it, though.
    HHH attacked Flair while Flair was only halfway down the entrance aisle. Using Flair's own robe to handcuff him, HHH took the easy early advantage, and clubbered away on Flair in basic fashion. Flair finally got free, and had a brief spot with a kendo stick, but Trips ended that moments later as they brawled into the crowd. Once they brawled back, HHH decided to invoke the "no holds barred" portion of the stipulation, and no more than 5 minutes into the match, Flair was bleeding like a stuck pig after HHH assaulted him with a screwdriver. That's just what you want to see if you're eating dinner at a Family Establishment. Glad I had eaten earlier (mmmm, Thanksgiving leftovers in the form of Club Sammiches at my mom's).  The amount of blood loss probably meant we had lots of Slow Count Teases. But the next big spot was about 5 minutes later, as HHH decided to put Flair through the Spanish Announce Table. He took his sweet time doing it, and Flair was able to muster a brief rally using a Testicular Claw. HHH recovered though, and when he did, stupidly began setting up the RAW announce table. Maybe I'm just too cynical and jaded, but when HHH starts setting up two tables to crash through, you should probably know EXACTLY what spot is coming. Sho 'nuff, Hunter tries to Pedigree Flair on the RAW announce table, but instead gets back-dropped over onto the Spanish Announce Table. Time for some Slow Count Teases for HHH.
    Things kinda continue that way for another 6-8 minutes, it seemed like, with Flair firmly in control and pretty much focusing on the Testicles. Well, the testicles and the knee. Not sure, but maybe the thinking was that if Flair damaged HHH's leg enough, THAT would be why he couldn't stand. Cuz it wasn't the standard Last Man Standing Psychology of needing to KO your opponent. By the 20 minute mark, Flair had finally cinched in the Figure Four, and was torquing away with it. HHH actually tapped out repeatedly during the hold, but that doesn't count here. Flair finally decided to release the hold to see if Hunter could stand up. Turns out, he could. So we gotta try again, except.... when Flair tries to come in with another single-leg, HHH surprises him with a quick Pedigree. Both men are down. Slow Count. HHH up at 6. Flair up at 9. HHH immediately swoops in. Another Pedigree. HHH up quick this time. Flair up at *7*, and when he gets up, he gives HHH the middle finger and says "Bring it, bitch." HHH brings a third Pedigree. Flair begins stirring at 4, and HHH goes to Plan B. He finds Sweet Lady Sledge under the ring. He stalks Flair. He waits till Flair gets to his feet at 9. He brings the sledge down across the base of Flair's neck. This time, the ref counts, and this time, Flair stays down. [Nothing fancy, but a brutal 25-minute brawl that built to a very dramatic and climactic finish.  I liked it a lot, and it was definitely my Match of the Night. But it's not exactly one you'll be telling your friends about at work tomorrow, or anything, either.]
  • Backstage: Orton, JBL, Mysterio, and Lashley are bad-mouthing SD! Team Captain Batista for being injured and a weak link. This leads to them arguing over who should be the new captain (Orton and JBL want it most). Batista appears. Calmly says he's fine and he'll carry his share tonight. I? Would not argue with that man. Team SD! all agree. Except for Orton; but Batista I guess just took Orton's silence for acquiescence once Orton pussed out and broke eye contact.
  • Very Special Promo Interlude. An "unscheduled" appearance by Edge and Lita turned into another very amusing little throw-away bit. Edge starts out by announcing that, effective immediately, he'll be having his own talk show -- the "Cutting Edge" -- and it'll be a bit different from what the fans of WWE expect. No palm trees or JeriTrons. Just Edge, his lovely ("SLUT SLUT SLUT") co-host Lita, and a live mic. And he knows everybody's a little nervous about that, because Edge and a live mic can do a lot of damage. To prove his point, Edge recognizes current Detroit Tiger slugger (and former Cincinnati Red, and former OO Interviewee, and former Guest Manager for Eddie Guerrero) Dmitri "Da Meat Hook" Young. Edge begins with the taunting. Which is easy because the Tigers do suck. Then he makes fun of baseball players using steroids (ummm, hmmm.... *smartass comment deleted because I'll take WWE's new drug policy seriously until given reason to believe otherwise*) and speed. Except: not Dmitri, whose drug of choice is clearly cheeseburgers, fatty. The Meat Hook is pissed, but Edge says tough luck, because that's what he gets for living in a cesspool like Detroit. Edge then moves on to mocking Detroit's other sports franchises. The Lions are easy, cuz they also suck. The Pistons are good, but they are thugs and choke artists. The live audience apparently wants Edge to mention their hockey team, but they forget that absolutely no right thinking American gives a shit about hockey.
    The heat on Edge is reaching a boiling point, and Lita decides to be Edge's darling Roving Reporter to go see if Dmitri would like to respond. The Meat Hook opens with a line about how there's a big difference between him and Edge: "I go out and hit balls. And you got no balls at all." In an hilarious minor detail, Lita actually tries to lean into the mic to assure us that she has an eyewitness account of the contents of Edge's man-sac, but Dmitri's on a roll. He talks about Detroit Sports Franchises PAST glory. So many championships for the Tigers and Lions. And oh, I guess Dmitri's gonna give those quasi-Canucks in "Hockeytown" what they want, too. Then the Meat Hook closes with, "And just one thing? Where's YOUR World Championship, Edge?" ZING~! Edge demands Lita return to his side and says, "Screw you guys, I'm going home." [Very entertaining stuff and a rare convincing use of a Guest Star. Only thing that would have made it better: actually exploring one of those POSSIBILITIES and taking a risk by having the show end with Edge cashing in his Money in the Bank, and then shoving his new title in Dmitri and Detroit's stupid faces.]
  • John Cena defeated Kurt Angle to retain the WWE Title. Shawn Daivari is on the case as Kurt's special referee. And guess what? Not even an evil Ay-rab is enough to get fans cheering for Cena. Out of the gates, there are the TNA-style dueling "Let's go Cena"/"Let's go Angle" chants, with the split seeming about 50/50. God, I really need to get myself to a RAW taping, even if only to find some clueless young lass, decked out in her pink "Chain Gang Hottie" belly shirt, and keep her in my sight until her Beloved TV Boyfriend comes out and gets roundly booed by most of the audience. Her sweet, sweet tears: they will quench the raging thirst of my Inner Asshole. My favorite moment of the match came about 5 minutes in: after the feeling out process and a surprising amount of non-fucked-up mat wrestling, Cena got his first real advantage of the match. After a big shoulder tackle, Cena made an immediate cover. Ref Daivari just stood there and didn't count. The crowd went fucking NUTS with cheers (the camera shot they had, you even saw a whole section of guys leap out of their chairs and start pumping fists and high-fiving). Poor Cena: it's not really his fault. Well, not ALL his fault. But at least in Detroit, Daivari is more beloved then Cena among wrestling fans. I wish it were as simple as Cena foolishly bringing his lame-ass hip-hop wigger act to Detroit Rock City, but it goes deeper than that.
    Shortly after my Personal Highlight of the Night, Daivari's cheating ways escalated. Cena was attempting to have an offensive rally, but Daivari wasn't giving him any love. So Cena punched Daivari in the face. BOO. Daivari gestured (broadly) towards the WWE logo on his chest which imbues him with Much Power. Cena punches again. Daivari contemplates calling for a DQ, but Angle has recovered by now, and reminds Daivari that there's no title change on a DQ, so he must restrain himself. While the two were consulting, Cena bum-rushed the both of them, sending them tumbling to the floor. Angle seemed to recover pretty quickly, but Daivari was down for the count.
    Angle gets back in the ring, and while Homey the Clown is posing and preening over knocking out the Evil Ref (that everybody actually loved), Angle strikes. Angle gestures for another ref to come to the ring, and he gets his wish. But Angle can't score the win, no matter what he tries. Standard Heel Beatdown stuff, here, except for the part where Angle's kicking the crap out of Cena, and the crowd decides to pile on with a HUGE "Cena Sucks" chant. I have no idea, but if they didn't acknowledge this on commentary, I'd be shocked. It was that bad. After about 4 minutes of offense, Cena made a comeback; as soon as he did, Angle just punched the replacement ref. Cena fawned over the fallen zebra, allowing Angle to retake control and gesture for a THIRD ref to come out. They basically repeated the exact same sequence, just much-faster this time. Angle took control, but Cena fired up about 90 seconds later, so rather than risk losing the match, Angle just punched the ref and started trying to see if Daivari might be ready to join in the fun again.
    Angle took Cena down one more time, and decided to just pick up Daivari and toss him into the ring. But while he was doing that, a FOURTH ref appeared: except it was SMACKDOWN! ref Charles Robinson. Huh. Angle immediately started arguing with the off-brand official, and behind his back, Cena recovered, spotted Daivari, took Daivari down with a DDT, came up behind Angle, got him with a quick F-U, and then SD! Ref Robinson counted the three. Cena retains. [Huh. Maybe 10-12 minutes, and definitely amusing for all the shenanigans. But also very illustrative because of the crowd reaction. WWE once again shot John Cena in the foot by the way they booked the finish, too... who the hell -- in a crowd that already loathes the Cena character -- is going to be happy with a match where Cena gets his ass kicked the whole match, and then wins via clean pinfall after one (1) shitty F-U? Nobody, that's who. They should have had at least another 5 minutes, with more Daivari Goodness and more Cena EARNING IT... you could even still do the cheap SD! Ref Finish for controversy purposes, but you just needed more End Game after all the amusing fluff if you wanted the deliver a satisfying finish.]

  • Teddy Long beat Eric Bischoff. Ummm: OK, so this did suck. Badly. Teddy out-quicked Bischoff to start. Bischoff out-karated Teddy for a bit after Carson Palmer screwed up and distracted the refs at the wrong time. Before Bischoff could score the pin, the Boogeyman showed up; while the refs went up the entrance aisle to confront him, Boogeyman showed up from the backside and delivered a pumphandle slam on Bischoff. Teddy covered. Teddy won. Teddy thugged and bugged. And nobody cared. [The stalling at the start probably meant this was 5-6 minutes, but there was really only 2 minutes or so of anything happening. And what happened was very bad and unentertaining.]
  • Team SmackDown! defeated Team RAW when Randy Orton was the Sole Survivor. I wish I had timed the ring entrances. But if it took anything less than 15 minutes to get all these guys to the ring, I will eat a bug. I remember going from thinking "Oh, we'll get a nice 45 minute match here" when I checked the time on my phone during my post-GM-fight pissbreak to thinking "We only have time for 25-30" when looking again during the early stages of the match. Let me see if I can remember everything in the right order, here:
    Michaels and Orton start. No real winner, just basic back-and-forthy. Michaels finally decides he's warmed things up enough that Chris F. Masters can be trusted. Oy. Masters gets the better of Orton in the predictbly un-exciting Vortex of Suck Showdown, and Orton has to tag in Bobby Lashley. SD!'s freakishly-large mountain of a man vs. RAW's freakishly-cut gay-porno superstar: fans, in so much as they care at all, opt nominally for Lashley. Per my prediction, it takes almost zero time before Chris F. Masters attempts to apply his shitty full nelson, and it takes even less time before Lashley powers out with relative ease. Masters no likey, and tags in Carlito, who wants no part of this, but has no choice once Lashly drags him -- kicking and screaming -- over the top rope. Lashley destroyed Carlito, but Michaels made the save and eventually got himself tagged in legally. Lashley dominated Michaels, too, but Kane made a save, by chokeslamming Lashley without the ref seeing it. Michaels collapsed onto Lashley to score the first elimination. 
    Rey took over for Team SD!, and Big Show and Kane started handling things for RAW. But very quickly, Rey's quickness proved too much for the big men. This led to a bit of chaotic brawling, and in the mess, Batista tagged in and hit Kane with a spinebuster to eliminate Kane. IMMEDIATELY Big Show pounced, and hit a chokeslame. Batista kicked out at 2, but Kane had recovered and hadn't left the ring, yet. With the ref distracted with all the other brawling, Kane and Show double chokeslammed Batista. And this time, Batista stayed down for three. 
    Team SD! then did an admittedly-cool spot where they swarmed on Big Show, but among the three of them (JBL, Orton, and Rey), they couldn't put Show down. Each hit their finisher on Show, but each time, Show started getting to his feet almost immediately, so whoever was legal at the time would tag in a Team SD! partner to hit another move. After three full cycles through this process, Rey finally eliminationed Big Show after a springboard senton. You'd think this left the sides even at 3-apiece, but you'd only be partially right. Somewhere in the above paragraph, I forgot to mention the part that during all the chaotic Show/Kane/Batista brawling, Shawn Michaels was laid out at ringside by some move that I guess I must have missed, and his carcass was just lying there. So it was really SD!'s 3 on RAW's 2 (Carlito and Chris F. Masters).
    Those don't seem like good odds for RAW, do they? But by the same token, it was right here where I realized that with Batista, Show, and Kane gone, there was only one remaining plausible choice for a crowd-pleasing show-ending winner of the match: Michaels. I thought I'd hit the perfect 6-for-6 on my PPV picks! Unless (my mind suddenly started contemplating) they'd really save Taker back for AFTER the match, in which case..... UGH, I didn't even want to think about that, but the thought did cross my mind at this point.
    Team SD! has some fun with Carlito and CFM, and I forget which happened first, but JBL eliminated Carlito and Rey eliminated Masters, and by the 16 minute mark or so, somebody had to go revive the carcass of Shawn Michaels. JBL got the job done, and tossed HBK into Rey. Michaels was in bad shape and before too long, Rey hit a (619) on Michaels... Michaels sold it like he was shot out of a cannon, and ended up on the other side of the ring. But when Rey tried to follow up with a Springboard Senton into a pinning combo, the extra distance served Michaels well: as Rey sprang at him, Michaels clocked him in the jaw with a superkick (a la his match against Shelton from 5 months ago). Just like that HBK put one of his opponents down. And then JBL tried to attack from behind, but less than 10 seconds later, Michaels had ducked a lariat and given JBL a superkick, too. And now, it's one-on-one, back to where we started: Michaels vs. Orton.
    They do a quick tease spot, but both guys evade the others' finisher, so it won't be another rapidfire elimination. Instead, they settle in just a bit, and before long, Orton's in control of the more-beat-down Michaels. Only lasted maybe 2 minutes, though, as Shawn went to the tried and true: Flying Burrito, Kip Up, Macho Man Elbow. But as Michaels started tuning up the band, we discover that JBL is still at ringside, and he's gotten himself a steel chair. He gets in the ring and tries to use it on Michaels, but Michaels ducks and gives JBL another superkick... however, the distraction was JUST enough time to allow Orton to recover, come up behind Michaels, and hit the RKO Out Of Nowhere for the win. [Maybe 25 minutes, tops. Definitely some fun spots, and with 10 men having to be eliminated in a surprisingly short match, this never bogged down or got boring. But having three of the likeliest potential Survivors be eliminated among the first four -- Batista, Show, Kane -- you did have a stretch there were things lacked star power and sizzle. And I understand that Orton going over sets up the low-risk/low-return "safe play" in terms of SD!'s main event picture, but it's still personally annoying to me to once again return to the days of a main event concluding to the eardrum-violating strains of "Theme From Dumb Guy." Much like the PPV as a whole, this match gets labeled as "Plenty of enjoyable fun, but still ultimately unsatisfying."]
  • After the Match: the locker room empties, and the full rosters of SmackDown! *AND* Velocity get in the ring to hoist their Savior Randy Orton up onto their shoulders. Yeah, there's another good way to satisfy the fans: have faces and heels alike united in their enthusiastic love of Randy Orton. Lord: why did you have to get injured, Big Dave? In mid-celebration, though, the lights go out, and the BONG is hit. Somebody turns on a smoke machine and the purple lights and the generic gregorian chanting. A dozen hooded druids bring a casket out to the top of the entrance aisle. Frequent reaction shots to the ring show the SD! roster standing around quite stupidly, since judging by the VERY bad actor-y faces being made by Randy Orton *he* knows what's about to happen, and you really won't find anybody of lower intelligence who didn't have to ride a short bus to school. If Randall figured it out, why didn't everybody else? We eventually cut to a wide shot of the aisle and the casket, which can only mean one thing: A REALLY BAD, CHEESY, FAKE DRAWN-IN CARTOON LIGHTNING BOLT FLIES ACROSS THE SCREEN AND SORT OF SEEMS TO IMPACT IN THE GENERAL VICINITY OF THE CASKET. Oh yeah, that's Gay Spooky, kids. The casket explodes into flames, and after a Safety Interval has elapsed for the flames in the front to go down, the front of the casket opens, and out steps the Undertaker. Taker's not wasting any time and (by his lumbering standards) virtually sprints to the ring. The Dumb Stars of SD! all hang around and attack in the ancient war-tested One Ninja At A Time fashion. They get their asses kicked. Randy Orton, perhaps having his Smartest Night Ever, left them to rot in the ring, though, and continued making his very-bad Scaredy Cat Faces as he slinked back up the aisle.
    Final shot: Orton turns around to look at Taker, so Taker stares him down, makes the thumb-across-the-throat gesture, and then rolls his eyes into the back of his head.

I'm all for Orton vs. Taker resuming and reaching a resolution. What I'm not for is the idea of Orton/Taker as the SD! main event feud, involving the World Title. Which, I now fully suspect (given Orton's lack of faith in Batista early in the PPV, Batista's early elimination, and Orton's brand-saving win over RAW) is what we're gonna be stuck with.

I'm also convinced that -- given how well his promo segment went over -- WWE is missing an opportunity with Edge to use him as the fulcrum that levers SD!'s title picture back to good health.

And it goes without saying that after Yet Another Night of ample evidence as it regards Project Cena that WWE needs to start paying attention... they could have started paying attention to ME almost a full year ago, since I predicted this. And now, they gotta start paying attention to their fans. Fix John Cena, dammit. And that "fixing" doesn't include continued shoving down our throat as the babyface champion of RAW.

Bringing it back full-circle, that slate of at least three perceived "missed opportunities" (in favor of safe, underwhelming plays) make it hard for me to sell Survivor Series as news-worthy, historic, or eventful. But there's also no denying how much top-to-bottom in-ring fun there was to be had on this PPV. Throw in Edge/Dmitri Young and I'm hard-pressed to remember a PPV from the second half of 2005 that was this enjoyable.

The lack of sizzle means that WWE still hasn't regained its status as being "must see" destination viewing.... but if your just looking to sit back, relax, and get a mix of decent-action, decent-humor, decent-drama all rolled into one 3-hour package: hey, Survivor Series 2005 will be your huckleberry.


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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