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OO PPV RECAP
WWE Unforgiven 2006 
September 17, 2006

by Nathan Kyght and Jamie O'Halloran
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

I wish I could tell you that the following preamble would be about something cool.
  
I wish I could tell you, with complete conviction, that I am about to talk about baseball, or week 2 of the NFL. Maybe I could talk about great bands I’ve discovered recently, or the awesomeness that is the latest Robert Pollard solo album I’ve only just found. I could possibly talk about V Fest that happened on Toronto Island last

week, and regale you with tales of The Strokes, or Razorlight. Hell, maybe I could even name check some great books that have come out recently, like “Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs” by Irvine Welsh, or “Down To This” by Shaugnessy Bishop-Stall.

Sure, I could do any of the above, and it’d be interesting.

But instead, I’m going to turn the gay to 11, and talk about RockStar: Supernova.

Yes, I too have tumbled down the slippery slope of lameness that is this supremely shitty, yet tremendously captivating show. We watched for weeks, desperate to hear more nuggets of inanity from Tommy Lee, such as “I wanna showboat, so show me some boat!”. None of us had a fucking clue what he was on about, but dammit, we didn’t need to. We were united as one, pretending to be too cool for school about the whole experiment but secretly wondering when Dilhanna would snap, or if Lukas was actually a drag queen, and not a chicken wing chef from the Hooters about 8 minutes from my front door.

Yes, it was a long dark Summer, and we got through it together, finally landing at the beacon of light that was last Wednesday night. Would it be Icelandic pop Star Magni? “South African nutjob and possible little person” Dilhanna? “Deer in the headlights Billy Idol impersonator” Toby? Or, Christ help us,” what can I say about him that hasn’t been said” Lukas?

Well, we got our answer, didn’t we. And just like that, the whole Summer turned. Suddenly I felt dirty, and used.

I thought we had something together, but now I know that while I expected to have breakfast made in the Morning, and then to be held, they snuck out halfway through the night after pocketing my prescription drugs.

I’ve been had.

And the best part? The band lost a lawsuit to a bunch of never-was’, and have lost the rights to the name “Supernova”. That’s right. The band that sold out the Hard Rock in Vegas on New Years’ Eve did so without a singer, or a name.

Sigh.

And now, the World can wait for Lukas, Gilby, Tommy, and Jason to take the World by storm, sort of. One can only hope we have enough song writing chops involved to churn out something that makes me feel a little cleaner.

Like Guns N Roses “Locomotive”. Or Motley Crue’s “Primal Scream”. Or, just maybe, a certain Metallica song called…….

Unforgiven.

Segue, Bitches.

 

The show opens as always, with an overly dramatic video that presents tonight’s matches as the great conflicts of our time. During said video, it occurs to me that if there were Las Vegas odds on me sleeping with Trish Stratus, they would have to be changed slightly in my favour based on her Geographic proximity to me right now. It’s not much, but it’s something.

Welcome To Toronto’s Air Canada Centre! Welcome to Unforgiven!

We get lots of panning around the arena, with all the Canucks going mental. I have a friend who went to the show, and I sent with him the following sign:

“If Orton Uses A Chinlock, We Riot”

Keep your eyes peeled.

JR and The King welcome us, one and all, give a quick pre hype to the night’s festivities, and then we’re off, with

Johnny Nitro vs. Jeff Hardy for the IC Title

Crowd is hot as hell, and we even get a “Hardy” chant as the opening bell rings (despite his lame yellow and black gloves). Pretty standard stuff for these two, with stalling on the part of Nitro. We blow a spot about 2 minutes in, when Nitro tries for a hip toss, but screws it up royally, leading Jeff Hardy to recover the spot (!) with some flippy shit. Decent thus far, and the crowd is fantastic. Bit more back and forth, mostly of the arm drag variety, and then Nitro gets a near fall with a roll up. We then do more back and forth brawling, mostly forearms and punches, leading to a spot where Nitro powders out, only to eat a slide kick. Hardy then goes for the old “running around the Guardrail” clothesline, which garners him another “Hardy” chant. Back inside, Hardy goes for the top rope but eats a dropkick, and we get ourselves some Heel offense. And by “Heel Offense”, I mean “shitloads of leg locks”. This goes on for a bit, until Nitro misses a corkscrew dive, that leads to the two trading nearfalls. Pretty good so far, at least on par wit their RAW outing recently.

And now it’s getting ace.

Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for a two, then Nitro tosses him up top to attempt a Huricanrana, which fails. Hardy hits the senton. Crowd begins to chant for both guys. Nitro tries to get more leg offense in, but Hardy kicks him into Melina who has jumped up on the ring apron. A bit more of the reversal-flippy leads us to Nitro trying a top rope move, which is countered with a powerbomb from Hardy. Hardy decides to take a breather, possibly to mentally write lyrics for his next theme song, but Melina hits him with her shoe, and Nitro gets the duke.

Your Winner, and STILL IC Champion, Johnny Nitro, in about 20 Minutes

Really good. Apart from one botched spot, the match flowed smoothly, kept the crowd into it, went long enough, and had some really convincing near falls.

So far, so good.

And then?

$40 buys you a trailer for THE MARINE!

Huh.

We have a quick cut to Teddy Long sitting in a skybox watching the show, presumably waiting to sweep in and take John Cena to SmackDown should his Title aspirations fall short. In the back, Cena is giddy at the perceived street cred he’ll gain by having a Black friend. Probably.

Backstage!

Matt Hardy is there, more than likely ‘cause no one notices if he tours with SmackDown or not, and he’s telling his Brother that it’ll all be OK. Cue Lita! Lita tells Matt that he’s a loser, and he can enjoy facing Cena on SD after tonight. Burn!

And back to ringside where we’re ready to go with

Kane vs. Umaga

Estrrrrrrada does a little pre-match mic work, then we get Kane’s standard entrance.

And here we go…

Lots of the punchy-kicky to start, and not a whole hell of a lot else. About 6 people in the crowd start an “Umaga” chant. They bail outside, where they do more of the punchy, and then Umaga gets the advantage after slamming Kane face first into the floor. They head back in, and it’s still all Umaga, who lands a diving headbutt, and then? Yep. Punchy.

Kane musters a brief comeback, more freaking punchy-kicky, and then Umaga lands a Samoan Drop. He heads to the second rope, dives…and misses!

Kane hits a top rope clothesline, then some headbutts, then a belly to belly suplex that sent Umaga to the floor. Kane clotheslines Umaga into the fans, follows him out, and then?

In about 6-7 Minutes, As a Result of a Double Count Out, No One!

Crowd boos the hell out of the finish. We Canadians like our “Raw’s Real Monster” clearly defined.

In all honesty, it wasn’t a disaster, but you won’t be rushing to that chapter of the DVD.

Backstage!

Vince and Shane brag about beating DX this past Monday. They make a crack about Canada relying on their allies to fight for them, unlike how they will work tonight. No one is offended, or otherwise. Zing.

The Spirit Squad vs. The Highlanders for the Tag Titles

They’re getting through these matches quickly tonight, that’s for sure.

Mikey and Kenny are in for the Squad, and we get just about as generic a Tag Match as you could see. They trade back and forth with standard stuff, like armlocks and headbutts. It’s a little dull. Anyway, it goes on like this for a bit, and the crowd is showing zero interest in it. Spirit Squad does the usual nefarious interfering, and then…ah, fuck it. You know what? Remember the last two matches these teams had? This was pretty much exactly the same. It’s not that the wrestlers have no talent, it’s that WWE has given me precisely no reason to care about the outcome. Who the fuck are the other tag teams that are in the hunt? Why should I give a shit?

Anyway, end game comes with one of the SS guys who was not technically involved kicking one of the Highlanders, then Mikey hits a facebuster for the three count.

Your Winners, and STILL Tag Team Champions, The Spirit Squad!

I’ve heard so many rumours that the SS are being broken up soon, but I have the distinct impression that someone realized that you can’t have a tag division with no tag teams. Maybe that’s what Matt Hardy is doing there? Hmmmmm.

Anyway, the match didn’t outright suck, but it was completely forgettable.

But at least they were getting the crowd relaxed for a reason, because up next, is Hell in a Cell.

Degeneration X vs. The McMahons/The Big Show, Hell In A Cell

Standard entrances get us in the cell, and then it all kicks off.

Tons of brawling from all 5 men to start, and Shane and Vince get busted open early on the cage. Crowd is going nuts. Big show keep trying to help, but everytime he’s about to intervene, DX low blow him and go back to beating on the McMahons. More brawling, with a lot of cage related offense. The McMahons are taking all of the punishment, with no back and forth at all. First bit of really nasty comes when Triple H takes a screwdriver to Vince’s head, opening him up even worse. This is really bloody thus far. They roll into the ring, but Big Show finally gets in some offense and slams both members of DX. The McMahons recover while we get DX vs. Show, with show gaining the advantage outside the ring again. Michaels tries a dive over the ropes but Show catches him and slams him outside. Then, as quick as it started, Show gets put out of commission again with a whip to the STEEL STAIRS! DX goes back to punching the McMahons for a bit, until Show gets back into the ring. They all brawl, with Shane and the Big Show coming out on top. It’s all Heels for a bit, as Vince drops elbows on Triple H, and Shawn gets whipped against the cage by Show. Shane grabs a trashcan, and hits the Van Terminator on Triple H, opening him up in the process. Crowd loved the spot. This leads to even more brawling, which builds to a spot where Shane catapaults Triple H from the ringsteps to the cage. In the ring, Vince makes Show hit that Vader bouncing splash of the second rope onto Michaels, and then, just to be a dick, makes him hit the Cobra Clutch chokeslam. Show hits the legdrop, but pulls Michaels up at 2. But it all backfires, as Trips hits the ring and bails Show to the outside. Shane then lands a neckbreaker on Trips, but then walks into an enziguri from Michaels. Really good match so far. McMahon pulls down his pants. For fuckssakes. But wait! That doesn’t go anywhere, as DX keeps-a-rallying, and Vince has to just pull ‘em back up. Awkward. Brief rally by the McMahons, that ends when Show accidentally splashes Vince. They slam Big Show groin first into the ring post, then takes turns beating down Vince and Shane. Michaels wraps a chair around Shane’s neck, then hits an elbow drop on it. Shane bleeds heavily from the mouth. Show tries to come back into it, but gets a concerto between the stairs and a chair for his effort, followed by a superkick. Now it’s time for unnecessary spot theatre. They pull Shows tights to the side and shove Vince’s face into Show’s ass. Yay? Michaels hits the superkick, Trips breaks a sledgehammer across Vince’s head, and that’s all she wrote.

Your Winners, in about Half an Hour, Degeneration X!

Bloody, and fun as hell. The crowd was into it, it was a feel good “Sports Entertainment” segment, and it seemed to mark the end of the feud that would not die.

Good stuff.

Aftr the match they give Vince and Shane the full EMT stretcher treatment.

A nice video package of Trish’s career leads us to

Trish Stratus vs. Lita for the Women’s Championship

Crowd is really hot for this one (as is Trish is some white skin tight thingy. ZING!), and there is genuine emotion involved. The crowd starts a “Thank You Trish” chant. Class. They start slow with some clean breaks, and then pick up the pace. Trish sends Lita outside with the handstand headscissors, then hits a running dive from the apron. They head back into the ring, where Lita gets the advantage with a kick to the stomach, and then by ramming Trish face first into the mat. Trish gets a brief rally with her “Lick my Hand” chops, but eats an elbow while attempting a corner splash. Brief jockeying for positon in the corner, then an attempt by Trish at a Huricanrana goes wrong, and they both fall outside. They fight back up the turnbuckle, and Trish gets shoved to the mat, followed by Lita missing a moonsault. Trish tries for Stratusfaction, but gets tossed outside, then Lita keep the advantage with punchy-kicky back in ring. They now brawl back and forth, with Lita hitting a legsweep. More brawling leads to an awesome sequence, that starts as a sunset flip, but ends with Trish locking Lita in the Sharpshooter. Lita taps. Crowd goes APE SHIT.

Your Winner, and NEW Women’s Champion, Trish, in about 10 minutes.

That was awesome. I can’t do justice to the feel of that match, nor the crowd reactions, nor the excellence JR and King showed on commentary. You really should go out of your way to experience it first hand. A really good match, by any standard, and a fitting way to send off the best Women’s wrestler ever.

After the match, JR and King give a standing O, and they show Lillian Garcia crying. Part of me is crying too. Wait, I meant to think that, and not type it. Fuck.

Backstage!

Todd Grisham is with Randy Orton, totally fucking up the genuine gOOdness in the air. He says that Canada sucks and Trish is a bitch, and he’s gonna totally kick Carlito’s ass. Dipshit.

 

Carlito vs. Randy Orton

Slow start with a “feeling out process”, that descends into punchy-kicky. Crowd is a little dead for this one. They do some more standard offense, then Carlito brings the goods by backflipping over Orton’s offense and then mocking his pose of douchebaggery. Awesome spot sees Carlito hit a senton, roll to the opposite corner, and hit a moonsault. Orton takes a legit elbow in the mouth here, and starts to bleed. Bit more back and forth, until Randall gets the advantage by dropkicking Carlito from the apron to the security wall. The you know what time it is?

Chinlock! No one riots, so my sign has not been taken seriously. Fucking Canadians. Carlito gets out of this, and they trade more of the punchy, then start the sequence of endgame. And it RULES. They take turns blocking neckbreakers in rapid fashion, then Carlito gets caught out of a springboard with an RKO for the, believe it or not, clean win.

Your Winner, in a about 7-8 minutes, Randall.

Decent match, with a great closing sequence. Carlio also continues his undeniable path to the Main Event. But WTF?! This is how Randall gets repaid for getting suspended again? Sigh. At least we know that what Rick is paying me to do this recap is the same as what Vince is paying Randy to do that match. Tyrants, the pair of ‘em.

Well, that’s 6 up and 6 down. Which means the TO crowd better be ready to get Jiggy! Or Something.

Video recap of the feud, and it’s go time

John Cena vs. Edge for the WWE Title, in a TLC Match

 

HUGE ovation for Edge. Absolutely massive. Cena gets a “Cena Sucks” chant before his music even hits. They did the “Big Main Event” ring entrances, where they waited until both men were in the ring.

Match starts with some headlocks and stalling. The crowd boo every move Cena does. Match goes fast paced, with Edge slapping Cena and the two of them brawling outside. Edge tries for a chair, but Cena stops him and they head back inside where Edge gets the advantage with a DDT. Cena sets up two chairs and tries to suplex Edge through them, but Edge counters and Cena gets slammed onto them. Edge brings in the first ladder, but Cena prevents his climb, and they brawl a bit. Edge regains the advantage by kicking the ladder into Cena’s head. Nice spot. The brawl back and forth some more, and Edge gets hiptossed onto a ladder, allowing Cena to get the first table set up. Cena tries to superplex Edge though the table, but Edge sunset flips him and they both go down, but mostly glancing on the corner of the table, and it looks nasty. Edge then powerslams a charging Cena through the table, and Cena bails out. Edge runs up the ladder in the corner and dives on Cena. AWESOME SPOT. Crowd goes nuts, and we get the “Holy Shit” chant. They brawl back inside, with Cena regaining an advantage by folding the ladder around Edge, and stomping it, then punching him some more. Edge taps out, but it ain’t that kinda match, so Cena FU’s the ladder onto Edge. Cena does the “You Can’t See Me” and the 5 knuckle shuffle. Crowd hates it. Edge nails Cena with a vicious chair shot, then puts him on a table, and puts another on top of him so he’s stuck in between. Cena powders out though, and we’re back to stalemate brawling. Cena heads up a HUGE ladder, but Edge leaps from a second ladder and spears him to the mat. Crowd is going insane. Edge tries to climb but Cena is up, so Edge dives onto him. But wait! Cena catches him and throws him onto a ladder. Phew. Cena hits Edge with a chair, and heads up another ladder. He gets one hand on the belt, and Lita hits the ring, shoves the ladder, and Cena falls through a table at ringside. Edge tries to climb, but Cena manages to get into the ring. Lita hits him with a chairshot, and he falls against the ladder, sending Edge over the ropes through a table. Cena FU’s Lita. Edge is back and they both climb the ladder, then Cena Fu’s Edge from the top of the ladder through the double stacked tables from earlier. Holy. SHIT. Cena grabs the Title, and that’s it.

Your Winner, and NEW WWE Champion, in about 25 minutes, John Cena

That was awesome. Violent, fast paced, and both guys worked their asses off. Just friggin’ unbelievable.

A bunch of well-deserved replays, and we’re out.

Overall Thoughts:

Great PPV. Couple of dodgy matches, sure, but the Trish match was great, and the double Main Event delivered. In fact, the ladder match was better than I thought it could be. Hats off, Gentlemen.

And that’s a wrap! I hope you enjoyed another recap with your Canadian Friends, and we’ll see you for No Mercy. If you need us in the meantime, we’ll be slightly to the North, measuring things in Kilometers.


BROWSE THE PPV RECAP ARCHIVES


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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