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Hogan Drives Truck Through Plot Hole
February 19, 2002

by Christopher Robin Zimmerman


QUICK QUOTE: WWF 13.40 (- .15, last year: 15.45, two years ago: 11 5/8)

PICTURE OF THE WEEK: What's all this about free blowjobs? (Courtesy: Albert B. Ching)

WWA: Well, I was GONNA make the ten hour drive to Las Vegas JUST to cover the big pay-per-view for OO, but apparently they're more interested in ONLY having another terribly biased "we NEED to support ALTERNATIVES to the WWF (although I really hated WOW... because it had WOMEN in it)" SKRANT FROM CANADA without the presence of a "CRZ live and in person telling you up close whether it sucked or not" report to balance it out. Also, and I think this is obvious, for whatever reason they just don't *like* Online Onslaught as much as 1wrestling and THAT would be A DAMN SHAME. Still, The Mark has promised to steal at least three lines from me, so you might still want to go to your friend's house and borrow his stolen cable to watch the show. Then afterwards, you can get on the Internet and type "EDDY~!" over and over and pretend to look *really fuckin' cool*.

TONIGHT: Sorry, I slept through it! I know, I can't believe it either! Don't worry - they usually don't give you anything good in the pre-show spot the night after a pay-per-view anyway...

T(O)N(I)G(HT): Hey wait, this isn't TNG! This is - what the hell IS this? "Kickboxer?" Aw GIMME A BREAK

TV-14-DLV - CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

No credits, no pyro - we go straight to STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN, chair in hand, to the ring, four corner pose. Ross says Austin was "figuratively raped," which will make lots of people happy. WE ARE LIVE from the AllState Arena in Chicago, IL President's Day 2002 and transmitido en espanol SAP - Austin back outside, taking the mic from LILIAN GARCIA, and shoving aside MARK YEATON to grab his cooler o' suds. "I'm a little pissed off - I take that back - I'm really pissed off! Last night, I had Chris Jericho right where I wanted him - I told the world I would put his sorry ass right here, drop him, WHAM! Stone Cold Stunner - 1, 2, 3 - Stone Cold - Stone Cold! That's me! Would be the World Wrestling Federation champion. EH EH! I told the damn world what I was gonna do when I had that sumbitch in the middle of this ring, down comes three pieces o' trash to this ring. So since they saw fit to come to the ring last night with Stone Cold Steve Austin in it, I'm tellin' the NWO, Hall, Nash, Hogan, bring your little asses down here right now. Go ahead and bring your asses out here right now, I got all night long. You wanted a piece of Stone Cold Steve Austin last night, how 'bout a piece of Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight? EH EH! Ya little sorry bastards! Hey I got all night long, I can drink all this beer..." At this point, the picture is interrupted and all the colour disappears - must mean that the NWO is out.... BIG & TALL, CLEAN & SOBER and of course welcome back to my recaps YOU KNOW WHO. "In case you didn't hear me, I said bring your asses to this ring! You want some'a Stone Cold? I'll whip every one of your asses, three Stunners, puttin' some stink on it - bring your asses down here." Still on the stage, they huddle up. "No no, there ain't nothin' to think about, there wasn't nothin' for you to run down last night. Hey, while you're doin' your big plannin' thing right there - bring your asses to the ring. You want some'a Stone Cold Steve Austin, I will show you that I am THE LAST son of a bitch that you wanta mess with!" Slow walk to the ring. "About thirty more steps'll do just fine." But they turn round and walk backstage. Hahahaha. "Hey you son of a bitches!! Bring your asses out here right now, you little chicken(shits)!" No sight. "I'll tell ya how it's gonna be, then. You wanna take your asses back there, ain't a sumbitch gonna move Stone Cold Steve Austin from this ring until you bring your asses out here! I will stand here in this ring and drink all my beer until I get a piece of that NWO ass!" Nope. "Ey--" Crowd chants Austin - Austin grabs a beer. "I got all night, and I got two cases o' beer - I gotta steel chair to swing - all you're doin' is pissin' me off more, that's just fine with me." So we take the first ad break before 9.07...

Kurt Angle shills 1-800-CAL-LATT


Austin is still talking when we return. It's a sitdown strike! Yours hosts are a pair of kings, LARRY & JERRY. Austin is making lists while the crowd says "What?" Before we find out just how MUCH beer Austin can drink in two hours, the music hits and KURT ANGLE & FIVE SECURITY DUDES are out. Crowd hits the "you suck" notes. "Austin! What is your problem? Call me crazy, but if someone's gonna take up valuable airtime, it should be someone that maybe - I don't know - is going for a title at WrestleMania?" Austin throws a beer. "Don't do it again.." Another beer. "Hold on a second, Austin. Now I understand you have a gripe, but the fact is last night...YOU BLEW IT! It's MY time now! And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a CRYBABY! That's why I have these gentlemen with me tonight, compliments of Mr. McMahon: private security. And although Mr. McMahon isn't here tonight, he's here in spirit, oh it's true. And before you throw another beer, Austin, I just wanna tell you, not only--" Another beer. "Austin, do you wanna strike an off-duty cop? Because that's what they are. You do it again, and you're goin' to jail. I mean, hold on a second." Another beer tossed. "Austin! I am not kidding! These are off-duty cops, so for once in your life...c'mere guys...stop it right now. For once in your life, do what's right. You get outta that ring, so I can make my announcement. Don't even try it, Austin, these are off-duty cops. I am not kidding." "Ass hole!" "Shut up. Stay here, stay here. Austin, get out of the ring. This is my time now, Austin." He ain't movin'. "Austin...get out of the ring." Austin gives him the finger. "I'm gonna ask you one more time, Austin. One more time. No, I'm gonna TELL you. Get out of the ring." Austin makes a Walter Matthau face. Angle between the ropes. "You suck" chant. "Now Austin...if you're not getting out of the ring, fine. Be that way, because I'm gonna make my announcement anyway, with you in the ring. I don't care. At ease, officers. Okay? All he wants is attention. Now, folks...people, I have an announcement. I, Kurt Angle, hereby having beaten Triple H at No Way Out - for the record - will go to WrestleMania and become the Undisputed champion, because if anyone deserves it, it's me - oh, it's--" Austin's up and this point and takes down Angle with a spear - and gets some punches down before the security storms the ring - Austin takes the first guy who grabs him and decks HIM with a right...that's probably a bad idea. Austin is quickly subdued as batons are drawn. "Austin - Austin! You're finished! You're finished, Austin! You're goin' to JAIL! I told you they were off-duty cops - you're goin' to JAIL! And I'm goin' to WrestleMania. What? I'm going to WrestleMania. What? How're those handcuffs, Austin? Huh. What? Look who's goin' to jail. I TOLD you! You can go to jail in Chicago, Austin, because Your Olympic Hero is goin' to WrestleMania! Nobody does that to me! Take him away! Take him away! Let's go! Let's go. Take him away. Take him away. Are you listening to me, take him away. Let's go!" Slowly, they get Austin to the ropes. "Nobody, Austin." Crowd starts chanting again. "No I don't suck, 'cause I'm goin' to WrestleMania! And he's goin' to jail!" Finally out of the ring. "Get his ass outta here!" Austin tries one more kick to Angle. "'bye, Austin! So long, what? See ya later!"

Fear Factor spot - next Monday! "Check local listings" means "we can't say NBC on this station!"

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago

During the Break, Austin was loaded into a black and white...as the NWO looked on. Hall made sure to walk up to the car and shout "Hey, Have a nice night!" The car drives away...

HARDY BOYZ (with Cheata - and RAW is brought to you by nikerunning.com, Stacker 2, and truth) v. LANCE STORM & CHRISTIAN - Well, they're REALLY saving money on pyro tonight - by using Storm's music and video, they've now escaped TWO expensive fireworks displays. Storm and Matt start - lockup, arm wringer by Storm, reversed back, right by Hardy, right,knee by Storm, pounding him down. Into the ropes, hiptoss block, Storm blocks one - gutshot by Matt, off the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker. Tag to Jeff SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL. Into the corner, Poetry in Motion. GOOD OL' JR calls the Hardyz' opposition "Christian & Edge." Jeff gives Christian a dropkick, then goes back to Storm - double leg, speaking in tongues legdrop. Kick in the corner, kick. Into the opposite corner is reversed - Jeff stairsteps to the top...but Christian pulls him off, causing the crash landing on the turnbuckle. Matt starts the chase around the ring after Christian, causing referee "Blind" Jack Doan to leave the ring after him...allowing for a doubleteam in the ring on Jeff - Storm rolls out without a tag. GOOD OL' JR actually says "We don't mean to disrespect the action in the ring" with a straight face. (That's a poor choice of words, Z.) Hey, don't detract from my point, please. Christian with a kick in the gut. Grabs the belt to pull him away from his corner. Fireman's carry...into a gutbuster for 2. To the abdominal stretch...and pounding on the ribs to boot. Commentators suggest that Christian's trying to exploit an injury suffered as a result of the 3D on the concrete from last night. Jeff (3) elbows out - into the ropes, dropkick but Christian hooks the ropes. Jeff manages an inside cradle for 2. Christian again grabs the belt, pulls him to Storm and makes the tag. Doubleteam on the abdomen. Oops, Storm audibly calls him a "piece of shit" and the censor didn't hear it. Jeff right, right, Storm ducks the next one and manages a drop toehold. Storm holds the leg, but Jeff hits the enzuigiri - HOT TAG! Christian in, he gets a right, right, Storm gets a right, back body drop for Christian, Storm reverses the whip but Matt gets the boot up, sitout clothesline out. Jeff back over - tandem Russian legsweep/sitout clothesline and Matt gets 2 on Christian before Storm breaks it up. Jeff throws him out, wants a pescado followup but nobody's home and he goes SPLAT. Matt with a right, off the ropes and Storm trips him - slop drop by Christian (GOOD OL' JR: "Unprettier!") - 1 , 2, NO! Cue the tantrum. Storm attempts to get Christian on point, but Jeff drops him off the apron, then Lita climbs the STEEL steps to give him the Cheatacanrana on the floor. Christian is STILL stamping about - finally he tries to put Matt in the Unprettier (Lawler: "Unprettier!") , only to have Matt reverse into a Twist of Fate - Jeff with a swantonbomb - Matt covers - 1, 2, 3! (4:36)

In the office, Stephanie - no.

Tazz shills Stacker 2.

What happened right before the ads, I should probably mention, was Flair barged in and said he decided to book ANOTHER Angle/Triple H matchup for the WrestleMania title shot - tonight - and if Stephanie interfered, the decision would automatically go to Triple H. Okay.

Wow, I'm really uninterested in seeing eight hooks in that dude's back. Lawler mispronounces Criss Angel as one of Kurt's brothers.

Look! It's the parking lot of the Allstate Arena! Hey, that's the Cubs Fan breaking into that other guy's car!

Undertaker is WALKING! He wants directions to Flair's office. Don't stammer around the Reaper! "WAS THAT SO HARD?! DAMN!!"

Commentators ejaculate

Flair's on the phone (to ME) when Taker interrupts. Flair puts up his dukes. "Flair! What, you think I come here to kick your ass? I OUGHTA kick your ass - that was wrong, man, you hit me in the head with that pipe last night." "That was just me bein' a man." "Oh you a MAN now, I guess you think we're even, huh? Naw, we're not even. We're not even 'til *I* say we're even! See, I came here, I was gonna take your ass out into the lot and beat you down, man, but no no no no no no I thought about it - I got something a lot better for you. On the grandest stage of 'em all, I want your ass in the ring at WrestleMania. We're gonna see what kinda man you are, 'cause I'm gonna beat you down, and I'm gonna beat you down for the world to see." "I told you last Monday night, no one respects you more than me." "I don't NEED your damn respect." "You're the flagship of the World Wrestling Federation. Ten years ago, I might have been in that ring with you. But not now, man - I'm an owner...I'm concentratin' on bein' an owner. I'm not a wrestler." "Are you not gonna fight me?" "No, I'm not gonna wrestle ya." ".......all right. Well I'll just have to see what I can do to change your mind." And he slowly backs away...

When was the last time we had four ad breaks *this* close together at the beginning of a show? Damn, it must be SWEEPS MONTH

And now, Sour Skittles presents a WrestleMania Moment! From WrestleMania XV, (Big Fat) Kane gives Pete Rose a (very speeded up) tombstone piledriver.

With Austin in jail, the NWO is ready to get some grub. Just before Hogan gets in the limo, though, he says he's got something personal that he needs to do. Bring the limo back in about a half. Hall calls Hogan "T-bone" - huh?

MR. PERFECT v. KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT - Perfect misses the gum swat, then throws his towel after it...or else he was aiming for somebody... "It's GREAT to be back in the WWF! And it's great to be in practically my own backyard, Chicago, Illinois. And as I look around at the people, and at the crowd, I stop and I see BRIAN URLACHER - Chicago Bears! What a great season the Chicago Bears had! Whoa whoa whoa - it was *almost* a Perfect season...but you failed in the playoffs. YOU LOST! I WIN! I'M MR. PERFECT! You're like my opponents here in the WWF, you're IMPerfect!" The wall of flame provides a response. Perfect (again?) tosses the towel at Urlacher. Here we go! Gobehind by Perfect, back elbow by Kane. Perfect ducks the swing, side headlock - Kane powers out, shoulderblock as Perfect comes off the ropes. Kane right, into the ropes, big boot - Perfect with the superball bounce. Uppercut and Perfect sails over the top to the outside. Kane wants to put him in the post, but Perfect blocks and posts Kane instead. Uppercut by Perfect, chop, right, everybody back in as referee "Blind" Teddy Long gets to 3. The ring is ensconced in fog, sound the horn. Running clothesline by Perfect, rolling neck snap. Kane stands right up. Perfect is too busy taunting Urlacher - choke by Kane! Perfect is out with a right, right, right. Into the ropes is reversed, head down, Perfect wants the Perfectplex, but Kane punches out of THAT with two rights - big clothesline. Into the corner, sidewalk slam by Kane. Going up top for the flying clothesline that doesn't connect until his feet hit the mat. Choke...Perfect tries to block - nope - chokeslam! 1, 2, 3. (2:11)

Hollywood Hogan is WALKING! As he walks by, he says "Rock his world."

Tough Enough 2 ad

Now I'm interested in how many ad breaks they can squeeze into this hour...

Catch the WWF LIVE! Tomorrow: Rockford! Saturday: Buffalo! Sunday: Manchester (SOLD OUT!) RAW: Providence (SOLD OUT!) and Tuesday: Boston

TONIGHT: #1 Contender Match - Triple H vs. Kurt Angle...if you paid to see this match, you're a chump - the picture suddenly statics out to black and white as

YOU KNOW WHO strums his air guitar to the ring. Well, this'll probably take us to the top of the hour. "Ho Gan!" chant. Front row is salaaming. Hogan has the look of a man who can't believe it. "You know guys, it feels GREAT to be back in this ring, in the WWF. I mean, the WWF made Hulk Hogan a legend. And it even feels greater tonight to be out here in front of you WWF fans, right here tonight, I mean, we've been through everything together. If I reminisce and I think back, I mean we've fought the Russians, man, we fought the monsters - I mean, my God, we even took Andre the Giant, God bless his soul...seven hundred pounds of Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III - you and I, we took Andre the Giant, we pressed him over our heads, and we slammed him. I mean my God, we've done it all together. But you know somethin'? Something happened. And then you people turned on me. I mean, why did you start takin' Hulk Hogan for granted? I never wanted to leave the WWF, I wanted to stay here in the WWF. I wanted to end my career here in the WWF. --cha gonna do?" See, the crowd said "What?" so he...okay. "I mean, suddenly, you didn't have any more respect for Hulk Hogan. Suddenly, you drove me out - the WWF fans drove me out of the WWF. It's just like what you people did to Michael Jordan in Chicago. You took Michael Jordan - you took Michael Jordan for granted, and you drove him outta the - outta Chicago, that's exactly what the WWF fans, what you did to me. Ever since you fans drove me out of the WWF, I've had something I've wanted to say, and now that I'm back in the WWF, thanks to Mr. Vince McMahon...there's only one thing that I've gotta say to you WWF fans. YOU CAN KISS MY ASS. I'M the reason all of you people are here, I'm the one that put the WWF on the map, I'M the one that made wrestling as big as it is today. That's right, there's nobody in this business that's a bigger icon than I am, there's nobody in this business that's sold out more arenas than I have, there's nobody in this business that'll go down in the history books other than Hollywood Hulk Hogan, and to lay it out nice and straight for all you WWF fans that drove me out of the WWF - I'm the biggest star, past or present, in the wrestling world today, and there'll never, ever be a bigger star in the wrestling business than Hollywood Hulk Hogan!" "IF YA SMELL..." Well here we go. THE ROCK is out for a rebuttal. Two corners and a mic - and also the RAW credits and transmitido en espanol, TV-14-DLV and CC boxes. That's why we had five breaks earlier - for this match-- err, interview confrontation...thing. Rock removes his sunglasses. "FINALLY the Rock HAS COME BACK to Chicago! Hulk Hogan and the Rock, in the same ring. Who would have thought that they would've ever seen....Hogan, and the Rock. Hulk Hogan, the Rock heard what you were saying in the back, the Rock was listening, and the Rock agrees with you... on some things. But let the Rock ask you something: do you really think that it was the fans? Do you actually think that it was the people that drove you out of the WWF? Is that what you think?" "That's exactly what--" "It doesn't matter what you think!! The only thing that matters is you realise, it was not the people that drove you out of the WWF, no no no, no, they *loved* you! They *believed* in you! And, dammit, the Rock BELIEVED in YOU! But you know what happened? It was years after years after years. It was years after years of you eating the vitamins, saying the prayers, ripping your T-shirt off, running wild over everyone, 'What'cha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild over you?' Oh, the Rock'll tell ya - the Rock'll tell you what the people did - after all that, the people ran - they ran all right - they ran right to the toilet, pulled their pants down, took one big HulkaCRAP every time you opened your mouth! You know what? The Rock will say this about you, Hollywood Hulk Hogan: you are, without a shadow of a doubt, a legend - you are, without a shadow of a doubt, an icon - quite possibly, the best ever. And seeing as you ARE back in the WWF because of Vince McMahon, the Rock has one thing to say: you talk about headlining, main eventing WrestleMania after WrestleMania after WrestleMania. Well, Hulk Hogan, the Rock says how do you feel about main-eventing one more WrestleMania...with the Rock?" We pause for the staredown. "Rock E" chant. "Ho Gan" chant! Dueling chants! GOOD OL' JR: "This is a moment!" Me: "It'd be a better moment if you'd just SHUT UP for a minute" "You know something, Rock...they've got a name - a phrase for guys like you. It's called 'flavour of the month.' Oh yeah, I've seen a lotta guys like you come and go - they're a dime a dozen. What makes you think you're even in my league? What makes you think you're even close to being as big a star as I am?" Rock is annoyed by Hogan's finger in his chest. "What makes you--" Rock puts up a hand for him to talk to - then shuts it. "Yes...or no? Let the Rock paint a picture for you. The fantasy matchup no one would have ever thought they could have ever seen. The fantasy matchup that transcends this industry. The fantasy matchup that will determine who will go down in history as being the absolute best - EVER. But you know what? Maybe it's...." Rock pauses for another "Rock E" chant. "You know what? Maybe it's not up to you to decide. Maybe it's not up to the Rock to decide. Maybe, just maybe, it's up to...the people. At WrestleMania, do you people want to see the Immortal Hulk Hogan go one on one with the Great One?" Rock makes a laboured, mocking attempt to cup his hand to his ear - and goes to three sides of the ring. "Yes...or no?" Hogan looks this way and that. Hey shut up, GOOD OL' JR! "Yes. You know, Rock...they are right. It'll be a pleasure to kick your ass at WrestleMania. So I say, let's do it." He offers the hand. Rock finally takes it. "And by the way, Rock...good luck (pulls him close) 'cause you're gonna need it." Hogan tries to walk away, but Rock still has his hand. "Not as much as you...(pulls him close)...brother." ROCK BOTTOM! Play his music! Hogan stays down while Rock hits two corners. Any more? Nope, Rock is out and back up the ramp. But before he leaves, BIG & TALL & CLEAN & SOBER emerge and punk him out. Back to the ring we go, where Hogan is back up. Hogan cups his ears to all four sides of the building, then whips Rock with his weight belt. WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! Hall and Nash hit the ring...RAZOR'S EDGE!!! Hall does the "me me me" dance. Now Hogan and Hall make the big point to Nash...jackknife powerbomb! Hogan goes outside and under the ring...and finds a toolbox. Grabbing a hammer, Hogan comes back in as Hall and Nash hold him up...Hogan puts the hammer right to the back of Rock's neck! Hogan winds up...LEGDROP!! Hogan hooks the leg as Hall drops down to count - and listen to the crowd count "1, 2, 3!" They hit the music as Hogan leaves again to find some spray paint. "NWO - 2 SWEET" on Rock's back. The NWO bask in the moment. As they leave, the EMT's come out. Replay of Hall and Nash giving Rock the right hand. Rock's on the gurney as we go to the break...

When we come back, Rock is on the back board and being wheeled into the ambulance...and off they go. Three different cameras watch the ambulance as it leaves...

...catching a black semi blocking the way. The ambulance stops as a limo pulls behind it. It's the NWO, and they've got crowbars. Hogan lets the EMT's get out, then he and Nash take out every window in the ambulance as Hall makes with the chains to lock it up tight. "He wanted me to bring it, guys - he's gonna wish I took it back." Hogan says it's time for Plan A - he gets back in the truck...oh man. "I'm gonna lay the smack down on his crippled ass, NWO style!" Here it comes...and the truck PLOWS into the ambulance! Then he goes back for a second shot! He's not done - a THIRD ramming! Nash takes a look in the back as Hogan emerges from the truck. Hogan takes a look...and the expression on his face changes. They decide to hightail it. Back in the car and peeling out. The cameraman runs back to the wreckage...

Kurt Angle shills 1-800-CAL-LATT

When we come back, the EMT's are trying to get to Rock, but the door's jammed. They call for another ambulance and some firefighters...

Back to the commentators for some "real life" voices.

GODFATHER (with six - no, three escorts) v. BOOKER TIO - Poor Godfather is a victim of tragic timing - his ladies are too concerned about the Rock to do their bit. Let's see if he gets in one move this week. Lockup, to the corner - referee "Blind" Tim White gets them separated, and T throws a right as it happens. Chop, right, chop, right, right, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, White pulls him off. The escorts are in deep discussion - probably about the Rock. T with a right. Into the ropes, reversed, back elbow by Godfather. Big elbowdrop...misses. Side kick by T. Right hand, chop, into the ropes, Harlem sidekick DUCKED, Godfather with a stiff-sounding lariat. Stomp. Into the ropes, sidewalk slam. Godfather notices his women are distacted - that may distact him. Right for T, right, right, into the ropes, no - T reverses with the gutshot. Checks his hand...off the ropes but Godfather powerslams him! Godfather dances about and throws a legdrop. It's time once again for everybody...no, Godfather stops short and turns back to the women. "Hey! Hey! I think ya'll need to pay attention to what I'm doing!" Oops, right into the Harlem sidekick. 1, 2, 3. (LA 2:13) Godfather yells at his women while T makes a Stevie Ray face

Back outside, where the police are on the scene - well NOW things are in control! Firefighters work on prying open a door while others continue to allude to a "fuel leak"

I guess we know where the pyro budget went this week, eh?

Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey it's the Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz - from No Way Out, the APA defeat Billy & Chuck to get the WrestleMania tag team title shot - no boots are used

Commentators reveal that the camera crews have been asked to move way back out of concern for a possible fire, so we won't be able to go back there for a while

GOLDUST and WILLIAM REGAL v. POINTS TO SELF and KING EDGE - van Dam is CONCERNED ABOUT THE ROCK!! apparently. Pier Four Brawl to start but the heels take over - until the double reverse on the double whip leads to a collision, followed by a double Viscera. Regal goes out - it's van Dam on Goldust - kick, elbow, elbow, kick, whip is reversed but van Dam gets the elbow up. Jumping back kick, backflip press, 2. Elbow, kick, off the ropes, head down, Goldust drops down for the uppercut to turn it around - BIG clothesline. Tag to Regal, held open for the kick. Elbow by Regal, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, van Dam ducks, crossbody off the ropes gets van Dam just 2. Regal with a knee to double him over, knee off the ropes, tag. Into the ropes, buttbutt. Right, right, right, right. Referee "Blind" Brian Webber having trouble enforcing the closed fist rule. van Dam's head meets the buckle. van Dam climbs up and inhales. Right, right, right, right, right. Into the opposite corner, snapmares him out, drops the hammer and gets 2! van Dam tries to punch back, but Goldust rakes the face. Off the ropes, van Dam up and over, catches the kick, stepover kick. Edge would really like to get in this match - tag to Regal, HOT TAG to Edge! Clothesline, clothesline! One for Goldust, back to Regal, to the second rope for a missile dropkick - 1, 2, Goldust breaks it up. van Dam in - he and Goldust go out as Edge whips Regal into the corner - Regal stops short but turns back to take the SPEAR! Edge grabs a leg - whoa, variant of the standing figure four, and Regal taps out! (3:32) Goldust tries a clothesline after the match, but Edge ducks and gives HIM a SPEAR! Edge stomps away until Goldust rolls outside. Regal's back up, so van Dam gives him a top rope kick. Play van Dam's music!

We come back just in time to see the second ambulance drive off. No look at the Rock, alas.

Earlier Tonight, the Rock had a bad day - feel GOOD OL' JR's righteous indignation!

MICHAEL KING COLE asks Kurt Angle if, after what's happened tonight, he'll still be able to concentrate on his match. Angle is noticably somber. "I don't know, Michael. I mean, you saw it earlier. That's the worst news of the year. It's shocking, to SEE that. I mean...Ric Flair, makin' this match tonight, after I beat Triple H last night? Give me a break! And to ban Stephanie from ringside...I mean, that's not right. YOU saw it." "Kurt, Kurt...I was talking about the Rock." "Oh. Well, yeah, I feel bad. I feel horrible for the Rock. But at least he didn't have a title shot at WrestleMania, *I* did! But you know what? I'm gonna make this right. I'm gonna beat Triple H tonight and I'm gonna end this on a good note! This night is gonna end on a good note. And I'm goin' to WrestleMania with that title shot! Oh it's true!"

MR. JERICHO joins the commentary team

UP NEXT: Kurt Angle vs. Triple H!

Here's a look at the wwf.com homepage - thanks for shelling out, you SUCKERS

"Hey JR! Jericho beat Austin WHAT? Jericho beat Austin WHAT? Jericho beat Austin WHAT? Ha ha ha! STILL the Undisputed champion and living legend, Chris Jericho! Let's not get into specifics about the NWO; all that matters is that I'm still champion, and Austin is not."

KURT ANGLE (with WrestleMania X8 is presented by Sour Skittles!) v. THE NEW MAN to determine the #1 Contender - Angle knows all well that H wants to make like a whale's blowhole on the apron, so he tries to attack him in mid-entrance - but H is wise to it, slips the punch, right, right, right, right - what, did the SWALLOW that water? Perish the thought! Through the ropes, but Angle pounds him - stomp, stomp, stomp, and we're all outside. Chop, chop, chop. H blocks the head to the barricade, elbows, and puts Angle's head there instead. Right, right, into the STEEL steps is reversed and H hits hard. I can't quite hear referee "Blind" Mike Chioda's count but I'm pretty sure it's nowhere NEAR 10. Everybody back in the ring - Angle right, right, right, right, kick, kick, right, kick, kick, kick, kick. Big vertical suplex. Jericho: "Hey, JR, let me ask you a question. How sad were that Austin didn't win the championship yesterday? When you were carried his bags out of the arena, were you crying? AW COME ON you follow him around like a puppy!" 1, 2, H kicks out. Field goal kick by Angle. Stomp. Field goal kick. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. H manages the comeback - right, right, right...off the ropes but Angle buries the knee to turn it back. Stomp. Scoops him up - backbreaker. Cover - 1, 2, no. Right hand, kick, kick, right, right, right, kick, Chioda pulls him off. Angle brings him back up - right - into the ropes, buries the knee again. Cover - 2. Abdominal stretch! You know, I wouldn't be surprised if Angle looked for some leverage - YES! Top rope - but lets go just in time to avoid being caught by Chioda. Again, Angle goes to the rope - and again the top rope mysteriously shakes but Chioda can't prove anything. A third time, Angle takes hold of the rope - this time, Chioda walks around behind Angle and catches him, looking for a break...but H reverses to an abdominal stretch of his own! Angle manages a hiptoss to break it. H runs in with a clothesline - Angle ducks and grabs the waistlock, but H manages to counter the suplex with three elbows - Angle ducks the next swing, then hits a belly-to-belly suplex - hooks the leg, 1, 2, NO! Miscommunication on the whip fails, but Angle still pulls him into a belly-to-belly for 2. Hooks the leg again - 1, 2, no. Angle back on him - right, right, right, shoulder in the gut, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder. Angle backs up to build up a head of steam - but H steps aside and Angle goes straight into the ringpost! Give that a Sour Skittles Replay. While Angle feels it on the outside and H recovers on the inside, the fans all turn their backs to watch some excitement in the stands. Angle back in - H with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, whip is reversed but H ducks the clothesline - and there's a neckbreaker! Crowd lets up a mighty roar at whatever's taking place in the stands. H right, right, into the ropes, head down, Angle kicks. Angle off the ropes, H ducks, high knee by H, 1, 2, no. Gutshot, DDT by HHH! 1, 2, NO! In the corner, kick, kick, kick, shoves off Chioda, whip is reversed by Angle but H pulls up just short of colliding with the official. H turns back - Angle with a gutshot, right, right, whip is reversed and Angle hits the corner - Angle comes out and falls into a spinebuster - H covers - 1, 2, NO! Into the ropes, reversed, head down, H with the facebuster. Crowd boos at whatever's taking place in the stands. H gutshot, wants the Pedigree, no, Angle with a double leg, WOW Catapult and H hits the turnbuckle. Both men are down - both men up at 2. Angle ducks the swing and gives H a death suplex. Angle staggers back up - he's going up top to try that moonsault - nope, H is up after him - ELECTRIC CHAIR! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO!! H takes a long while arguing the count with Chioda. Chance enough for us to take another Sour Skittles Replay. H runs in on Angle, who ducks and dumps him over the top rope to the floor! Jericho taunts Triple H from his chair. Angle's out after him - H with a gutshot - but then runs right into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex from Angle!! Angle puts H's head into the table, then starts talking trash to Jericho. Jericho rises from his seat - which brings out Chioda to stand between them. While Chioda's back is turned, Angle grabs the big gold belt and CLOCKS Triple H! Angle drags H into the ring and covers - leg is hooked - the ref is STILL talking with Jericho - in late - 1, 2, NO!!! Angle is LIVID. Angle grabs a waistlock and hits a German suplex - make it two - make it THREE. DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Angle has the left leg - ANGLELOCK! H can only scream and chew his gum. Reaching for the ropes - no - makes a lunge and DOES get it! Angle and Chioda have another brief discussion. Angle in - H pulls his head into the turnbuckle! Did Chioda just give a "one minute" cue? I think he did! Gutshot - Pedigree - NO - Angle grabs a leg and rolls into the Anglelock again! H manages to roll Angle over and out of it! Ducks the Angle clothesline - gutshot - PEDIGREE - 1, 2, 3! (12:01) Well, Triple H is going to WrestleMania - man, what a GUTSY call! Jericho stands atop the commentary table and brandishes his belts. Everybody stares as the Raw Zone credits are up. WWF logo means WEEEEEEEE OUUUT


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