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THE CRZ RAW RECAP
Ad Nauseum
June 25, 2002

by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
SlashWrestling.com/OnlineOnslaught.com

 

RUSSO: Man, I'm sure glad I waited before I said anything.

QUICK QUOTE: WWF 13.55 (- .89, last year: 12.42, two years ago: 17)

TONIGHT: Like the sign said, he's the Next Big King, and Brock Lesnar's coronation is tonight! Also....probably some other stuff! Come back soon!

T(O)N(I)G(HT): I mean, I like Bok and all, but did he REALLY think this was gonna WORK?

TV-14-DLV-CC - Attitude - Entertainment - WW!

Opening Credits

SLEEPYRO! Coming atcher LIVE from the Gund Arena in Cleveland, OH 24.6.2 and transmitido en espanol SAP on the new TNN and TSN - it's RAW, and look what we got here

MOST OF THE RAW SUPERSTARS surround the ring, on the apron. We've got Bubba Ray Dudley, Trish Stratus, Linda Miles (wait - she's on RAW now? Ummmm), Terri, William Regal, Chris Nowinski, Rob van Dam, Spike Dudley, Bradshaw, Steven Richards, Shawn Stasiak, Goldust, Booker T, Molly Holly, Jacqueline, Matt & Jeff Hardy, Tommy Dreamer, Eddie Guerrero, D-Lo Brown, Crash, Justin Credible and Raven. Well that's not REALLY all of them, is it? I guess we'll learn more soon as BILLIONAIRE VINCE heads to the ring. "Many of you superstars in the past have asked me a question I'm gonna answer tonight. There's no question that each and every single one of you know that I (Vincent Kennedy McMahon) am an unqualified success! Many of you in the past have asked me, 'Mr. McMahon, what's your secret? What is it that makes you the successful man that you are?' and tonight I'm going to share that very secret with each and every one of you. More than any one quality that makes me the successful man that I am, I would have to say that one quality is...RUTHLESS AGGRESSION. Years ago, I took on every wrestling promoter throughout North America, I kicked every one of their asses and *why?* Not because I was an (asshole), no no - BECAUSE of ruthless aggression. In a court of law, shut up, in a court of law, I took on the United States of America, and I kicked her ass because of ruthless aggression. I took on WCW, it took me a while, but I kicked THEIR asses and bought the company, because of ruthless aggression! So what I wanna know here tonight, as you stand here on my ring, which one of you has that quality? Who among you has that one single ingredient? Who has enough...ruthless aggression? Who has enough ruthless aggression to reach for the stars as never before? Who has enough ruthless aggression to excel beyond their wildest dreams? Who has enough ruthless aggression to make the necessary sacrifices of mind, body and soul in order to be a success in this company? By God, that's what we're gonna find out here tonight. That one single ingredient, and I can tell you all this: there's one person who is not standing out here who unquestionably has the necessary ruthless aggression - and that man is the King of the Ring, Brock Lesnar. Brock didn't give a damn how he won the King of the Ring, nor should he - he won because of...ruthless aggression! Does that bother you, RVD? Does it bother you, huh? It damn well should, and I know it does. Bubba Ray Dudley, at the King of the Ring, you wanted to make a name for yourself, so what'd you do? You went out and interfered in the Guerrero/Flair match, and Ric Flair was victorious because of you. So tonight, let's find out how much...ruthless aggression you have when you go one on one in this ring with Eddie Guerrero. Oh look at this, whoa whoa whoa, lookit this. Why it's Mr. Extreme! Why it's, it's Jeff Hardy! You've been buzzing about The Undertaker for the last several weeks - you're not gonna buzz any longer. It won't be for the title, pal, but tonight, you and The Undertaker, one on one in this ring. And just for the record, you're (points to Matt) barred from ringside. All I wanna know is who among you wants it. That's all I'm askin' - who among you wants to become a superstar? Who among you is the next legend? Who among you wants it? Because if you don't want it, I damn sure don't want any of you!" 

Vince goes to leave the ring, but just before he gets to the ropes, some familiar music hits and out bounds the NWO. Michaels is first. "Hey Vin Man! I cannot apologise enough for our tardiness - I'm sorry we're late. You know I couldn't help but to hear ya and I think about your...ruthless aggression and, well, that personifies only one group more than ever. And when it comes to all the things you've said that pertains to everyone down there...but none of us up here. So since we're bein' honest, and that's my middle name, you have got no bigger and no better superstars than the N-W-Ohhhhhhh. So, we would like to take this opportunity to extend our services to ya, if you need us to take out some o' that TRASH down there, you just give us a call." 

Nash: "And if anybody down there's got a problem with that - I don't know, how about headlining a couple WrestleManias and then giving us a shout?" 

Booker T hits the ring and swipes McMahon's mic. "You want headlines - you want headlines? I'll give you some headlines. 'NWO / has got to go / they ain't stars / they just blow.'" Goldust hits the ring. "You think you boys are tight? There is nobody tighter than Booker T and Goldust in the WWE! We are the boys! We are homies! And by God, hell, we're practically married!" 

"Now what the hell is wrong witchoo? Man, we ain't married, coupled, do you get me? I'll tell you what - you want some, I'll give it to you right here tonight. Any one o' them suckas, in the ring, with The Book, tonight, in this ring!" 

Vince takes the mic back. "All right, uh...I appreciate that, but see, you have to understand that it won't be one on one, Booker T vs. Shawn Michaels, I can tell you that. Shawn Michaels is an icon in this business! Shawn Michaels possesses the very quality I'm asking if, do you have here tonight? He possessess...ruthless aggression! Michaels earned his bones a long time ago, it won't be Michaels. And I'll tell you who else it won't be - it won't be - it won't be Kevin Nash. Oh yeah, maybe - maybe it will soon, as soon as Nash is over the injury, the bicep tear, he's back in the ring, and by the way, big man, if you (Kevin Nash) don't live up to expectations, you could be joining the unemployment line with your buddy Scott Hall." Nash scratches his nose with his middle finger to send the internet a-twitter. "Look, all I'm saying tonight is I simply want you to do one thing. If you have it in you, and if wanna get it out of you, all you gotta do is just reach up, reach up and dammit, take it!" 

T takes the mic again. "You damn skippy, I'm gon' take it! I'm as sure as the NWO gettin' their ass kicked by this freak right here--" Vince takes back the mic. "I'll tell you what you gonna take. You don't tell me. Tonight, in this ring, we're gonna have ourselves a tag team match. And it's gonna be X-Pac and The Big Show...against you and your very close personal friend Goldust." T swipes the mic. "You know what, Vince--" Vince swipes it back. "And just for the record, Kevin Nash and Shawn, no interference, pal - barred from ringside." T swipes the mic again. "I can dig that." Walks off - walks back. T (and crowd): "Suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Hey, I think Booker T got over! Play his music! T consults his hand and busts out the breakdancing.

Where's the SmackDown! crew headed? Tomorrow, it's Chicago! Saturday, Providence! Sunday, Augusta (Maine), Monday is Portland (Maine) and next Tuesday is Boston!

BRADSHAW (hardcore champion) & SPIKE DUDLEY (combined weight 442 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI & WILLIAM REGAL (European champion) (combined weight inaudible [500] pounds)
referee: CHARLES ROBINSON
Lawler displays the 2000 Harvard yearbook - he's in it (Nowinski's middle name is "John") - while we look at that, Spike lands on Regal and Nowinski - whether jumping on his own or tossed, who knows. Nowinski tossed in and here we go - clubbin' forearm by Bradshaw, into the ropes is reversed, head down, forearm by Bradshaw, chop, right, chop, right, gutshot, DDT. 1, 2, kickout. Into the ropes, shoulderblock. Head to the buckle. Knee, forearm in the back, right, big boot, into the ropes, Nowinski ducks, crossbody caught for the contractually obligated fallaway slam. Knee, tag to Dudley, off the ropes with a forearm smash. Right, but Nowinski gets in a shot, pulling Spike through the ropes to the floor and then letting Regal work him over while he has Bradshaw distract Robinson. Dudley thrown back in - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp by Nowinski. Scooped up on the shoulder - and down into a shoulderbreaker (or backbreaker that missed) across the knee - 1, 2, no. Tag to Regal - held open for the kick, forearm across the back, double kneelift, snapmare, knee across the face, 1, 2, no. Tag to Nowinski. Clubberin'. Into the corner - Spike elbow Regal, punches Nowinski, repeat, crawls through Nowinski's legs and makes the tag! Right for you, right for you, right for you, big boot for Regal, into the ropes, back elbow, into the ropes, big boot, lariat for Nowinski. Regal goes into his trunks but Dudley is over to stop him - gutshot - Dudley 'dog attempt is shaken off and Dudley is tossed to the floor. Bradshaw leaves Nowinski to hit the Hades lariat on Regal, but Nowinski sneaks up from behind, hooks the tights and gets the 1, 2, 3. Ummm, doesn't that make him the hardcore champion? (2:46) You know, that sort of lack of attention reminds me of something..... Anyway, your "ruthless aggression" count for this match: 3 (all by Lawler)

Vince tells Sergeant Slaughter that he's going to start weeding out the roster one by one, week by week. Tommy Dreamer and Raven (who "used to be big stars in one of the companies I put out of business") are booked in a match where "the loser will never again appear on RAW." Sarge is dispatched to spread the news, and we follow Vince into the Room of Fun, where Tough Enough's Jackie is waiting. Vince tells her that she and Molly Holly are booked against Trish Stratus and Linda Miles - still no mention of why Linda is on RAW. Jackie promises to win the golden thong award, then removes her raincoat to show off her, as Vince says, "wow." Unfortunately (?), Vince's leer turns to shock - we turn back to see Undertaker. Jackie quickly excuses herself. "You upset? You got that look on your face." "Yeah, Vince, I'm upset. Do you realise if I am not the newly crowned Baddest Man on the Planet, that I mighta lost this last night? You realise this, right? See, The Rock can show up outta nowhere, and he can give all the inspirational speeches he wants. You know what? I think what he said needed to be said, but lemme tell ya... It's a whole 'nother story when he shows up at King of the Ring, interferes in my match, and almost costs me this thing. You realise that every week I go out and I bust my ass to keep this title, and the Rock's just gonna show up and nearly cost me the Undisputed title. I tell you what. I want the Rock, and I want him now." "Now hang on a second. Rock's appearance on RAW last week was a one-time thing, I didn't know he was comin' out. And he's damn sure not here tonight. Otherwise, I'm sure you'd have found out about it earlier. So, what I DID was, in case you didn't hear me, I knew you can't have the Rock tonight, but you've got Jeff Hardy, just assume that Jeff is de Rock, tear him apart, that's all you gotta do." "Jeff Hardy is the Rock, huh. Well actually I did hear a little bit of what you got to say. And you're lookin' for new stars. Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, Vince. Tonight, I'm'on make Jeff Hardy famous...the old-fashioned way."

Kurt Angle (with hair!) gets tough on angina

The WWE Rewind is brought to you by Twix - it causes Usher to lose his shirt! From last night at King of the Ring, Bubba Ray Dudley gives Eddie Guerrero a Bubbabomb, helping Ric Flair to take the fall. Say, anybody seen Ric Flair tonight?

BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (Dudleyville - 325 pounds) v. ...

After, Dudley sets up a table on the floor, we go backstage, where TERRI has Eddie Guerrero. He calls her "esa," then uses a whole heap o' Spanglish, telling Vince that he's the brightest star in the WWE.

BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (already in the ring) v. YOUR HOSTS ARE A PAIR OF KINGS - LARRY & JERRY - and EDDIE GUERRERO (El Paso, Tejas - 228 pounds)
referee: CHAD PATTON
Commentators announce the title changes of last night, as well as Triple H's elbow injury and impending surgery. Dudley with a club in the back - make it five - scoop...and a slam. Guerrero fires back - right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Guerrero ducks, kick, up on the shoulders, spins into a sunset flip attempt, no, Dudley drops the butt, nobody home. Monkey flip by Dudley. Left, left, left, flip flop and "orale," bionic elbow. "Bubba, get the table!" Nope, Eddie stops him - right, right, into the ropes is reversed, swing is ducked, Bubbabomb attempt, no, Eddie with a bodyscissors rollup, sits back, 1, 2, 3! (1:00) Guerrero jumps Dudley as he argues with the ref and continues to pour it on. "Eddie, get the table!" Table in the ring...but Dudley is back up. Bubba patiently waits for Eddie to set the table up in the ring, then gives him a gutshot and powerbomb through the table. Play his music! But now CHRIS BENOIT is out and there's a Crippler Crossface. Bubba taps but that doesn't help him out any. REFS are out but Benoit won't let go. Finally, the awesome power of Earl Hebner gets Benoit to unclamp it. Ahhh he pointed to his patch! Play HIS music! (Benoit's, not Hebner's.) I counted another *2* "ruthless aggression" and also one "aggression...ruthless!" from Lawler, which I don't really think counts but noted anyway. Man, how bored am I getting if I keep counting those? I thought the fast pace was supposed to keep me entertained, but it SEEMS to be doing the exact opposite! HMMMM

Look! The Gund Arena! OH NO even Ross said "ruthless aggression!"

Goldust has the attention of our intrepid cameraman...and he's donned *another* parodical disguise - and wig. "Crikey! Hello everyone, it's me! The Crocodile Hunter! Off on another safari of fun and adventure! Now normally, I would be in the swamps with the crocodiles everywhere, but tonight we are going to a much worse place, a more vile nasty place than you've ever seen - the NWO locker room, c'mon! Now remember, we have to be VERY QUIET, even though there's no one at home, the NWO, they tend to travel in packs, and they can be VERY SCARY, but let's go anyway." In we go - Show is napping with a beauty mask covering his eyes. "By crikey, look at this! Look at this! It's the Giant Sleeping Shoppopotamus! These creatures are ENOURMOUS, so big, oh, but they SMELL - good grief, they smell like...like kangaroo crotch sack! (inhales - Goldust voice) ohhhhh gnarly." The toilet flushes and out walks X-Pac. "What are you doin' here, you freak?" "Yankers me crankers! Look at this creature! Look, you don't see this every day! It's the *rare* Bandana Wearing Greaserag! But be very careful, they tend to SUCK!" Goldust tosses his toy crocodile at him and runs off. 'Pac throws it down and gives chase. Show mutters "cheeseburger, and a milkshake" before going back to sleep.

Meanwhile, Jeff LIMBERS UP! Matt catches up and mumbles! "Jeff! Looks like you're stuck tonight, tonight you gotta go one on one." "No Matt, it's cool. I got myself into this, I'm gonna get myself out. I'll be cool on my own." "You're right, man. We'll both be cool on our own. Besides, there's not even any WWE tag team titles to win in the RAW division." "Exactly, man! We gotta go our own way, man, we gotta become stars ourselves. By ourselves, man, we can do it." "And we can - and tonight is gonna be your night." "Yeah - I'm gonna be a star tonight, dammit - or die trying." They do the Wonder Twin Powers Activate...

Meanwhile, the chase is still on - Goldust slips into a nearby dressing room, and when X-Pac gives chase he runs RIGHT into a big pizza sheet swung by Booker T! Goldust stands over 'Pac. "Danger, danger, danger, Booker! You've tamed this old greasy RAT - I knew our plan would work..." "You just went down under, you little kangaroo koala jive wombat - you're goin' down tonight! Now can you dig that..." Walks away - walks back "...suckaaaaa!"

Tough Enough trainers shill Stacker 2

"Get the F out" spot

TOMMY DREAMER (already in the ring - Yonkers, New York - 252 pounds) v. RAVEN (The Bowery - 239 pounds) with the loser barred from appearing on RAW
referee: JACK DOAN
Extra members of R&B SECURITY line the ring, standing ready to help the loser immediately disappear from RAW forever - or at least, however long "forever" is these days. Let's go! Lockup, to the corner - Raven with two shoulders in the gut, three rights, three kicks, into the opposite corner, off the ropes with a clothesline. Waits for him to get up - kneelift - cover - 1, kickout. Climbs the buckles, knee across the back of the neck and drives him to the mat - 1, 2, no. Into the opposite corner, wow that's a loose turnbuckle cover - boot up by Dreamer. But Raven gets a clothesline. Bulldog shaken off and Raven goes sternum first. Dreamer right, right, ducks, right as Raven comes off the ropes. Clothesline, into the ropes, Dreamer with a powerslam for 2. Into the corner, boot up by Raven, Dreamer ducks the swing and hits a neckbreaker. Dreamer hooks the leg - 1, 2, no. Dreamer takes a run but Raven slips out - Dreamer's shoulder hits the post. Raven winds up for the Evenflow - but Dreamer slips out - gutshot, DDT of his own - hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Raven sent into the ropes, up on the shoulders - no, Raven down, Slop Drop by Raven - 1, 2, no! Dreamer into the ropes, no, he reverses, there's the Spicolli Driver - that's his move! 1, 2, 3! Dreamer makes the "my GOD I won!" face and man, there is NOTHING like seeing epic issues like this tackled in matches that take (2:24) "Ruthless aggression" count: 2 - one for each commentator.

In a dressing room, Heyman talks to a silhouette: "Your majesty, I think it's time for me to go out in front of your public and give a proper coronation for the 2002 King...of the Ring."

Another look at the commentary team.

And now we look back at Raven, who shoves some furniture around on his way out the door - good thing his bag was waiting! He's met outside by Matt Hardy who runs him into the metal garage door, puts some forearms in the back and runs him into a car. "Have a nice trip!" Raven is UNHAPPY.

"WrestleMania X8" GameCube ad

MOMENTS AGO: Two paragraphs ago

TONIGHT: Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy! But first...

Jim Ross is in the (red-carpeted) ring, and joined by IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have been joined by the agent of Brock Lesnar as we are now prepared for the official 2002 King of the Ring Coronation Ceremony. Normally, the King of the Ring winner receives a crown or a trophy, but this year the prize is much more prestigious, because now the King of the Ring winner will be in the main event at SummerSlam to face the Undisputed WWE Champion." "And, JR, let's give credit where credit is due! It was all MY idea. It was all my idea that the 2002 King of the Ring would get a shot at the Undisputed title at SummerSlam! And my plan came to fruition at King of the Ring! And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce to you the 2002 King of the Ring, the man that will challenge for the title at SummerSlam, my client, the Next Big Thing, BROCK LESNAR!" Here come the RAW Credits and the transmitido en espanol SAP, TV-14-DLV & CC boxes can't be far behind. "Oh, Brock - Brock, I think it's time that the people realised that you, sir, as the King of the Ring - that you, sir, as the man that will challenge for the Undisputed title at SummerSlam - you, Brock Lesnar, are the answer to all of Vince McMahon's questions. Vince McMahon came out here tonight and said 'who wants it? Who wants it?' Nobody on the face of the planet today wants it more than Brock Lesnar. No man has the desire to succeed more than Brock Lesnar. No man has the hunger for competition more than Brock Lesnar. No man has the craving to advance more than the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. And no man that I've ever met in my life has the need, has the obsession, has the compulsion to be a champion more than the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to set your envy aside. I want you to put aside your jealousies, and I'd like you to stand up and applaud the 2002 King of the Ring, Brock Lesnar. I would like you to set aside--" The mixed reaction perks up when ROB VAN DAM appears and punks him out from behind - into the ropes, reversed, van Dam ducks, kick, spin kick, vaults to the top - leaping kick that puts Lesnar on the floor! Play his music! Heyman holds back Lesnar while van Dam kicks the air a few times...

You're watching THE NEW TNN!

Coming back, Heyman and Lesnar are in the Room of Fun. "--and, and he did this on your show - on YOUR show, Vince - Rob van Dam ruined it all! Brock Lesnar's gonna be King of the Ring any time he wants, but this, Vince - this was his first time as King of the Ring, and Rob van Dam screwed it up! He screwed it all up, Vince, on your show - Rob van Dam screwed it all up!" "Okay, okay - what do you want me to do about it?" "SummerSlam is too far away - Brock Lesnar cannot wait until SummerSlam to become a champion. Vince, I think Brock Lesnar should be a champion now - tonight! Vince, you need to make the match. You need to make the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar, tonight, in that very ring, against Rob van Dam - and it needs to be for the intercontinental title." "So...Brock. You're the Next Big Thing all right, yeah. You're the King of the Ring! Will you be, at SummerSlam, the Undisputed champion - and will you tonight - will you tonight become the intercontinental champion?" Paul answers before Brock can: "YES! Yes he will! YES YES YES!" "Then dammit, go TAKE it!" "Thank you, thank you, Vince, thank you thank you thank you! You got it! He's all yours!"

THE ROCK (Cameron, North Carolina - 218 pounds - with Clip Package) v. THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER (Undisputed champion - Houston, Texas - 328 pounds - on His Beautiful Bourget Python Bike - with tomorrow in Chicago hype) in a nontitle match
referee: NICK PATRICK
With his flourescent face paint glowing in the black light, Jeff Hardy is looking a lot more like Vampiro than The Rock...I guess this means he jobs, ar ar ar. Hey, I'm just glad we got one more shot of Jeff playing his guitar! Lockup - no, knee by Taker. Hardy tossed shoulder-first into the post. Back elbow. To the opposite corner. Back to the other corner, scooped onto the shoulder as he bounces out and there's a powerslam. 1, 2, kickout. Jeff flails at him - no luck - knee by Taker. Running start on the big boot. Hardy slides onto the apron. Taker is wearing facepaint on his singlet now. Taker out to the apron - drops the leg but Hardy slides out! Hardy with a pescado and finds the mark! Here comes a barricade run - leaping over the bike - oops, caught in a choke - CHOKESLAM ON THE FLOOR! Hardy put back in the ring, beating Patrick's ten count...at five, actually. Last Ride powerbomb - I believe it's academic. Taker rubs a forearm in the face as Patrick counts 1, 2, 3. I'm shocked he didn't pull him up! (2:42) Taker almost looks tender sitting over him...ha ha, just kidding. Let's bring you the replays of the chokeslam and powerbomb. Taker's got the belt back around his neck and drives back up the ramp - then stops and raises his fist. But! "Hey - hey, Taker! Taker! You've beaten my ass time and time again - you just beat my ass right now." Man, Hardy looks like Boy George at Wembley "But, we're not done. We're not done at all. I want a match, I want a match next week for the WWE Undisputed Championship. But not just a regular match, Taker, hey! Not a regular match - MY way to beat you - my match to beat you...A LADDER MATCH." Taker pauses - but does nod. Play Hardy's music! Wow, they're actually letting us in on a match for next week?!

"WrestleMania X8" GameCube ad #2

Take a look at the WWE.COM homepage - did you know that while "www.wwe.com" works, "wwe.com" does not? Isn't that annoying?

Neurotica CD is out tomorrow! SmackDown! Records needs your support!

TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (Women's Champion) & LINDA MILES (with "Divas Undressed" hype - and RAW is brought to you by "WrestleMania X8" GameCube, "Eight Legged Freaks," and Twix!) v. MOLLY HOLLY & JACKIE GAYDA
referee: Patton
Well, no explanation given yet for Linda appearing on this show. Of course, I still think Nowinski is the hardcore champion, so you know I probably just have ISSUES. HEY! First, Molly has THE STICK: "I would just like to say that it is an honour to bring dignity back to the WWE Women's title by earning it. And not by being a sleazy tramp who sleeps her way to the top like *some* people." Trish steals the mic! "Earned it? Do I need to remind you that you cheated to get that title? But you know what, you know what, that's cool, 'cause it's just another challenge to get that title back. But as far as sleeping my way for that title, I worked my way to that title, these people saw me work for that title. And you know what? I actually felt bad about poking fun of you at the last couple days, but if you're gonna stick to your cheating ways and your cheapshots, well it'll be my pleasure to kick your fat ass!" OH NO IT'S ON and they've paired up by whether or not they're actually on the RAWster or not (yuk yuk). Faces in charge - Gayda tossed - back body drop on Molly by Trish - dropkick by Trish - Molly runs to make the tag. Japanese armdrag (!) by Stratus. Arm wringer, tag to Miles - elbow to the elbow. Arm wringer, yankin' and crankin' - Molly in and Miles gives HER a big boot. Tag to Stratus - top rope axehandle to the arm - back to the arm wringer. Chop, chop, arm wringer, tag to Miles. Elbow across the elbow. Arm wringer. You know, I think they've isolated a body part. I think Lawler's isolated a body part, tsk tsk. Into the ropes is reversed, kick in the back by Molly, clothesline by Gayda gets 1. Tag to Molly. Gayda picks up Miles and feeds her to Holly for a kick. Forearm in the back, headbutt by Miles, axehandle by Molly, rakes the face for 4, lightning elbowdrop to the small of the back, elbowdrop, stomp, choke on the second rope. Gayda adds a choke as Patton warns Molly - this brings in Stratus, allowing Molly to add a stretch of her own, pulling on her legs while Gayda holds the choke. Holly stands on the neck for 4. Miles fights back - right to the gut, right, but Holly puts her down with another axehandle. Snapmares her over. Chop by Molly. Timmmmmmber. Into the ropes, head down, sunset flip by Miles - 1, 2, no. Holly stomp, stomp, stomp. Front facelock - nice snap suplex by Holly - tag to Gayda, who climbs the adjacent corner - Miles elbows out of the full nelson, dropkicks Holly into the ropes but Gayda apparently forgets to crotch hereslf, so Holly has to make a production out of pulling herself up by the ropes - NOW she goes down. Miles decides to tag out - clothesline by Stratus on Holly, handstand Frankensteiner on Gayda (!) - 1, 2, Holly with a dropkick to break it up! Holly back to her corner to get the tag. Block by Stratus, elbow, bloack, elbow, elbow, elbow, front kick, 1, 2, Gayda breaks it up - Miles in with a dropkick, then tosses her through the ropes while Stratus kicks Holly in the corner - whip into the opposite corner is reversed and Holly tries the tumbling run elbow - nobody home, though - Stratus with Stratusfaction and that'll do ya. 1, 2, 3. (4:44) There's a "ruthless aggression," whew! I thought we weren't gonna squeeze one in! Just in case you take any of this wrestling stuff seriously, though...

...here's an ad for "WWE Divas Undressed," airing Tuesday at 9/8 on the new TNN.

"RAW" Magazine ad

Lawler goes pie-eyed over his copy of RAW Magazine- but it's actually because he's reading an article about HIMSELF. Whoa, got me with a SWERVE there!

EARLIER TONIGHT: Did we really need to relive Vince's "ruthless aggression" claptrap?

EARLIER TOINGHT: Did we really need to relive PAUL'S claptrap?

JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Rob van Dam. "You know what, I don't need Mr. McMahon's motivation - I'm motivated every time I go out there and my fans remind me of who I am - Points To Self--" Heyman and Lesnar interrupt. "YOU SON OF A BITCH! Who the hell do you think you are? Do you realise that everything you have in this life you owe to me? Do you realise every opportunity you ever got, Rob van Dam, you owe to me? You mess with my client, do you know what my client is gonna do to you? Do you how my client thinks--" "SHUT UP PAUL! ... Tonight, I'm gonna show you the meaning of 'ruthless aggression.' Let's go, Paul." Paul, shocked, follows obediently.

Meanwhile, the NWO is WALKING! X-Pac is unhappy about being on the wrong end of the "ha ha crap." Michaels: "Look, it's gone on too long - we need to win this thing and win it now." Suddenly, Nash explodes - "LISTEN! Get the job done! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of it! Get it done! Get it done! 'cause if you don't, guess what - I'm kickin' your asses when you get back here! Get the job done! I do believe in you! Get it done! Show me something! Show me something! Get it done! Get it done." I didn't bother with 'Pac and Show's return shouting but the tension portrayed is certainly...... WHOA MAN NASH SURE IS *FAT*

Tough Enough Stacker 2 ad #2

And now, the WWE Slam of the Week, brought to you by "Eight Legged Freaks" - no, not literally - from last week, Booker T and Goldust take damage from the NWO

NWO (X-Pac & Big Show - 725 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight) v. GOLDUST (Hollywood, California - 250 pounds - with SmackDown! in Boston hype) and BOOKER T (Houston, Texas - 256 pounds)
referee: Robinson
Ross runs down the house show lineup not once but TWICE during the intros - well that's a waste of energy. Booker wants to start and Goldust lets him. 'Pac points to Show. HERE WE GO! But first, we pause for the "X-Pac sux" chant. First contact in the match occurs at 0:43 - keep in mind the ENTIRE Bubba Ray Dudley/Eddie Guerrero match topped out at 1:00 - and Show shoves T away with ease. Well isn't this pace deliberate - lockup at 1:05 - to the corner, well it's a big slap on Booker T's chest. Show dares him to come back and get some. Goldust whispers in T's ear - T nods, and starts doing jumping jacks. Hmm. Show runs at him - T ducks, right, right, right, right, chop, chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed with ease into a big sidewalk slam. Show smiles to 'Pac. The Dudes with Attitude look on from the locker room. Tag to X-Pac. Chop, arm wringer, elbow, elbow, elbow by T, elbow by 'Pac, into the ropes is reversed, 'Pac ducks the first time but the flying jalapeno connects the second time. Arm wringer into the back heel kick by T. Snapmares him over. Off the ropes, delayed kneedrop. Tag to Goldy. Into the corner, clothesline by Goldust. Foot on the neck - T adds his own - Goldust into the Tatanka skip - and there's a big-time broncobuster (with added pelvic action). Into the ropes, head down but Goldust *still* manages an atomic drop - and a big clothesline. Goldust in control - big arm wringer - 'Pac with a forearm and rakes the face to break it - into the ropes, Goldust ducks - there's the buttbutt to take him down. 'Pac put in the ropes, reversal, 'dust hooks the ropes and nobody's home on the dropkick - but Show runs (ha) the apron and delivers a clothesline. T is in but all that does is turn Robinson the wrong way - 'Pac with knees to the chest, Show with punches from the outside. "Oh, kiss my ass!" Crowd doesn't like that much. Well it's the big headbutt. Show points to T - well it's the big bodyslam on Goldust. Off the ropes with a boot to the head. Show dares T to come get some. Head to the buckle, tag to 'Pac. Shoulder to the gut, shoulder, shoulder. Scoop...and a slam - off the ropes with a lightning legdrop - 1, T breaks it up. 'Pac clamps on the neck vice. Yikes! How long's it been since we've seen THAT one? Crowd actually comes alive as Goldust works his way back to his feet - gutshot, gutshot, gutshot, breaks the hold, off the ropes, dueling hiptosses, no, Goldust with a backslide for 2! 'Pac right back with a heel kick - 1, 2, no! Head to the buckle, 'Pac bleeped here (I think) - slaps the chest, slap, front kick, front kick, into the friendly corner, there's the tag to the Show. Well it's a big suplex. Well it's a big legdrop (!) off the ropes. Show again taunts Booker T. FINAL CUT!! Completely uncalled by the commentators, of course. (SIGH) 1, 2, T stomps on Show's chest to break it up. Goldust tries a gutshot - no sale - well it's a big knee - well it's a big axehandle to the back. Show whips him out - then back into the corner - and adds a clothesline. Tag to 'Pac. Kick. Head to the buckle. FINALLY we get in that kick trifecta. Stands on the neck. 'Pac chops his crotch before going into the skip - but nobody's home on the broncobuster! Both men need to tag - 'Pac tags Show - HOT TAG TO BOOKER T!! T ducks Show and gives three rights to 'Pac - then ducks out as Show comes in, causing him to clothesline his parnter! Thrust kick on Show - into the ropes is reversed into a short clothesline from Show - but T looks at his hand and gets back up! Ducks the swing - HARLEM SIDEKICK takes Show down! T waits for him to get to a knee - AXE KICK! T consults his hand again - and breakdances back to his feet! Show is STILL down - T dares 'Pac to come in - he does, and HE gets a spinebuster! Tag to Goldust - no way - YES! DOUBLE SUPLEX ON THE SHOW!!! T clotheslines 'Pac and himself out. Goldust right, right, right, leg over the rope....not the Shattered Dreams? Crowd is pretty excited, but Robinson is less so...but it's all moot as Show stops him with a big, big goozle. You know what's next. ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. 1, 2, 3. (9:50) Michaels and Nash exchange the secret hand signal and smile. "Ruthless aggression" count: 3

NEXT: Rob van Dam vs. Brock Lesnar - and the intercontinental championship is on the line!

How about the RAW shows? Friday is DC! Saturday, New York! Sunday, Moheedan Sun! Next week, Manchester is RAW!

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KING BROCK LESNAR (challenger - Minneapolis, Minnesota - 295 pounds - with Paul Heyman - with Subway presents Vengeance! Tix on sale Saturday in Detroit) v. ROB VAN DAM (champion - Battle Creek, Michigan - 235 pounds)
referee: EARL HEBNER
Lesnar runs at van Dam and puts him into the corner - there's five or six shoulders also. "Ruthless aggression!" Oh oh, somebody taught Lesnar some new words. Into the opposite corner. Overhand right. Double choke for JUST short of 5. Crowd gets really excited for something far off and we have to change the camera angle away from the crowd. Lesnar stands on the neck for 4. Into the opposite corner - boots up by van Dam - springboard into a kick by van Dam - now HE uses the shoulder, shoulder, tumbling run, caught - no, not caught - van Dam with a Frankensteiner! Off the ropes with a viscera and Lesnar goes outside. van Dam with a pescado - but CAUGHT - and Lesnar RAMS him into the ringpost. Stomp by Lesnar. Everybody back in the ring. "RVD" chant won't help at this point. Stomp by Lesnar. Right hand in the back. Into the ropes, head down, van Dam goes back to back over the top, spin kick is caught and Lesnar powerbombs him down. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no! Lesnar lifts him up just enough to clothesline him down again - 1, 2, and I think Hebner kicked him in the back working on his exaggerated near fall count - that didn't make him super happy, either! Lesnar with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. In the corner, shoulder, shoulder, into the opposite corner, elbow up on the charge by van Dam...but he runs RIGHT into another big belly-to-belly. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Stomp. Stomp. Knee in the face. Shin across the back of the neck, pulling on the ropes for leverage - Lesnar holds that for 4. Scoop...backbreaker but holds on - make it a double backbreaker on van Dam. Lesnar daring him to get up - gutshot by van Dam, gutshot, left, right, kick, kick, baseball slide dropkick tries to chop block him, but no effect - Lesnar barrels him over with a clothesline. Lesnar pulls him up - and now it's the bearhug. Somehow I doubt van Dam will give it up - nor will Hebner stop the match. Lesnar trying the ragdoll effect on van Dam but it ain't happening. van Dam tries to elbow the back of his head - that annoys Lesnar enough to slam him down. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. van Dam peppers him but Lesnar puts him down with another forearm to the back. Into the corner - van Dam walks into a scoop onto the shoulder...and Lesnar rams him back first into the corner - STILL up on his shoulder - there's a double. van Dam collapses in a heap on the mat. Lesnar pulls him to the centre. Scooped up on the shoulder again - but this time he leaves van Dam behind - shoved sternum-first into the buckle! van Dam kicks the leg to take him to his knees - dropkick in the back and his head hits the buckle! KICK! Spinning legdrop - off the ropes with Rolling Thunder and connects! 1, Lesnar kicks out at 2 - tumbling run into a backflip press - 1, 2, no! van Dam with a kick, slap, into the ropes is reversed, Heyman tries to ankle van Dam, van Dam turns back and kicks and misses - Lesnar coming in but van Dam is ready with a drop toehold into the ropes! van Dam vaults to the top - leaping kick! van Dam going up for the Fivestar but Heyman grabs the ankle and holds on until Lesnar can make it over - big press - van Dam back to his feet - kick caught - stepover heel kick by van Dam - NOW going up top for a split-legged moonsault! 1, 2, Heyman breaks it up!! Well, that was pretty stupid - even *Hebner* can see that. (DQ 9:49) van Dam's got a hold of Heyman - forearm, forearm, Lesnar from behind, forearm in the back of the neck. Wow, the crowd sure got quiet. Another clubbing forearm. Heyman slides a chair into the ring - Lesnar grabs it, but only succeeds in finding himself on the wrong end of a van Daminator! van Dam outside and the cahse is on - Heyman into the ring, van Dam meets him with a viscera! Off comes the hat! And now, van Dam vaults to the top - yep - Fivestar frog splash on Heyman! Play his music! But it ain't over - Lesnar pulls van Dam outside and gives him an Alabama slam on the floor. Lesnar does a little redecorating with the announcers' table - van Dam up - van Dam powerbombed down. The table doesn't *break* so much as collapse....but the idea is there. Commentators are rendered mute - the music plays, and Lesnar stands over him making the Drago face. Raw Zone credits are up and so am I - see you later!

E-MAIL CRZ
BROWSE THE RAW RECAP ARCHIVES


  
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PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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