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JR Quits; RVD Likes Pot; Christian Carpes 
the Diem; Oh Yeah... and Nash Returns, too!
April 8, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


15 minutes out: A HUGE Tag team match has been signed for tonight: HHH and Chris Jericho take on the Texas Tandem of Booker T and Shawn Michaels. Wow, Booker T and Goldust were teamed for over a year and WWE never came up with a name for them. Booker and HBK haven’t even wrestled a single match together and they already have a name for their team ready. Oh yeah, and we'll be kicking off Raw with a Women’s title match between Trish and Jazz! Be there in 15 minutes!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animation cel for your friend’s birthday w/ frame: $24
Two games of Lazer Tag: $11.50
Bad Taste Special 2 disc set: $19.99
Genuinely surprising your friend and covering him with silly string: Priceless!

Man, this weekend was pretty rough on me. Driving for over 10 hours, playing lazer tag with a bunch of pre teen inner city kids, Dead or alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball and the Bad Taste special edition DVD. That's enough to drain any man. But all things considered it was worth it.

WWE leader, and Eric’s smiling face has RETURNED!

We start with the Rock's appreciation day from last week, complete with Goldberg spear. "YOU'RE NEXT!"

Some dudes singing about what sounds like Guns, drugs, life and money serenade us into Pyro and we are LIVE! From the Bradley Center from Milwaukee, WI.

That cute little giggle can only mean one thing; Trish is out to give us some action! As noted before, her opponent tonight is Jazz. Jazz starts out with blows to the dome, she drags Trish down, covers, gets two. Jazz with the takedown, and wrestles Trish over and covers for 2 again. Jazz gets her in the corner and lays in with the kicks throwing Trish around, pausing for a quick proclamation of "I'm the best!" Trish comes back eventually throwing Jazz out. Lou Thesz press to the floor. Jazz back with shoulders into Trish's midsection. Trish rolled back in, surfboard slapped on. Trish tries to struggle out, Jazz clubs her back down. Jazz up to the second rope, and delivers a double axe handle to the back. Jazz grabs Trish up and hits a fisherman’s buster. Cover, but Trish has the ropes. Jazz drags her out and throws on the STF, but Trish makes the ropes. Jazz picks Trish up, Trish explodes in fury. Kick to the head, cover gets 2. Trish gets Jazz in the corner, and lays in with the CANADIAN VIOLENCE! Trish gets the Trish-a-can-rana. Cover gets 2. Trish back up, grabs Jazz, Stratusfaction! Cover, 1-2-Jazz's foot on the rope-3! Trish is still the champion, but not without a plot point to keep the feud going.

Backstage, The Rock arrives. Eric meets him in his office. Rock doesn't want to hear about his defeat of Stone Cold, he wants to know who Bill Goldberg thinks he is! He's not there yet, tho, which is good, cause The Rock would slap the taste out of his mouth if he was! But when Bill DOES get here, Rock is going to call him out and whoop his ass, Rock Style! Eric smirks as Rock walks off and we go to commercial.

Were back and Kane and RVD are admiring their titles. RVD gives Kane the ‘Told you so!’ speech. RVD soaked up the good vibes over the past week, Kane found a stinky skunk, took it down into the basement... RVD cuts him off before he can get any more graphic, and reassures him that as long as Kane listens to him, they'll always succeed.

Later on, we'll have RVD vs. Chief Morley, and Kane vs. the Duds in a handicap match.

Elsewhere, Teddy Long and Rodney Mack catch up with Jazz and lay the party line on her; that she was the victim of prejudice in the finish to her match tonight. She buys it and they head out.

Still elsewhere, Rock finds Trish and lays the mack on. Trish is unimpressed by his posturing. Jeff walks up behind him and he is equally unimpressed. He brings up Goldberg’s spear from last week, and Rock tells him he'll be kicking Jeff's ass tonight. Rock storms out and Trish and Jeff share a moment.

The WWE slam of the week is RVD and Kane’s win of the Tag titles last week.

JR and King go over Stone Cold's firing from last week, and we show off the Stone Cold ESPN commercial, and my entire apartment dies laughing.

Back to now, and RVD is out for his scheduled fracas with Chief Morley. They lockup, RVD forced into the corner. Ref breaks, Chief lays right in with the punches and kicks. Ref pulls him off, and RVD is up with a pair of clotheslines to put the Chief down. They lockup, Chief waistlock takedown. RVD back up and going for the headlock. A little flippy floppy action and RVD hits the back suplex into a bridge for 2. RVD gets some more offense in, but a quick neck breaker turns the tide in Chiefs favor. Hat trick vertical suplex's. Cover gets 2. Chief slaps on the reverse chin lock. RVD powers up, but Chief takes him down with some knees. RVD turns the tide with a back-to-back flip, flying foot to the face. Shoulders in the corner lead to rolling thunder. Pin is interrupted by Lance Storm putting Chiefs foot on the ropes. RVD goes after him, and Chief tries to take advantage, but RVD holds onto the ropes and Chief falls off him. RVD gets a leg scissors rollup, but the ref is distracted by Lance. RVD chases Lance off, then goes for the 5*****, but Lance is there to grab on. RVD kicks him off, and then flying body presses him to the floor. RVD going back in, but Lance grabs his foot, allowing Chief to sneak in a DDT and get away with the cheap pin for the victory. Lance in to hold RVD as Chief continues the beat down. RVD throws a spinning kick to stave him off, and then delivers a knock to the family jewels for Chief, and a well placed mule kick for Lance. Double dropkick and RVD escapes as they play his music.

Coming back from commercial, and we see Shawn Michaels and Ivory at the Bangor submarine base in Maine two weeks ago. Good thing there weren't any Marines there, huh? They are proud of our servicemen and feel that it's an honor to entertain them.

As we return to the arena, King has a verbal orgasm over the footage of the war from last night, especially the blowing apart of the Saddam Hussein statue by an American tank battalion. Wow, I'd actually like to see that!

Scott Steiner is out, and Christopher Nowinski is keeping his distance this week. Chris compares Scott Steiner to America: being the biggest and baddest has made us powerful, but our arrogance has made us vulnerable. He runs down the war, and gets some MASSIVE heel heat! He pulls the 1st Amendment card, and the crowd doesn't like it. Steiner cuts him off outside of the ring, and starts laying in the beat down. Steiner doesn't even bring him in the ring before slamming him on the steel ramp then slapping on the Steiner Recliner, thus setting the prime example of yeah, you got free speech, just don't be surprised when people disagree with you.

Backstage, and EVERYONE is psyched by Goldberg's arrival to the arena, and later tonight, the Texas Tandem take on HHH and Chris Jericho.

This week on Confidential: Sable!

Back to the arena, and JR and King give us a video package showing us the mystique of Goldberg.

Backstage, Christian barges in on Rock. After a bit of miscommunication (“You barge in on the Rock half dressed?  I don’t know what you are here for, but the Rock doesn’t swing that way!”) Christian asks him to sign a Scorpion King DVD for a friend. Rock asks whom it's for. "...Christian..." They share a moment of uncomfortable silence, Rock signs, and then has some advice for Christian: Christian doesn't seize the day enough. He needs to own the room when he walks in. Christian takes this to heart and declares himself a born again Christian. *Groan* Christian doesn't care what everyone else says, Rock is his favorite wrestler. Rock stops him right there and asks what the people are saying. Christian explains that everyone thinks Goldberg will kick his ass. Rock takes umbrage, and declares that people should watch his match with Jeff Hardy tonight and then make assessments. Rock storms off.

Elsewhere, Trish has a kiss for good luck for Jeff; Jeff sells it like the school nerd that got the hot cheerleader.

This weeks WWE rewind is brought to us by Malibu's most wanted, and it's the spear on Rock from Goldberg last week.

We get the abbreviated Mannheim Steamroller video entrance for Rock. Jeff Hardy makes his entrance on all fours, and then jams his way to the ring. Jeff in, and immediately knocked down by Rock. Rock all over him until the ref pulls him off. Rock back in with the right hands. Jeff comes back with a flying forearm then commences to wailing on Rock. Jeff sends him to the corner, but is clotheslined out of his boots when he tries to follow up. Rock lays in a couple boots, and then commences to choking Jeff on the ropes. Rock taunts Jeff, who comes back with a flurry of rights, but Rock counters with a Samoan drop. Rock again with the pounding down. Vertical suplex, cover gets two. Rock drags him to the corner, Jeff comes back. Rock whips him to the far corner; Jeff meets him with a reverse elbow. Jeff up and delivering a dropkick to Rocks chest. Both wrestlers up, Rock gets the better of Jeff and tries to toss him. Jeff saves himself, and when Rock pursues, Jeff hangman’s him on the top rope. Jeff stumbling up for a swanton; decides to go for a springboard moonsault. Cover gets two. Rock back up, Jeff knocking him down, gives the double leg drop to the jewels to Rock, then proceeds to deliver the gayest Peoples elbow I've ever seen. Rock kicks out after two. Both men back up, Rock swings for Jeff, but Jeff hits a modified twist of fate. Jeff up, Swanton hits! 1-2-NO!! Jeff up, but the Rock is there to knock him down again. Rock waits on him; Jeff turns around, Rock bottom, 1-2-3! Rock tosses Jeff immediately, and wastes no time calling Goldberg out. Goldberg doesn’t keep us waiting. As Goldberg passes his pyro, he nearly knocks over the cameraman. Goldberg up in the ring and in Rocks face. Rock chatters on about Rock vs. Goldberg, then tells us, "Nahhh!" and bails out of the ring. Goldberg yells after him to get back in the ring, then whips around and spears a sneak attacking Christian in half! Goldberg then up to growl at the audience, But Rock is in to deliver the sneak attack to the back of Goldberg’s head. Goldberg hangs there for a second, but gets right up and faces Rock, who suddenly can't get out of the ring fast enough. Goldberg continues to growl while Rock hightails it out.

During the break, Terri found a hiding Rock and asked him why he refused Goldberg’s match. Rock says, "Because!" then runs out into the Wisconsin snow.

Back to the ring, and through hell fire and brimstone Kane is out to use up the pyro budget. He calls the match by setting the ring posts alight. We drop the bombshell and the Dudley’s are out and no pandering to the crowd, they are strictly business tonight. Kane starts with D-Von, but Bubba interrupts that, but can’t keep it up against Kane. Slam for Bubba, Sidewalk slam for D-von, cover gets 2. Kane and D-Von fight for a bit, D-Von gets a flying forearm and punches Kane down. Tag to Bubba, and Kane no-sells a slap and goes after Bubba. Bubba reverses a whip to the corner, but eats an elbow charging in. D-Von trips Kane up and makes a wish with Kane on the ring post. Bubba takes advantage with a quick pin attempt, but only gets two. Tag to D-Von, and double team is countered by Kane’s big man offense. Clothesline for D-Von, spine buster for Bubba, cover gets two. Kane dragging Bubba up and grabs the goozle. Boot to D-Vons face, but Bubba slips out, gets a waist lock, and tries to roll Kane up, but Kane has the ropes and Bubba stumbles off. Kane with double goozles, but the Dud's break out, slip through, and hit the 3-D. Bubba covers, and that's it. Afterwards, the Duds continue the beat down, and D-Von goes for the tables. He is interrupted by RVD running in. Kick for D-Von, into the ring, spin kick for Bubba. RVD going for the 5*****, but is once again interrupted by Lance Storm, who grabs him and hangmans him on the top rope from the top. Bubba grabs him, sidewalk slam. Chief out, and climbing the ropes to deliver the money shot. Kane tries to rescue RVD, but D-Von is there with a chair for Kane, and RVD takes the Frog splash. To put the exclamation point on it, they blast RVD in the head with a chair, and then take their leave.

Backstage, Test corners Goldust and is peeved about how Goldie blew it for him last week with Stacy. He tells Goldie to help him out after the commercial.

Back from commercial, and Goldie screws up again, letting his infirmament get the better of him. Stacy pulls a magazine out of Tests bag, and Goldie stutters out that it's a fake Goldberg cover. Stacy grabs it, opens it up and discovers the Playboy inside. Stacy rushes off in a huff, and Test chases. Goldust peruses the magazine, "Hoochiboobies!"

Back to the arena, Glass Shatters and apparently it's better than viagra for JR, as both he and King go orgasmic over Stone Cold returning. A truck arrives, and everyone’s bubble is burst when Eric steps out of the truck in Stone Colds gear. Eric up on the ramp, and he runs down Stone Cold, then turns his attention to JR and we get a replay of JR's disparaging comments from last week. Eric tells him to get up face to face, King tells him to stay there, but JR goes for it. Eric tells him to go ahead and grovel, but JR has a different idea. He tells Eric that he meant every word, calls him a no good son of a bitch, and saves Eric the trouble by quitting. Eric is furious at this, and proclaims that JR is fired. Eric throws a tantrum as we go to commercial.

Moments ago, JR quoted Johnny Paycheck ("Take this job and shove it!")

Now: King is aghast as he is left alone in the announce booth.

No time for remorse, tho, Goldust is out for a match. His opponent is "I'll show you! You’ll see!" Steven Richards (w/ Victoria). Steven tries to take an early advantage, but Goldie comes back with some offense. Steven gets the reverse neck breaker, and lays on the offense. Midway through all this, Jonathan Coachman takes JR's place. Goldust tries to come back with a bulldog, but Steven stops that. Goldust with another comeback, some right hands, whip off the ropes, butt butt, offense in the corner. Goldie goes for the reverse vertical, but Steven reverses into a face planter. Steve calls for Victoria to interfere, but she's busy looking for her belt. Goldie surprises Steven with a rollup, and gets the pin. Afterwards, Steven and Victoria argue, but Goldie ends the argument with a double noggin knocker.

Backstage, Jericho and HHH are in a stare down. Ric gets between them and negotiates the peace, saying tonight they are a well-oiled machine. Jericho acquiesces, telling HHH that he'll take care of Booker T for him, and HHH promises that if they do well tonight, then HBK will never bother Jericho again. Ric goes "All right!" and tells them that afterwards, they'll rock Milwaukee down! Ric walks off, HHH and Jericho share a funny look, and we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, and Sylvian Grenier and Rene DuPree are there to give us the announcement that the Nouvelles are on their way to the WWE. Great, yet ANOTHER heel tag team for raw.

Back to now, Jericho and HHH are out (Combined entrance time: 3 minutes) to take on Booker T and HBK.

Book and HBK rush the ring and everyone GETS ROWDY! Face toss both heels, HBK follows up with a cross body for both of them. HHH rolled back in, and Booker laying into him. 10 count punch along, and Booker CL's him down to cover for 2. Booker with the arm bar, tag to Shawn, Shawn comes in with a top rope axe handle on the shoulder. Shawn works the shoulder. HHH escapes and tags Jericho, who runs right into a hip toss. HBK tries to keep the momentum up, but Jericho forces HBK into his own corner. Tag to HHH, HHH with some offense, but HBK comes back. HHH clotheslined down, and HBK tunes up the band. Before he can strike, tho, Jericho out of nowhere with the clothesline. HHH trying for the pedigree, but HBK slips out and tries to whip off the ropes, Ric is there to hold the rope down and HBK tumbles out. HHH out and the ref holds him up as Ric chokes HBK out with his coat. We cut to backstage as a limo with Kevin Nash inside rides up! Oh wait, it's still supposed to be a mystery. We go to commercial, wrapped in mystery...

Back live, and HHH and HBK are slugging it out.  Big forearm sends HBK down and HHH covers for two. Jericho holding as HHH kicks HBK down in the corner. Tag to Jericho, and Jericho chokes HBK down with his wrist tape. Jericho with a mocking pose, then a quick elbow drop. Cover gets two. Jericho with HBK in the corner. Chris tries whipping HBK off, but HBK back with a cross body, cover gets two tho. Jericho tags HHH in, HHH with the sleeper. HBK isn't having it tho, and he reverses it! HHH picks HBK up for a Sidewalk slam, tho. Tag to Jericho, and he works the knee a bit, and they start slugging it out, HBK getting the better of it until Jericho stops it with a spinning heel kick. Bulldog, Lionsault misses! Both wrestlers down. Double tag, and Booker in and all over HHH. Putting him down with a flying forearm. Laying in with the knife-edges. Spinning heel, cover, only 2. Booker with the DDT, HHH kicks out. Jericho tries to interfere, but Booker sends him flying. Spine buster for HHH, Jericho tossed, HHH knocked down again, and it's time for a Spinerroonie!  Jericho tries to attack again, gets a knee in the gut for his troubles. Booker keeping HHH down, but Jericho is there to slap in the walls of Jericho. HBK stops that noise with some sweet chin music. Booker gets the rollup and cover on HHH for the pin! The heels attack, laying in with the beat down. Hurricane tries to save, but falls victim to 3 on one. Heels handcuff HBK to the ropes, and as they plan more nefarious activities, music hits, and Kevin Nash makes his way to the ring. Into the ring, big boot for Ric, Boot for Jericho, Side slam for Ric, side slam for Jericho. Nash goes for the chair, HHH runs in with the sledge and is stopped dead in his tracks by Nash turning and locking him in his gaze. HHH slowly backs out, drops the hammer, and takes the better part of valor. We fade out with a close-up on Nash's face.

Another good effort by the Raw brand tonight. RVD and Kane realized the snag of having one of the boss' as your enemy, Goldberg was kept short and sweet, and the return of Nash all made for good entertainment. They must have had the audience levels turned down for the first half of the show, as we were getting no audible reaction from the crowd during the Trish/Jazz match and barely started hearing it for RVD/Morley. Didn't really detract from my enjoyment of the show, tho. Overall, good show, with the good being really good and the throwaway stuff not being offensive at all.


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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