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In the Michaels/HHH War, Kevin Nash
is France
April 15, 2003

by Big Danny T.
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


Well folks, I am going to apologize in advance if my report seems rushed or stunted at all. I'm just getting off a 9 hour overnight shift and still slightly ticked that I was denied entrance to the Bulletproof Monk sneak preview last night, even though I had tickets from MGM themselves (They sent my buddy a press pack). I'm sure nobody will blame me when I say that my #1 priority right now is finding the most direct route to my pillow.

Anyway, enough of my bitchin' and on with the recappin'!

15 minutes out: Live in Richmond, VA, We will have a No DQ Tag Title defense as Kane and RVD put the titles on the line against Lance Storm and Chief Morley. What's going to happen? We don't know! Oh yeah, and Kevin Nash explains himself. All this and more, coming up next!

During the closing credits of Star Trek, we get a promo for Sunday night heat, featuring performers that will probably never actually appear on it except for in recap. Shawn Michaels? Stone Cold? The Rock? Undertaker? Yeah, right!

WWE Raw, Mondays, Live on the New TNN! You know, that particular ad might be a little more effective if it was any other time then seconds before the OPENING OF THE SHOW IT ADVERTISES!

WWE leader. Eric, ahh how we missed your creepy smirk.

No recap of anything, we get "Theme to Raw!" we forgo the Pyro, cause it'll show up Kevin Nash wasting no time coming out to give us a piece of his mind. Nash gives us the fist pump, and he gets a cool mirror effect when his pyro lights up both the ring posts and the girding above it. Uh oh, he has a mic. 9 Months have passed and By God! It's good to be back. But at the same time, it's not so good to be back. 9 Months ago, when he got injured, HHH and Shawn Michaels both were calling him a couple times a week, but in the ring, they were beating the hell out of each other. He didn't like that much, so he trained hard, got back into shape, and made his return, and whaddya know, they were at it again! And there was lil' ol' Big Poochie, right in the middle of it all. What happened to the love guys? What happened to The Clique? Nash doesn't give a damn about Bischoff, and says that as friends, they gotta stick together.

He is rudely interrupted by HHH (As well as hype for a big 6 man tag at Backlash, explaining Kevin’s comments about "Bischoff can make all the matches he wants to!") HHH makes it to the ring and he wants to man luvin'. Kevin's all like, "Sure thing!" and they embrace like old pals that haven’t seen each other in 9 months. Oh yeah... Oop, HHH has a mic as well!

HHH is really happy to see Kevin back. HHH understands about the misunderstanding last week, and he knows where Kevin is coming from, but it's never going to be over between he and HBK. In fact, HBK could join HHH's personal Kiss my ass Club and it wouldn't make a bit of difference. He knows Kev doesn't like it, and at this point, Sexy Boy sounds out, and HBK has heard enough. He stomps tot he ring, and has gets into HHH's face, and has some choice words about The Game, just a few comments about him being political, manipulative, etc. Now where could he have gotten that idea? They tussle for a few seconds until Nash physically separates them and tells them to stop it or no cookies after recess! "Can't we just get along?" HHH: "No!" HHH gives him the ultimatum: "Him or me!" HHH gives him the devil you know speech, and tells him that if Nash goes with him, he'll be one step behind him. Kevin gets an "Excuse me?" look on his face. HHH lays it down that he's the top dog, and that's not going to change. He belittles Shawn’s attitude. He gives Nash the ultimatum once again, and then leaves to let Nash make his decision. On the ramp, he puts forth a little point to ponder: the best parts of both their careers came when they walked away from Shawn Michaels. HHH leaves them standing in the ring

Backstage, Stacy Keibler is in the men’s locker room. She grabs a gym bag (presumably Tests), and starts to rummage through it. She pulls out a bottle of lotion; some wet wipes, a presumably smelly towel, and finally discovers the Torrie Playboy. Test barges in and wonders why she's going through his stuff? Stacy confronts him with the Playboy, throws it at him, and huffs off. Test follows. We go to commercial.

Back live, and King and Coach reminisce about the dismissal of JR. They go over HHH's ultimatum, and Test is out with Stacy for a match. Stacy is particularly bouncy. When she gets in the ring, she makes a show of showing off her ass, and that's some thong she's wearing. The camera cuts away at (in)appropriate times when she is in danger of showing off the junk to the camera.

Tests opponent tonight is Chris Jericho. FINALLY! The blow off match to that intense feud! As Stacy leaves the ring (giving us another good view) Jericho attacks Test to get the match underway. He lays the boots down on Test in the corner, followed up with the knife edge chops, which Test no sells, and returns with some not as convincing ones of his own, but Jericho, ever the trooper, sells. Test puts Jericho down, and lays in with the fists, then tries tossing Jericho out, but Chris skins the cat and walks right into a gorilla press slam. Test charge is dodged and Jericho throws him into the ring post. Stacy doesn't seem too concerned with this. Jericho grabs him and makes him eat ring post again. Jericho working on the shoulder. While he does this, Stacy occupies her time ringside my autographing a plant... I mean fans sign. Jericho puts Test down, and jumps on the turnbuckle showing himself off to her. Stacy goes through the motions warding him off, and Jericho down and walking into a flurry of Test offense. Jericho counters with an arm bar takedown, then mouths off to Stacy. Jericho starts working on Tests shoulder once more, and Stacy goes indifferent. Test powers up and tries to elbow out, but Jericho stops that noise with a shot to the bad shoulder, and more kicks. Test hits a desperation sidewalk slam, and hits a pair of shoulderblocks. He tries a charge, but eats a boot. Tests gets a tilt-a-whirl slam, cover, gets 2. Both men back up, Test hits a full nelson slam, cover, gets two. Test is getting frustrated. Test back on Jericho, going for the power bomb, but Jericho rolls through and gets a rollup and his feet on the ropes. Test still kicks out, tho. Jericho with the offense, meanwhile, Stacy up on the ring steps showing off the ass! Jericho tries to fly, but Test is there with a boot and an attempted pump handle slam, Jericho counters into the walls of Jericho. Test flips Jericho out, and manages to get another pump handle. Cover, but Jericho gets his foot on the ropes. Stacy entertains the crowd some more, and Test takes umbrage, but falls prey to a Jericho Bulldog, Lionsault, 1-2-3! Jericho hurries out, victorious, but Test isn't as concerned with that as he is with Stacy's antics at ringside. Stacy heads out in a huff, and Test takes it out on a fan at ringside. FYI, the "Fan" is VCW's own Preston Quinn. Local boy makes good! Woo hoo! This beat down, of course isn't a good indicator, but PQ is an awesome worker.

Anyway, my rambling aside, Test laughs over the beat down, and we cut to backstage and Eric Bischoff is there with a grin that quickly turns solemn. Ever since he fired Stone cold, he has been inundated with fan letters concerning his actions. Well tonight, he is going to do what is best for Stone Colds fans. I have a feeling that it won't be his reinstatement.

Back from commercial, test and Stacy are having a tiff. Test makes some headway in the right directions by comparing her favorably to Torrie, and then derails himself by going for the boob comparison. Stacy leaves in a huff.

Our in the ring, Trish and Ivory are teaming up to take on the team of Jazz (w/ Theodore Long) and Victoria (W/ Steven Richards.) We go over the controversial ending of Trish and Jazz's match last week. All women in the ring, and Trish can't wait to get at the heels; Ivory tries holding her back, but falls prey to Vickie yanking her down by the hair. Theodore joins the announce team, making sure King pronounces his name right and questions the methods of how Coach got his current position ("Who'd you sell out to, Playa!?")Vickie with the offense, but Ivory come back and beats the ever-living hell out of her. Vickie comes back, but Ivory stops that quick with a clothesline. Tag to Trish, and Trish is a ball o far! Vickie tries for a power bomb, Trish reverses into a leg scissors takedown (the results of which I really want a screen cap of!) Trish staying on Vickie, punches, shitty Lou Thesz press. Jazz distracts her, Trish falls for is and falls prey to Vickie’s attacks from behind. Tag to Jazz, and Jazz hits the double arm lock slam. Jazz tries a charge in the corner, Trish dodges. Trish tries some offense, but Jazz comes back and keeps control. Jazz with the jukin' and jivin', knocking Trish down, then poses for the crowd. Jazz tries a splash, Trish gets the knees up. Tag to Ivory, and Ivory’s turn to go nuts! Clotheslines for Jazz, Clotheslines for Vickie, Double noggin knocker, face plant for Jazz, cover, gets 2. Tag to Trish, and she's in with the knife-edges. Vickie sneak attacks from behind and while she and Trish tussle, Ivory sneaks in to hit a superplex! Jazz shoves Ivory off, though. Trish in for the Trish-a-rana, but she dings her knee on the way down. Jazz takes advantage by locking in the STF and Trish taps. Teddy runs to ringside and wards the referee off so he can be the one to raise Jazz's hand.

Back in his dressing room, Goldberg calls me at work to let me know he'll be calling tomorrow and our conversation is rudely interrupted by a knock on the door. It's an assistant telling him that he has a visitor, a relative. Goldberg is perplexed, but says to send them in. The Relative? Goldust! Goldberg is all, "Wow!" Goldust is all "Wow!" They shake hands and Goldie has an attack, making Bill squeak his ear. Goldust wanted to be the first one to welcome Bill to the WWE, and he has a gift. It’s a spare Goldust wig. Bill humors him and lets him put it on his head. As you'd expect, he looks ridiculous. Bill takes the wig off, says thanks, but no thanks, then tells him to never put that thing on his head again. Bill leaves and Goldie proclaims that he has soiled himself.


Back from commercials, and Nash is backstage sitting on a sound crate and agonizing over the decision he must make.

In the arena, Glass Shatters, but its only Eric. "Got ya again, didn't I!?" Umm, no, you didn't Eric. He laughs at the gullibility of the crowd, and offers us a special merchandise offer that will allow us to remember Stone Cold forever. He goes into infomercial shill mode as he offers up two Stone cold T-shirts and the Wrestlemania XIX program for only $39.95! Wow, where's my phone? Where's my credit card? Ooo, and the very first person to order will get a bonus bottle of JR brand BBQ sauce, complete with goofy hat! Booker T decides to take this moment to interrupt. He is skeptical as to Eric's sincerity in the deal, and suggests something that the fans really want: a rematch from Wrestlemania! Booker T! HHH! Tonight, for the World Heavyweight title! Booker heads out to let him ponder on it, but not without a quick "SUCKAAAAA!"

Backstage, Kane and RVD are walking, and their tag title defense against Lance Storm and Chief Morley is NEXT!

Back from commercials, and the No DQ match for the titles is NOW! Kane calls the match by not lighting the ring posts.

Chief and lance out, RVD and Kane go out to chase, the heels go in, faces chase right after and heels get beat down and tossed. After a minute of |Lance and Chief recuperation, Lance starts with RVD. Circle, RVD kicks a lance hand away, the lock up, and Lance gets RVD into the corner and starts pounding him down. Cross corner and RVD rolls over a charging Lance. Quick Cross body gets 2 on the cover. RVD whips Lance off the ropes. Lance goes for a spinning heel, RVD ducks and answers with one of his own. Pin, gets 2. Lance in corner, tag to Kane, and Kane beats Lance down. Standard big man offense. Lance comes back for a second; Kane takes back over with a big boot. Tries to follow up with an elbow, but Lance dodges and tags the Chief in. They attempt a double team, but Kane powers out, tosses Lance, and goes to work on Chief. Chief comes back, and goes for a fisherman's suplex, but can't get it. Kane reverses with a face planter, but Lance flies in and floors Kane with a flying clothesline. Tag to Lance, and they continue the Double team. Lance turns his back for a second, and Kane Zombies up. Lance tries to beat on him, but Kane is up, picking Lance up, Tag to RVD, power slam, RVD with the slingshot leg drop, cover, gets 2. RVD tries to capitalize, but Lance reverses with a jawbreaker. Chief tries to wrestle RVD down, but RVD reverses into a leg scissors rollup and that gets two. RVD with Chief in the corner, using the ropes to stand on Chiefs neck. Cover, gets two. RVD tries to monkey roll Chief out of the corner, but Chief reverses into a hotshot. Chief taking over, and they try to DT him in the corner, but RVD fights out, hits the step over heel, and covers for two. RVD runs the ropes and Lance finally grows a brain and realizes that a trashcan is not illegal in a no-DQ match and uses it on RVD! Chief follows up with DDT, but before he can do anything, Kane in to beat down on Chief, tossing him, and ramming him on the ring steps. Kane grabs a set, but Lance swats it with the trashcan and Kane goes down. All 4 guys down, and they are about to take a break, but Chief covers for two! NOW we are taking our break.

Back to the action, and Lance is firmly in control of RVD. While we go over what happened just before the break, RVD fights off some more double-teaming with double DDT, and he gets the tag to Kane. Kane with the beat downs for everyone. Cross corner clotheslines, boot for Chief, slam for Lance, cover gets 2. Kane goes up, he flies and knocks Lance down! Cover, but Chief interrupts the count. RVD flies in to take care of Chief, the stack the two of them up in the corner, RVD with the ramming shoulders, then a monkey flip for Lance. Chief stumbles out right into a Kane CL and Rolling Thunder! Kane Gorilla presses lance out onto Chief. Whips RVD out and he topes onto the heels. Chief back in, and Kane goozles him for the choke slam. Bubba is out to interrupt that noise, tho, and he clotheslines Kane out of the ring. Bubba Bomb for RVD and D-Von is out to protest his actions. Chief gets in D-Von's face, berating him for trying to lay him out with a chair two weeks ago, and Bubba separates them. Chief tries for a chair shot on D-Von, but it's snatched away by Bubba. Chief tells him to give it back, and Bubba does, and RVD is up out of nowhere with the Van Daminator! Kane in with the choke slam on Lance. Kane dragging Lance to the corner, and setting him up for the VanTerminator. RVD signals the crowd, and leaps, almost not making it. It serves its purpose, tho, and Kane covers for the 1-2-3. Play RVD's music to begin, light the ring posts to transition to Kane’s. Much celebration ensues.

Backstage, HHH wants to know why in the world Eric would give Booker a title shot. Before he can go on, Hurricane swoops in and has 3 reasons!

1. Booker pinned HHH last week.
2. If it weren’t for Ric, Booker would have won at Wrestlemania.
3. If Eric doesn’t'? "Whatsupwitdat!?"

HHH isn't amused. He talks down to Hurricane, and tells Eric to make Booker T earn it. "Holy Brainstorm!" Hurricane gets the idea that Booker should face Ric Flair tonight and if he wins, then he gets the title shot. HHH suggests that he kicks Hurricanes ass. Eric gives us the best of both worlds, and books Booker/Hurricane vs. Ric/HHH for tonight, and if the faces win, then Booker gets the shot. Ric goes into his "Kiss Stealin, Wheelin dealin, Jet Flyin..." but is cut off by Hurricane: "Jet Fling? Some people don't need jets to fly! WOOOOO! *Swoops out leaving everyone scratching their heads*"

Before we go to commercial, they let us know that The Rock has something to say, Next!

Back from commercials, and we get a shot of the sentinel outside the Richmond coliseum, and inside, NASCAR driver Elliot Sadler models the latest in patriotic WWE gear from the front row.

Last Wednesday, Ron Simmons and Bradshaw, formerly and futurely known as APA, visited some of the soldiers that got hurt in Iraq, and got the tour of the pentagon. Back to now, King and Coach Reflect Ron's sentiments.

They move on to "Satellite" feed of the Rock who is sorry he couldn't be there with us in WEST Virginia. But the reason for this interview, is Rock has a new guitar! Apparently Elvis ate pie on it. Coach steers the conversation back on topic, that topic being Goldberg, and why Rock refused the Goldberg Match last week. Rock says it's because he has nothing left to prove, King says that people have been saying that it's because he's scared. Rock rebuts this, rehashes that he's not afraid of Goldberg, and promises that he'll be at Backlash. Coach asks him if there were one thing he would say to Goldberg face to face, what would it be. Rock says that Goldberg can snarl and spit all he wants, and that Goldberg is next, and says that history will be made once again when Rock beats Goldberg’s ass at Backlash. King and Coach go nuts over Rocks acceptance of the match, and then Hype the Tag match later.

Back from commercials, Christian has the Rock on the Cel phone. He tells him that he's going to take care of Goldust and tells off some techies who he thinks are eavesdropping. He tells Rock that the spear from last week didn't hurt, that he was holding his sides not in pain, but because he was laughing so hard that it didn't hurt. Tonight he seizes the day, and Compliments him on his decision to not be in Richmond tonight. They exchange "You're my favorite wrestler!" and Christian makes his way to the ring.

Goldust is out first, and when Christian’s music hits, we get the first bars, and it record scratches into a fairly standard hard rock version of his music. It’s not bad, better than Tests.

Into the ring, they lock up, and Goldust takes an early advantage, with a shoulder block, atomic drop, and clothesline into a pin, which Christian kicks out of. Goldust with the lay down slap, then he tosses Christian. Christian with the steel chair, but Goldie on him before he can use it. Goldie drags him up, but Christian goes for the blatant kick to the groin. The Ref DQ's him, so he grabs the chair and lays Goldie out. Christian grabs the mic, and asks if Rock was watching. He is so confidant that he decides to call Goldberg out. After a minute of taunting, Bill accepts his challenge. Christian grabs the chair again, but before he can do anything, Bill spears him in half. Setting him up, Jackhammer, Snarling and grunts tot he crowd, Replay of the Jackhammer, and Bill actually goes to pin, then realizes that it's not actually a match.

Up Next, apparently Chris Nowinski has challenged Scott Steiner to a debate. Ooo, smell the excitement.

Back from commercials, and we have hype for the Rock Concert II!

In the ring, we have the red carpet and a couple podiums set up and Chris and Scott are ready to go. Chris is wearing his preppy clothes, but has his facemask, "just in case." The topic is the War in Iraq, and Chris is to debate for, Scott is to debate against. Chris uses a lot of big words to try getting his point across. Steiner takes his argument using much simpler terms. Chris apparently didn't like what Scott didn't have to say, and Gives him the 3 minute warning. 3MW come out, and all fall prey to Steinerliners, but Chris grabs his leg and the heels beat down on Steiner and leave him lying.

Back from Commercials, The Nouvelles talk funny and generally be French.

Back from that, King wanted to show the footage of JR quitting, but Eric said no.

They run down the Raw additions to the Backlash card (Hey, I thought the Pay Per Views were splitting up after Wrestlemania?)

HHH and flair are out (total entrance time: 2:10). Backstage, Jericho, HBK, and Kevin Nash are all very intently watching the match, on different monitors, of course. Hurricane and Booker are still making their way to the ring, so while they find their way, Here’s' some commercials.

Booker and hurricane are out (Their total entrance time: 1:00).

Booker and Ric start, Ric with a shoulder block, Booker comes back with a hip toss. Booker controlling until Ric suckers him in and gets a kick. Ric with the knife-edges, but Booker reverses and has some of his own. Booker whips him to the opposite corner, but eats an elbow charging in. Ric tries to go up, but Booker press slams him off. Ric with the eye poke, and he tags HHH in. Booker takes over, Tag to Hurricane, Hurricane all over HHH. Leg scissors, flying reverse elbow, cover, gets 2. HHH back with the Spine buster. Tag to Ric. Double team Knife-edges in the corner, Ric pounds on Hurricane, then tags HHH back in. Hurricane eats a big elbow, but kicks out from the cover. HHH with the punches and kicks in the corner. Over to taunt Booker. Turning his attention back to hurricane, HHH falls prey to a Russian leg sweep. Double tag, Booker all over Ric. HHH tries to interfere, eats an elbow. Booker knocking Ric down then turns his attention to HHH. Ric attacks from behind though. He can't follow up, as booker catches him with a spinning heel. Cover is interrupted by HHH, who then uses the knee on him. Hurricane blind tags his way in, Big Dropkick on HHH. Shining Wizard on Ric. Cover is again interrupted by HHH. Booker sends HHH out as Hurricane goes to fly again. Ric catches him and crotches him on the top. He turns around to eats a Booker side kick and it's SPINEROONI TIME! HHH snags Bookers leg, but Booker has a right hand marked special deliver right for HHH's jaw. Hurricane goes to fly, but Ric moves and Hurricane eats canvas. Both men down, HHH with the chair, but Earl jumps and grabs the chair in one smooth move. While the ref is distracted by HHH, HBK runs down and delivers Sweet Chin Music to Ric! Hurricane with the cover, Ref is there, 1-2-3! Booker gets his title shot!

After, HBK jumps in and takes HHH to the woodshed. Jericho rescues, tho, Hurricane eats a Pedigree, HBK eats a backbreaker. HHH with the sledge, but before he can strike, here comes Nash. Face to face with HHH. He snatches the Sledge away, tosses it. HHH tries to beg off, Booker T in, and Nash lashes out and floors him. HHH bails. Nash looks like he's about to grab him for a power bomb, Booker busts out, then levels HBK and bails himself. We fade out with HBK and Nash in the ring, Booker throwing them mistrustful glances from the ramp.

Good show tonight. As I said at the beginning of the recap, I'm exhausted, so I'll post my insightful comments (Yeah, I know, try not to laugh too hard) on the message board later. Peace out!


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